Keeping it abstract, but I was recently offered a job that I am SUPER, SUPER unqualified for. It's a pay cut, I'm likely too young for the role, it'll mean sticking to my home town for the next few years, and it'll probably be stressful for the first few months...

...BUT it would make me faculty at the university honor's program I graduated from two (ish) years ago, meaning I could go to grad school for free.

What's Hubski's gut feeling?

Hi Hubski -

Realized that I went completely silent on here when the pandemic was at its spiciest. Rest assured, COVID-19 didn't get me! Almost everyone dealt with mental health difficulties during lockdown, myself included.

I missed everyone! I'm going to be lurking a bit, but I hope I have a chance to catch up with you guys. Hope everyone's been taking care!

Hey, y'all!

I've been pretty absent from Hubski since the curtain really fell on working from home and social distancing. I've gotten a few PMs from people wondering where I'm at and wishing me well, so I figured I'd jump on Pubski and let y'all know that I'm still alive! Working from home has had a weird effect on me mentally, and it's only within the last week or so that I've felt truly adjusted to the whole situation. Call it a side-effect of my office being the same room as my bedroom? Sorry I haven't been around - I haven't been suffering or anything, but I've had almost no motivation to do much of anything until recently.

In the last few weeks, I've been consumed by a hellish project at work. Being at home, I work longer hours but I'm unfocused for nearly all of them. In order to meet the promises we made to our client before quarantine really started, I'd been working insane 16 hour days. April just disappeared, quicker than I'd realized. I'm doing much better now, though, as I'm on a different project with a different manager and I'm managing my time much more effectively! The last few weeks have been much more normal, working closer to 8 hours in a day.

Since the hell-month, things have been pretty stable! I've gotten into bike riding recently, since my birthday present from my family was a mountain bike that my dad found and repaired! It's a rusty little thing and the gears don't shift reliably, but it feels fucking incredible to use it right now. Moving fast, being outside, and tiring myself out is just the best cure to cabin fever that I've found.

I didn't practice the guitar much in April, but I've picked it back up since then. Progress is still slow-going, but I'm using it as an outlet for creativity and stress more than a tool to create art with, so I don't really mind.

I started an embroidery project, too! It's going to be a gift for a friend when it's done, but it's been...Slow going, to say the least. Who knew that sewing cloth to itself could be so laborious?

I'd love to show y'all what I've done. Is there still interest in craft threads? I'd love to pick those back up, if people are still crafting!

Fuck this week.

I'm fine, personally. Work isn't going great, but whatever - we're in a pandemic. I'm lethargic and unmotivated, but I'm an ass in a seat and I'm meeting deadlines so fuck em if they want more right now.

A black man, James Scurlock, was killed by a private citizen in Omaha last Saturday while he was protesting. The shooter was an avowed white supremacist and business owner who ignored repeated warnings from the police to avoid the downtown area and trust law enforcement to protect their property. He had an expired CCP, but brought a gun anyway. He started firing on protestors in front of his store ("Warning shots" evidently), and when a 22 year old man tackled an active shooter to try and disarm him? He was shot twice through the neck and killed. The shooter was released after less than 24 hours with no charges filed, and no bail paid.

That's less time in jail than some protestors I know. For killing a man after he tried to defend himself and his friends. Read about it, if you're curious

"In this community, we prosecute black and brown individuals a lot more for things like we just watched," Wayne said, referring to the surveillance footage. "It's easy to talk to someone when they're alive. It's easy to get their version of the story when they can talk. We don't know what James would've said."

Citing the state's self-defense law, Wayne tweeted, "NONE of these circumstances were present. NONE. The State of Nebraska does NOT allow you to use deadly force to defend property. Further it is NOT a valid defense if you could have retreated."

Protests here have been peaceful since the weekend, during which some glass was smashed downtown and an insurance building was set on fire. It's a shame to see property damaged like that, but it doesn't change my views of the movement as a whole OR the urgency with which I believe we should be protesting.

I've been out every night except last night, when my still recovering ankle was too sore for me to march. Since I couldn't donate time, I donated money to my city's bail fund. The leadership here has been fucking incredible; the protests are being led by a handful of young black advocates who have effectively led marches, kept protests peaceful, controlled crowds with their voices, and guided the city's frustration into a positive and useful direction. I'm so fucking proud of these people - teenagers, some of them - and yet frustrated that my city has such POWERFUL young leaders in it who will never hold public office, because 'Nebraska Nice' only exists in face-to-face interactions and I don't trust people not to bring racism and prejudice into the voting booth with them.

