the year has begun wonderfully now going by new name and pronouns openly (with the only people not knowing are the ones it hasn't come up yet around them with): parents also like the new name (my mum and i teared up together talking about it) and trying their darndest to use em - it's amazing how much weight is off my back already 3 days into the new semester and I'm feeling good about academics so far, things are more interesting so far at least so we'll see how it goes i went on a bountiful shopping trip and finally found some comfy tank tops among other purdy things gonna start hitting the gym again this weekend / upon getting a feel for how the flow of each week will go / when the january crowd eases slightly also gonna make a bunch of phone calls for haircut / piercing / therapy appointments to get the ball rolling on all of that updates pending
Congrats Q on your new pronouns. On a vaguely related topic, when people include pronouns in their profiles (she, her; they, them; for example), I think they are saying this: “Make no assumptions about how anyone sees themselves. I am letting you know my pronouns for your convenience and as a reminder not to jump to conclusions.” What else?
i read an article the other day about "the endless process of coming out" and i feel pronoun announcements like that are a way to softly come out as something-not-quite-the-norm, which makes the whole process a little easier on everybody and less awkward for those in-the-norm i think it's just a way to show solidarity
What are your pronouns? I (try to) default to gender neutral stuff on the internet unless I know better, and if you're carving this identity IRL I'd like you have that option here too :) Sounds like a good week, overall. I think I'd be feeling tired by the end of it, if I were in your shoes!now going by new name and pronouns openly
I've got permanent bags under my eyes. This is mostly owed to my larger than average eye sockets, but partly because I'm always staying up past my bedtime. I've been putting thought into why I'm constantly giving myself insufficient sleep for no good reason, and this is what I've got: I'm good looking. I'm smart. I'm funny. People want to be around me, and I tend to attract them easily. But even around family, I have a baseline level of discomfort. If I spend too much time with someone, I accumulate a nauseated feeling in my stomach that's only relieved by periods of solitude. Night is the perfect time, because everyone else is gone. They're asleep or they're kindred spirits and don't expect my acknowledgement any more than I want theirs. I love what nighttime sounds like. Even the highway by my house is silent but for the perfectly digestible sound of one or two cars pushing like boats through a river of asphalt. The night is so still that the sound of my parent's antique modem clicking away in the kitchen can be heard clearly from the carpeted living room. The TV is on, and although I've muted the late-night advertisement for a new and innovative CPAP machine, I can still hear the small whine of static electricity arcing from red to green to blue. This small whine is overwhelming. I can smell it if I focus on it. It smells like hot dust. If I'm feeling particularly aspirational, I know that birdsong will eclipse the modem and the pixels when the sun stretches its first amber fingers and brushes their tips over the roofs of my neighborhood. 'Alone' to me means 'relaxed.' People bring tension, and they take me from my thoughts. I'm still sussing out the underlying reasons here, but that's the basic phenomenon - I can only relax on my own, and I'm always alone at night. I think for now a simple description of the phenomenon is good enough. I'll keep sussing, and maybe I'll bring you an epiphany next week.
I love driving at night because the roads are entirely empty and everything is still but you. There's no pressure to drive fast or drive slow. Even at 25mph, you're going to feel like scissors gliding through the fabric of the night. Traffic lights watch you in their cyclical commands of stop, start, and slow - a process you'd narcissistically assumed was for your benefit. What a reality check to see those luminous sentries issuing orders to an empty intersection just the same! (lol forgive my purple prose y'all, I'm having fun writing something that isn't code) I'm not surprised that this post resonated with so many people. I think there's something that connects people like us (read: people who naturally washed up on the shores of this niche forum) , some shared solace we take when the rest of the world melts away. I'd bet that most people willing to pour so much of their mental and emotional bandwidth into an online community can relate to the idea, for one reason or another I completely agree with your thoughts here, nil. I think we could all allow more time for wandering thoughts! I used to do this in the shower until I became concerned for my water bill and the rapidly depleting aquifer underneath me. Maybe make it a goal for a week, see how it treats you?It's solitude but it also felt like an absolute escape from literally everything. I figure the best way to deal with it for me is to make more time for wandering thoughts.
