Of the two full-time projects that pay my salary: One is wrapping up and while there is some ongoing data collection, it's done paying out. The other is closing enrollment and is reducing in scale of time commitment dramatically. If I pursued no other projects, I'd be down to part-time come April or so. BUT I have been pursuing other things, with vigor. One research study ends? I'll start my own! The pilot program is expected to launch in May, assuming no hiccoughs with IRB. If the pilot data validates my feasibility tool, we're going to be applying for a grant to make it a multi-site study, possibly international if I can leverage my contacts in Rio, Copenhagen, London and/or Rome. This job is reducing from full time? I'll apply for a new one, at the suggestion of my bosses and with their full backing. If I'm accepted, I'll be directing clinical research operations for all of pediatric cardiology. Feelin' like a super badass, gotta admit. The hard work is finally starting to pay off. My robust pleasure source and I keep finding excuses to spend the night together. 'Your house is closer to the hospital!' 'Your apartment is closer to my appointment on saturday' 'I'm worried my heat is going to go out and you're really warm.' She's meeting my friends in two weekends, we're taking a short trip across the state for a concert. Friday night I'm performing Beethoven's 9th with the Budapest Festival Orchestra under the direction of one of their founders, Ivan Fischer. We've been working on it for months and my German diction has never sounded better. Thank you all, for everything. Small edit, I've also lost a ton of weight in the past 3 weeks with no change in diet or exercise. I ate pizza yesterday and stepped on the scale this morning and it read 167.
That's because there's more positivity, hope, pluck and enthusiasm in me now than in all of 2016. Turns out if you work at stuff regularly for a long period of time, you start to see returns on the effort. Who would have thunk it. Thanks, I have always appreciated the hand up.There is more positivity, hope, pluck and enthusiasm in this Pubski post than in all of your 2016 posts combined.
It sure is fuckin' tough to hear when you're in the trenches though, huh? Not gonna lie. After missing a year of college and getting mired in 80 hours a week building a car and having all my friends move away and then actually making it to the Pacific Northwest and dating Real Human Girls I found myself driving through the mountains one day and literally started bawling. And for the past two years I've been more depressed than I was back then.
You seem to be doing all the right things. You're active, working, outdoors etc. don't seem to be boozing too much from the coherence of your writing :)And for the past two years I've been more depressed than I was back then.
I was sorry to read this. But, I take comfort in the fact that you, like me, have lived long enough to realize the ebbs and flows that are the human condition. Though, 2 years is a long fucking ebb, no doubt.
Dude it's not like I haven't been wearing it on my sleeve around here. My depression is directly caused by powerlessness. The first time, it was being stuck in a horrible place with no way out but to grind through a whole lotta toil. The second time, it was knowing I was putting myself in a horrible place with no way out but to grind through a whole lotta toil... and then the toil took on a life of its own. The first time I was alone and imagining that things would be better if only I had somebody to lean on. The second time I had the perfect person to lean on and it's still awful. I'm too sick to booze. Have been for too long.
They say "misery loves company," I'm not sure if that is true, but if I were in your neck of the woods, I'd welcome the opportunity to commiserate. You, like just about every Hubskier I've met, are good company to keep. You're a smart fella. Too smart. Maybe ignorance really is bliss? Lot's of happy Americans these days. Please forgive me if this is well chartered territory, I'm woefully past due on my hubskiing, but have you seen anyone professionally about this? I'm only mildly depressed and see someone every week about it. Without that weekly appointment, I'd be legitimately depressed. I think therapy, with the right therapist, is amazing. Especially for someone that is emotionally in-tune with themselves and brave enough to admit some hard truths. -You seem to fit the bill.
Saw a psychiatrist twice in October, I think. She listened for 45 minutes each time, largely without saying a word, then summarized that she'd like to see me twice a week to talk about my "so called eating disorder" (her air quotes, not mine), and gave me a superbill for $600 with the wrong ICD-9 codes on it that my insurance rejected. So yeah. Paid $600 to be mocked by a mental health professional for 90 minutes. It was rad. I realized the other day that the fifteen years I spent hating my parents for their abandonment of me was entirely due to another psychiatrist (girlfriend's father) who observed that children aren't born independent, they're born wanting to be held and my stern and unforgiving individualism was learned behavior. On the one hand, great. It's not my fault. On the other hand, thanks for kicking the shit out of my rationalization mechanism and leaving me with fucking nothing, asshole. I got to build that up on my own over a decade and a half. So really. Fuck all mental health professionals, everywhere, in all time zones, on all astral planes, because the only thing they've ever done for me is say "you're doing it wrong."
I feel like with certain issues it doesn't matter how qualified the therapist is they just won't get certain things. Eating disorders and sexual assault would rank pretty high in my opinion for topics you've got to be really picky about a therapist for. Considering an eating disorder is mainly about needing to have some form of control in one's life and men are entirely capable of feeling out of control over their life it would make sense that men can have eating disorders. Seems pretty damn simple to me.
No one is interested in treating eating disorders (current or past) outpatient. I'm guessing the liability is too high, considering it's the mental illness with the highest mortality rate. Which means as soon as you say "eating disorder" you're also saying "treatment facility." I have no time to spend 90 days with a bunch of amenhorreic teenagers.