I know shit's going down nationwide this week. I've been involved in my local community, and I've been trying to use my social media platforms to amplify the voices I think need to be heard. It's tiring, but I feel I have no right to complain when I view much of this work as a self-imposed moral imperative. Hope everyone is staying safe and wearing masks / social distancing. Black Lives Matter, y'all.

I've got permanent bags under my eyes. This is mostly owed to my larger than average eye sockets, but partly because I'm always staying up past my bedtime. I've been putting thought into why I'm constantly giving myself insufficient sleep for no good reason, and this is what I've got:

I'm good looking. I'm smart. I'm funny. People want to be around me, and I tend to attract them easily. But even around family, I have a baseline level of discomfort. If I spend too much time with someone, I accumulate a nauseated feeling in my stomach that's only relieved by periods of solitude.

Night is the perfect time, because everyone else is gone. They're asleep or they're kindred spirits and don't expect my acknowledgement any more than I want theirs.

I love what nighttime sounds like.

Even the highway by my house is silent but for the perfectly digestible sound of one or two cars pushing like boats through a river of asphalt. The night is so still that the sound of my parent's antique modem clicking away in the kitchen can be heard clearly from the carpeted living room. The TV is on, and although I've muted the late-night advertisement for a new and innovative CPAP machine, I can still hear the small whine of static electricity arcing from red to green to blue. This small whine is overwhelming. I can smell it if I focus on it. It smells like hot dust. If I'm feeling particularly aspirational, I know that birdsong will eclipse the modem and the pixels when the sun stretches its first amber fingers and brushes their tips over the roofs of my neighborhood.

'Alone' to me means 'relaxed.' People bring tension, and they take me from my thoughts.

I'm still sussing out the underlying reasons here, but that's the basic phenomenon - I can only relax on my own, and I'm always alone at night. I think for now a simple description of the phenomenon is good enough. I'll keep sussing, and maybe I'll bring you an epiphany next week.

Let me assure you, I have not met one kid who fits that description. None of the kids I’ve met seem to think that they are “special” any more than any other 18–22-year-old. These kids work their assess off. I have asked a couple of them to help me with my writing. One young woman volunteered to help me by proof-reading my “prose” and, for the record, I believe she will be the President someday. I recently listened while one of my closer pals, a kid from Portland, Oregon, talked to me about the beauty of this insane mathematics problem set he is working on. There is a young man in our group who grew up in Alaska working on fishing boats from a young age and who plays the cello. There is an exceptional young woman from Chicago who wrote a piece for the Yale Daily News expressing the importance of public demonstrations in light of a recent police shooting. She and I are polar opposites. I am the “patriarchy” at first glance, and she is a young black woman who is keen on public protests. Not the type of soul I generally find myself in conversation with. We come from different worlds and yet we both read classic works with open hearts and minds.

This was a cathartic paragraph to read. So much of my discontent with inter-generational discourse comes down to the mental image people have of young liberals as lazy, entitled, and fragile. This a priori conviction that we're too weak to face challenges and the condescension that flows from that have rankled every political discussion with my extended family for (at least) the last four years.

I know that I'm making the author into a surrogate for my militaristic uncles and accordingly jingoistic aunts, but I still feel a sense of vindication from being taken seriously by someone with their same thoughts.

Just be glad you're not all mining bitcoin for me right now ;D

I've been given DAS BOOT for the next 12 weeks. I'm completely non-weight-bearing until December, but the boot lets me shower with my leg completely uncovered, AND move my ankle every night as an exercise! I'm in high spirits today, the feeling of water on my leg AND of my ankle moving is incredible. Of course, I've only got maybe 15 degrees of motion in my ankle, but stretching and strength exercises will improve that. I'll probably be reporting my progress to Pubski, since I'm pretty well chuffed about it :)

I also came back to work this week! I'm less enthused about that, but it's still good news. Truth be told, I was getting bored of sitting at home all day. I'd rather be hiking again, but it's nice to have something productive to do.

Hey Hubski I can uhh...

MOTHERFUCKING WALK NOW.

...For short distances with a noticeable limp at any speed over a leisurely stroll! And uhh...I've clearly forgotten what to do with my arms...BUT I CAN FUCKING WALK.

