I'm being a shitty dating partner because I think I want to end things with my current dating partner but I'm just not quite willing to do so because I want to be sure, and I'm not sure, and I'm hoping things will get better, but if we are honest, they probably won't. So I really am being shitty, guys, although not like, screaming-arguments-throwing-china shitty. Just like, "A good girlfriend would do these things that instead I'm refusing to do (most likely)." Having to do with the frequency I feel like hanging out with his friends and family, for instance. He has been inviting me to drive to Philly (an hour drive) so that we can then go out with his friends. A lot. Welp, his friends ain't my friends, and they nice, but nobody I click with, and I really would rather not go out with them and feel like I'm being forced to join this friend group like a fuckin' friendless loser who is just SEARCHING FOR THE MAGICAL PERFECT AMAZING FRIENDS and here they are! When really, all we have in common is that we like the guy I'm dating, and that's a shitty base to foster deep connections off of. So I've started just turning down these invites and telling him that while his friends are nice, we don't have a lot in common, and that I really like seeing him one-on-one and I don't like driving Philly to hang out with his friends (a bunch of, essentially, acquaintances to me). I feel like a good girlfriend however would be willing to try and assimilate with his social circle more and be more open to this. But I'm being bitchy because you know what? He clearly feels like he can break up with me if I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do, so I'm fuckin' tired of feeling like I have to repeatedly do shit he wants to do that I don't want to do in order to make him happy. I also feel like, we only hang out 1-2 nights a week, why can't he hang out with his friends the other nights? That's what I do, i don't drag him out to chill with my friends, and I still manage to see them enough when he's not around. I really, really don't want to break up with him, and I really would like to believe things are going to get better and I'm going to go back to looking up at him with big watery anime-style lovin' eyes, but mostly, he annoys me right now, and I don't think it's going to get better. DISCLAIMER: This is a rant, and as such, it does not express all feelings I have, towards the man or on the matter. As such, it veers negatively.
/r/relationship advice: break up with the fuck! My advice: I don't think you're being particularly unreasonable, nor bitchy. I have more thoughts but I gotta take a quiz, brb. Edit: Quiz owned, moving on: Fuuuuck that noise. A girl I know is like that, as well. She would use friendship as a sort of leverage to prevent herself from receiving any constructive criticism, or attempting to do something she didn't want to do. She always wanted things to be peachy-keen with us, which meant never broaching a subject that could ever be considered negative. But you can't have sunshine and rainbows while having zero communication at the same time. Sometimes I just don't want to do a thing you want to do, or like a thing that you do, and if it's something that's big enough for me to broach the subject, I wouldn't consider it a minor issue. You can't hold a relationship/friendship hostage. HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ANNOYING. I had a friend who was like that, and we were the friends in that situation. We'd invite him over, he'd show up, girlfriend in tow...like, we invited you, dude, not you and your girlfriend. You don't have to be conjoined at the hip. Now we're gonna play Smash, and she's gonna harp about how games are so super super silly. Granted, she was perfectly nice when I did see her, but we literally had zero in common and it made things very awkward. You can't just force a square peg in a round hole like that, all you do is break it. You don't need to assimilate into a Social Circle that you aren't apart of. In fact, I consider that a plus - a coworker of mine was with her boyfriend for three years, and that couple and their group of friends was very close. But THEN there was a messy breakup, everybody sided on her boyfriend's side, and she felt friendless for a whole summer. It was super crappy. It's better to keep things separated in that sense, in my opinion. Analysis Complete. Results: Rant justified, negative feelings towards yourself unjustified. You're not being a bitch, you just want something.He clearly feels like he can break up with me if I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do, so I'm fuckin' tired of feeling like I have to repeatedly do shit he wants to do that I don't want to do in order to make him happy.
We only hang out 1-2 nights a week, why can't he hang out with his friends the other nights? That's what I do, i don't drag him out to chill with my friends, and I still manage to see them enough when he's not around.
Dude, you're not in to this guy, it's pretty clear. Move on and take the time you were spending with him to do things for YOU. That's not "selfish" it's just common sense. It's like 4 weeks in a row of apathy, eventually you have to shit and get off the pot, yo.
I'm going to echo 8bit and tng: if you are being honest with yourself then it looks like it's time to move on. A relationship should be give and take and it sounds like you're doing a whole lot of the giving in the relationship, or at the least he's doing a whole lot of the demanding in it. One girl I dated always wanted me to hang out with her friends, who(m?) I didn't click with...this created problems in the long run because while I didn't hang out with them often it ended up becoming a situation where she wanted to spend time with them and I didn't, and we would end up not seeing each other as much. Put a big strain on the relationship and if this is already happening with you then screw that. It's not worth it. tl;dr: I think you're being reasonable and I would, as the old proverb goes, "shit and get off the pot, yo".