Wow, I'm glad that I got here early. By tonight this pub will be packed! Coffee, bartender, and a double shot of Kahlua. I had a four-way with the lawyers last week. I didn’t post a #stateofthelil report because I was too sad. The actual settlement isn't too complicated. It was what my lawyer called a “creative settlement” that happens when so many actual records are lost to history. He said that in these cases we resort to “a sense of intuitive fairness.” There will be a formal separation agreement soon. It will probably be signed, sealed, and delivered within a couple of weeks. The ex and I had previously agreed to a bunch of stuff informally without the lawyers, and I appreciated that the lawyers looked at our informal agreements about pension, houses, cars, etc. etc. and added various details that lawyers think of -- all good things: if he dies first, if I die first, the taxes on this or that, the shared car. What was complicated was the depth of my sadness - more sad, I guess at this point than anytime else. That sadness won't go away any time soon, if ever. I'll try and see it as a sadness with love in it as in the quote below: "Even that inescapable sadness that we all have, has love in it. And I'll take a slow, wise, ongoing sadness that has love in it, any day of the week." - Ben Harrison I’m sad because the ex had none of his bluster and certainty that he had last summer when he initiated all this. He looked kind of like King Lear on the heath, but his voice was thin and quiet. This whole thing was awful and stupid from the beginning. Friends tried to talk some sense into him, but he would only listen to his imagination of a different life. Now, he has a different life. He’s going back on the same meds that first reduced his anxiety and depression, and then made him talkative, manic, and barely recognizable. He could be someone else in three weeks. Meanwhile, I posted this in last week's pubski: This reminds me of a blog I posted in 2011 when my daughter was having her breakdown called “How Can I Stop a Train Wreck?” At the end of the post, I said: Mostly, we can't stop "train wrecks" - only the trains themselves can do that - but if they let us, we might be able to get them to safety and store their luggage, or hold their hand and sing to them, until they hop on their next train. Honestly, right now I don’t even feel like doing that for my ex. I hope somebody does.One door closes. Yes, one door closes and THEN A FUCKING TRAIN CRASHES IN THROUGH THE WINDOW. Kills a few people, and leaves me walking away, shaking my head, asking, "What was that about?"
Sometimes we can see a train wreck about to happen. We know there's a large obstacle ahead, or the bridge has collapsed. Maybe there's an oncoming train. We don't know exactly when it will happen, but it will, and it will be sad. There they are, on the journey of a lifetime, left lying by the side of the tracks.
It's so beautiful how you share your feelings and what's really going on in your life, both the outward events and the inward responses. I love how you recognize your sadness and that love is at the deepest root of your sadness, Lil. It's beautiful to see how you are journeying through this part of your life with both your eyes and heart so open. I'd like offer that there is holiness in that love and that sadness too.
Folks, if you told me 3 weeks ago where I would be today, I wouldn't believe you for a goddamn second. That my girlfriend would break up with me, and that we would STILL be talking every day. That I would have lost 15 pounds, biked 100 miles, cut down drinking almost altogether, and spent most of every day off a computer. That I would actually be thinking about my feelings, and not hating myself. That I would just be this... good is actually unbelievable to me. I haven't felt this whole and content in years. Things that would drive me crazy a week ago are not even bothering me. 3 members of my apartment are currently fucking each others' exes without talking about it, and I am fine with that. I turned in my senior capstone yesterday, and I am not even freaking out. My ex told me she wants to go on casual dates with new people, and I was able to be genuinely happy for her. Sidenote - my ex and I are better friends now than we have been in years. We are brutally honest with each other, and are constantly forcing the other person to grow. Also, we might start making short films together? On the whole, just really happy with everything there. Unrelated, but I may try an edible today. I haven't gotten high since I started college, and I very plausibly may never get high again, so I figured I may as well do it with people I care about on a beautiful day. P.S. - I might be moving to Oakland, CA in the fall. Any hubskiers from around the area? I'd love to hear your feelings on it.
Meriadoc and I both grew up right outside of Oakland. It's definitely the most interesting city in the area, arguably one of the only cities in the area that hasn't totally homogenized into either suburbs or techie enclaves.