Literally nothing else matters in my life right now, I'm exuberant. Which is good, because there are definitely some things to stress out about, but WALKING is eclipsing ALL OF THEM! I'm starting 2020 on my feet!

I'm also moving into my own* place after recuperating at my parents' house for the last four months. I'm starting to feel like an adult. I'm starting to feel self-sufficient. I'm starting to feel independent. God damn, I missed that feeling!

Where were you at the start of the decade?

Just about to start the sixth grade!

Where did you think you would be today?

Probably in the paper, under the headline "Sexiest Man at Harvard Invents Cure for Cancer; Marries Anne Hathaway"

Favorite Picture

I honestly can't pick one, but I like this one of me kicking back on a fallen tree like it's a chaise longue!

...I'll be honest, I think my update for 2030 will probably have more to say!

Staring down the barrel of a 3.5 project handoff meeting. I feel nothing in particular. I think nothing insightful. I am a receptacle for the edge-cases of small Midwestern businesses. I am, most importantly, a series of neural pathways that conveniently remember how to provision Azure resources

I've got two weeks of PTO starting on Monday, and my plans begin with staring at the ceiling until I feel something...and idk, probably kayaking or something?

Do you have any projects you're working on right now?

No! And that feels like a problem. I haven't made something unrelated to work in months, and I'd like to rediscover my passion for creativity. I didn't leave myself enough room for it in college, and I'm hoping to find a new hobby from this series.

Do you have any projects that've fallen by the wayside?

What a silly question: Of course! Everyone does. I have the skeleton of a webapp buried deep, deep within my closet. It was a freelancing project I was doing as a favor to a family member, and it's the type of thing I think about once a week with a tinge of guilt. I'm going to work on this for the next month, and hopefully have a finished work by the start of the new year! Getting this out of my headspace will free up some worry for other things.

Is there any new type of crafting that you'd like to explore?

Tons! The selection process has been difficult, though. I took a glassblowing class a few months ago, and I've been thinking about it since then. Same for pottery. I've always been fascinated by calligraphy, but I've always been bad at calligraphy.

Like I said earlier, I'm hoping this series will help me refine my interests. The plan for now is to make this decision as I work on the old webapp project. Ideally, I'll have something to sample when I finish the old project!

Would you like your username to be tagged in the weekly thread?

No, fuck off.

I dunno man, sounds kinda like socialism to me

Alright.

Regarding the quoted death statistics: I agree that people who die in combat are often people who put themselves there, but it's undoubtedly true enlisting in the military carries some risk of a life of violence. But regardless of whether I'm off-base about inherent risk of violence (which I concede I might be, and I welcome correction on this), a long-term study on the health of 30,000 OEF/OIF Veterans and 30,000 Veterans from the same era who were not deployed (done by the National Health Study for a New Generation of U.S. Veterans) found that 10% of even non-deployed vets develop PTSD, and 13.5% of all OEF/OIF vets. To quote the abstract, "PTSD is a significant public health problem in OEF/OIF-era veterans, and should not be considered an outcome solely related to deployment."

Next:

You see, the Army is just not making their numbers. In fact, they aren't anywhere close. And you know who's fault it is? It's the recruiters, for just not being able to reach these kids, get it? You don't make the quota of one recruit a month? Well then you're a piece of shit NCO and your performance record will reflect. And are you aiming for a promotion in a couple years? Better get a good report or you're shit out of luck. But you know what, sometimes it's ok. Because up till now, the military has treated you pretty well. You get a solid paycheck, health insurance, life insurance, dental, and education. You're better off for the army, so it makes you happy to help someone reach your status.

So then, kingsmudy, what do you think these people's motivations are? Are they silver tongued adults tempting our youth to their deaths? Or are they just regular goddamn people trying to live good lives? I respect the recruiters I know a hell of a lot more than many of my highschool friends who went off to work at facebook and google. At least they believe they're helping people, the FB and google people tend to solely be in it for the money.

I want you to know that I sympathize with recruiters, but this quote is exactly why I feel the way I do. The job as you describe it sounds like a nightmare. Their career is put on the chopping block, and only by pushing kids through the system can they avoid being a "piece of shit NCO" and maybe one day get promoted. If you find yourself in a struggling position through no fault of your own, what do you do? You find another kid. But you need this kid to join the military. What will you tell him to get him to enlist?

Is it okay to mislead someone if you genuinely think your lies could help them?