This has me pondering my own ability/inability to be around people. Like you, I have a usual list of things that make me fun to be around, and I really enjoy being around people. However, I find it absolutely draining. I will actively seek out interaction, and enjoy being sought out. But once the interaction is done, I feel like my brain has run a half-marathon and all I want to do is get to an area devoid of people. This feeling doesn't kick in during any social setting, it only happens once I get home or I find myself alone after seeing someone, so I don't suddenly want to be alone but... When I find myself alone after socializing it's like I can breathe again yet am also tired. I've always found it strange that I have this "breathe again" sense - having it sort of implies to me that what I was doing was stressful and tense, yet I certainly don't feel that way around people. It doesn't last long. I'm usually fine later in the day but I think I've always been tied up in the idea of extrovert vs introvert and the inaccurate definition I held for many years. I thought an extrovert was outgoing and loud, boisterous and craved to be the centre of attention, whereas an introvert hated these things and was a quiet, withdrawn person. But apparently, it's more to do with how you handle social situations - with an extrovert being energized by interaction, and an introvert preferring their own space. I feel a little in limbo - I love interacting with people, but I feel drained doing so. I operate poorly by myself for extended periods, but it doesn't take a toll on me like interaction does. If I'm honest with myself, I'd rather be drained and sociable than full of potential energy but with solitude to direct it at.
I can relate to this extremely well. It's like as soon as I'm alone and know that I'm going to go unbothered if I want to be, I literally heave a sigh of relief. It's a good feeling, I think! Part of me wonders how much of this is just part of the human experience, but it goes undiscussed enough that neither of us have realized it before? Either way, your comment is really resonating right now. I like people a lot, but my nature is to isolate.When I find myself alone after socializing it's like I can breathe again yet am also tired. I've always found it strange that I have this "breathe again" sense - having it sort of implies to me that what I was doing was stressful and tense, yet I certainly don't feel that way around people.
Chickens We said goodbye to Bertha on Sunday. She got all the Forbidden Snacks, cuddles, sunshine, and dirt she wanted. I'm honored to have had her in my life and happy that she can rest easy without pain or discomfort. Lion, our rooster, moved to my metamour's sister-in-law's flock of easter egger hens Monday night. I spent all Monday with him and even though we had a nice time I could tell he was already lonely. Now he has a rooster man job to do and another family that adores him :) We'll definitely visit, if nothing else to make friends with all their hens. My wife pointed out that we actually gave a pet to a big farm upstate with lots of friends and space to run around and no phone service. Unfortunately, this is the last regular chicken update for a while. We will definitely keep birds in the future, but we are going to wait until we move somewhere slightly more permanent than our rental. Life feels weird and empty without them. I'm such a different person than I was before we got them. Everything else I've spent so much time on chickens these last couple weeks that I've done basically nothing else. My wife and I have gotten some time in on the lathe making jewelry from scavenged oak tree branches and trunks she found in the woods behind our house. I made a nice round medallion for a necklace that I'll post pictures of when I get the finish on it, and maybe I'll do a post about some of the other stuff we've been making. Next in line is I think pushing one of my project cars into the basement so we can start fixing it up.
I'm sorry to hear about Bertha, ilex. From your post last week, I don't think this is a surprise, but it's sad nevertheless. She was a brave and noble hen, and I'll miss getting updates on her. She pecked back the dark <3 You're absolutely welcome to post this in the craft thread, but I'd love to see a dedicated post as well!I made a nice round medallion for a necklace that I'll post pictures of when I get the finish on it, and maybe I'll do a post about some of the other stuff we've been making.
