Been going to therapy for some weeks now, it was fine until I quickly got sick of the condescending, monotonous prick that kept saying the same shit over and over. Maybe I need a better one, but my mom is also a therapist and she is the reason (or, she is my reason) for going in the first place. I went in hopes he could also help give her some perspective and really help her. Listening to him just made her angry and refused to actually take in anything he said. He admitted like 3 times that he doesn't even think I'm the problem. Damn, therapy was supposed to be like a last resort man.
EDIT: THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A DISCOURAGEMENT. "Go to therapy if you have the chance and means... You and your problems ARE IMPORTANT. REMEMBER THAT." This is my personal experience, I know people that were broken, bent and felt option-less who got help, and they now spread smiles like its an epidemic.
There are different kinds of therapy, though as a therapist your mother probably knows that. I don't think that therapy really is a last resort (in general, in your case I have no idea of course) and I think that sometimes people are resistant to the idea of therapy because of that idea. Of course, a lot of people also think that taking their car to the shop or going to the doctor are a last resort, when often its recommended that these be done as maintenance. I'm not trying to suggest that the mind is mechanistic in any way, just that sometimes we need some help, support or both from a person who isn't entangled in whatever stuff is giving us some difficulty.Damn, therapy was supposed to be like a last resort
Around me, decorum is everything. Making use of your resources to get guidance is seen as a weakness, like youve got some subordinating condition. I had to practically beg my own mother to see someone, it was horrifying how ironically she outright denied or maybe just ignored what I felt was depression and essentially emotional paralysis. She didnt want to think her son needed therapy- like it was folding my cards or something. All this stigma eventually made me feel like it genuinely was a last resort, like I had to try absolutely everything else before I could have a conversation with a professional.
I know how that is. My family is very traditional in many ways and are definitely "old school" about a lot of things. Even now my mother cringes when I'm blowing off steam about something and really wants to hear that I haven't said the things I'm articulating to her to the person I might be upset with because truth be told, I do have a mouth on me (but I'm getting better at that). As a bicultural kid I did have to eventually put my foot down and tell my parents that though I love and respect them, there are certain misunderstandings and differences of opinion that are naturally going to occur given the difference in generation and in culture and that if they weren't willing to address that with me then there were much less desirable options available. In the end, it was our mutual desire to preserve the relationship and to find ways to learn from each other that ultimately helped us get to a place where we could begin to try to approach each other from positions of respect. Growing up is shitty sometimes and for a million different reasons. I'd be willing to bet (and I am a gambling man) that it's not only decorum that's dictating your mother's behavior, but things that are challenging her fundamental beliefs. When we feel backed into a corner, people tend to act in predictably shitty ways. If you're finding that therapy isn't helping, perhaps you might consult a mediator or conflict specialist of some kind.
Best of luck. It might just be my attitude (Probably is, so take this with a few grains of salt) but a lot of the time when I'm talking to my counselor, we come to the point that I just care too much about stuff that is important/tragic, but has no direct effect on my life. Example And a lot of his advice for dealing with these things amounts to 'Just don't think about it.' Which I hear and interpret as 'Go numb. Don't allow such painful stimuli to trigger a response. Don't care about things other than the NFL and how much less nice your car is than your friends.' We're pretty good at dealing with people who have inferiority complexes, because that's a 'normal' dysfunction to have. To always be after more stuff, to always want more stuff, hell that's how the economy manages to scrape by, most people just want more stuff. (Apologies for rambling, I'll come back and clean this up later)
And a lot of his advice for dealing with these things amounts to 'Just don't think about it.' . That's terrible. Empathy and acknowledgement make a difference. 'Thinking about it' is 90 percent of the reason I post anything on hubski. I want people who follow me to think about things. My facebook wall looks like hubski. My conversations sound like hubski. My friends assuredly get tired of it -- but gradually their behavior starts to change. It makes a difference. If you go into therapy (which I would never do; I admit to a bias) with the personal philosophy that awareness of the human condition matters and are told instead to shut yourself off ... walk out. Walk out without paying a dime.It might just be my attitude (Probably is, so take this with a few grains of salt) but a lot of the time when I'm talking to my counselor, we come to the point that I just care too much about stuff that is important/tragic, but has no direct effect on my life. Example
The beautiful thing about it is that I don't pay him a dime, and I won't until I graduate. (Yay for student resource centers I guess). At the moment I go because he has helped me with mindfulness stuff that I had an interest in before and those skills makes my day to say easier. He believes in... I guess practical empathy would be a good term. He gives heavily to charity, volunteers regularly for mental health care for those who can't afford it, and in general gives a lot of aid to those who he can reach directly, personally. I have very few friends who can speak comfortably about controversial subjects and not get pissed. I treasure those few.
Unlike the masterminds of eloquence that populate hubski I am a perpetual rambler so no worries :D Its the reason I'm voice recording future rants, thoughts and stories because its just more 'me' that way.
I obviously think its important that you take from your counselor everything he/she has to offer-- if you were at a point where you truly felt you needed a counselor's guidance then you should absolutely stick with it and take all the help you can get. That said I learned quickly to also take my therapist's advice with a grain of salt. They're all different people and a person seeking help will find some therapists more beneficial than others. My issue, stemming from my own cynicism and slight broken-heartedness at my experience with my guy, is that they are more or less taught the exact same plethora of techniques, methods, and principles in treating their clients. The problem is that there are no two people with the exact same problems and experiences, and it really feels like they've got all these wooden shape blocks and they're trying to figure out which of our holes to stuff it in. That came out badly. However, humans are simply so much more complex than any single, linear science that its like trying to fit a circle or a square block in a freakin ocean. Somehow they still manage to convince themselves they've done it.
(I guess I took your rambling and raised you a rant, sorry :D )