The gist of my opinion is this: I believe that most (if not all) recruiters truly believe the military is a good opportunity for young people. As you point out, most military recruiters aren't assholes, they're people trying to make ends meet. Nevertheless, they exist in a system that you correctly point out as brutal to their potential, endemically focused on number numbers numbers. I believe that this puts recruiters in a difficult position and incentivize dishonesty and manipulative behavior. Whether someone turns into the person the system seems to be (unintentionally) designed to create is up to their individual dispositions and the strength of their personal convictions.

As a supplement to this position, I'm providing this excerpt from an article published by the Army Times, discussing a study about why soldiers join the military. To summarize, it found that primarily people had joined because of familial relationships and expectations, but that many soldiers felt misled by recruiters:

“Many recruiters perform admirably, but others may paint an unrealistic picture of day-to-day soldier life, thereby creating unusually high expectations,” the study says. “A steady diet of World War II action movies may likewise leave a prospective soldier uninformed about modern life in the Army.”

The stereotype of the embellishing recruiter is alive and well, according to the study.

...

“Many recruiters offered genuine help to soldiers seeking a job in the Army, but other recruiters (and recruitment materials) appeared to oversell an MOS and set overly high expectations for entering soldiers,” according to the study. “Though one-third of participants stated their MOS met or exceeded expectations, other soldiers were disappointed with aspects of their occupational specialty choices, complaining about boredom, about lack of field time, and about having to perform tasks unrelated to their occupations.”

This without the acknowledgement that many of the kids who can be helped by serving are only in that position because our society offers them no better alternative - because they've been deprived of services that are basic rights in other parts of the world. So recruiters can lie to kids about what the military can offer them (and the recruitment system encourages them to do so for the sake of their career), or they can be honest with them. I fully believe that most are honest, but the benefits are things that those kids should have anyway.

A 2017 Department of Defense poll of young people shows 49% of survey respondents indicated that if they were to join the military, one reason for doing so would be to pay for future education. “[Privileged people] have sufficient resources to meet their needs....They don't require joining the military to travel or learn a profession. They have connections to help them get into jobs that pay well and provide benefits. They don't need the military's medical insurance coverage that sometimes motivates low-income people to enlist.”

None of this is the recruiter's fault. They're using the tools available to them to encourage kids to make a decision they think will benefit them. But this idea that they're offering a pathway out of poverty and deserve praise for that frustrates me because it shouldn't be necessary.

Like I said to kleinbl00, "[Recruiters are] trying to figure out the best way to explain [how the military can benefit me], but those arguments end up being "Hey, you could escape poverty!" and while it's not the recruiters fault, it targets kids with little to no alternative. The military [is] a fantastic opportunity for those kids, but I wish there were more options for social mobility outside of enlistment, because a lot of them will be killed or crippled or mentally sundered by it. It sucks that they have to roll dice while I get to turn my nose up at in distaste, and maybe military recruiters just remind me of that inequality."

And while they might enjoy some benefits while serving, I don't think it's heretical to suggest that our nation needs to treat veterans better. Here's an opinion piece that conveniently encapsulates my feelings specifically in the context of recruiting:

The VA is a perpetual mess, GI bill payments stop coming at random intervals, and the closest we’ve managed to come to engaging with the veteran suicide issue is videotaping ourselves doing push-ups about it for Facebook.

Recruiters today are faced with convincing people to serve while dodging questions about American foreign policy, the divide between our military and political leaders, the chances that healthcare and education service members are promised might not come through and of course, the fact that after wearing a uniform for a while, there’s a greatly-increased chance you’ll find yourself in such a deep depression that you choose to take your own life.

Recruiting isn’t going to get any easier as long as we see veterans as damaged goods, break our promises to them, turn on them as soon as it’s politically expedient, and expect service members to fight in conflicts that may start or end at any time based on politics, rather than direct threats to the nation’s security or an overarching strategy toward global stability. Right now, it doesn’t seem like we, as a nation, know what we’re doing. Why would young kids want to subject themselves to such hardship with no promise that it will benefit them or the country?

Finally, here's an article written by a staff sergeant who shadowed a recruiter for two weeks

Recruiters are unethical liars and manipulators by trade. Among military and probably even some civilian circles, recruiter dishonesty is nothing new or surprising, and is often a punch line or the center of a funny anecdote, like “I know a guy whose recruiter told him he could keep his long hair in the military, and he totally bought it!” or “My recruiter told me I would travel the world in the military. Ha!” However, the problem is far more sinister than that.