I don’t know the last time I Pubski’d. I think I told y’all I’ve been picking up running (my four month runnaversary is on the 10th! Stable relationships ftw, woot! I’ll take my running shoes out for a pasta dinner maybe, 😂) as of late, and that I’d signed up for a 10k in April and was on a training plan and my goal was to run it in 1 hour or less. Well. I’ll set the scene. It was New Year’s Eve, I’d had some wine, and I was feeling nice and relaxed. I was taking a break from running for the holidays (as in, I didn’t run 12/31 or 1/1). I checked my email. Lo and behold! One of the running sites has my email and sent me something. “Time for New Years Resolutions runs!” uh-oh, I thought. An effective clickbait subject line. They must know me. I click in to the email. “Save 20% with code 2020!” they said. “10k races!” they said. “Jan 5: 3rd annual memorial race for a local high school senior! $24 with discount!” I swear the bottle of wine nearby gained sentience and took over. I couldn’t remember typing in my info or my credit card details, suddenly I was on a race confirmation page. I was running a surprise 10k in 5 days! Holy shit! Well, guys, I ran it. I had a fantastic time(as in, at the event). My actual time wasn’t bad either: 57:09. Damn. I already beat my April goal. Looks like I need a new goal for the April 10k! I’m so glad I did the run last weekend. It went to a good cause and I ran faster than I thought I could! (This is a side effect, partially, of being directly AT the starting line when the gun went off — for some reason everyone was being shy about being right at the front. I ran my first mile in 8:59 as I was surrounded by all these faster people passing me. :D) According to r/running a lot of people seem to pick up running and jump into marathons right away. I do want to do a marathon and am confident in my ability to complete one, when I get there. However, I really like what I’m currently doing; I ran 2 5ks in fall 2019; looks like I’ll run 2 10ks in early 2020; I have plans for my first half marathon in the mid to late fall. I like this accidental concept of running two of each kind of race before progressing onward. Anyway, it’s clearly my newest addiction — but it makes me feel great, and it gives me a good challenge that gets me out of the house. I was considering posting a race report here after the 10k, but figured I’d wait for Pubski. I don’t know how many runners we have in our ranks - a few, at least, I know. Anyway. It just feels good to share. More than anything, I just want to make sure I stick with it this time. My approach and my feelings about running this go-round have been really different in a positive way compared to basically every other time I’ve laced up my shoes and decided to make a go of it, so I’m optimistic. More than optimistic, however, I’m at the point where I really embrace the fact that the only way to be sure that running is going to stick with me is by doing it. Every day. And the big picture will take care of itself. Happy Wednesday, hubski! I hope whatever your current endeavor or obsession is, that it is treating you just as well.
Ok what? Well, guys, I ran it. I had a fantastic time(as in, at the event). My actual time wasn’t bad either: 57:09. Damn. I already beat my April goal. OH HELL YEAH. My mom started personal training after her pregnancies, and hardcore running after her first baby went off to college. Our whole litter are casual runners (we run 5k's with our mom for her mothers day present). Thus, my hannukah present was new running shoes. :> First off, YAY for goal setting an breaking PRs (personal records). Generally, your bib will have a smol chip in it that tracks when you actually cross the start line so you can get a more accurate read on your time if you start in the middle of the pack. Depends on the race, but usually they print out times or even post them online later. On the other hand, starting at the front feels good. :-) In my head, it's fun to cheer the people zooming past me on. Enjoy reading how it's been going for you. I've heard the feeling called 'a runner's high'. Never got into weight lifting like my brothers. I don't think it beats that feeling of making the final push for the finish line/last lap. Seriously awesome. Good luck training for the April 10k!I was running a surprise 10k in 5 days! Holy shit!
(This is a side effect, partially, of being directly AT the starting line when the gun went off — for some reason everyone was being shy about being right at the front. I ran my first mile in 8:59 as I was surrounded by all these faster people passing me. :D)
Anyway, it’s clearly my newest addiction — but it makes me feel great, and it gives me a good challenge that gets me out of the house. I was considering posting a race report here after the 10k, but figured I’d wait for Pubski. I don’t know how many runners we have in our ranks - a few, at least, I know.
Only three students showed up to my class yesterday, which went that much smoother for it. It made me see how crowded are those tutorials normally, and how fortunate I was (even though both universities are public). The staff to student ratio here is some ludicrous 1:30, though it's a lot better once you remove the freshman year from the equation. Anyway, we gave their homework a once-over, done the two-hour material during the first half of the tutorial and the other half was dedicated to answering their questions. I have office hours, but it's not like anyone bothers coming to those anyway. Maybe they'll get something out of it. Seems like that whole "most things we see can be boiled down to differential equations" sunk in for them, though maybe I'm reading too much into their amusement. I made some elderly tourist's day with something as simple as "Jag talar lite svenska. Snälla, prata långsamt." and walking her up to the hotel. The map she was using was literally older than me, and something like 50 street names changed in the meantime. She spoke some English, but the accent was so impossibly thick I couldn't make the ends of it, so we met half-way with a mix of both languages. Not a bad start to a year, though I didn't get nearly as much rest as I planned for over the last two weeks.
Look at you two, making a pidgin language on the fly. That's awesome!She spoke some English, but the accent was so impossibly thick I couldn't make the ends of it, so we met half-way with a mix of both languages.
A rage quit followed by an apology is basically a Hubski staple at this point. Almost a rite of passage. I feel as long as lessons are learned in earnest, we can move past things. I like having you around here, I’m glad you didn’t just disappear into the abyss of the internet!
