Beware, long stories (I need to vent a little, thats what pubs are for, right?) I am naive. I trust people with too much. Today I learned the hard way. Rewind a few months... Drama from the Lab Story #1 After I started my new job as a PhD in this lab and finding out how horrible this lab/boss actually is, I knew I will leave the place but gave myself until christmas to decide. During christmas I knew I am not staying anymore. Before that, I talked to some colleagues, asking about how things go down when the boss isn't in a good mood etc. They asked whether I am considering to leave, I said that I am. In january, some of them asked again (Mary and John), and I told them that I am staying until I find a new job. Latest would be June. I got a project assigned to. I was supposed to continue the project of Mary. What started as a boring project had some interesting turn and I became interested in it. I did not have much to do in the lab (only some cloning, which takes a few days, but only a few hours of that day) so I began to read and dig deeper into the subject. While doing that, I found some publications that my colleagues has obviously missed. I didn't think much about it, until, at a meeting with Mary and the boss, the subject came up and I told them that there is this and that publication (published in 2007, easy to find). This changed the project and made us concentrate on those findings. Now mary got angry, because she thought that I am trying to make her look bad in front of the boss and that so close to her graduation (she has been there for 3 years). I told her that she should tell me stuff like that beforehand and that I will send her the publications that I find first before discussing them with the boss. So, a similar situation happened again. I found a publication which was very relevant to our experiments (published in 2013, hard to find), sent it to her, talked about it and then discussed it with the boss. Working good, right? The situation happened again, yesterday, I found two more publications (2010 and 2011, again easy to find) which are very relevant. At this point I am wondering what the fuck my colleague was doing the last 3 years. I again sent her the publications. What does she do? Send an email to the boss starting with "I found those two publications etc." without mentioning me or putting me in CC. Now the boss tells me to read those two publications and dig deeper there, except, I already did. At this point I get pissed. I tell her we need to talk. I ask her what she wants. She says she wants to finish her PhD and feels like I am destroying all her plant because I am coming up with new ideas to do. She is afraid that I will find something that might make her results worthless etc. I ask her what I am supposed to do. I am doing the minimum work that I can do. She tells me I should leave work, because that would be the best solution. Now I get out of this talk feeling horrible. Destroying her plans etc. but then I am wondering, is it fair to give out a PhD-title to somebody who doesn't give a shit about science and misses several publications that are easy to find? What do I chose? Science of man? Story #2 This one is about John. John is a master student working in out lab. John is not a very good scientist. He is not motivated and does a sloppy job. Nothing which can't be changed, but thats the status quo. John started his master's thesis in our lab half a year ago with the option to continue to his PhD thesis afterwards. Now this master's thesis is finished, the written part is over. But we were wondering, when do you get your contract for the PhD john? He said the boss didn't offer him one, but he will ask him. So the time came, he asked the boss. The boss said that he would like to wait until the oral exam is done. Why? Why wait? He is already working in the lab, for free. And you don't need the diploma to get paid like a PhD, you only need it to register your PhD thesis at some point... Usually the boss doesn't hesitate with signing contracts at all, why now? We all figure, he is going to shove him. Except for him. The boss also tells him that he thinks he fits on another project, project X (mine is project Y). What does john do, he approaches me yesterday and asks me to quit work before his oral exam so he could ask the boss to give him project Y instead of X. I secretly know, that the boss might not offer him the PhD position and if I leave, he might take him, despite him being not so fit and he has other options. Then again. Does somebody who is not a good scientist deserve to do a PhD? What do I chose? Science or man? The solution to all the problems of my colleagues seems to be my departure. But no one asked me what I want. I don't want to sit at home, without money and without a job. I should have never trusted my colleagues. What do I do? :(