...

So what was I supposed to do when parents told me to leave their family alone? You would think I could cross out that name on the list, or mention in the log that this one is a no-go. According to my recruiter, respecting someone’s wish not to be harassed is for quitters. Believe it or not, my recruiter told me that when parents say their kid isn’t joining the military, and refuse to let us speak to him, I am supposed to shame them for being overbearing control freaks. Something like “Isn’t that his decision to make?” or “You’re not him – I’d rather he speak for himself” comes to mind as the scripted response. I couldn’t summon my inner asshole to bully parents, so I didn’t.

Recruiters obtain contact information through sketchy means, they use that contact information to harass families, insult parents and ignore their legitimate requests to be left alone, and then they try to make minors feel like terrible people for accepting their parents’ financial aid as they go through higher education.

...

Just a word of advice to anyone considering joining the military: joining is a huge life decision that cannot be taken lightly, and you need as much information as you can get before deciding. Recruiters are not legitimate sources of this information. Do your own research. Talk to a diverse group of people who are in the service and pick their brains about their experiences. Recruiters are not there to help you make an informed decision. They are there to sign you up by any means necessary and will say anything to make it happen. They are not the gatekeepers, they are the ones who hunt people down and drag them to the gates.

So, there it is. Military service is honorable, and it can help people. I don't like the system that recruiters exist in because it incentivizes the exact behavior they're accused of by people who serve. I don't like recruiters because the US Military built a system that encouraged the worst of their behavior, and in a just world their toolbox wouldn't include the basic rights that people should have access to without committing their livelihood to the government.

At this point, the only thing that can save us is science-fiction levels of global mobilization to fundamentally restructure civilization. Even if that could happen, it'd just end up making the rich even richer. The only times we've come close to that level of societal focus and unity have been in the name of killing.

I've got no hope for the future. Climate change is going to ruin us completely, all we can do now is try to enjoy the last days of this era.

(To be clear, there are things we can and should do as individuals to try and avoid the worst of climate change, not the least of which is rallying for legislative action. I just think we're past preventing widespread decay and suffering. The best we can accomplish is mitigation.)

Thanks for making the world a little better.

Hey man, we gotta push back the dark somehow.

An old hubski sticker on a long-since retired journal begs the question, "What can be learned?" Not to box anyone into a particular interpretation, but the question has always felt ambitious to me - it's a guiding light of the discourse we have here, a fundamental principle from which all goals can be derived. It's also a question from a frame of mind that feels incredibly foreign right now, but searching for the emotional means to express myself...The incongruity of it feels nostalgic, and I think that nostalgia bears the mark of an ambition that I've set down for the time being.

It was a guiding principle before, and I think that principle has changed meaning for me while we all search for normalcy: The goal is to return to the mindset that created this account in the first place. The ennui is dissonance between the goals that we made and the reality we're living, and "What can be learned?" is a lighthouse back to the person who made those goals.

If I can stick with that understanding, I think I'll come out of this a little stronger. Sorry for rambling, I hope the purple prose doesn't eclipse my meaning.

The poem begins with the speaker calling out to his friends, urging them to join him at a point high up in the mountains. When his friends arrive, however, they hardly recognize him. He suggests that he has undergone great changes through a constant struggle with himself. He has learned to live in inhospitable climates, and has "unlearned mankind and god, prayer and curse." His friends can't live with him here in the mountains: they are not strong enough for it. He has trained himself to be a hunter, a "wicked archer": his bow is bent so far that the ends touch, and can fire arrows with unimaginable force.

His friends begin to leave, causing the speaker some heartache. He resolves to let these old friends go and await the arrival of new friends. He should not cling to memories: he knew these friends when he was young, and now he is even younger. Friendship, he suggests, fades like words and cannot remain fixed. The distance that now exists between him and his friends is a result of their aging: while he has changed they have not. Now all he can do is sit alone and await new friends.

The Kochs are longtime libertarians who believe in drastically lower personal and corporate taxes, minimal social services for the needy, and much less oversight of industry—especially environmental regulation. These views dovetail with the brothers’ corporate interests. In a study released this spring, the University of Massachusetts at Amherst’s Political Economy Research Institute named Koch Industries one of the top ten air polluters in the United States. And Greenpeace issued a report identifying the company as a “kingpin of climate science denial.” The report showed that, from 2005 to 2008, the Kochs vastly outdid ExxonMobil in giving money to organizations fighting legislation related to climate change, underwriting a huge network of foundations, think tanks, and political front groups. Indeed, the brothers have funded opposition campaigns against so many Obama Administration policies—from health-care reform to the economic-stimulus program—that, in political circles, their ideological network is known as the Kochtopus.