Art for sure. Sizable Ethiopian population which means good Ethiopian food. Access to SF if you want it. That said, the rest of the Bay Area is pretty boring which is why I no longer live there :P
Don't eat the whole thing is my advice. Eat 1/2 or 1/4. Also you won't feel anything for an hour or 2 so just wait for it. Recommend doing it before doing something you really enjoy like listening to good music or eating a great dinner. Hopefully you don't have any job searching planned cause it takes about 2-3 weeks to clear.
Oakland here. Pretty great, couldn't imagine living anywhere else for the foreseeable future, but YMMV. Housing is a bit of a mess right now, prices are high and quality isn't amazing. If you have a car, that helps tremendously. Hit me up with any questions, and def let me know if/when you get out here.
Last week I posted about going hiking and planning to back country camp. The camping was a bust as a bag was delayed on my flight. So I did day hikes Thursday and Saturday. This is a picture from Thursday:
You have no idea how much all of your posts make me want to go back to (parts of) Upstate. Thanks for providing a connection to home, it's much appreciated even though it's been unwitting on your part.
I'm glad you enjoy them. It's such a beautiful area. Where did you live when you were there? It's an area I could imagine moving to, and if you have any pros or cons that come to mind, I'd love to hear.
Thanks! That's from Nippletop, looking out over many of the Adirondack High Peaks. The near ridge is Colvin and Blake. The three snowy ones are Skylight, Haystack and Marcy, and a snowy Algonquin is just peeking over, too. Toward the right we can see Gothics, Armstrong, Upper Wolf Jaw and Lower Wolf Jaw. To the right in the distance is Whiteface. I need to sit down with a map and figure out the others. I think there are about 17 or 18 of the 46 peaks visible. I'd heard the view was good from Nippletop, but I didn't know it was THIS good.
I've re-read the thread I made the other day, about leaving the country, all the responses and everything a few times over and I really appreciate the advice and perspectives. Everything from francopoli telling me to look into cost of living situations to kleinbl00 telling me to take things one step at a time to briandmyers subtly suggesting that America isn't necessarily the greatest country on earth (nice try there buddy). Even though I didn't respond to the comment, in thread, I gotta say I also really appreciate goobster's response, both for the good advice in general but also for a second message that I need to take to heart and that's not being afraid to try, because if I'm resourceful and stick with it, I'll come out on top. I think I'm at a lot of pivot points in my life, living situation, career situation, and social life situation and I dunno. This shit is hard to figure out and I feel horribly overwhelmed. I found my hubcap collection the other day, took a good long look at it and realized I don't need it, so I'm gonna go through some of my other stuff and figure out what else to let go of. I know I've been talking about selling my antique books for forever. Going through my stuff might help me think. Anyhow, I think I'm gonna cut back on my Hubski time a bit so I can focus more on life. I'm not disappearing altogether, hell, I'll probably lurk quite a bit, but we will see where things are going. I hope this doesn't sound mushy. I'm trying to not sound mushy. You guys are all awesome by the way.
My ex-wife and I split up after five years on New Years Eve. We just called it quits, sitting at home together, talking it out, and decided to split up. March 11th I was on an airplane, moving to Budapest, Hungary. A place I'd never been before, I had no connection to, and had never even heard the language until the flight attendant gave the pre-flight pitch in Hungarian. It just fucking happened. Like, 24 hours later I was standing in a shop in Budapest with a handful of weird-looking money, trying to buy some chips and a Coke, or something, and looking blankly at the shopkeeper as she spoke to me and I couldn't even fathom what she was saying. She gave a little exasperated sigh, gently took my hand, took the proper money out of my hand, made change, and put the change into my hand. Then she gave me a gentle smile, and ... I had just purchased food. In a foreign country where I knew not a single word. And I wouldn't starve to death in the next few minutes. Life was good. We all make jumps from time to time. The further you jump, the more amazing it will be when you find yourself standing on your feet. Good luck, my friend. (Oh... and I dumped my Bots Dot and License Plate collections when I started purging... they suddenly just didn't seem so important any more.)
Weird question. What did you do with your license plates? My dad has an absurdly huge collection of them.