I've also had mixed experiences, but I couldn't be happier with my current person. She'd never use "air quotes" for anything. Lot's of listening and all of it done in an environment that feels completely free from judgment. We set realistic goals for mental/physical health and for the most part it's been pretty amazing. I think you ought to find someone that doesn't suck. They're out there. And while nobody should tell you (especially after 2 sessions) that you're doing it "wrong." Does it feel like you're doing it "right?"
The issues are simple: 1) I know my problems. They're organic. 2) I know my solutions. They're organic. 3) I have very little patience for all the things in my life that take more time than they should or suck harder than they have an excuse to due to the incompetence or indifference of others. That's organic. 4) I have a latent and burdensome rage for all the people in my past that fucked me when all they needed to do was help the tiniest amount. That's organic, too, but there's nothing that can be done about it other than wax on, wax off, wave hands like clouds, push in the jive, bring out the love. So what we're left with is a high degree of self-awareness and a reasonable amount of mindfulness that, combined with an aversion to drugs, means there's effectively fuckall a mental health professional can do for me. I had this discussion not a week ago. You know what I'd do with a shrink? Shout at them. Yell at them. Cuss at them. Berate them as a surrogate for everyone that has stood in my way for no goddamn good reason or kicked me when I'm down because they just don't know any better. And I'm far too mature a human being to pay someone to shout at them. I'm glad you're having a positive experience. Mine have not been "mixed." They have been breathtakingly negative. It is fundamentally offensive to my soul to pay someone money to fuck my head over worse than it already is.
You know yourself, You know what does and does not work. Just know that I'm in your corner. About once a week I get a notification to congratulate you on some exercise milestone, so I know you're out there doing the work. To that end, I know you like to use apps to track your progress. Have you ever used the meditation app "Calm?" My brother bought me a years subscription to Calm for Christmas. It's been a great addition to my mornings. Takes 10 minutes. It's pretty amazing. I highly recommend.
I did a panoply of meditation shit. At one point there were five different apps on my phone. Meditation and centering isn't my problem; my problem is that in order to avoid tearing out the wall that my contractor didn't want to open in order to run the cable for the Daktronics display that isn't mine, I'm having to roll crazy-ass IOT comm port servers that one person at Daktronics recommended, another uses and nobody will call me back and I'm seven hours into this fucking problem. Every problem I have involves plowing through four people that can help, but don't. You can't meditate your way through that. You have to grind.
Goddamn it, ain't that the truth. I've noticed that even the heartfelt advice to I've given to heartbroken, down-on-everything friends, when repeated back to me verbatim improved my outlook ZILCH. That's why when things are good, I try to make mental deposits into the "Remember, Life Can Be Amazing" bank. It's just that the next swing of life into the trough is typically harder than the last, so it always feels like a special case.It sure is fuckin' tough to hear when you're in the trenches though, huh?
It's hard. It would be easier if there was a literal bank. I'll tell you, I did one of those goofy things I think I saw on pinterest. I set up an email account called something like "thatsworthsaving" at gmail. I then set a reminder and about once a week wrote things to that account. The original suggestion was a physical jar full of post it notes, but I wanted to write a bit more. Some weeks it'd be pretty banal and a bit forced but other weeks were huge. I'd write pages and pages. And then I stopped after life got busy -- you know people fall into and out of habits like that. Well anyway, a year or so afterwards, I logged into that email account and was astounded by how much I'd written about and had forgotten. The experience left me incredibly happy but also hyperaware of just how much our brains forget. Or mine, at least. I forgot so much. I think pairing this sort of memory gardening with the practice of mindfulness (in the sense of not identifying with every anxious or denigrating or angry thought that arises, vis-a-vis Sam Harris et al.) would certainly improve someone's outlook, especially over a lifetime. Lord knows I've been trying: it's called practice for a reason.
I'm not sure I follow. As a form of brain chemistry?Comes a point where the external transmogrifies into chemical.
As a form of "your biology is now doing its own thing separate from your psychology." Inputs and outputs no longer matter; your biochemistry is swimming in its own self-feeding witches' brew of cortisol, endorphins and hormones. And you have to stop feeding the feedback loop for a disturbingly long time before your reaction to events reflects rationality, rather than conditioned suffering.
And I'm sure this interrupting process only gets easier as you get older, right? D:
My girlfriends tease me when I call them this. ;P But have to say: KB is right. You're positively glowing. So happy for you dude.My robust pleasure source
Our inspection is tomorrow. It all comes down to this - six months of site research, nine months of site search, negotiation, conflict, abandonment, restarting and leasing, a year of construction, 200 pages of documentation and roughly 4,000 hours of my life are drawing to a close. Looking at it that way, it's not too far off from a master's degree. Except I have effectively nothing to show for it, and the money we've spent so far is double what the Stark program at USC would have cost me. And it's not like they'll say "no" and we'll have to start over. They'll say things like "the temperature at the faucets must be lower than 120 degrees but the temperature in the washing machine must be more than 120 degrees" and we'll say things like "without two separate hot water heaters there's no way to do that and you know it so we use the sanitize cycle on the washing machine STFU" and they'll say things like "we must be able to verify the temperature of the washing machine" and we'll say things like "it's a front-loader so go ahead and find your waterproof logging thermometer, ass" and they'll grumble because it's not like they wrote the rules and after all, let's not be silly. It takes six to eight weeks from the time you sign the documents to the time you get business internet. When I pointed out that there's an empty spigot on a 5-way tap 20 feet from my rack, I actually got Comcast's regional supervisor for install and maintenance to drop by. We went on the roof together. Confidence is high that they'll actually give me f'n Internet while they trench 25 yards of hardline through my parking lot, which will take six weeks to coordinate but at least I don't have to pay for it. Plus I have the cell phone number of Comcast's regional install and maintenance supervisor. With great power comes great responsibility. NOW I HAVE A JUMBOTRON HO HO HO 48 pixels by 144 pixels. 32k colors. THREE FEET BY EIGHT FEET. Sitting at an intersection with 80,000 cars a day. The guy who bought it (landlord) used to be an investment broker. Girl whose office it landed in is married to a former audiovisual and DSN consultant. Which means it's fallen to me to communicate with the equivalent of an annoying banner ad for your commute. When was the last time you had to deal with COM ports and RS232? And have you tried doing it in Windows 10? Know what? It's hella easier in Win10 than it is in Win7, even when Daktronics decides to put your panel on Address 17 out of 128 for no known reason. Speaking to a human on their phone tree, even when you have a case number, even when one of those choices is "if you are by the equipment and need support immediately, press 2", is ten layers deep. But I got me some big fuckin' pixels to play with. It occurred to me last night that the amount of stress this goddamn birth center has generated has caused me to gain 20 lbs over the past two years, despite running every day and biking 3,000 miles over six months. It stands to reason, then, that I can look forward to losing some weight soon. Assuming I live in a reasonable world.