...

Charles Lewis, the founder of the Center for Public Integrity, a nonpartisan watchdog group, said, “The Kochs are on a whole different level. There’s no one else who has spent this much money. The sheer dimension of it is what sets them apart. They have a pattern of lawbreaking, political manipulation, and obfuscation. I’ve been in Washington since Watergate, and I’ve never seen anything like it. They are the Standard Oil of our times.”

Source

You don't have to celebrate with me, but I'll continue celebrating.

I know it doesn't really fix anything, not having him around anymore...

...but fuck him. Rot in hell. Today's a better day because he's dead.

I embroidered a little beginner project! It's not much, but I'm satisfied with it for a first project. I did a sampler of different stitches, but I've lost that one in the last seven days somehow...Regardless, the leaf exists because I wanted to apply those skills and had NO IDEA what to make.

I'm particularly happy with how I was able to mimic the 'vein' of a leaf using a clever lil stitch I found online:

I'm using aida cloth right now (since it came with the kit) and feel a little dissatisfied with it - it's clearly built for cross-stitching, and the dull needle I got off of Amazon has trouble really puncturing any of the weave except the obvious pinpricks which are useful for cross-stitch. I think my next for-practice project will use some of the scrap fabric I have laying around as rags, and I'll move on to something simple like a bandana after that!

Set up some big-boy accounts yesterday, hoping to get a roth IRA up and running soon as well. Going to save with the goal of covering six months of expenses (not sure if I want to call it my 'rainy day fund' or my 'fuck you fund') and then start saving for a new car - my 1999 Nissan Maxima has cost me more money than I could sell it for in the last six months, and I'd like a car without rusty holes the size of my head!

Having a single income isn't so hard when I'm getting most of my calories from work food, and my biggest expense is rent. I went a little crazy on knick-knacks and tech shit, hoping I can spend the next few months making responsible financial decisions that'll put me into an easily repeatable pattern. I'm not struggling to get by at all, but finances stress me out. Hoping to curtail this stress by following a plan and making periodic alterations as the context around it changes.

Who fucking knows, man. I'm a child. Why are they paying a child all this money, anyway?!

hard not to feel unsurprised

hard not to feel disappointed

Badging this because it was therapeutic to read. I've recently started my first job out of college working as a full-time software developer. This is something I wish I could send my coworkers and have them really think about. In my mind, this speaks to the lack of introspection that some men develop when they feel overly confident in their own conclusion-forming powers.

Maybe this is a post for another time, but I can't count the number of times my opinion has been dismissed in a meeting only for the Intellectuals(tm) to wind their way towards the same conclusion. Don't even get me started on how they treat women.

Thanks for sharing, it was a good read.

The end of the Reagan Era, I'm like number twelver

Old enough to understand the shit'll change forever

They declared the war on drugs like a war on terror

But what it really did was let the police terrorize whoever

But mostly black boys, but they would call us "niggas"

And lay us on our belly, while they fingers on they triggers

They boots was on our head, they dogs was on our crotches

And they would beat us up if we had diamonds on our watches

And they would take our drugs and money, as they pick our pockets

I guess that that's the privilege of policing for some profit

But thanks to Reaganomics, prisons turned to profits

Cos free labor is the cornerstone of US economics

Cos slavery was abolished, unless you are in prison

You think I am bullshitting, then read the 13th Amendment

Involuntary servitude and slavery it prohibits

That's why they giving drug offenders time in double digits

The way her language was coded to threaten the birdwatcher makes my blood boil. You can tell she knows about police violence, about the anxiety lots of black men have when dealing with the police, about unjust killings and the type of policing that killed George Floyd...And she uses it as a tool to bat away this innocent man who's done nothing wrong. It's such a concrete and vicious threat, and it infuriates me.

All this as she chokes her dog for some reason. What a trash person.

I love driving at night because the roads are entirely empty and everything is still but you.

There's no pressure to drive fast or drive slow. Even at 25mph, you're going to feel like scissors gliding through the fabric of the night. Traffic lights watch you in their cyclical commands of stop, start, and slow - a process you'd narcissistically assumed was for your benefit. What a reality check to see those luminous sentries issuing orders to an empty intersection just the same!