This is a story about John, Mary, Cumol and Boss. John is working on his Ph. D and is not a good scientist. Boss knows he is not a good scientist. Mary is working on her Ph. D and is not a good scientist. Boss either knows she isn't a good scientist or is too incompetent to figure it out. Cumol is working on his Ph. D and sounds like a good scientist (hard for the audience to know for sure, but it seems reasonable). Boss has no reason to think Cumol isn't a good scientist, other than Mary attempting to share her incompetence with Cumol. Boss is an asshole. There are four people in this story, and one of them doesn't belong. Of these four people, one of them employs the other three. All three employees are there because they don't have any better options right now, but only Cumol has the luxury of supposing better options will come around eventually. Mary and John? Yeah, they're stuck where they are because they suck at what they do. There are four people in this story, and one of them doesn't belong. Of these four people, one of them doesn't suck. The three that suck all sort of want Cumol to go away because - honestly, dude - you make them all look bad. So when Mary and John tell you their lives would be better if you left, they're not wrong. They're assholes, but correct assholes. The fact of the matter is you'd bolt to a better job instantaneously if one presented itself, and the fact of the matter is they're assholes and not at all concerned about your well-being. The happy solution for everyone is for you to be somewhere else. However, their happiness doesn't hinge on your happiness so the sooner they can kick you out the door the faster they can return to comfy mediocrity. After all, they have to have some sense that you don't think they're competent; they might even have the creeping suspicion that you're right. These people exist all over the world. I've worked with lots of them. You are correct: You should never have trusted your colleagues. Now is about the time to start thinking "what the fuck am I doing here?" and burning the midnight oil to end up somewhere else. It's abundantly clear you are not employed by a meritocracy which means you are there as long as it's more convenient to employ you than let you go. The more you draw attention to everyone else's mediocrity the less that situation balances in your favor. Shitty situation, and I'm sorry. But you're basically saying "I hate my job and am surrounded by backstabbing, incompetent opportunists, what do I do?" And you're a clever guy. You can solve that by inspection. There's a hell of a lot of road between theory and practice, I know. If I had any way to help in that department I'd be all over it. Know that we're all pulling for you, and we tip one back in your general direction.
this looks much clearer than the stuff I wrote :D The only reason I am staying is because it's easy money. I am getting paid for what I am good at. And the moment I actually find the project interesting, things go to shit. Edit: the only thing I need to figure out is how I want to communicate that I am leaving. Do I go the honest way, basically telling the boss its mainly because of him that I am leaving? Or do I do it the clever way, tell him its about the university and that the project doesn't work for me? The first option will make me feel good, but might have a bad influence on my later career... The second option is only partly true.
Advice No 2: Never, ever, tell anyone at your job that you are trying to leave/going to leave. A person who is known to be trying to leave will be pushed under the bus by absolutely everyone else who doesn't want to leave but knows someone needs to. If either of these people told your boss you were trying to leave, you'd become the first person fired when the boss was told the department was over budget (or layoffs needed to happen, or etc. etc.). These people clearly don't have your best interests in mind (and most of your coworkers won't, ever) so I frankly don't see what has stopped them from telling him already. I would consider this a very unstable situation at this point.
Yeah, its a ticking bomb, I learned my lesson. The next due date is the 8th of February. On that day, the boss will tell John whether he is staying or not and what project he is getting. Just need to figure out what to tell the boss. He will want to know why I don't want to do my PhD in his lab...
Nah, you should've been able to trust them Everyone commenting here is pretty spot-on, if you can take one lesson away, it's this: Pick a good boss. Pick an adviser who fills that definition. In a lab, they make or break everything. You can be an excellent scientist in a shitty lab... and you will end up with shitty results. Don't get emotionally caught up in this project. It won't end well, even if you decide to stay. Good projects come from good labs, period. In a pressure cooker situation like a graduate program, any instability immediately produces cut-throats, because all of their asses on on the line, and there's not a strong hand there balancing out egos. This quotidian Game of Thrones nonsense is all too common in some circles of academic environments because it can easily produce an unbridled ego and not place a high value on social grace. A good adviser knows this and nips it in the bud. Kiss the professor's ass and get a good recommendation. Propose it in a way where there seems to be no other option but to leave, though you want to stay. Ask a professor you can trust that works in another department, or one who's not invested for the best way to do this. Look at other labs you want to transfer to, explain to them honestly your situation and impress them while showing a desire to work there. Thankfully you're not very far along, I've seen some grad students drop after a year or two to pursue something else and squander everyone's time and piss off the PI while they're at it. In the end, though, everyone was happier. Pick yourself, homes. No one else in this situation is even considering that equation.I am naive. I trust people with too much.
Science or man?