Congratulations! It's a big beautiful birthing center, have you picked a name yet? If you're worried about weight gain you should consider joining a post-construction yoga group, they're great for mummy and for daddy too!... 20lbs ... It stands to reason, then, that I can look forward to losing some weight soon.
Of names Fun story - we settled on one that a large organic grocery chain is using. Since it's a common noun, and since we're in a completely different industry, I knew there was no danger of brand confusion and soldiered on. A friend of mine - much older - decided that maybe he should check so he called his lawyer buddy (someone I've had dinner with a couple times). The lawyer agreed, and his answer was of particular merit, because as my buddy reminded me, the lawyer happens to be not only a lawyer, but the COO of the large organic grocery chain's parent company. Yeah, I oughtta get some yoga in. But I've been 100% full time on this thing for about three weeks now and when this settles down, I have a movie to mix.
UPDATE: The class was actually really good. A lot of fun, and a really interesting way to say YES, rather than NO. You can learn more about The Consent Academy on their website. The Burningman community, which I am an active part of, is a rather sexually liberated group of lunatics. There's a lot of sex, and sexy touching, and sexual innuendo, and overt sexual displays, and ... well, because Americans are such fucking prudes, the easiest way to be "non-conformist" or "radical" is to do something sexual or expose a bit of your naughty bits. BUT. All of this stuff happens within a culture that empowers people to be open and outlandish, while also respecting other people's boundaries. Over the last 7 years or so, as social norms have been changing, and people are redrawing their boundaries, and women are exerting more power over their sexual interactions, and speaking up more about their own needs, the sexual-experimental aspect of the Burningman community is changing. This all came to a head at my wedding, when a really aggressively sexual dude grabbed the butt of a woman he only sorta knew, and she was in a bad post-relationship space, and took MAJOR offense to being groped. It triggered a HUGE cacophony of discussion and argument and outbursts and butt-hurt feelings throughout a large group of people who - up until then - had been perfectly comfortable being half-naked in a pile of pillows and bodies while rolling on mind-altering substances. So my wife decided to do something about it. And tonight, our community is having our first ever "Consent Workshop". It's a guided discussion by a professional trainer, focused on how to navigate the conversations and permissions and ... well, the minefield, really ... of intimate (not necessarily sexual) relations. At the heart of the whole thing is the question, "Do you want to GUESS if someone wants to do something? Or do you want their enthusiastic consent?" Which is pretty fucking cool, if you ask me. Fumble around and wonder if it is OK to take her bra off, or ask her, and have her give you the thumbs up? That makes both parties equals, it levels the playing field, and also makes sure that people are actually doing what they want to do, and not just feeling pressured to "go along with it." Yeah. I'm a married monogamous dude. But that doesn't mean that I don't snuggle with female friends, or find myself in sexually ambiguous situations. So understanding how to communicate MY boundaries, is just as important as understanding the boundaries of the other people in my community. I'm looking forward to this tonight!
That is very fucking cool, there's so much about sex/sexuality that I want to write about on Hubski but just don't know quite how to get it out there yet. But consent workshop sounds like a fantastic idea, it's just a shame the sex ed in schools is such a let down it's necessary; though as you touched upon, it is something that is evolving within society and subcultures alike, so maybe it will always be needed.
b_b is making the Forever Labs team sign a sexual harassment thingy to lower our insurance costs. #sellout
I'm finding out that there are so many things that I used to say, "We will never do that," where the 'that' in that sentence is something that your insurance underwriter insists that you have to get the best rate. I'm not a fiduciary in the legal sense, but (a) I want our business to survive, and (b) I feel a responsibility to our investors and employees (many of whom are close personal friends of mine) badly enough that I won't spend a dollar that I don't see a benefit to spending. Hence, by this time next week, we're gonna have ourselves a sexual harassment policy, a fire escape plan, and whateverthefuck else our underwriters give us as a carrot. Insurance people might be more ridiculous than lawyers. They're just as evil, but so fucking polite it makes you sick. At least lawyers have the balls to be pricks.
