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Dude it's not like I haven't been wearing it on my sleeve around here. My depression is directly caused by powerlessness. The first time, it was being stuck in a horrible place with no way out but to grind through a whole lotta toil. The second time, it was knowing I was putting myself in a horrible place with no way out but to grind through a whole lotta toil... and then the toil took on a life of its own. The first time I was alone and imagining that things would be better if only I had somebody to lean on. The second time I had the perfect person to lean on and it's still awful. I'm too sick to booze. Have been for too long.