Got the highest possible rating for my year end performance review at work. Between that and hopefully a nice bonus I’m that much closer to a cabin up north...
Look at this little one. It looks like it's having a smug little chuckle over there. I love it. Netflix I was recently told that an hour of watching Netflix causes about as much pollution as driving a car ten miles. I tried looking it up, but I can't find where to get that information, but I did find quite a few articles that data servers are quite the energy hogs. So I'm thinking of maybe just not watching Netflix anymore, save myself some money each month, and be just a bit more environmentally friendly. When I first thought about doing it, I was thinking "Oh, I dunno. I really like television." The more I think about it though, the less of a sacrifice it seems. After all, I gave up Hulu after Disney bought Fox and don't miss it anywhere near as much as I thought I would. Additionally, there's tons of films and TV shows over the years I've never gotten around to seeing, despite people raving about them, and I never really felt like I'm missing out. Plus, let's be honest, a lot of these services are just full of lame filler anyway, which just lead to a lame way to fill in the day. Blessed Chalk I recently hung out with a friend of mine and due to a scheduling issue, I ended up sitting and chatting with their lovely mother for about an hour and a half while they took care of a few things. I adore this woman and I'm told she's similarly fond of me. We chatted about a few things, from gardening to the aches and pains of aging to family. She's a pretty devout Catholic and so inevitably, our discussion drifted towards faith and religion. We talked quite a bit about courage and forgiveness and the ills of gossip. Before I left, she gave me some blessed chalk and instructions on how to bless my house for The Epiphany. All she asked was, that if I didn't bless my house, is to at least respect that the chalk is blessed and respectfully bury it in good soil instead of throwing it away. I didn't bless my house, cause I'm not Catholic and it's not my house and I'm the only person under this roof who is religious. I still have the chalk though, and I am gonna respect her request about burying it. I'm thinking of instead of burying it whole though, of maybe breaking it into smaller pieces or grinding it up and putting it in the pots where I'm trying to grow my trees. Do I honestly think the chalk will help the seeds grow, either through science or prayer? No. But I feel like the chalk was a heartfelt and meaningful gift and I think burying it in something that I feel is meaningful to me is a significant act. Pets and Aging My dog is getting old guys. When it was younger, I wanted it to be young forever. Honestly though, this dog is wearing each day and each grey hair it gains with a very real dignity. I can only hope to age half as gracefully. Here's hoping everyone's new year is going great so far. :)
That doesn't sound right, but I tried ducking "how much does watching an episode on Netflix pollute" and got exactly zero relevant hits. It does however remind me of something I read years ago about Google searches, found this article about it. Is watching one episode on Netflix roughly equivalent to ten months worth of Google searches? Does "Google services" include YouTube and Gmail and all their other services, or just search? And can we at all rely on a number provided by a company spokesperson? There are indeed some of us who try to reduce our electricity consumption for environmental reasons, but I bet most haven't considered much the electricity consumed by their cloud services. Now I'm wondering if some internet giants are greener than others.I was recently told that an hour of watching Netflix causes about as much pollution as driving a car ten miles. I tried looking it up, but I can't find where to get that information, but I did find quite a few articles that data servers are quite the energy hogs.
CO2GLE uses 2015 internet traffic data, Moll says, and is based on the assumption that Google.com “processes an approximate average of 47,000 requests every second, which represents an estimated amount of 500 kg of CO2 emissions per second.” That would be about 0.01 kg per request. She says these numbers are approximations, though when Quartz shared CO2GLE with Google, the company didn’t contest the math. In fact, in a 2009 estimate, Google said each query causes 0.2 grams of CO2 emissions.
A spokesperson also tells Quartz that providing one user with one month of Google services generates about the same amount of the greenhouse gas emissions as driving a car for one mile. (An average gasoline-powered car typically emits 8.91 kg of CO2 per gallon. In the US, cars average 24.7 miles per gallon, which would mean a car emits 360.7 grams of CO2 per mile.)