To add to your book list I really found this one profoundly useful, particularly as it relates to "stuff." Ariely demonstrates original research that establishes how much more value we place on something just by having it. He demonstrates that holding onto stuff allows us to pretend it's worth more than it is, so we cling to things we don't even want. And he shows that the more stuff you have, the less of it you value individually - "prized possessions" lose their luster when you have to choose between too many. It's funny. I consider our house to be cluttered but then, my in-laws score a 3 on the hoarder scale. We had movers come to look at our stuff when we were in LA and two of them called us "minimalist." Did you know that Frank Lloyd Wright deliberately built his houses with almost no storage? Wright's philosophy was that if you needed to hide it away, you didn't need it. Certainly more extreme than I'd go but I doubt he'd be horrified by our off-site storage culture. Food for thought... Good luck and don't be a stranger.
OK. Well, here goes! My very first post! Ta-DA! (But first, maybe you should know that I was not born and bred in Canada; it's my adopted country. OK, now you know . . . go and read on.) Really? Is this Canadian humour on a grand scale? Health Minister "Dr. Philpott" at UN today (4/20) announces legalization of marijuana. Today. 4/20. What a country! And, uh, is that "Phil-pott" as in phil-osophy, phil-anthropy, i.e. "love"? Or is that "Phil-pott" as in "filled" with pot? The bigger question: Is this all just fortuitous coincidence? Or does God really exist?
My guess is - "love-(towards-)pot". Sounds peculiar. Interesting choice of date to announce it. Some videogame communities I know will appreciate that. Good to hear Canada taking progress in terms of social policies. By legalazing marijuana, you've silenty accepted the fact that life is stressful and we all need a break; if lighting a piece of flora on fire and inhaling its smoke is what strikes a chord with you - go ahead, have fun! Maybe this will prove an example to other countries.And, uh, is that "Phil-pott" as in phil-osophy, phil-anthropy, i.e. "love"? Or is that "Phil-pott" as in "filled" with pot?
That's pretty awesome. I think ca is up on legalizing it commercially next year. Chong is already trying to commercialize on it. It's been pretty interesting I think after next year wel be almost half of the states have some form of legal Mj.
I just spent a week in Michigan visiting family. My grandmother turned 80. It was wonderful to see everyone at her party. I was able to spend an afternoon with my sister and her children and that was probably my favorite part of the trip. Watching my sister cut my sons hair made me really happy. She's a great mother and a fantastic aunt. I'm proud of the person she's become. I also enjoyed sharing a big milestone in my life with my little brother. More to come on that at some point.... I returned to NC from MI late last night. I drove the kids. -It's pretty exhausting stuff, though the children were very well behaved. Still, it's too much driving. Today I have to begin setting up appointments for my day job. It's going to be a busy few months.
These big ones come with that, RPGs are a very primitive russian rocket-launching doohicky. you gotta see what youre bazookin!
Welp, apparently, RPG does not mean "rocket launcher" per se. I thought "rocket-propelled grenade" applies to all shoulder-based rocket launchers. How big the range of this thing must be to require magnification scope? The Russian thing only has iron sight and isn't used to shoot very far.
It actually was pure coincidence that RPG could be used in English to stand for "rocket propelled grenade." RPG is originally Russian for what amounts to "manual anti-tank grenade-launcher." This AT-4 will keep soarin' for like 2km, but is aimed from 300-500m. The Javelin, on the other hand, is a fire-and-forget launcher than you point, shoot, and then walk away as it guides itself over 4km.
Not sure actually, I just somehow knew a bit about the big guns :D
It's actually how I've gotten every single professional job I've worked after my initial position 6 years ago. Who knows how this one will go, maybe my success rate is ready to take a tumble, but I've also historically been made an offer for every job where I've been recruited and followed up on the initial contact. In the meantime, here are some books. 
I'm embracing the schadenfreude. The Horrible Show got murdered in its premiere last Thursday. Absolutely slaughtered. It was the one premiere that day and Fox notched a 4th out of 4 for the night. It got clobbered by the 2nd hour of a 2-hour Gray's Anatomy. I shall be watching eagerly as the critics ignore it, as do the audiences. With a 2.4m premiere it'll be lucky to make it six episodes. I only regret that it won't generate such spectacularly ascerbic prose as this: Honestly, it's the best news I've gotten in weeks. At the same time, I realized that I'm stacking up a laundry list of White People Problems. Shit like: So really, I'm a terrible person. Finished a book about the Holocaust yesterday and for my platelet donation today I'm hoping to make some real progress on Ken Alibek's Biohazard. "Q: What kind of sick fuck has two thumbs and reads about biological warfare for fun?"