In order to get my wife's business loan she needed a life insurance policy that named the bank as the benefactor. As a cosigner on the loan I did, too. Which meant in order for the bank to give us funds we had a surly Russian dude come out and give us physicals and take blood. I literally have blood in the game.
One of my favourite webcomics to have started in the last few years is Oh Joy Sex Toy, while some / most of the comics are effectively paid adverts they do have the occasional comic that touches on some good topics. This comic prompted me to add my first book on sexuality to my Amazon wishlist -- I've not bought it yet cos... I dunno... just not there yet.
LOVE that comic! I remember when it started, I read it religiously. But then, after being in a relationship for more than seven years, and having our fair share of toys, just regular ole sex is what does it for us. Fiddling with devices can be fun in the right context, but ... it gets distracting after a while. Toys are a GREAT way to start the "consent" conversation, though! :-)
MAKIN' SHI(R)T The living room is now the arts and crafts room, with decor partially provided by _refugee_ (I'll be donating the shipping costs to hubski once I get my paycheck this weekend!). I visited the local fabric shop and made 3 shirts (and a set of curtains) in 48 hours - here they are: My favorite shirt of this round, I think. Very lightweight cotton, gonna be a great summer shirt. There was much deliberation over the button choice. Constellations! Hard to see, but the light blue color is glittery. I want to be a cool kid and rock the top-button-buttoned, but I just feel like Slingblade DOIN' SHIT I'm working three shifts a week as a pizza cook. As a consequence, I am eating a lot of pizza. To counteract this, I've started running. To counteract me, it has started raining a lot. Such is life. I also started volunteering at a local bike shop, which has been a nice way for me to get my mechanical skills working again. I worked at my on-campus bike shop all through college, it feels good to be fixing things again. I also recorded the first track for my No-Wave / Dance-Punk / Dr. Bronner's Soap-inspired project, Dilute! Dilute! OK!. I could use some extra vocals on it, will probably post it somewhere on hubski soon so people can add to it.
I never comment on your shirt posts, but I always like them cause it's so cute and I adore mandarin collars.
There are some phrases that are either an excellent band name or a hilarious google image search. I assumed "the Tyranny of Pants" was either/or.
I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter. I've been thinking of doing some running + cycling this summer but have never done the two back to back. Is this what I need?
I HAVE NO IDEA. ALL I KNOW IS IT FEELS LIKE I'M NOT WEARING ANYTHING. So, uh, the ones I got at the local bike shop were cycling tights that are pad-less since you're mean to layer them over your padded summer shorts. That said, the only real difference between cycling tights and running tights seems to be the padding, so I slapped the running part on there too in case ya'll thought I was gonna be walking around in a cycling diaper. Only one issue in, and already vanity has caused my newsletter to fall prey to Alternative Facts. :(
Haven't left campus in a long time. Slowly losing my mind.
Maybe plan a gold heist at the Mint to help clear your mind.
Hang in there man. It gets better. Of course it'll also get a whole lot worse, but that's part of the game
There's a flag in my room that you would either appreciate or hate me for hanging.
Yooo that's the Pineland thing right? Might have to switch flags. Do you pretend it's 1870 during Pineland training? I hope you get a horse instead of an ATV. May your bayonets be as sharp as the one on my parade M14. Mine is worse: You can thank Amazon.
Oh lordy, you can sleep with that thing hangin over you? Whole lotta weight sitting on your wall. No, Pineland is modern day-1870 was liberation IIRC. Pineland has a fleshed out and rich history... That happens to somehow be very close to America's... Funny how that works Woah woah, hold on.. M14's??? Has someone told WP that Vietnam is over? Don't envy you.. Nothing quite like seeing someone pass out in a parade and do some bayonet slice n dicing of their buddy
A lot of money goes around fainting bets. And I was joking about the civil war reenactment, although i would pay a lot to see a pair of operators in a joust. We just got the "new" M4s with full auto instead of burst, we're not hitting FTXs with M14's and backpack flamethrowers. But yeah, parading with those sucks. When a cadet gets in trouble they have to walk a certain amount of "Hours" back and forth central area, under arms. Caught drinking? 80 hours, RIP right bicep.
Maybe you should write about your experiences. Maybe you will get something interesting to read.
I had a logistics victory today. We need to get insulated shippers to all of our physicians in a low-cost and space-efficient manner, and I am pretty sure I found it. I spent much of the rest of my day writing a blog post about cars and amoebas. Yesterday, b_b and I designed an experiment and an orthopedic device. Tomorrow I meet with a tissue bank. Next day is a live TV interview. Every day is different now. All in all, it's a change for the better. I am struggling to imagine four years of this administration, however.
Nuclear medicine is a neat field, and can pay well. You also get to play with some neat kit and kick Cancer's ass. You will also lose patients and have to have the strength of character to not let that fact impact your patient care. Looks like the jobs advertised for the techs, not the MDs mind you, are 50-100K a year depending on market. Keep that in mind. Basic Science research is what you do for the love of it. It pays shit, you are at the whims of grants and funding and politics, the hours are long, tons of paperwork, you have to publish multiple articles etc so you can prove what you are doing is worth the hassle and there is no prestige unless you discover something. Saying that, I've met people in basic research and they would all do what they do for free (and some earn so little they might as well be). I've met MDs who were sad and depressed, but so far I have not met any basic researchers who wish they were doing anything else. The key here is what is going to get you out of bed in the morning? what is going to keep you up until 4AM reading a tech journal because you LOVE this stuff. If you find a passion, and you have a talent, go that route. If it was me? I'd probably go the basic research route and use that to get contacts, experience, etc. Then you can always go back and get the MD/tech stuff since you will know more about how the equipment works than anyone else in the hospital. Nobody can answer this but you as you are the one who has to live with the decisions. My word of advise is to take the path that does not limit your options in 4-5 years. There are people on this board who have had 4,5, 6 careers. Nobody knows where your life will be in 10 years, so don't limit options if you don't have to. One thing I may suggest is to let the other people know what you are doing and keep in contact with them on good terms. This is a problem I have had all my life so if you can not be like me you will be one step ahead of the game. Its late and this is a ramble, but hope it helps.
