Just something I've realized. Go to therapy if you have the chance and the means. The stigma that may come with it is nothing in comparison to how much better it might make you feel.
You and your problems are important. Remember that.
That's all, just a PSA.
I know; it's kinda unbelievable, right? Interestingly, I met them independently. Back when I was an angsty teenie bopper my mom got fed up and made me see a therapist. He told me, essentially, that I was well, not mentally ill, and that I seemed to have my head screwed on straight enough. We got along quite well, insofar as it can be said that one 'get's along' with one's therapist. Meanwhile, there was a girl I had a huge crush on at school. I asked her to go to a school dance with me. She already had a date, but suggested I take her friend, and we could all go together. I met her friend, and realized that she was the daughter of the shrink I'd been seeing for a year or so (kind of uncomfortable from his perspective, I'm sure, because he knew all the drugs I was taking, fucked up shit I thought and did, etc.; not the kind of kid you envision for your daughter, I don't think). Anyway, we went out, had a nice time, made out a bit, and that was that--never became great friends, didn't really stay in contact after high school to any great extent, but ran into each other around town enough to know that the other still existed. Then this happened, and the rest is history (incidentally, the girl I used to crush on in high school--still a great friend of mine--is the one who got us together that night; don't know if it was by design; I've never asked, but I know she did not care for my then current girlfriend). So now, all the years later, I live (temporarily--in the process of buying a new home, which is a giant pain in the nuts) at my former therapist's house, play ping pong with him most nights, and am engaged to his daughter. Life takes funny twists and turns. I think it's good life strategy to not fight the current in those cases. You have a plan to turn left, but then the road to the right looks so much more inviting. Turn right, eh. That's my advice.
Been going to therapy for some weeks now, it was fine until I quickly got sick of the condescending, monotonous prick that kept saying the same shit over and over. Maybe I need a better one, but my mom is also a therapist and she is the reason (or, she is my reason) for going in the first place. I went in hopes he could also help give her some perspective and really help her. Listening to him just made her angry and refused to actually take in anything he said. He admitted like 3 times that he doesn't even think I'm the problem. Damn, therapy was supposed to be like a last resort man.
EDIT: THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A DISCOURAGEMENT. "Go to therapy if you have the chance and means... You and your problems ARE IMPORTANT. REMEMBER THAT." This is my personal experience, I know people that were broken, bent and felt option-less who got help, and they now spread smiles like its an epidemic.
There are different kinds of therapy, though as a therapist your mother probably knows that. I don't think that therapy really is a last resort (in general, in your case I have no idea of course) and I think that sometimes people are resistant to the idea of therapy because of that idea. Of course, a lot of people also think that taking their car to the shop or going to the doctor are a last resort, when often its recommended that these be done as maintenance. I'm not trying to suggest that the mind is mechanistic in any way, just that sometimes we need some help, support or both from a person who isn't entangled in whatever stuff is giving us some difficulty.Damn, therapy was supposed to be like a last resort
Around me, decorum is everything. Making use of your resources to get guidance is seen as a weakness, like youve got some subordinating condition. I had to practically beg my own mother to see someone, it was horrifying how ironically she outright denied or maybe just ignored what I felt was depression and essentially emotional paralysis. She didnt want to think her son needed therapy- like it was folding my cards or something. All this stigma eventually made me feel like it genuinely was a last resort, like I had to try absolutely everything else before I could have a conversation with a professional.
I know how that is. My family is very traditional in many ways and are definitely "old school" about a lot of things. Even now my mother cringes when I'm blowing off steam about something and really wants to hear that I haven't said the things I'm articulating to her to the person I might be upset with because truth be told, I do have a mouth on me (but I'm getting better at that). As a bicultural kid I did have to eventually put my foot down and tell my parents that though I love and respect them, there are certain misunderstandings and differences of opinion that are naturally going to occur given the difference in generation and in culture and that if they weren't willing to address that with me then there were much less desirable options available. In the end, it was our mutual desire to preserve the relationship and to find ways to learn from each other that ultimately helped us get to a place where we could begin to try to approach each other from positions of respect. Growing up is shitty sometimes and for a million different reasons. I'd be willing to bet (and I am a gambling man) that it's not only decorum that's dictating your mother's behavior, but things that are challenging her fundamental beliefs. When we feel backed into a corner, people tend to act in predictably shitty ways. If you're finding that therapy isn't helping, perhaps you might consult a mediator or conflict specialist of some kind.
