I realized today I sure picked just a great week to get clean. Turning down friends for some fun today was pretty hard, but I know it's the best choice. I've gotten into some pretty heavy shit recently, and I realized last weekend that I had to cut back a lot if I wanted to avoid a much more serious problem. So, I'm getting clean. Like really clean, not even booze or weed. I know I will probably use them again in the future, maybe even regularly, but I think I basically need a total reset to get away from weekly use of harder substances. But today was hard, especially because the nicotine withdrawal hit it's peak today. But, I've got to get a job soon, so I need to get clean anyways, which makes for a good excuse for casual friends I don't want to explain substance abuse habits to.

I have a lot more decisions about quitting than I thought. What all should I quit? For how long? If it's not regular, is it okay? What about Prom? Graduation? What do I do with my friends? Do I even keep the same friends? Is this trivial on a larger scale or should I maybe consider meetings?

All the same, it's pushing me in some new directions. I've started praying again. I got over my reservations about asking a girl who doesn't really party, and now have a great prom date. I can start writing again. That last one is really strange, because one of reasons I started messing around with psychoactives was to have new experiences and view-points I could apply to my writing. But then it ended up stopping me from being creatively productive.

In other news, I should start studying for AP tests. I also need to make a college decision by next weekend. Which is terrifying. My dad and I are trying to figure out costs, and I can barely comprehend the numbers because they are ten times the amount of money I have ever handled in my life. Not just at one time in my life, but all the money through my whole life. Before, I always told curious friends that I really didn't get stressed. But now, I'm pushed to my limits, and there's no way I can't call this stress. Absolutely terrifying, paralyzing, religion-driving stress.

But I'm getting my shit worked out, and it hasn't been as bad of three days as I thought it would be.