Damn it I want to major in Physics so badly. If I wasn't a little bitch I totally would. The physics department at my school is insanely strong and well-funded. I just declared my major in Economics cause I've kinda told myself since middle school that I want to work in finance because one of my primary life goals is to make a shit-ton of money. Are you pursuing a particular niche in physics? We've spoken about our classes before but I don't believe you mentioned your major/degrees/whatever.
HAhahahah More and more, you remind me of another friend of mine I've that made in the last couple of years. He's the man. The good kind of man, not the "damn the man" man. Oh yeah, and I read your original pubski post, before the edit. I hope you're outta that room by now.It takes a certain level of obsession and a slight tinge of masochism to not feel like you are busting your arse for three years just to get up to speed with what was a fresh physics in the 1940s.
three years
This is a lot to work with and I have a very long night of bullshit to work through so I can't offer a valuable response right now. However, I appreciate it very much, thank you for the information! Here is the only thing keeping me going right now, to make up for your time:
I don't like brains. There's just too much going on, the system is irreducibly complex. Neuro-anything is a branch of science that will continue along like a thorn in our sides, never progressing as fast as we like. I think your coordinators/advisors are just dissuading you from having a go at it because you'd have to take more than a couple extra biochemistry classes, but you already have a track record that says "hey, if I really wanted to throw myself at this problem, I could clearly have a huge positive impact". Of course you "have a chance" at getting into either of those institutions. How badly are you suffering from imposter syndrome, bro? Seriously. I think you're very well suited for IGPP, a very broad scope of research, and it's undeniable that you have a knack for analytic theory. If you're interested in doing more experimental work, you should have ample opportunity for it after your formal schooling ends. IA also sounds like a great fit, but it sounds like you're not going to make as many contacts outside of astrophysics in the event that you find yourself unhappy in the field (insert field theory jokes here). Consider also that sometimes, you just don't "click" with a certain group of people, so I would encourage you to visit these places and meet with the scientists you'd potentially be working with. Visit as many times as you can. But yeah, that's a really tough choice, sorry, I can't offer too much more insight into IGPP or IA without doing oodles of legwork. Devac, ask yourself, what makes you happy? Because that's the thing you need to throw yourself at. Not what your advisor or whoever thinks is the most prestigious or difficult. If you can figure out exactly what makes you tick, and then get paid to do it, your bed is made. You might be lucky, and a wide variety of topics may suit your fancy. Cheers to that.
Pretty decent field theory joke, yep. Make no mistake, that's exactly what you'll be doing, albeit indirectly. It'll be a just few more words than that. I'm not looking forward to my first proposal. Scratch that. Any proposal. Wrong! Some of my best friends are people that I used to work with. I miss them, but sometimes I get to visit briefly when I'm back there every few months. It's vastly preferable to treat professional relationships like friendships, not competitions. It's not just about who you know, it's what they think of you. That last big paragraph of yours is indeed undermined by the last sentence. You're one of the best, deal with it. Been there. pronoia Hey, lots of fish talk, you got a craving or what?I can clearly see myself with a sign "will tackle hard problems for food" in ten years from now.
In the end, I got a good friend out of it. But that's not how professional relations usually work, right?
Wanting me despite not applying there personally smells fishy, competencies be damned.
Water and your favourite brand of antacid, please. Went to the pub with some old university friends then had a McDonald's. Fuck being an adult, right? You can't just ingest whatever you want without later feeling its effect. Work's going alright. I'm trying to work in a bit more variety to keep things enjoyable. Sometimes work being being stuck in code for several hours and forgetting everything else exists. Sometimes it's annoying grunt work. I'd love to do the former all day. But there's always the fact that we're in a small company, and someone will have to do the latter at some point in order to keep everything ticking over slowly. Sometimes it's someone else, sometimes it's me.
I'm packing fused silica emitters with 5 micron beads. http://www.newobjective.com/images/products/columns/pfc_biphasic.gif And holy crap it takes a long time. I tried some with a 150 micron internal diameter last week and those were no sweat. Then 50 microns, and that took hours to get less-than-desired amounts of packing. Today I'm packing 25 micron internal diameter capillaries. I can barely even see if it's working, and I might be doing this all day.
Yeah I do not understand that game. Just a couple days ago I figured out that I'd maxed out my money or whatever because it wouldn't give me this thing that the magic rune reader dude wanted me to have. And now I'm collecting random shit off of planets because it'll be useful some time? And the answer to solving all the hard shit is using a thing called a jellerhorn or some shit and I don't understand why everyone runs around with fucking shotguns when you can literally sit on a hill with a scout rifle and kill everything. That game is like 100% BOOM!Headshot with like random arbitrary speederbikes thrown in. But it's fuckin' addictive. I should also mention that I am studiously and obstinately playing single-player. Don't even have a PS Pass or whatever the fuck it's called.