This one's been bugging me off and on, too. For starters, the Netflix you watch is probably a couple streets away. Netflix OCAs have just been getting smaller and more efficient, same as anything else in networking. If the box pulls down a peak of 300W and it's literally ALL THE NETFLIX IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD we're a long way from "driving a car ten miles." Then the question becomes "how much energy actually goes into the packets" and it doesn't take too long to discover that "kWh/GB" is a statistically-significant search term, providing an answer of 5 kWh/GB in 2012 and 0.06 kWh/GB in 2018. Part of that is probably a better estimate; most of that is probably flash storage. So now the question becomes how much GB is a Netflix. Although peak data usage is substantially higher than typical data usage, you can average and discover that Netflix, at 1080p, burns between 2 and 2 1/2 GB per hour. The final question, then, is what are you watching on? Let's assume you have a reasonably new 50" LCD. The Samsung Amazon wants to sell me burns 55W. That would be 0.055 kWh. Data side: 0.06 kWh * 2.5 = 150W TV side: 55W Hour of Netflix: 205W So. This handy calculator tells me that it'll take $44 to get a Chevy Spark from my house to my wife's work (10 minutes, mostly flat, 2.9 miles) 5 days a week, twice a day, 52 weeks a year. Breaking that down, that's 440 kWh a year, or 8.46 kWh a week, or 846W per trip. The Chevy Spark can make it 0.7 miles in the amount of energy it takes me to watch an hour of Netflix. It'll run out of juice in about two and a half minutes. That's not quite far enough to get to the nearest Redbox, and then I'd have to get back. And I drive a 911 so this "Chevy Spark" nonsense is moot.
So energy isn't so bad (still seems like a lot though), so that makes me wonder about the pollution then. Is there something about Data Centers that add to pollution? I imagine if they're hooked to green sources, like wind or solar, they'd be even cleaner than cars.The Chevy Spark can make it 0.7 miles in the amount of energy it takes me to watch an hour of Netflix.
I regularly see snark on Twitter pointing out that the incel in his mom's basement pwning n00bs in COD is better for the environment than the SJW flying to Haiti to plant trees or whatever. Here's the sad thing: your energy use is insane. All of ours is. Let's say you want to eat a piece of toast. Turning it from "bread" to "toast" is 1500W 1/30h = 0.05kWh. If I put you on an exercise bike and had you pedal for an hour you'd probably burn about 0.08kWh. We won't talk about the fridge keeping the butter cold, the car that got it from the grocery store, the energy to keep the lights on at the grocery store, the truck that brought it to the grocery store, none of it. If you're having a banana for lunch, it's probably traveled 3000 miles to get to you. The Netflix side of the equation is almost moot and still, if I hooked you up to your TV like Gilligan you couldn't quite muster up enough energy to power the TV, the router and* the light over your head. Here's the happy thing: Right there, at the very end, for the first time in history, wind and solar edged out coal. I want you to keep in mind: when I grew up, we were worried about (A) a new ice age (B) nuclear winter (C) malthusian famine due to overpopulation (D) peak oil being hit about 1982 so this whole "wind and solar edged out coal" thing is fuckin' magical to me. Australia is still on fire, to be sure, and we appear to be entering a decade of authoritarian oppression but there are green shoots.
Indeed. The more mindful I try to be about how I live my life, from the foods I eat, to the things I buy, to my day to day activities, the more I realize I do and use and take so much. I openly talk about the stuff I try to do right and why I think these things are important, like cut down on red meat, but I'm constantly self chastising myself for the things I don't do right, like energy use. People say sometimes, when I talk to them about these things, "Don't be so hard on yourself. You're just one person. Look at company x or government y and what they do!" Which is true. But even though I know I'm just a drop of water in the ocean, I'm still part of the tsunami, and even though I'm trapped by the inertia of the waves, I'm aware of what's going on and those calmer waters that I want to be a part of feel so impossibly far away. It's a hurtful knowledge to have.Here's the sad thing: your energy use is insane. All of ours is.
Headed to NYC w tng. Important meeting stuff. Going to get a very good burger after. My wife and I went to a live stream of Fleabag at a local theater last night. It was very good. The monologue and the show shine in their own ways. I’m reading Jude Angelini’s Hyena atm. It’s ridiculous, wrong, and poignant. I read his Hummingbird a couple of years ago. I knew Jude casually in my high school years, and can say that he’s for real. If you want to be offended and touched, check them out.