Best of luck. It might just be my attitude (Probably is, so take this with a few grains of salt) but a lot of the time when I'm talking to my counselor, we come to the point that I just care too much about stuff that is important/tragic, but has no direct effect on my life. Example And a lot of his advice for dealing with these things amounts to 'Just don't think about it.' Which I hear and interpret as 'Go numb. Don't allow such painful stimuli to trigger a response. Don't care about things other than the NFL and how much less nice your car is than your friends.' We're pretty good at dealing with people who have inferiority complexes, because that's a 'normal' dysfunction to have. To always be after more stuff, to always want more stuff, hell that's how the economy manages to scrape by, most people just want more stuff. (Apologies for rambling, I'll come back and clean this up later)
And a lot of his advice for dealing with these things amounts to 'Just don't think about it.' . That's terrible. Empathy and acknowledgement make a difference. 'Thinking about it' is 90 percent of the reason I post anything on hubski. I want people who follow me to think about things. My facebook wall looks like hubski. My conversations sound like hubski. My friends assuredly get tired of it -- but gradually their behavior starts to change. It makes a difference. If you go into therapy (which I would never do; I admit to a bias) with the personal philosophy that awareness of the human condition matters and are told instead to shut yourself off ... walk out. Walk out without paying a dime.It might just be my attitude (Probably is, so take this with a few grains of salt) but a lot of the time when I'm talking to my counselor, we come to the point that I just care too much about stuff that is important/tragic, but has no direct effect on my life. Example
The beautiful thing about it is that I don't pay him a dime, and I won't until I graduate. (Yay for student resource centers I guess). At the moment I go because he has helped me with mindfulness stuff that I had an interest in before and those skills makes my day to say easier. He believes in... I guess practical empathy would be a good term. He gives heavily to charity, volunteers regularly for mental health care for those who can't afford it, and in general gives a lot of aid to those who he can reach directly, personally. I have very few friends who can speak comfortably about controversial subjects and not get pissed. I treasure those few.
Unlike the masterminds of eloquence that populate hubski I am a perpetual rambler so no worries :D Its the reason I'm voice recording future rants, thoughts and stories because its just more 'me' that way.
I obviously think its important that you take from your counselor everything he/she has to offer-- if you were at a point where you truly felt you needed a counselor's guidance then you should absolutely stick with it and take all the help you can get. That said I learned quickly to also take my therapist's advice with a grain of salt. They're all different people and a person seeking help will find some therapists more beneficial than others. My issue, stemming from my own cynicism and slight broken-heartedness at my experience with my guy, is that they are more or less taught the exact same plethora of techniques, methods, and principles in treating their clients. The problem is that there are no two people with the exact same problems and experiences, and it really feels like they've got all these wooden shape blocks and they're trying to figure out which of our holes to stuff it in. That came out badly. However, humans are simply so much more complex than any single, linear science that its like trying to fit a circle or a square block in a freakin ocean. Somehow they still manage to convince themselves they've done it.
(I guess I took your rambling and raised you a rant, sorry :D )
I'm going to add that if you go and you feel truly uncomfortable or weird or feel like you are being talked down to, that is NOT how it is supposed to be. You need to find the right therapist for you, your situation, and your personality. It's similar to a relationship. I feel like so many times people give up on therapy very quickly when the real problem is the therapist, not you. Just because someone has a bunch of degrees and comes recommended, doesn't mean they are the one for you. A therapist can help your friend work through a boatload of problems and still be bad for you. Therapists are not like dentists where you lay back and they fix you and then you go on your merry way. Find someone that you feel comfortable talking to or nothing is going to be resolved. Lastly, by default, therapy is going to be a fairly uncomfortable experience. But the therapist should not add to or be the source of uncomfortableness.
Exactly on point. It took me a while to figure that out and it took me a longer time to find a therapist who really worked for me and who I really, really loved. Once I went to a therapist (just to check her out) who was all about affirmations. I am not all about affirmations. I also didn't feel that just telling myself how awesome I was was going to help me get to the bottom of my issues. She didn't seem like a bad person, but it wasn't the type of therapy I wanted or thought I needed. As with most things in life it can be difficult to know what you want until you encounter what you don't want in therapy. I think it's really important to find someone you click with. I actually really enjoyed therapy because I'd known I'd had certain issues for a long time and I was able to get more to the bottom of them. And I knew I was doing it and getting better. But it also took me years to get to that point.
Been dealing with some anxiety for the last week or so - unusual for me as I've never really had any sort of health issues - and saw a PsyD a few days ago. Going to see a psychiatrist this week since she didn't feel she'd be able to address my issues well. Probably won't be therapy in the sense that it's being construed here, but it should still be interesting. Funnily enough, I'm a future psychiatrist. It'll be interesting playing the role of the patient.
I've been thinking about it for years now. A couple of people have suggested it might be a good idea. I don't know. I've gotten good enough at keeping myself busy enough to avoid the thoughts and things that have made me consider it. I'd have a hard time articulating my problems outside of the occasional alienation of myself from...myself and blocking out the things I don't want to deal with. I've started writing more recently though, so maybe that's helping. Personal things are vulnerable though and I've never been comfortable with that.
Keeping busy is good, as long as it's to work through things rather than to avoid them. Keep in mind, avoiding dealing with things takes a lot of energy and can add to stress too. Writing is a good way of engaging with things and sometimes a "narrative approach" can be helpful in figuring out how we'd like things to go and what we need to do to achieve that.
It's more that I work towards things rather than anything else. I'm heavily involved in a few organizations/other things and there's always a goal to be had. It gets very time consuming just because it's extracurricular and in addition to homework, tests, etc. Most of what I write are meant to be lyrics at some point or another, and based around a moment or situation.
It has happened to me, not infrequently, that I don't know how I feel about a thing until I write about it. The clarification is more apparent with poetry than prose - because a poem has to take a stance, so I think it tends to draw out latent opinions and condense/finesse them - but I think it's always helpful to write about things. At minimum you can literally see your mind working through things on paper (or a screen). I used to journal a lot. I'm trying to pick it back up although I'm not great at it. I think it's good for one. I think it can be like meditation in ways.