A film set would terrify you. We precariously stack shit everywhere, often on wheels. If we're serious about it we strap it to the walls but only if it's on a moving vehicle. That rack is 10 channels of RF-over-fiber converters. Allows your roving ENG cams to be picked up in the control room 300 yards away. They are expensive.
It actually wasn't so bad in there. It's like this: The whole structure was single-wall particle board, which meant it was basically a wooden tent. A wooden tent at 9,000 feet in November obviously isn't the warmest place to be but we needed our cast to be in their skivvies as much as possible because Television. Since the departments necessary to make these things happen didn't talk, we ended up with a couple heaters of roughly the same size and shape as a hot dog stand. These blew gajillion BTU warm air into the wooden tent at ear-piercing volume and heated the place up to approximately 95 degrees, because some of our cast really didn't like the cold. My ugly little world was not heated at all - but it was separated from this tropical hell by a single layer of 5/8ths ply so the leak-through was more than adequate. I also had a single layer of duvetyne protecting my equipment from the rain and elements so when the wind wasn't blowing like all hell it was actually pretty pleasant in there. Minus the shitty chair and the fact that it was called "the butt farm." In order to get from there to the inside of the house I had to walk across a 12" wide ice-covered gangway with a 4' drop on one side, which I did without once breaking a kneecap, unlike the other guy hired for the gig, who washed out a week into it and spent the remainder of the year out on disability. o the pictures I could share from that shitshow
Right? It's so far past the normal "what could go wrong?" high water marks that you expect to hear Dan Akroyd saying it.
I mean, I could see it having some niche application. Like rabbies and a few others get used all the time in brain research for transfecting neurons. Though depending on when your friend did their Ph.D, the recombinant controversy conversation could have been focused anywhere from insulin to GMOs to gene drives.
Waiting to go through a gauntlet of trainings for flow cytometry. In the mean time, I'm going back to the basics, learning transformation, construct design, and bacterial manipulation. E. coli smells like butthole, but seems to be straight-forward enough to work with. No surprises, just a lot of learning parameters. Met a poly chick recently, got along right from the start, but thinking I'm probably going to have to break it off. My roommate tells me that poly used to mean a mutually-loving, interconnected group of people, but has since been appropriated by people in their 20s who are just looking for networks with sparse connectivity and little commitment. I'm not sure where I stand, but I guess I can at least say I gave it a shot and realized it made me uncomfortable. Has anyone else been in this scenario before? For some reason I want to tag you, lil
Your roommate may not be totally wrong, but make sure you speak to the Lady in depth about it. I am not polyamorous, but a good friend of mine is. And I have seen a few other people try to convince themselves that they could be polyamorous. The key to any good relationship is communication. When you enter a polyamorous relationship, either as a muti-person unit or as a couple with some open rules, you now have to be sure you're communicating with EVERYONE. More persons involved means more chances of someone feeling left out or feeling suspicious of un-agreed upon behavior. Yo have to communicate and discuss relationship expectations very early on, or chances are someone will feel like they're being mistreated. A lot of younger people entering poly relationships think that it's just a way to sleep around a lot without actually cheating, they don't realize that they're going to get jealous. Jealousy is a MAJOR thing that will bitch-slap you even harder when you're partner doesn't feel guilty being with someone else. Even when expecting it, it's a hard thing for a lot of poly people to deal with. Just a few things I've noted looking in from the outside, so take it with a grain of salt.
I personally have encountered poly relationships before, both first-hand and second-hand, and my biggest conclusion was that I was not willing to spend the time required in order to pursue more than 1 romantic relationship at a time. I am big on having time to myself, to do my own thing, to just be by myself and do whatever I feel like at the moment. When I date someone, I usually like to see them every 2-3 days, or roughly 2x a week minimum. To date 2 people, assuming I already know both of these people and don't have to spend time meeting people/getting to know people/going on dates, I'd find myself spending 4-6 nights a week on dates, or at least, hanging out with each of these 2 people. (Mathematically speaking, of course.) That only would leave me with 1-3 nights to hang out with my friends, not to mention spend some quality time with good ol' me! When was I going to get any reading done, for instance? Or writing or book-binding (just throwing out theoretical activities at this point)? Or even just vacuuming, dusting, feeding my cats and taking out their dirty litter? That has always been my fundamental issue with the poly lifestyle; if I am interested in someone, I want to see them more than once a week. But I don't think that scales at all when you throw in even 1 more person into the situation. You either spend less time with each individual than you'd like, or have no time to yourself/your social life outside of dating.