This and Are related. Shotguns rule the fuck out of multiplayer, and therefore get more use in single-player than they really need. You haven't done any raids?I don't understand why everyone runs around with fucking shotguns when you can literally sit on a hill with a scout rifle and kill everything.
I should also mention that I am studiously and obstinately playing single-player.
I tried giving Sony my credit card. They obstinately refused, which was probably polite of them considering their whole "passwords in plaintext" debacle. So I gave Sony my Paypal and bought the pass with it, but by the time it was active their cheap-ass deal on... (Final Fantasy? Yeah, mustabeen 'cuz I bought the disc) fell through. Then I discovered that PSN tech support sucks ass, but they finally refunded my money. Then the next day, having spent two days trying to talk to fucking PSN with no dice, my Paypal reverse went through (Paypal gives not a fuck for Sony). Sony responded by banning my account. So then I had to buy fuckin' PSN codes on Amazon, feed them to Sony, get my balance back to zero, to get unbanned. All because Sony is incapable of processing a credit card with any grace. Which left a seriously bad taste in my mouth. I mean, I've got a working system now (schlep to Amazon, buy fucking codes, feed them painstakingly into PSN, buy the thing you want) that explicitly prohibits Sony from destroying my bank account... but the whole process was such a debacle that I've had little interest in feeding the fuckers. I decided I get to Level 40 the hard way before I tried to do any multiplayer. I did some crucible shit for the 48 hours I had a pass and their "matchmaking" had my poor little Level 22 hunter engaged in a 3-way death match with a pair of 400-light Level 40 troubadours. It was mostly them running around shooting me over and over again and even when I got five headshots in a row on the assholes they suffered zero damage.
I'M BACK, BITCHEZ Sorry I basically didn't respond to all the nice comments on my laser post from last week - haven't been on Hubski much since I posted that. I appreciate all the nice responses! (mk, you forgot to send me an address) Ghent was a fun trip. If I had to characterize the city, I'd put it solidly in 'chaotic good'. Not as picturesque as Bruges or Antwerp, but it has its own character. Like how one of the towers in the historic center has a dragon as its crown, put there in 1377. We did a multi-step geocache to really get to know the city. We also played snooker for the first time, it was a lot of fun even though/because most of the points were scored when someone didn't hit the correct ball. Lisbon exceeded my expectations! It's a lovely city with more than enough to discover and see. I posted more pictures on my Flickr for the interested. Our hostel/hotel was way better than the price ever warranted. Because we're in the off-season, there were little to no lines but the weather was a comfy 17 degrees C. The food was amazing. Found a local fish restaurant tucked away in the maze that is Alfama, a one-room place that two people ran on their own. I had duck for the first time. Pasteis de Bélem are THE BEST PASTRIES IN THE WORLD. At risk of using Trumpisms...they are amazing. The best. Ginjaha is...interesting, quite a good cherry liquor. If I had cabin luggage I might've gotten myself a bottle. In the short time that we had we even managed a half day tour to Sintra where we visited a royal / religious garden with cool as fuck secret caves, watchtowers and underground tunnels that led to a well not unlike The Pit from Batman: The Darn Knight Rises. Sadly we didn't have time to visit the other palaces and gardens, supposedly they're amazing too. The only downside was that travel was a bitch. Both our flights had delays, which meant that I had to sprint to catch the last train on newly-formed blisters...only for that last train to also be delayed. But it didn't matter much in the light of such a nice trip.
I wanted to post something here yesterday, but I've had a lot on my mind. I've had a good feeling for 2017. This year, I've started being consistent in the plans I lay down. Tomorrow, I'll be finishing my first seven days of exercise and running. It's a big day because I'd have to be running 5 mins x 2 after half a year's lack of any physical, and I'm a bit nervous; but I haven't skipped a day and have been following the protocol, so I should go through with it just fine. Started writing the outline of the world I'm setting a forum (literary) RPG in. It's about humanity dealing with the sudden appearance of something utterly alien; PTSD-affected superpowered people who went through months of hell; and using one's wits to survive and emerge victorious. Staying on course of trying to figure the world out, instead of abandoning the idea, and consulting a couple of locals helped me get to the point where I have a solid understanding of what I want from it. I've decided this year to incorporate things one by one, few weeks apart, into the daily routine. Next week, I'm going to include getting up on my German and starting Icelandic. I'm also going to include more and more details about my personal life into these posts. A Lifehacker video told me that empathy is a process of mutual understanding, and I've been effectively trying to exclude my part from it so as to not feel vulnerable. I think it's going to help me improve in interpersonal communication and empathy. Next week's the start of the new uni semester, and I feel nervous. I've managed to ruin my image with the group by verbally attacking my groupmate at a slight provocation in the online chat; I'm deeply ashamed of having done so; you can see how it makes me uneasy, being in their company for most of the week afterwards. The idea of "class/group as a family" makes me value the group too much; that, or I'm too used to pushing people away hard the closer I want them to be. Instead of entering the "easy course" of Literature of the Main Language (where you have to do almost nothing to get the semester's pass mark), I chose to enroll in Masterpieces of World Literature. What makes the difference between those two is the teacher of the course: MWL is led by a woman who's decided to send a message, literally and figuratively, to us second-year students where she stated that she wants no one lazy and stupid attending her classes. This raised an uproar within the group, with words and phrases like "stuck-up" and "thinks too much of herself" abound by the vocal minority. I tried to object so as to not silence people who might want to choose it instead of opting out of education they fucking paid for; it led to... see above. I'm attending