Treat it like a crazy ex-: be thankful you're noticing the project is obsolete instead of after years of dating it and building up for the grand ceremony of marriage. Best of luck to you, if your department isn't too crazy, you might be able to jump ship instead of starting over from year 1.
The project is actually fun, because I am doing the puzzle work that should have been done 2 years ago. And for the boss, the solution of the puzzle probably means a nature neuroscience or neuron publication. Too bad I won't be mentioned on any publication once I left
No. No. It sounds like you've done nothing wrong. Two colleagues have chosen you as a scapegoat for their incompetence. Honestly, if these two knuckleheads were your only problem, I'd stay with your current project. But having a bad advisor/boss? That's a deal breaker. As long as it doesn't cost you too much time (the time you've already invested into the project(s) you've been working on), I'd cut my losses, move into another lab, and get a different advisor, if at all possible. Best of luck, I'm sorry you find yourself in troubled waters....is it fair to give out a PhD-title to somebody who doesn't give a shit about science and misses several publications that are easy to find?
Does somebody who is not a good scientist deserve to do a PhD?
Would I get a badge and an invite with each hubwheel? Or 1 point that could be used on either but not both? I like this idea, what led you into considering it?
That's a twist. We haven't discussed the particulars. I like the idea that they can be used on either but not both. It makes each more special. I've always been of the mind that Hubski was more about quality than quantity. But most of all, that people are mindful about the place and their interactions here. I think that something like this could encourage that.
I was pretty worried for a minute. I got my hubwheel up to 8 dots a while ago and have been lurking ever since without a wheel. But I wouldn't have anywhere to go for internetting if I had to bump myself up before I could contribute again (although this could be the push for a hubwheel, guys).
However, what's wrong with people inviting people they know to Hubski? Also, with a day of "open enrollment" each month, it will allow others the ability to join. What we would not have are the HUGE influxes of new users that can occur when we are mentioned on other sites. That's not necessarily good or bad. I'm not 100% sold on the idea, but it's worth considering.Wouldn't that slow it to only personal friends of people getting in?
Not necessarily, I may have a discussion on another forum with someone I don't actually know and think to myself, "this person would be a great fit at Hubski," and then I'd mention it to them. -That's just me though.
I'm writing a long-ass post as a reply to this, but I need to go to bed. I'm waking up early tomorrow. Watch this space. EDIT: I'm waking up early tomorrow to go to the dentist, not to finish writing. The actual post will probably be sometime later in the afternoon.
I am normally the last person on the Hubski team to suggest or endorse anything that makes it harder for someone to join the Hubski community, however if we were to do it, I almost think that now is the best time. We've done a great job cultivating a community of smart and capable people, this would be one way to ensure that it continues down that path. Plus, if someone cared enough about joining the community, they could sign up on an open enrollment day. I like the idea of the first of every month being "open." I'm still digesting the idea, but I think there is merit to it. Who knows, you might actually see the site grow at a faster clip than it is. Nothing is more appealing than the club you can't get in to, right? Plus, when ya'll are equipped with official "invites" you may use them more often.... What do you think?
I would think the point of limiting the enrollment would be to get rid of those that aren't serious about joining. If it's just once a month or you have to petition someone you know to join, you are more likely to stick around, kick the tires etc. Those with short attention spans won't come back on the first of every month, but those sincerely interested in Hubski, after lurking for a month or so, are likely to come back and sign up. I don't think it's too frequent. But I could be wrong.
Says the user who just recently complained (or at least commented): I'd consider "short and simple" being the "most important parameters lately" to be a negative. Would you not?This is one of those comments that I didn't think much about but now I see it's kind of popular for some reason. Guess it was short and simple -- those seem to be the most important parameters lately.
Man, hubski was so much better when I first joined. Now it's gone to shit. What happened, hubski? While we're at it, remember that time Pokemon started making monsters that were super dumb and easy? Like a magnet, a pile of sludge, literally a Pokeball with a face, eggs, a duck with a butt on its head, and another amorphous blob? What happened Pokemon?? Oh wait, that was all Gen 1, WHOOPS, mah bad-
So you think it might be worth trying, _refugee_? Actually, I just made a post for discussion:
Change for change's sake...? Rate of new users joining seems fine to me -- why mess with it? But you don't have to justify this to me; you've spent a lot more time thinking about the pros and cons than I have. I was just registering my opinion in case this was a straw poll.