Absolutely. I might be disillusioned, but not dumb. At the very least, I think that voting gives me the right to complain about the outcome. If I were to design a political system from the ground up, it would almost certainly include the function of a voting populous. Not participating is material support for a non-voting system, at least for all those that share your interests.
Yes, never too bad to be honest. We all like to complain, but choose most any place at any time in the history of human civilization, and your political influence and access to justice would be worse. We don't reflect often enough on just how good we have it, and how we have the tools to make our situation even better. Voting must succeed as a robust civic exercise in order to pull quality candidates.
George Packer does a few chapters on Joe Biden in The Great Unwinding. He comes across as a total chucklefuck. Worthy of note: Packer also does a chapter each on Jay-Z, Oprah and Newt Gingrich, none of which come across as chucklefucks. Read into that what you will.
Sick on my birthday. Fucking sucks, man. Also, I seriously fucked up at the radio station. I was supposed to get a master key from someone I don't know, but the combination of bad memory and social anxiety meant I just never did it. But after a while I became too embarrassed to say anything about not having a key to my own damn office, so I've fallen pretty far behind on some shit that, if FCC audited, could get us a couple thousand dollar fine (and maybe shut down, if the school decides they don't wanna deal with it). So I finally just emailed our GM to explain the situation, apologize profusely, and promise to fix it. Here's hoping I don't get fired. E: Thank God. I love our GM.
I'm feeling overwhelmed. There's a laundry list of things to be done and not enough time to do them. I'm about ready to take a vacation and have no idea what to do for it. Kind of considering booking a flight to Detroit in June for the Allied Media Conference. I am planning on buying a small tent this weekend though, so there's that, at least. I was asked a very interesting question last night: Do you see yourself as a leader? My answer: No, not in particular. But I keep ending up in these leadership positions, so maybe I am? It's not what I immediately set my goal as, moreso to get involved with a group and provide as much support as I can. Which seems to end up with me managing teams of people. But I think the term "leadership" leaves a lot to be desired. Where does leadership stop and end?
Wait Lush is actually around? I thought they were having Visa issues or something.
Oh I guess it only affected their first few dates.
So, it turns out if you do something that's good for you repeatedly, you actually do get better at the thing. I've been pretty good about my yoga practice for a while now, but at the end of last week I just stopped for a few days and couldn't really tell you why. Just got out of habit I suppose. But I stepped back up to the plate last night and did my normal 20 minute routine plus 10 minutes of lotus flexibility exercises and I tell you pubski, it felt good. I think I'm gaining a better visceral understanding of how some people can enjoy physical exertion/exercise so much. This is probably overly simplistic, but there's a real satisfaction in knowing that the things I have been doing are actually effecting change. Change that is tangible, demonstrable, healthy, and completely self directed. Baby steps. My first season with the new choir is coming to a close. We're going on our mini-tour next week (Toledo Symphony Whattup!), then we're done with regularly scheduled rehearsals until the fall. Semi-related note, there's a cute soprano who keeps (Intentionally???) catching my eye. I think I'll introduce myself next week.
Mealsquares are not fine dining, but they are a far more traditionally appetizing meal alternative than #Soylent. I ordered a sample pack of ten for $29 plus $6 shipping, but only received eight, which makes the cakes fairly pricey at over $4 each, $3.50 if I had received the full ten, or $3 apiece if you order 30 at a time. The manufacturer recommends immediate refrigeration, or else freezing to store up to six months. The squares are small and dense, akin to gingerbread with chocolate chips. There are some chunky bits, perhaps sunflower seeds. While Soylent aims for inoffensive blandness to promote long-term tolerance, Mealsquares taste pretty good. I was looking forward to a second one in the late morning after having my first one for breakfast yesterday. The nutrition profile (slightly different from the info in my package) is intended to provide a balanced diet based on five squares a day. I get a large lunch salad three or four times a week for $6-7 which I would prefer over two three-dollar cakes, so the squares would be a way to banish occasional hunger pangs without snacking on sugary breakfast bars or cereal. I would probably get tired of them if I had more than one a day for an extended time, but they are far tastier than the Clif Bars I sometimes rely on and appear to have a healthier nutrition profile. Warmed in the microwave and served with a hot drink (and perhaps some butter) a square makes a fine snack.