MWL because I want to get into literature that I so eagerly escaped as a teenager at school, but I'm afraid I'm going alone on this one. A friend of mine from the year above made it easier on me by agreeing with my choice on the same basis, having attended it herself; she was the one to tell me it's not that bad, either. There's one other concern I have about the upcoming semester. There are no requirements to pass the Philosophy class, led by an old man too busy complaning about us youngsters during the lectures to actually tell something interesting (his ramblings are so toxic and mind-numbing I went catatonic after the one lecture I visited). There is, however, a tradition that's been going on for years - something our Language Practice teacher told us about - to "thank" the old man for getting the "free" pass marks by "gifting" him a bottle of liquor; I, as the man of the group, am supposed to "gift" it, because the old man has a disdain for women. It has occurred to me, however, that I am effectively to do is bribe a teacher; simply because it's technically post-factum doesn't make it any less of a bribe, and you don't have to be Rene Descartes to figure that out. If I refuse to bribe the man, the whole group - possibly including myself - might get what would be perceived "unfair treatment" by my groupmates (i.e., being "robbed" of free pass marks). If I do so, knowing full well that I'm bribing someone, I'll have to live with it for the rest of my life, and I'm not okay with that. This "bribery" is harmless and you get to get away with passing an exam or a final test, but it's still morally wrong; besides, his lectures are crap, so it isn't worth it even from that perspective. If I was in Europe, the university commission would most likely be interested in corruption in education; but Russia isn't Europe, and I'm seeing the apathy too vividly in front of me to go for their help. I don't know how to go about it, either; all I know is that I'm not a cheating man, and I'm not going to bribe anyone. Other than that, things are looking up for me. I'm going to take my education more seriously and get as much as I can from it, because so far, I'm disappointed of not getting enough of the really interesting stuff; hopefully, things are to change this semester, with the introducion of the cooler linguistics subjects such as Theory of Language (led by the former dean, no less). I'm going to take my 2017 To Do List seriously and get stuff done. Like Bruce Lee said, "If it kills you, it kills you". I'd rather die from what I love than from fear of not getting it right. To finish, here's a Russian cover of Johnny Cash's awesome God's Gonna Cut You Down.
Yes good TFanficG. Learn to express yourself without insulting the other person. Show understanding of their problem/statement and then express your own position. So if they say the professor is "stuck up" and how dare she etc., you say, "I can see why you think that. When she says she wants no one lazy or stupid, it is insulting to students." -- validate their position. They have a right to feel whatever they want. Then offer your own feelings or opinions. If they respond by insulting you, you have to ask yourself if you want to continue the conversation, whether it is the best use of your time. Meanwhile, carry on with your new brave year!I've managed to ruin my image with the group by verbally attacking my groupmate at a slight provocation in the online chat; I'm deeply ashamed of having done so;
Thanks, lil. Truth is - I don't want to try and engage in that kind of meaningful conversation with the group any more. I gave it a shot, and it failed. Too many people in my group are willing to engage in discussing rumours, talking behind people's backs and otherwise keeping the conversation about themselves. One should always strive to be their best, and upholding the conversation as you suggest is a valuable asset in communication between any two parties, but, with time, I found it more and more appealing to disengage and let them do their thing as long as my own hide is safe. Their lack of curiosity and ambition in education - even for the cleverest girl in the group - is what struck the final nail. I enjoy having such meaningful conversations on Hubski, and it's difficult for me to re-adjust for something more... self-centered.
Second week of school. It's amazing how much easier undergrad is when you're an adult. Still plenty of work, but it's just another game entirely at 25 rather than 17. The house I'm looking to buy we just put under contract Monday. The loan application is pretty much done, too. Every party is 100% down and no one foresees any snafus, loan officer included. I can't fuckin' believe it. By April 1st, I might have a house. And the subsidy is such that renting out just one of the bedrooms at market rate will cover the mortgage, taxes, insurance, and then some. There are 2 bedrooms, and a half-finished basement begging to be turned into something cool. I have a ticket to see Malcolm Gladwell and Tyler Cowen Feb. 27 in DC. Any questions you'd like asked?
Unfortunately no, the program has a few requirements, among them that applicants be first-time home buyers. And you have to be really poor. Which, after volunteering for a few years, certainly describes me. But the opportunity is an enormous leg up. And the house is pretty gorgeous
Really!? I thought your workstation alone was worth a king's ransom. I pinch myself every day.
My workstation is made up of pieces available at Guitar Center.
Wife and I have created a fun new game. Go into Google image search, put in "dog breed A dog breed B mix" and marvel at the results. You'll get some damn, handsome pups and some interesting results. X Corgi Mix often involves X's head and fur pattern on a corgi body, poodles really do blend well with everything, pit mixes gets you some damn handsome dogs, and toy dog breeds all blend together so well. Brooklyn 99 is hilarious. Anyone know any good online free film/cinema lessons videos? Just cause.
Funny, I usually rat-hole into the Cinefix YouTube channel when I am interested in looking at the mechanical aspect of making movies. They do lists. "5 best uses of color in movies", or "10 bit parts that stole the film", or "5 camera effects to add drama", or whatever. Then they show you a scene, narrate over it and explain whatever thing they are explaining, and then jump to the next scene. It's fluffy, and you can debate their choices, but I find it gets me thinking about the topic of their list, and then I think of other examples of that in film. It gives me a jumping-off point to begin thinking about some specific aspect of filmmaking. And they are fun.