Not for the sake of change. I want to enhance the expectation that goes beyond: "Sign up and drop a comment." As an example, the Reddit influxes always result in a disruptive education period, and the burden falls upon the extant users. cgod often ducks our for several days, and kleinbl00 has begged to have a newbie filter. IMO a reasonable barrier would require some reflection, and beg a more thoughtful entry. Also, it will combat spam.
Heavy-handed way to deal with spam. The reddit influxes always work out pretty well. I hate them while they're happening, and I can't remember if I'm following the nearly-pointless #askhubski right now or not, but the aftermath is an improvement in the hubski brain trust. It's possible that, based on stuff I've said in the past, you expected me to be pro-invite only. I'm a member of a lot of great invite-only websites, and I'm an outspoken proponent of this axiom. And indeed somewhere down the line I think this policy is not only positive but necessary. But for now, we don't have a growth problem. We don't really have a content problem. (Or the one we have isn't going to be fixed by an invite system.) We have muting etc, which I would love for you to make even stronger. EDIT: if you must, maybe a new-user filter is a good idea. 24 hours, say. It's self-selecting; anyone patient enough to read-only for a day will probably contribute well afterward. Under your suggestion, how do good new users join the site? How does a random internet user who happens across hubski ever join? Bookmarking until the 1st of the month, then remembering to join? Won't happen. Getting invited? Not sure how that would work. I can invite people I know, not people I don't.
crashes into bar, knocking over stools as he grabs a Jameson from behind the counter PLANNING FOR COLLEGE ANXIETY OVERLOAD DONT WANT TO SPEND 4 YEARS IN AMISH COUNTRY chugs whiskey in fetal position on the floor
seriously - few people can turn salt, meat and time into magic like the Amish.
I GET IT, KLEIN, YOU WILL ALWAYS OUT-OLD ME. I wish there was a Kleinbl00 v.2 forty years older than you that would be like "I watched silent films at the nickelodeon and rebuilt the wheels on my '20 horse carriage. But then, the car hadn't been released yet."
Toddlers are beautiful, man, and they make great meat products.
pours Irish coffee I'm officially pursuing a full time position at the awesome research/teaching hospital I want to work at, as opposed to a part time or temporary position + grad school. I'm sending my cover letter to the people actually in charge of hiring decisions tomorrow, and that's after they've seen my resume and talked to my point of contact in hospital admin, who did my phone interview yesterday. The position is kind of a foot-in-the-door job, but I'll be using my education, volunteer experience and work experience to work in the field that I want, with room for promotion/growth and continued education. And it's full time. I'm pretty excited. They loved my resume, shout out to _refugee_, kleinbl00 and thenewgreen for their help with it. Now just comes the 'graduate school' bit.
Got my Wayfinder, finally. My sister got hers in blue. I've been a grumpy-butt-hubster. Sorry if I've pissed in anyone's cheerios the past couple of days. Cracks fake ID, downs two shots, staggers out of bar before anyone can ask. Boulder: Sponsored by North Face
I dunno if I can talk you into it. It's probably 50% music, 30% nostalgia, and 20% gameplay for me at this point. That being said, it does have a fantastic soundtrack. And it does do symbolism pretty well, in one writer's humble but totally perfect opinion. But the plot has turned into a bit of an incoherent mess. You have to be a diehard fan to try and understand everything. It focuses less and less on the Disney themes that made it iconic and timeless and swapped it for an animu Lifetime drama. The whole series minus one game is available on the PS3, tho. Series 1
Understood. Disney is pretty shit. Honestly Mickey, Donald and Goofy are the only positive disney elements in the game anyways. And I guess the Lion King. The rest of the worlds have annoying damsels in various levels of distress. Edit: Oh by the way, do you have any experience with Tidal?
Went to TJ max. Wanted a backpack for the vomiting toddler. Grabbed one with a princess on it for $5. Thought it was the only non-branded thing there. Turns out we're so completely out of the loop we'd never even heard of Sofia the First. It was like that time I bought Doc McStuffins wrapping paper because it was cheap and had a black kid on it. Tidal can fuck off. They're the only streaming service I've ever heard of that wants a credit card number before you can so much as audition their content. When i ripped their tech support a new asshole for this, assuming they'd comp me a month or something (like normal humans) they responded that their product was of high enough quality that they were sure I'd like it if only I gave them money. Go drip.fm. Pay Stone's Throw $10 a month and get FLAC. Fuck Tidal.
