Hey, y'all!

I've been pretty absent from Hubski since the curtain really fell on working from home and social distancing. I've gotten a few PMs from people wondering where I'm at and wishing me well, so I figured I'd jump on Pubski and let y'all know that I'm still alive! Working from home has had a weird effect on me mentally, and it's only within the last week or so that I've felt truly adjusted to the whole situation. Call it a side-effect of my office being the same room as my bedroom? Sorry I haven't been around - I haven't been suffering or anything, but I've had almost no motivation to do much of anything until recently.

In the last few weeks, I've been consumed by a hellish project at work. Being at home, I work longer hours but I'm unfocused for nearly all of them. In order to meet the promises we made to our client before quarantine really started, I'd been working insane 16 hour days. April just disappeared, quicker than I'd realized. I'm doing much better now, though, as I'm on a different project with a different manager and I'm managing my time much more effectively! The last few weeks have been much more normal, working closer to 8 hours in a day.

Since the hell-month, things have been pretty stable! I've gotten into bike riding recently, since my birthday present from my family was a mountain bike that my dad found and repaired! It's a rusty little thing and the gears don't shift reliably, but it feels fucking incredible to use it right now. Moving fast, being outside, and tiring myself out is just the best cure to cabin fever that I've found.

I didn't practice the guitar much in April, but I've picked it back up since then. Progress is still slow-going, but I'm using it as an outlet for creativity and stress more than a tool to create art with, so I don't really mind.

I started an embroidery project, too! It's going to be a gift for a friend when it's done, but it's been...Slow going, to say the least. Who knew that sewing cloth to itself could be so laborious?

I'd love to show y'all what I've done. Is there still interest in craft threads? I'd love to pick those back up, if people are still crafting!

Fuck this week.

I'm fine, personally. Work isn't going great, but whatever - we're in a pandemic. I'm lethargic and unmotivated, but I'm an ass in a seat and I'm meeting deadlines so fuck em if they want more right now.

A black man, James Scurlock, was killed by a private citizen in Omaha last Saturday while he was protesting. The shooter was an avowed white supremacist and business owner who ignored repeated warnings from the police to avoid the downtown area and trust law enforcement to protect their property. He had an expired CCP, but brought a gun anyway. He started firing on protestors in front of his store ("Warning shots" evidently), and when a 22 year old man tackled an active shooter to try and disarm him? He was shot twice through the neck and killed. The shooter was released after less than 24 hours with no charges filed, and no bail paid.

That's less time in jail than some protestors I know. For killing a man after he tried to defend himself and his friends. Read about it, if you're curious

"In this community, we prosecute black and brown individuals a lot more for things like we just watched," Wayne said, referring to the surveillance footage. "It's easy to talk to someone when they're alive. It's easy to get their version of the story when they can talk. We don't know what James would've said."

Citing the state's self-defense law, Wayne tweeted, "NONE of these circumstances were present. NONE. The State of Nebraska does NOT allow you to use deadly force to defend property. Further it is NOT a valid defense if you could have retreated."

Protests here have been peaceful since the weekend, during which some glass was smashed downtown and an insurance building was set on fire. It's a shame to see property damaged like that, but it doesn't change my views of the movement as a whole OR the urgency with which I believe we should be protesting.

I've been out every night except last night, when my still recovering ankle was too sore for me to march. Since I couldn't donate time, I donated money to my city's bail fund. The leadership here has been fucking incredible; the protests are being led by a handful of young black advocates who have effectively led marches, kept protests peaceful, controlled crowds with their voices, and guided the city's frustration into a positive and useful direction. I'm so fucking proud of these people - teenagers, some of them - and yet frustrated that my city has such POWERFUL young leaders in it who will never hold public office, because 'Nebraska Nice' only exists in face-to-face interactions and I don't trust people not to bring racism and prejudice into the voting booth with them.

I know shit's going down nationwide this week. I've been involved in my local community, and I've been trying to use my social media platforms to amplify the voices I think need to be heard. It's tiring, but I feel I have no right to complain when I view much of this work as a self-imposed moral imperative. Hope everyone is staying safe and wearing masks / social distancing. Black Lives Matter, y'all.