Thanks for the suggestion. One of my favorite ways at looking at aspects of film making are comparing two films of the same genre, but from different eras or different cultures. It's real interesting to compare and contrast them sometimes, especially action films. There's so many subtle things about framing, pacing, etc. that gives away when a film was made. The thing is, I can't put my finger on why, which is what made me ask this question to begin with. Maybe if I knew the stylistic choices behind movies and why, I'd be better able to answer that question.It gives me a jumping-off point to begin thinking about some specific aspect of filmmaking. And they are fun.
You should know that the more you know about the sausage-factory that is movie-making, the less you will enjoy movies. As you learn camera techniques, editing techniques, blocking, framing... you find yourself yanked out of the movie and into the mechanics of the scene. It can really bust up your movie enjoyment. Then again... you'll be watching something, and suddenly you will FEEL SOMETHING DEEPLY, and you'll switch into analytical mode, and figure out what it was that triggered your response. A cut. An angle. A musical sting. Whatever. Go watch ten or fifteen of those Cinefix movie analyses, and I think you'll start to see the mechanics behind what it takes to get that scene onto film...
Corridor Digital do some awesome stuff for amateur film makers, and they post tips and tricks, as well as some fun stuff, at their behind-the-scenes channel. You can also try Rocket Jump Film School from Freddie Wong, who used to work with Corridor Digital; Rocket Jump is the team behind VGHS and other cool stuff. Here's their website which has the lessons catalogued by category. I forget what else there was that I saw. I'll reply again if I recall it.Anyone know any good online free film/cinema lessons videos?
I'm auditioning for an Artist's diploma in Early music in Toronto. The audition date is on the 21st. I am intensely stressed about this. Also, auditioning when you've been living with one name but legally have another is weird. It really points out your trans...ness. Like, even my email doesn't match with my legal name so it's weird, everything requires extra explanation. Name on programmes from gigs doesn't match legal name? must explain. Make sure your references know which name to use. Endless. The stress has been killing my mental health, too. I mean, of course - it's very human for that to happen. I've been in a very low period and I'm slowly starting to crawl my way out of it, but I also have to hedge my expectations because I think i'm gonna have to be extra mentally kind to myself for the next... 2 weeks? And of course my inevitable failure afterwards.
My lease is up in April and I don't know if I want to renew. I like the location a lot, but I'd really like to be in a house or somewhere with a semblance of a yard. Renting a house would certainly require a roommate, which I haven't had in two years now, and don't really want. There's too much freedom in living by myself. But I'd also save a ton of money, most likely, since housing isn't particularly here yet. Hmm.
It does, but the monthly rent ups even more if you do month-to-month as opposed to a 9/12 month lease, I don't quite remember how much without having the paperwork in front of me.
I've been dieting to lose some weight, with my main method being CI<CO without exercise (I haven't had much time for anything outside of typical walking to class and using stairs exclusively). It's been mostly working (I had a really bad weekend and gained back a couple of pounds, I can really put away food when I want to...) but since I started paying attention last July I've lost about 20 pounds! I miss candy and soda (sugary soda) for sure, but honestly I feel better and I think I look better (though I've started seeing my ribcage which is a bit surreal, I'm not sure how I feel about that...) and I don't plan on going back to my old habits if I can avoid it.
Yesterday I took the day off and skiied 18in of fresh powder. It was amazeballs. After that a bunch of friends got toughener and made some awesome home made pizza. Yesterday was an amazing day. Today... not so much, I woke up this morning to the wife asking if I had bought her chocolates. I was a little surprised by the question until I saw the damage. The dog ate my wifes 1lb box of valentines candy. So I had to run to the store buy some Hydrogen preoxied, dose the dog, which immediately vomited chocolate over our living room rug. But not enough, because she vomited more later and now shes at the vet getting pumped full of black carbon and green money. FML. I love the dog but there goes $500 of fun money down the toilet. Once again I'm either working overtime or having a frugal month. I wanted to get into beekeeping this year, but start up costs are high. ~120 for 3lb of bees, $100 for a suit, $30 for a smoker and at least 100 bucks for the hive (and you need 2) looking at 400-500 in start up costs. (which the dog just ate). Im going to try the more frugal approach, build some swarm traps, put some lures in them and hope for the best. If I get lucky I'll drop my startup costs significantly, if not well there is always next year. My hydroponic lettuce project is going great, almost out of room/ready to harvest. Maybe I'll post some pictures of the crop later today.
There is a partial lunar eclipse on Friday at moonrise for those of you in the east part of the country. Moon may get a bit dark with a gradient to the 'north' part of the lunar disk. I will be outside in the cold with a telescope and a way to let people take cell phone pictures of the moon. August is looming and getting closer. checks are being sent out. Outreach and teaching events are being scheduled. Powerpoint slides are going through the ringer. Props are being set up and played with so I know how they work. Fuck me this education shit is a time sink.
In Northern New Jersey, it's high 50s right now but it could snow a foot tomorrow. Not sure if I will be able to make it to work. On a work related note, my job is teaching me Quickbooks. I'm getting used to it.
We got 2.5" of snow earlier this week and half the city and surrounding area shut down. It was awesome.