I was going to send you an email about these today, having noticed them on SSC. I had forgotten reading this, I guess. $3 per is still considerably more than a Clif Bar, unfortunately, but I think a Clif is ~250 calories whereas one of these is presumably 450+ if I'm expected to live on five of them. I read through the website for evidence that they might get cheaper over time and was not reassured. Too many sentences about things like phytic acid.
After posting my comment while eating a square, I went to a meeting to which someone brought doughnuts. I'll normally grab a doughnut, but a mealsquare sits heavy in the belly and I had no interest in another snack. That afternoon, another meeting caused me to miss my lunch, so I went downstairs and paid $1.50 for a bag of sugar—I mean a Big Texas. I love those things, because they are optimized for my dopamine receptors rather than for nutritional balance. That's when I ordered a box of 30 mealsquares. So the question is what you will do if you don't pay $3 for an optimized gingerbread loaf. If you're regularly eating oatmeal for breakfast and a sandwich or some other real food for lunch, you might want to pass or wait for a cheaper knockoff. I often bring a box of cereal or a can of Pringles from the corner pharmacy to my office, so by paying a little more I think I am significantly improving my snacking performance. These days I am saving $7 a day by biking to work, so it's easy to rationalize an overpriced cake and a fancy coffee from Reiter's.
This accurately describes me, unfortunately. I'd love to support mealsquares. At Aldi I regularly buy a six-pack of fiber bars for $1.79, to eat while I'm on long bike rides. 30 cents for, I think, 175 calories. Pretty healthy ones, too. I just can't justify going square at the moment. Damn cheap alternatives!So the question is what you will do if you don't pay $3 for an optimized gingerbread loaf. If you're regularly eating oatmeal for breakfast and a sandwich or some other real food for lunch, you might want to pass or wait for a cheaper knockoff.
Oh hey. It's Pubski time again. Caught me by surprise. I started jogging in the early morning - 6 AM or so. It's chilly and it leaves me tired for the rest of the day, but it's worth every minute. I'm doing baby steps at the moment and looking forward to see how the exercise unfolds as I increase the pressure. It fills me with confidence, and that's what I need right now. Today, I overcame the fear that's been crippling my university progress for months: I came to the dean's office to talk about switching tutors for one subject. The whole thing took about five minutes. I'm now waiting for the dean's decision - she has to sign the written request. If that goes through, I'll have two whole parts of speech - noun and adjective - to cover for Grammar. If that goes through, I'll sit my ass off to have it done: it's good for me, so it's worth the effort. I've been thinking about visiting the therapist once more, and I think I'll postpone it for much later. The last visit left me with a lot to think through about my life and a lot to work through as far as personal issues are concerned. The latter I believe I must do alone - if just because I can - while to former, I don't see how I can get a therapist's help with. I'll sign up for another visit as soon as I hit another barrier I can't work through on my own. I noticed recently that most of my social page's wall's been filled with music, and that music's good. From gloomy, grim and sad songs I go towards cheerful, positively-energetic and emotional. Music is an important part of my life, and seeing such improvement makes me glad for the progress I make.
I got my eyes checked out today and found out there actually is something wrong with my eyes which is cool because apparently my problem isn't that I'm just not trying hard enough to see/focus. I tend to minimize health related issues a lot but I'm pretty excited to see how I'm supposed to see ! That is when I eventually get in with somebody because I can't just have normal problems, I have to have the rare problem that only a few specialists deal with. Every. Fucking. Time. At least I'm not allergic to grass, those people have it fucking rough. Anyway, I started work again this week which has been great and will likely continue to cut into my hubski time so I probably won't be around much anymore. That and I found a bar that does $12 pitchers and of sangria on Saturdays so I'll be a tad busy on my weekends. Life's pretty exciting with work and new glasses which probably says more about me than I would like it too...