I've got permanent bags under my eyes. This is mostly owed to my larger than average eye sockets, but partly because I'm always staying up past my bedtime. I've been putting thought into why I'm constantly giving myself insufficient sleep for no good reason, and this is what I've got:

I'm good looking. I'm smart. I'm funny. People want to be around me, and I tend to attract them easily. But even around family, I have a baseline level of discomfort. If I spend too much time with someone, I accumulate a nauseated feeling in my stomach that's only relieved by periods of solitude.

Night is the perfect time, because everyone else is gone. They're asleep or they're kindred spirits and don't expect my acknowledgement any more than I want theirs.

I love what nighttime sounds like.

Even the highway by my house is silent but for the perfectly digestible sound of one or two cars pushing like boats through a river of asphalt. The night is so still that the sound of my parent's antique modem clicking away in the kitchen can be heard clearly from the carpeted living room. The TV is on, and although I've muted the late-night advertisement for a new and innovative CPAP machine, I can still hear the small whine of static electricity arcing from red to green to blue. This small whine is overwhelming. I can smell it if I focus on it. It smells like hot dust. If I'm feeling particularly aspirational, I know that birdsong will eclipse the modem and the pixels when the sun stretches its first amber fingers and brushes their tips over the roofs of my neighborhood.

'Alone' to me means 'relaxed.' People bring tension, and they take me from my thoughts.

I'm still sussing out the underlying reasons here, but that's the basic phenomenon - I can only relax on my own, and I'm always alone at night. I think for now a simple description of the phenomenon is good enough. I'll keep sussing, and maybe I'll bring you an epiphany next week.

Let me assure you, I have not met one kid who fits that description. None of the kids I’ve met seem to think that they are “special” any more than any other 18–22-year-old. These kids work their assess off. I have asked a couple of them to help me with my writing. One young woman volunteered to help me by proof-reading my “prose” and, for the record, I believe she will be the President someday. I recently listened while one of my closer pals, a kid from Portland, Oregon, talked to me about the beauty of this insane mathematics problem set he is working on. There is a young man in our group who grew up in Alaska working on fishing boats from a young age and who plays the cello. There is an exceptional young woman from Chicago who wrote a piece for the Yale Daily News expressing the importance of public demonstrations in light of a recent police shooting. She and I are polar opposites. I am the “patriarchy” at first glance, and she is a young black woman who is keen on public protests. Not the type of soul I generally find myself in conversation with. We come from different worlds and yet we both read classic works with open hearts and minds.

This was a cathartic paragraph to read. So much of my discontent with inter-generational discourse comes down to the mental image people have of young liberals as lazy, entitled, and fragile. This a priori conviction that we're too weak to face challenges and the condescension that flows from that have rankled every political discussion with my extended family for (at least) the last four years.

I know that I'm making the author into a surrogate for my militaristic uncles and accordingly jingoistic aunts, but I still feel a sense of vindication from being taken seriously by someone with their same thoughts.

Just be glad you're not all mining bitcoin for me right now ;D

I've been given DAS BOOT for the next 12 weeks. I'm completely non-weight-bearing until December, but the boot lets me shower with my leg completely uncovered, AND move my ankle every night as an exercise! I'm in high spirits today, the feeling of water on my leg AND of my ankle moving is incredible. Of course, I've only got maybe 15 degrees of motion in my ankle, but stretching and strength exercises will improve that. I'll probably be reporting my progress to Pubski, since I'm pretty well chuffed about it :)

I also came back to work this week! I'm less enthused about that, but it's still good news. Truth be told, I was getting bored of sitting at home all day. I'd rather be hiking again, but it's nice to have something productive to do.

Hey Hubski I can uhh...

MOTHERFUCKING WALK NOW.

...For short distances with a noticeable limp at any speed over a leisurely stroll! And uhh...I've clearly forgotten what to do with my arms...BUT I CAN FUCKING WALK.