Pubski Jan 8, 2020 Starting with bad then ramping up to the good. Cuz I'm a 'Look, there's water in the glass' type. The Bad? I don't think I really got over the face-plant date from October. More specific, I thought I would just 'get back on the horse,' instead of choosing to flip the page to the 'rejection' chapter and write another 4 month sentence to having unexpected lows. That said, I had been on a couple good 'hang outs' (not dates, not yet) since with a friend before the new year. Had another planned with said friend which fell through that made it easy for me to spiral into bad brain days with the fam back home on break. A lot of friends that I grew close with while still near home last year were out of town, so that made the time an extra bummer. The Good. I WENT ON MULTIPLE DATES IN 2019!!! One of my goals for the next couple years (a la 5-yr plan made in IL, ty ref 4 inspiration) was to go on at least 3 first dates per year - assumptions: prob not gonna stick a ring on the first person I meet, but I also foresee some of those firsts getting a second. I also wanted to at least start a masters program by 25 y/o - I'll complete one 3 weeks before then. Among other things, clearly I'm fucking killing it. Onto this week, semester started and people are back in town. Went rock climbing together with friend mentioned above. It’s been a while, and I didn’t test out for belaying by that gym’s standards, so we ended up bouldering for a couple hours. My wrists feel horrible in a good way. This is the type of workout that’ll benefit my poor wrist posture with computer mice. Considering splitting Kung Fu membership budget with rock-climbing. I had a most of my classes last semester with the friend, so there was inherent contact time. Bonus since I was helping with her coding on weekends from time to time. We have much less inherent contact time (i.e. classes) now, so her gesture to lend me her climbing harness to practice the gym’s way of belaying was a kind assurance of ‘Hey, let’s do this again.’ Reminded me of: - ‘bl00 I found it kinda endearing, and took her up on it (SUE ME, I’M A LIL SAPPY). Running out to a hardware store to get rope to practice on after posting this. What Can Be Learned So, what can be learned re: dating. (lmao, 50%+ of my comments here lately) 1. People have lives, so do you (I). I noticed after my 40hr/wk precursor job to the masters program, being an adult also means recognizing giving space is a key attributes not only in life. It helps a lot with dating, too. Nervousness around what/how/when to text is a lot simpler given people have lives to live. Dating and romance is a component, not a whole of life, so it’s OK to leave it as such. It’s OK to just text when you want to get together rather than to check in every now and again (at later stages, I’m pretty sure that’s when phone calls are more appropriate for us millennials). 2. Spices You know, the ol’ find out what you do and don’t like in a person. At slight risk of sounding risqué, what sort of flavor in life do you get when you add another soul to activities you like? I’ve found with different peeps, I get different impressions (feels?). Some are mysterious, subdued, but bold [kantos meltdown, fall ‘17] Some are tangy and familiar (soon to find in a bad way) [kantos meltdown, spring ‘18] Some are comforting, empowering, and a little flaky [kantos meltdown, fall ‘18] Some are smooth and sweet, nearly artificial [kantos meltdown, fall ‘19] And recently, a feeling of comfort, yet security/stability is the latest and novel experience of late. I’m slated to be in town until August at the minimum, and this isn’t a town people tend to stay much in. I’m not a fan of the ‘play it by ear’ method, but that’s how the game goes in this scene. The best I can hope for is if this moves into something more, the maturity and clarity to have those conversations is present. I have a feeling this one’s a little different, even if it doesn’t work out. But I’m optimistic about what I’ll learn at the end of the story.Note that it's important to consider you and to consider her. I had a girl bring me a stuffed gargoyle from the Disney store because she'd been to my place once and had noticed that everyone else used to buy me gargoyles (it's true). This demonstrated (A) she had paid attention but not enough to notice I hate Disney (B) she was thinking of me (C) she spends a lot of time at malls. From her perspective it was a nice, thoughtful gift and I took it as such. That relationship lasted four years. Later, I started dating a girl that had never gone hiking and was coming out of a difficult marriage that drained all her resources. I bought her a $200 pair of hiking boots. This demonstrated (A) that I wanted her to share my passions without any impediment (B) that I was very much not her soon-to-be-ex-husband (C) that I was willing to spend extravagantly on her. It was a risk - that's much too big a present for early on, particularly if $200 is dear to you - but it was a successful gambit. We're going on 15 years.
