I'm being a shitty dating partner because I think I want to end things with my current dating partner but I'm just not quite willing to do so because I want to be sure, and I'm not sure, and I'm hoping things will get better, but if we are honest, they probably won't.

So I really am being shitty, guys, although not like, screaming-arguments-throwing-china shitty. Just like, "A good girlfriend would do these things that instead I'm refusing to do (most likely)." Having to do with the frequency I feel like hanging out with his friends and family, for instance. He has been inviting me to drive to Philly (an hour drive) so that we can then go out with his friends. A lot. Welp, his friends ain't my friends, and they nice, but nobody I click with, and I really would rather not go out with them and feel like I'm being forced to join this friend group like a fuckin' friendless loser who is just SEARCHING FOR THE MAGICAL PERFECT AMAZING FRIENDS and here they are! When really, all we have in common is that we like the guy I'm dating, and that's a shitty base to foster deep connections off of.

So I've started just turning down these invites and telling him that while his friends are nice, we don't have a lot in common, and that I really like seeing him one-on-one and I don't like driving Philly to hang out with his friends (a bunch of, essentially, acquaintances to me). I feel like a good girlfriend however would be willing to try and assimilate with his social circle more and be more open to this.

But I'm being bitchy because you know what? He clearly feels like he can break up with me if I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do, so I'm fuckin' tired of feeling like I have to repeatedly do shit he wants to do that I don't want to do in order to make him happy. I also feel like, we only hang out 1-2 nights a week, why can't he hang out with his friends the other nights? That's what I do, i don't drag him out to chill with my friends, and I still manage to see them enough when he's not around.

I really, really don't want to break up with him, and I really would like to believe things are going to get better and I'm going to go back to looking up at him with big watery anime-style lovin' eyes, but mostly, he annoys me right now, and I don't think it's going to get better.

DISCLAIMER: This is a rant, and as such, it does not express all feelings I have, towards the man or on the matter. As such, it veers negatively.