Literally nothing else matters in my life right now, I'm exuberant. Which is good, because there are definitely some things to stress out about, but WALKING is eclipsing ALL OF THEM! I'm starting 2020 on my feet!

I'm also moving into my own* place after recuperating at my parents' house for the last four months. I'm starting to feel like an adult. I'm starting to feel self-sufficient. I'm starting to feel independent. God damn, I missed that feeling!

Where were you at the start of the decade?

Just about to start the sixth grade!

Where did you think you would be today?

Probably in the paper, under the headline "Sexiest Man at Harvard Invents Cure for Cancer; Marries Anne Hathaway"

Favorite Picture

I honestly can't pick one, but I like this one of me kicking back on a fallen tree like it's a chaise longue!

...I'll be honest, I think my update for 2030 will probably have more to say!

Do you have any projects you're working on right now?

No! And that feels like a problem. I haven't made something unrelated to work in months, and I'd like to rediscover my passion for creativity. I didn't leave myself enough room for it in college, and I'm hoping to find a new hobby from this series.

Do you have any projects that've fallen by the wayside?

What a silly question: Of course! Everyone does. I have the skeleton of a webapp buried deep, deep within my closet. It was a freelancing project I was doing as a favor to a family member, and it's the type of thing I think about once a week with a tinge of guilt. I'm going to work on this for the next month, and hopefully have a finished work by the start of the new year! Getting this out of my headspace will free up some worry for other things.

Is there any new type of crafting that you'd like to explore?

Tons! The selection process has been difficult, though. I took a glassblowing class a few months ago, and I've been thinking about it since then. Same for pottery. I've always been fascinated by calligraphy, but I've always been bad at calligraphy.

Like I said earlier, I'm hoping this series will help me refine my interests. The plan for now is to make this decision as I work on the old webapp project. Ideally, I'll have something to sample when I finish the old project!

Would you like your username to be tagged in the weekly thread?

No, fuck off.

At this point, the only thing that can save us is science-fiction levels of global mobilization to fundamentally restructure civilization. Even if that could happen, it'd just end up making the rich even richer. The only times we've come close to that level of societal focus and unity have been in the name of killing.

I've got no hope for the future. Climate change is going to ruin us completely, all we can do now is try to enjoy the last days of this era.

(To be clear, there are things we can and should do as individuals to try and avoid the worst of climate change, not the least of which is rallying for legislative action. I just think we're past preventing widespread decay and suffering. The best we can accomplish is mitigation.)

The Kochs are longtime libertarians who believe in drastically lower personal and corporate taxes, minimal social services for the needy, and much less oversight of industry—especially environmental regulation. These views dovetail with the brothers’ corporate interests. In a study released this spring, the University of Massachusetts at Amherst’s Political Economy Research Institute named Koch Industries one of the top ten air polluters in the United States. And Greenpeace issued a report identifying the company as a “kingpin of climate science denial.” The report showed that, from 2005 to 2008, the Kochs vastly outdid ExxonMobil in giving money to organizations fighting legislation related to climate change, underwriting a huge network of foundations, think tanks, and political front groups. Indeed, the brothers have funded opposition campaigns against so many Obama Administration policies—from health-care reform to the economic-stimulus program—that, in political circles, their ideological network is known as the Kochtopus.

...

Charles Lewis, the founder of the Center for Public Integrity, a nonpartisan watchdog group, said, “The Kochs are on a whole different level. There’s no one else who has spent this much money. The sheer dimension of it is what sets them apart. They have a pattern of lawbreaking, political manipulation, and obfuscation. I’ve been in Washington since Watergate, and I’ve never seen anything like it. They are the Standard Oil of our times.”

Source

You don't have to celebrate with me, but I'll continue celebrating.

I know it doesn't really fix anything, not having him around anymore...

...but fuck him. Rot in hell. Today's a better day because he's dead.

Badging this because it was therapeutic to read. I've recently started my first job out of college working as a full-time software developer. This is something I wish I could send my coworkers and have them really think about. In my mind, this speaks to the lack of introspection that some men develop when they feel overly confident in their own conclusion-forming powers.