Keep us updated, this was really fun to read. I just started seeing someone new after exiting a three year relationship in the fall, and your thoughts are resonating well with my feelings :) I'll add to your list of 'spices', because I think that's a cool way to think about people: Some are cartesian in thought, and maybe a little distressing when you find yourselves living a grid you inherited [mudsy meltdown, fall '15] Some amplify the things they're added to, guaranteeing that every event will be exciting but none of them will be comforting [mudsy meltdown, fall '19] Some have yet to be discovered [mudsy meltdown, UNDEFINED]
It's almost a tradition now, this idea of writing a letter to myself as a way to reflect on the year! LEAVE IT IN 2019 I'll admit it, I have been in the red when it comes to work stress too much last year. We had a bit of a capacity issue in my team, so when my work is very hard to transfer and I see colleagues equally busy all I could do was work harder and grit my teeth. I've always wanted to be the kind of person people can trust, can fall back on, so I do whatever it takes to succeed in what I commit to. But when taken to an extreme that means I work too much and don't ask for help. I hope last year I've learned my lesson. A bunch of things have fallen to the wayside last year. I haven't read as much as I'd like. I haven't excercised much. I was very slow to make progress on my academic paper; I spent half the amount of time in 2019 on it as I did in 2018. Gonna put more effort into that this year. Another realization is that I judge my actions on their consequences and never on my intentions, and that that's hurting me more than I thought. If the result of my work is that people are happy with it, I'm happy with it as well. But if they're not, I am very quick to judge myself for it. If I hit all my goals for the day, I'm happy with it even if it cost me a tremendous amount of effort. If I don't hit my goals, even though I had a great workday, I still feel bad. Behind this fallacy? of mine is that results are controllable, and that results are all that matter. Which is not true - if I do my best, and the result doesn't work out, I still did my best. Finally, I really want to cut down even more on meetings. For my yearly review I was scolling back through my calendar and was a bit surprised at the number of meetings that ended up not really mattering. There were many meetings I went to because I was invited, not because it was necessary for me to be there. I also want to create more breathing space for impromptu conversations and room to follow my curiosity. BRING IT IN 2020 I feel like I've made a lot of progress this year as a person. 2019 was the year that I finally feel like a proper adult, instead of just a college student. It's a sense of responsibility but also of being able to fully support myself and the people I care about that I find freeing. I also feel like I'm much more comfortable being myself all the time. That I'm more confident, more true to my values, less hesitant to say or do what I want. As far as I'm concerned, my girlfriend is the kindest soul I know, and the way that rubs off on me is that I'm also more kind to myself. Professionally I also made a leaps ahead. I feel like I can work much better with people now. I know my shit, and know when to call out other people's BS. I've given a bunch of talks in front of large (international) audiences which even a few years ago I would find incredibly challenging to even consider. I have also started to break out of the expectation that I have to solve everything by myself all the time. My gf mentioned the other day that we've been conditioned for our entire lives in the school system to fix almost everything ourself and never ask for help, because that's cheating/plagiarizing. But now that I'm part of a company surrounded by smart and capable people, I would be foolish not to ask for help regularly. Last year I started which is why I want to continue to remind myself that not everything on my plate is mine to eat, that I can and should make things easier for myself by reaching for the resources that are all around me. Because I worked a bit too much in 2019, I have a lot of paid off-days this year (almost fifty, actually). I'm looking forward to using the hell out of that to be more creative, do more fun stuff and travel some more this year.
The new version of the Precious Plastic Machines went live yesterday, along with the new website and all that jazz: https://preciousplastic.com/ My face is on that front page! It was a super fun project to get involved in, and now we're trying to get a similar thing off the ground here in Montreal. I'm hopeful, but the team seems a little unfocused? Lot of people, ideas and goodwill but not so much concrete direction, actions and skills. It's at times like this I wish I had a little more technical skills in the workshop to advance things. Because I'm doing what I can in the planning, business, social media etc but without the working machines it's all moot. And all the current machines we have are broken/disassembled. It's also a bit frustrating how there seems to be a lot of planning about setting things up "properly". For example there is pushback against setting up in a makerspace because they will take a percentage off revenue from classes we might give as opposed to no classes because we don't really have a space right now. I'm learning a lot about setting up a non-profit, with bylaws and all that. And I don't really have anything else going on anyway so no harm no foul. I'll give it my all, and if it ends up being a bust I can always jump ship and try starting it on my own with a couple competent people. I just figured it might be easier to join an existing team vs starting my own project like I usually do. We'll see!
Well shit... Precious Plastic Machines is pretty dang cool! I pawed through that whole web site, and then shared it out with a dozen or so friends of mine who are all ex-Burners, with a crafty focus, and strong business minds. Commercial real estate in my area is pretty cheap, and I could see 4-5 of us going in on different starter kits, putting them all in the same space, and creating a crafty workshop ... that could eventually turn into a small business! What a cool idea, community, and set of tools! Thanks for sharing this! It's got my crafty business brain gears turning and churning...