(lol forgive my purple prose y'all, I'm having fun writing something that isn't code)

I'm not surprised that this post resonated with so many people. I think there's something that connects people like us (read: people who naturally washed up on the shores of this niche forum) , some shared solace we take when the rest of the world melts away. I'd bet that most people willing to pour so much of their mental and emotional bandwidth into an online community can relate to the idea, for one reason or another

It's solitude but it also felt like an absolute escape from literally everything. I figure the best way to deal with it for me is to make more time for wandering thoughts.

I completely agree with your thoughts here, nil. I think we could all allow more time for wandering thoughts! I used to do this in the shower until I became concerned for my water bill and the rapidly depleting aquifer underneath me. Maybe make it a goal for a week, see how it treats you?

Wow this is...Something else. Fuck. I've heard of this case before, but this is by far the most visceral retelling of it I've encountered - I had no idea Beckwitt was going to be sentenced this week. Part of me is glad to see this back in the news. I'm not sure what lesson I want people to get from this tragedy, but I feel like it should be seen.

I...kind of went down the rabbit hole on this one. Here are some excerpts and pictures that I thought were interesting, presented as I found them:

The documents added that “the substantial electrical needs of the underground tunnel complex were served by a haphazard daisy-chain of extension cords and plug extenders that created substantial risk of fire,” and that Mr. Beckwitt was aware of an increased fire risk in the hours before the blaze.

...

“You have what we call intellectual arrogance, okay?” Montgomery County Circuit Judge Margaret Schweitzer told him in court on June 17, only minutes before she handed him a nine-year prison sentence. “You thought: ‘I’ve created this, everything will be fine.’ ”

...

At his June 17 sentencing, Beckwitt said he had to respect what 12 fellow citizens had concluded. Turning to Khafra’s parents in the courtroom’s front row, he praised their son as “truly an exceptional young man,” saying, “he was smart and he was selfless.”

“We all wish Askia was still with us,” Beckwitt said. “But the best way we can honor his memory is by striving to live life to the fullest and never taking a moment for granted.”

To Dia Khafra, the words were galling in their arrogance — who was Beckwitt to offer up guidance? “Something is wrong with him,” Khafra’s father remembers thinking. “He’s not wired right.”

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Hi Hubski, miss you b

I've been leaking little bits of pubski-esque information all over for like a week now, so I'm just going to cover the broad strokes here:

I've quit smoking. As of today, ya boi's cold turkey (shoutout to ooli and nil). It's been alright so far. I'm fighting a craving right now by drinking coffee and writing a comment on hubski while I should be working. Issa time.

I've restarted the side-project I talked about procrastinating. A lot of the code is salvageable, but I've learned a lot since starting it. Since there's no deadline, I'd like to rewrite it. So I will. Fuck you, half-of-my-brain-that's-acting-as-a-project-manager

I've squeezed a bit of independence out of my parents by spending most nights with my girlfriend. Typing that sentence made me feel young.

I'll be honest, my thoughts are pretty clouded by the nicotine withdrawal right now. I'll have a better update for y'all next week - right now, I have some coffee I need to drown in.

Hi, Hubski!

I got a raise yesterday, which is WILD and the first time I've ever had an employer up my salary unprompted. I'm not sure what to make of it. I should feel proud, but my paranoid mind is trying to find a reason why this is happening - I've been here for less than a year, so what's the story? I don't think I'm doing THAT well...

Whatever. Gift horses, mouths.

I've been put on a short-term contract as the only developer. It's for a client that we've been making overtures towards for years, and this is the first time they've actually signed an SOW with us. I think my superiors are eager to see this go well, and they're hoping to have it lead to more work in the future...It's a lot of pressure. I'm hoping I can meet expectations, and I'm fearful that I won't get it done quick enough.

I've been 'walking' with 25% of my body weight on my leg. It's been the most liberating feeling, and it's been a significant boost to morale just to do anything with this stupid bone-and-blood-cudgel I call my leg!

The bone doctor man says I'll be walking without boots or a crutch on January 7th. I'm so fucking excited, there's no way Christmas or New Year's is going to compare to walking again!

2019 was a stupid difficult complicated busy year. I'm glad that I get to do all of my healing during its dying gasps, and that I'll enter the new year as a newly reformed person.