Maybe this is a post for another time, but I can't count the number of times my opinion has been dismissed in a meeting only for the Intellectuals(tm) to wind their way towards the same conclusion. Don't even get me started on how they treat women.

Thanks for sharing, it was a good read.

I imagine part of why you might have caught some flak for this is because the advice isn't anything unique--telling someone to "get over it" either through help of therapy or on their own doesn't solve the problem. Therapy doesn't just make people feel better, either--rape victims don't become okay with thinking about rape all of the time because they sit down and talk it out with someone who is willing to listen to them on a regular basis.

And second, it just seems a little insensitive. Why do trigger warnings bother you? If you didn't read/view/experience something because somebody warned you that it was going to be intense in a specific way, the trigger warning has kept you from being put in a bad mood, or worse...and if you don't use it, it's literally 15 seconds of your time devoted to trying to help other people be comfortable.

Your post is like getting mad at the Parent's Guide on IMDB, or like being pissed off when an amusement park warns you that you will get wet on a ride. And you know what? It isn't even about being offended--trigger warnings, although infrequently frivolous, are about maintaining and respecting the mental health needs of other people.

And finally, it isn't like Columbia stopped teaching Ovid to students, they just gave them an alternative assignment like goo mentioned. The whole world isn't being turned into a bouncy house to protect these people, we're just putting warning signs on particularly uncomfortable sections of it.

Instead of being so sullen (as per usual), here's a silly update:

I'm way too into Pokemon Go. I downloaded it last night at ~7pm (as soon as I knew it was available), and spent the night running around my neighborhood with my (equally as nerdy) roommate catching pokemon, checking in at stops, hatching eggs, and eventually conquering a gym! The two of us are determined to hold it for as long as we're living in this area! We're going on a run tomorrow to hatch some of the eggs we've accumulated. I feel like such a kid, but it was admittedly a lot of fun.

On a serious note:

I've been keeping a journal for awhile now. I think writing down particularly strong emotions helps me move through them a little easier, because I've noticed that once they're in the notebook, they don't last as long or control my actions. Kind of a neat coping mechanism, I've found! Sometimes I just draw, too. I have yet to go back and reread anything I've written, but I think that's okay.

Hope everyone is doing well, sorry for being a day late on this like always :)

I really, really am not a MRA or anything like that--I identify myself to other people as a feminist. This line still bothered me;

Also, men. You knew, in a vague way, that men thought about sex all the time. But you didn’t realize the, um, content of some of their sexual fantasies. Is it even legal to fantasize about that? You want to be disgusted with them. But you realize that if you were as horny as they were all the time, you’d do much the same.

Idk, maybe I'm the exception, but I'm not exactly consumed by kinky sexual fantasies every day at the slightest provocation. I'm not going to launch into some bullshit about how oppressed and stereotyped men are, because it's simply not true in my opinion, but I just didn't appreciate this stereotype making an appearance.

That being said, the rest of the article was a really fun read! I really liked how the stories all started interacting with one another.

I feel like being a remorseless hypocrite actually goes a long way to qualify someone for an editor position at Gawker.

I think if you accidentally say something to set someone off, you're not an evil person, but that's not what this article is about. There's a large distance between a social faux pas and forcing a PTSD victim to relive their experience(s).

And yes, many people will have things that set them off, but most of the time you have to intentionally be an asshole to set off important things (for example, jokes about rape, domestic abuse, death in general, etc.). For the vast majority of things, it's pretty difficult to just stumble into--and for almost any situation, a heartfelt apology is literally all that you need to be right as rain in most people's books.

I really, really want to emphasize and be very careful to state that I don't think the educator is at any fault here. I think that Ovid should be taught, if that's what the college chooses. The professor, the university, and the Greek Poet are not crooks because they've delivered this literature to the students, but it would be incredibly considerate if they would all keep in mind that the subject matter is very intense, and to give proper warnings to people who might have good reason to avoid it.