I realized today I sure picked just a great week to get clean. Turning down friends for some fun today was pretty hard, but I know it's the best choice. I've gotten into some pretty heavy shit recently, and I realized last weekend that I had to cut back a lot if I wanted to avoid a much more serious problem. So, I'm getting clean. Like really clean, not even booze or weed. I know I will probably use them again in the future, maybe even regularly, but I think I basically need a total reset to get away from weekly use of harder substances. But today was hard, especially because the nicotine withdrawal hit it's peak today. But, I've got to get a job soon, so I need to get clean anyways, which makes for a good excuse for casual friends I don't want to explain substance abuse habits to. I have a lot more decisions about quitting than I thought. What all should I quit? For how long? If it's not regular, is it okay? What about Prom? Graduation? What do I do with my friends? Do I even keep the same friends? Is this trivial on a larger scale or should I maybe consider meetings? All the same, it's pushing me in some new directions. I've started praying again. I got over my reservations about asking a girl who doesn't really party, and now have a great prom date. I can start writing again. That last one is really strange, because one of reasons I started messing around with psychoactives was to have new experiences and view-points I could apply to my writing. But then it ended up stopping me from being creatively productive. In other news, I should start studying for AP tests. I also need to make a college decision by next weekend. Which is terrifying. My dad and I are trying to figure out costs, and I can barely comprehend the numbers because they are ten times the amount of money I have ever handled in my life. Not just at one time in my life, but all the money through my whole life. Before, I always told curious friends that I really didn't get stressed. But now, I'm pushed to my limits, and there's no way I can't call this stress. Absolutely terrifying, paralyzing, religion-driving stress. But I'm getting my shit worked out, and it hasn't been as bad of three days as I thought it would be.
I was in the same boat as you with the college thing just two months ago. Just know, once you settle on the college that your heart and your financial reality can agree on, once you've finally committed, it's easily the most satisfying weight off of your shoulders that you will ever feel. Good luck! I also got clean, been about a month now. Well I still drink every now and then and I'm working on cigarettes, but I was deep enough into the greenery that it was an accomplishment, "clean" enough for me :D I had no trouble dropping it, and once I explained my decision to my friends they were awesomely supportive, and still are. Just today I joined a circle of friends for a massive 4/20 sesh, and not a single person asked me twice when passing the Percy Jointson. Not being buttered all day isn't so bad. Again, wish you the best of luck, remember it's all temporary as fuck.
In a few weeks my parents will fly out here to hang out, do some tourist stuff and drive all over the Midwest. So that means the house needs to be spotless, I have to buy new bedding so my mom won't give me shit about it, I need to take the new car in for its service before the drives, I need to run the car through the fancy car wash for the first time before they get here, I need to develop an alcohol addiction to deal with the incoming stress, I need to clean, I need to fix up some stuff in the yard, and I need to make the joint look like a normal well adjusted human being lives here. I also have two major astronomy events coming up and a talk to prepare for, a major upgrade in progress at work and the whole Ohio Valley is about to become useless to anyone who works for a living due to the nuttiness that the the Kentucky Derby festival. Somewhere in there I have a final (hopefully) doctor appointment from the accident last year, meetings with lawyers, and trying to get some time in with my friends. All you young people who think that once you become an adult the whole parent-kid dynamic changes? Lol, how adorable. I say this as someone who does love his parents, but we are vastly different people with different world views, outlooks, politics, living comfort levels etc. The real stressor is that they are elderly, and this may be the last time that they come visit me and I get to host them in a house that I own, feed them food that I bought and cooked, and in general get to dawdle over them for a few weeks. Fortunately my mom and dad are in good health, have solid finances, and otherwise have good genes and should be around for many more years. They just hate traveling. I should be able to come up for air in about August.
Job prospects are actually good. Nothing set in stone yet, but I'm less worried than I was a coupe weeks ago. On a way cooler note. I have lost 16 lbs in the past 2 weeks! That may sound unhealthy, but I'm feeling pretty great. I've been trying to cut back on what I eat for quite a while, then a year or so ago my girlfriend started a Ketogenic diet, and she's lost close to 50 lbs! I halfheartedly tried to cut out sugar and cut back on carbs, but I never really showed any progress, because I never did it consistently. In the past 2 weeks I've cut refined sugar out almost totally (one minor bump with a couple cake bites). I've started working out, some basic dumbbell lifts and at least a mile walk/jog. Plus I started weighing myself every day. I've been putting off weighing myself for years, Having a number stare up at you is daunting, especially when historically that number has only ever grown. But I think weighing myself has helped the most, seeing that number drop by 1 or 2 lbs a day has been more of a motivation than I thought. If I'm tempted by a damn donut, I actually get sad to think that number wont go down, or might go up. I still have a lot to go, and the only reason I'm losing so much so quickly is because I have a lot to lose. I'm expecting for the progress speed to slow a bit, and I'm sure it will also be harder to be good when I have a job again and I have money begging to be spent on fast food : / It's going to be hard to keep up, but this is better than I've ever done before!