Or, in fewer words, a necklace."Somewhere out there, there's this tree with star-shaped fruit. And the fruit represents an unbreakable connection. So as long as you and your friends carry good luck charms shaped like it, nothing can ever drive you apart. You will always find your way back to each other. An unbreakable connection."
Been going to some networking events the whole week and I realized I have absolutely nothing to offer compared to other people at my school. I understand everybody exaggerates on their Cv and about their abilities but I aint' even got anything to exaggerate about :( I gotta figure out something cause otherwise i don't know what on earth i'll do when i graduate. And it's not like i've not been trying. I've applied to countless clubs and competitions but all in vain. Tried starting my own thing too by nothing impressive either. I'm getting a bit discouraged honestly. Damn. I feel like i'm not even qualified for an unpaid internship.
What is your ideal job? Does belonging to "clubs" really help you get it? As someone that's done hiring in the past, I wouldn't care at all about the clubs you were in, but I'd be very interested in the skills that you possess. Perhaps less emphasis on clubs and more on acquiring new skills? This is all moot though since I don't really know what it is you wish to do. I'm sure any organization would be lucky to have you though elizabeth!
I'd like to work in Marketing and employers look a lot at academic competitions and clubs are important too because you organize and market events all the time. I do have skills but no way to prove I have them. I have to figure out something, a project or something to stand out a bit. A good way to prove you have the skills is if you worked somewhere in the industry. As someone in Marketing, I'm not really good at selling myself. I'm used to playing down my abilities instead of exaggerating, gotta get rid of that habit. Thanks for your reply, I was really bummed out yesterday. I'm a bit more confident after a good's night sleep. I know I gotta do something now, to prove my skills.
My boss is a woman and talks about that all the time. She mentioned that it's standard for women to downplay their abilities in any workplace, and that she had to kick this habit as well in order to be taken seriously in a technological field, and that she still does have to fight in that regard. Perhaps something to think about - I know hearing it made me think. Be bold! I know what kind of rut that is, especially when comparing myself to my (shitty) engineering roommates. But be your best you, and I think you'll be fine.I'm not really good at selling myself. I'm used to playing down my abilities instead of exaggerating, gotta get rid of that habit.
Thanks for all your encouragement :) I didn't know it was a "women" thing. What usually happens is that I downplay my abilities and then people are impressed witn the result. It worked for a while but now it became a bad habit. I've decided i'll start a website sometime this month for the beard oil we made with my boyfriend. It was just a fun activity to do on the weekend but now I have 9 leftover bottles. Might as well pretend I want to sell them and start a "company". Even if I don't sell any, it will be proof I can set up a decent website and stuff. A failed "startup" (lol everything's a startup now, right? might as well call it that too) is better than nothing at all.
I felt bad circle-dotting your comment, but I did. You alright? You're not fat and I don't think you're a jerk, sometimes we can be good people and still do bad things. Guilt is fine, even healthy, but beware of its evil counterpart "shame." Shame sucks.
I'm being a shitty dating partner because I think I want to end things with my current dating partner but I'm just not quite willing to do so because I want to be sure, and I'm not sure, and I'm hoping things will get better, but if we are honest, they probably won't. So I really am being shitty, guys, although not like, screaming-arguments-throwing-china shitty. Just like, "A good girlfriend would do these things that instead I'm refusing to do (most likely)." Having to do with the frequency I feel like hanging out with his friends and family, for instance. He has been inviting me to drive to Philly (an hour drive) so that we can then go out with his friends. A lot. Welp, his friends ain't my friends, and they nice, but nobody I click with, and I really would rather not go out with them and feel like I'm being forced to join this friend group like a fuckin' friendless loser who is just SEARCHING FOR THE MAGICAL PERFECT AMAZING FRIENDS and here they are! When really, all we have in common is that we like the guy I'm dating, and that's a shitty base to foster deep connections off of. So I've started just turning down these invites and telling him that while his friends are nice, we don't have a lot in common, and that I really like seeing him one-on-one and I don't like driving Philly to hang out with his friends (a bunch of, essentially, acquaintances to me). I feel like a good girlfriend however would be willing to try and assimilate with his social circle more and be more open to this. But I'm being bitchy because you know what? He clearly feels like he can break up with me if I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do, so I'm fuckin' tired of feeling like I have to repeatedly do shit he wants to do that I don't want to do in order to make him happy. I also feel like, we only hang out 1-2 nights a week, why can't he hang out with his friends the other nights? That's what I do, i don't drag him out to chill with my friends, and I still manage to see them enough when he's not around. I really, really don't want to break up with him, and I really would like to believe things are going to get better and I'm going to go back to looking up at him with big watery anime-style lovin' eyes, but mostly, he annoys me right now, and I don't think it's going to get better. DISCLAIMER: This is a rant, and as such, it does not express all feelings I have, towards the man or on the matter. As such, it veers negatively.