Hahah i had the same reaction when I found out about this project, which is why I jumped on the opportunity to go to Eindhoven to volunteer for them. It’s super cool and inspiring. And setting up a workspace at the maker space my burner friends just started is the dream. But the local faction of precious plastic is less enthused. I’ll see if I can push them in the direction that feels right to me. A a caveat, I think very few people have managed to build a successful business out of building products - because it’s labour intensive and the techniques are still rough. The products don’t feel « expensive ». But that’s mostly because it’s quite a new craft imo. And I’ve seen some beautiful transparent sheets from the sheet press that look way cooler than stained glass.
The lack of a successful business is only a mild concern to me. If we got a group of Burners in a studio at Equinox Studios in Georgetown, and maybe 5 of the different plastic starter kits, you'd have a destination for people to go to. Watching one plastic shredder at work, or pouring a resin countertop is interesting for about 9 seconds. But when you walk around the room and see different things made by different machines, all out of recycled materials, then your mental wheels start turning... and it becomes a place to go to for all kinds of crazy ideas. And, Equinox Studios is the core of the monthly Georgetown Art Walk. So every month, you'd have people coming through your studio, seeing what had been created, and interacting with the people and materials. Sure, you need 5-6 people with $3-10k to spend on a hobby, but that's more realistic at my age, than at yours, honestly. And if I invest in the equipment, I don't want to run it 24x7. So I'd get people your age who were interested in the idea, and give them a cut of anything they make. So, like, 75% goes to you, and 25% towards rent/materials. I'll lose money for a while, but that's fine. It's a hobby, so it could always lose money. But... BUT... if it happened to click, and people started coming in not just during the Art Walk, and started ordering finished goods... I could see this taking off. Especially because everything you'd make would be custom, one-offs, with interesting details and attributes. I like it. Thanks for sharing it with us!
I'm 51-years old and have been given carte blanche by my manager to set my goals, wants, and desires for 2020... and I'm drawing a blank. Years ago, work stopped being about changing the world or getting rich, and became about doing a good job, helping people be successful, and leaving it at my desk when I go home at the end of the day. (Well, midday, because I trained myself to get in to work by 7:AM and out by 3:PM, so I still have a full day - basically 4:PM to 10:30 PM - to do whateverthefuckIwant.) So when presented with a blank canvas, I have little motivation or interest. I mean, why do it? For what? This company will fold in 7-10 years, like every other company on the planet, and tech products are irrelevant 18-36 months after release, and I have invested far too much of my younger self in products that today don't even warrant a footnote in Wikipedia articles. I'm basically entirely off FB, don't log into Twitter any more, and only follow hot pinup models and motorcycle blogs on Instagram, and participate in the Fallout communities on Reddit. Life is good, sans social media. My wrist is still fucked. But I am coping with it. I think it's just going to be one of those things we all attribute to "getting older." The insurance company blanket denied all of my claims related to my wrist and not-a-stroke, so I have about $5k of tests, doctor's visits, and physical therapy bills that I just need to suck up and pay, or else spend my time fighting with some $7/hr "Customer Service Rep" on the phone whose sole job is to tell me "No" until I go away. It's just exhausting, and I haven't even gotten on the phone with them yet. (Well, that's not true. I called them twice, and twice they hung up on me. Or - ahem - the call got 'disconnected'.) I hate bureaucracies. I'm grumpy. Maybe I need some more coffee. And to troll Instagram for some old BMW scrambler mods, to cheer me up...
Because I love you: https://www.instagram.com/bmw_scrambler/?hl=en And this one for other vintage/modded goodness:
I've shared this in the Craft Fair thread because homing this kitty has been somewhat of a mission requiring deft hands and patience. But wanted to share to the Pubski thread. Look at this little regal face :) I've started running again to stay fit for Touch Rugby. If I'm not chasing someone/being chased in a match I just don't care for it. But it helps so it's gotta be done!
How funny! Was talking with my friend Barney about our fitness history and rugby history. He has also done medieval warfare and renaissance fair battles... ... and he said, "Ya know? I just don't really want to exercise unless I'm being chased by a big scary guy wielding a sword or a trying to tackle me with a ball!"