I'm still feeling and doing great. I got my grades back for the finals and passed everything - not with flying colors, but I don't give a shit because I have done 49 credits in 3 periods which exceeds ALL my expectations. Most of the weekend I spent with my family. I took my sister on a trip to a themepark - can't even remember the last time we did something like that together, but it was a lot of fun. I don't see her often and when I do, it's usually barely enough time to catch up on our lives. This was much better in that regard. The 2016 roadtrip is also starting to take shape. We've added Slovakia to the trip so we can explore the Low Tatras. Hopefully also go to Budapest, maybe even Lake Balaton?
No tips that involve being able to do much of anything, I'm afraid - just the standard dark room, cool pack/ice on the head, maybe a fan, no music/sound, don't try reading, etc. I mean, I've used over the counter migraine medication to varying success (sometimes works, sometimes it works to the extent that if I don't try to walk, I'm okay, but if I walk every step causes a wave of pain in my head), never had migraines in enough frequency or severity to go to a doctor/check out painkillers, but it sounds like you are at another level with yours. I'm sorry. Headaches/specifically migraines are awful. I don't think you are female but if you are, have you checked whether they might be hormone-related?
Hey, I read on Hubski that if the doctors give you enough estrogen, it will retard your growth. (Do not take this comment seriously, this is not intended as anything other than tongue-in-cheek meta-commentary.) My own migraines are hormonal but related to estrogen and such bullshit, so I'm afraid I have no more ideas for you :(
A radler, barkeep. It's springtime, 80+ degrees, and sunny here in Seattle, and if that ain't the weather for a goddamn radler, I dunno what is! Th PLUMB ALL THE THINGS project has begun! The plumber and his crew blew my mind trenching a new water main into the house, and not leaving a speck of dust anywhere, and returning our front yard to something that looked even nicer AFTER they finished! Also decided to get a whirlpool tub for myself, because when yer spending $20k on a plumbing project, why get a shitty $500 shallow tub when you can get a super deep WHIRLPOOL tub for $800?!? So... yay me! The new job is absolutely amazing. I've been working since I was about 14, so that's 34 years now, and I have worked a lot of amazing places. But this company just FEELS good. It feels like a really good much of people, who enjoy working with each other. One of the executives took me aside today and we chatted for, like, 40 minutes about motorcycles, life, and why he was so excited to see me hired. He said, "we are basically like the Island of Misfit Toys. We get these amazing people with these weird job histories, and they all come here and do amazing work. When I saw your resume I knew you'd fit right in!" So.... yay! Although, when I got home, I stepped out of the car weirdly, and my ankle is all fucked up now. But I live in America, so I don't have any healthcare, so I'll just walk it off and hope for the best.
Well... I met a high school (read - a girl I was very close friends with when I was 14-15) friend, and by meet I meant we talked. And it was seemless. We hadn't had a proper talk in more than a year and I was maybe expecting awkwardness. But it was seamless and simple and... She is my first "adult" friend. The kind you don't talk to every day but are still close with. We talked about very personal things right out the gate and it felt natural And I kind of realized that we grew up together. I've known her since I was 11. That is a long time. Our senses of humour were probably shaped togetehr in some respects. And I've once again changed course with what I want to do "after the IB". In a year. Holy shit. Anyway... I want to study pol. science and then maybe work with that or become a high school civics teacher. And I have been super effective today, getting a bit of schoolwork done that I now just have to edit, and going swimming. My joints started hurting again but they havn't hurt since last summer so I'll chalk that up in the "win" category. And I might have a date? Maybe? Kinda? But probably not really and... ech And I feel much better now than I did last year and things are slowly becoming better. Which is nice.