/r/relationship advice: break up with the fuck! My advice: I don't think you're being particularly unreasonable, nor bitchy. I have more thoughts but I gotta take a quiz, brb. Edit: Quiz owned, moving on: Fuuuuck that noise. A girl I know is like that, as well. She would use friendship as a sort of leverage to prevent herself from receiving any constructive criticism, or attempting to do something she didn't want to do. She always wanted things to be peachy-keen with us, which meant never broaching a subject that could ever be considered negative. But you can't have sunshine and rainbows while having zero communication at the same time. Sometimes I just don't want to do a thing you want to do, or like a thing that you do, and if it's something that's big enough for me to broach the subject, I wouldn't consider it a minor issue. You can't hold a relationship/friendship hostage. HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ANNOYING. I had a friend who was like that, and we were the friends in that situation. We'd invite him over, he'd show up, girlfriend in tow...like, we invited you, dude, not you and your girlfriend. You don't have to be conjoined at the hip. Now we're gonna play Smash, and she's gonna harp about how games are so super super silly. Granted, she was perfectly nice when I did see her, but we literally had zero in common and it made things very awkward. You can't just force a square peg in a round hole like that, all you do is break it. You don't need to assimilate into a Social Circle that you aren't apart of. In fact, I consider that a plus - a coworker of mine was with her boyfriend for three years, and that couple and their group of friends was very close. But THEN there was a messy breakup, everybody sided on her boyfriend's side, and she felt friendless for a whole summer. It was super crappy. It's better to keep things separated in that sense, in my opinion. Analysis Complete. Results: Rant justified, negative feelings towards yourself unjustified. You're not being a bitch, you just want something.He clearly feels like he can break up with me if I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do, so I'm fuckin' tired of feeling like I have to repeatedly do shit he wants to do that I don't want to do in order to make him happy.
We only hang out 1-2 nights a week, why can't he hang out with his friends the other nights? That's what I do, i don't drag him out to chill with my friends, and I still manage to see them enough when he's not around.
Dude, you're not in to this guy, it's pretty clear. Move on and take the time you were spending with him to do things for YOU. That's not "selfish" it's just common sense. It's like 4 weeks in a row of apathy, eventually you have to shit and get off the pot, yo.
I'm going to echo 8bit and tng: if you are being honest with yourself then it looks like it's time to move on. A relationship should be give and take and it sounds like you're doing a whole lot of the giving in the relationship, or at the least he's doing a whole lot of the demanding in it. One girl I dated always wanted me to hang out with her friends, who(m?) I didn't click with...this created problems in the long run because while I didn't hang out with them often it ended up becoming a situation where she wanted to spend time with them and I didn't, and we would end up not seeing each other as much. Put a big strain on the relationship and if this is already happening with you then screw that. It's not worth it. tl;dr: I think you're being reasonable and I would, as the old proverb goes, "shit and get off the pot, yo".
Sits at the corner of the bar and orders a corpse reviver. I'm in a very weird place right now because of a situation a friend is going through and my impending graduation. Sucks when there's someone you think is amazing and enjoy being around a lot and is a very similar person with probably no chance of anything happening. Feelings, blah. Edit: very annoyed.
Moving this week (with a car that keeps breaking down). Lectures start next week, finally. I've been looking at the syllabi and reading the literature already, and I'm feeling quite confident that I'll do good this semester. Today was a nice relaxing day. I was planning to go run today but the weather's not working with me: