You've all heard of the Bucket List -- things to do before you kick the bucket (i.e. die). I like the idea of having goals, experiencing everything, and living intensely - but I always found the Bucket List concept irritating (a topic for another day).
Anyway, the Bucket List are things you want to do before you die. The Fuck-It List are the things you did already, things you kind of had to do in order to find out who you were and what you needed. The Fuck-It list are those things that you are so glad that you don't have to do anymore.
TODAY, I woke up grateful that I was waking up in my bed in a life I had struggled for years to make coherent. I was
glad that I didn't have to wake up in some strange room
glad I didn't have to spend time with people I didn't like
glad that I didn't have to be drunk or stoned because the person I was with wanted me to be drunk and stoned,
glad that I didn't have to be under-appreciated by employers
shit - my Fuck-It list goes on and on.
Do you have a Fuck-It List? What's one thing that you're glad you don't have to do anymore?
I'm glad I dont have to lie in the mud and watch planes full of happy travellers drinking coca cola flying overhead at night during basic training. I think of this during boring but physically comfortable meetings. I agree with that no drunk or stoned thing. I'm glad I don't have to dress Bratz dolls in their miniskirts with my big man fingers, now that my daughter is a teenager. It left me feeling ambiguous about my masulinity in a couple of ways. Should I play with dolls? Should I be turned on? Do you know they had black lace underwear? Why?
- Glad there are no more "performance reviews" - Glad there are no more job applications - Glad there are no more tedious fucking half-hearted "happy birthday" celebrations in the break room with cake that nobody really wants to eat - Glad there are no more meaningless "sorry for your loss" cards passed around because nobody likes each other enough to be able to actually feel sorry for someone's loss - Glad I don't have to live in North Hollywood anymore - Glad I can now drive a thousand miles from civilization into nothing by choice, instead of starting from nothing and having to go a thousand miles to reach civilization - Glad the junkie across the basement who stole my spoons to cook up on and my musical instruments to pay for the shit he cooked is dead or in jail I care not which - Glad I never have to interact with a Human Resources professional in a professional capacity ever fucking again - Glad to never see another cubicle ever again - Glad the woman I love and the work I do are no longer separated by a 2 hour plane flight - Glad to be done with Corrlinks ...that'll do for now.
I love the actual work I do, but the performance reviews, as you highlight at spot number one--no accident I'm sure--are a ceaseless exercise in mind numbing stupidity. Whom do they help? I would submit to them if I thought they served a purpose other than to remind each worker that the company views each of us more as livestock than individuals, a way to let us know they can drop us at any time so stay the fuck in line.
My boss doesn't do performance reviews on me, and the ones I do for the people below me are pretty much "You know your shit, you know what you do for this team, I'm gonna try to get you a raise". He just gives me all "5s" or whatever and BSes it and turns them in in the HR software site. Then I just pretty much use it as an opportunity to ask for a raise and bonus every year. That's about it. In a previous job where it was taken seriously, when I got "exceeds expectations" across the board, I was like "So that means I get a big raise then right?" Wrong. I turned in my two weeks notice... ohhhh and now they had that raise I wanted... It's all bullshit. I hate when it was taken seriously. I mean I get it, but if people aren't doing their jobs they get let go, if they are doing okay they stay, if they exceed expectations to the point where we can't let them go they get more money. It's really that simple. It's just bloated HR departments justifying their existence.
Still haven't gotten around to trying that out, but I did hear on the radio that divorce rates among people who met online are lower than the norm. I'm not thinking of settling down or anything, but I think it speaks to the quality of the experience.
I don't know of it's good for dating, but at least there are people to appreciate your writing. I was mostly being tongue in cheek about how you can find anting on the internet. But in reality something doesn't sit well with me about internet dating. At least as far as dating services are concerned, it seems to lack serendipity, one of the most fun parts of meeting someone new.
Yeah, the concept of internet dating takes a bit of the romance out of romance. If it works out though, what are the odds that two compatible people living close to each other would subscribe to the same service? The odds of loneliness though, are high. Even talking about it is an emotional roller coaster. Or maybe a carousel.
Better than the odds those two people will meet in real life, have the courage to approach the other and talk long enough and confidently enough to leave a positive impression... oh and get their contact information so they can go on a date sometime? Because that happens everyday right? Maybe for "pick up artists", but let's be honest here... :) I did online dating, but prefer to remember it as "online meeting". I'd exchange one or two emails and then ask to meet. I had ZERO interest in going back in forth and talking online, but I was interested in finding a new avenue to get dates other than the bar scene or work (which as a early thirties something were my only real options). So I'd say hi, make a joke, ask a couple questions, and then say "Hey lets go get drinks tomorrow night" and that's that. I still went on tons of first dates, and it didn't take the romance or awkwardness out of it at all. Got me to meet lots of different women, some compatible, some not, some I dated for awhile, some met just once, and all in all it was a fun experience... not to different from regular dating, but more of a "semi-blind date". And again, the odds are pretty good, at least in my area, to find a lot of interesting people on dating sites. Many there for the same reasons I was. Getting older, busy with work, and not really finding any real "venue" to find new people to date consistently, and most of them were of the more intellectual nature and surprisingly all pretty successful and funny. I was surprised. I was pessimistic about it for the longest time, an admittedly mocked people who did it... now I'm getting married in a few months to someone I never would have met had I not done it. I'm one of those stupid "met online" statistics, and the only thing I hate about it is having to tell people we met online. It's not for everyone, but just chipping in with my two cents of personal experience.what are the odds that two compatible people living close to each other would subscribe to the same service?
I could be wrong, but I wonder if the root of the embarrassment might lie in this: looking on line or in ads for a partner is an admission of wanting to partner up, and could be perceived by others as a failure to have met people through previously conventional means. I think meeting people online is the current conventional means. I lived 40 miles from a bigger city, so in my case I learned to date people from the big city and always meet in the big city or mid-way; and to screen for psychopaths and other personal idiosyncratic stuff. Went on several first dates, quite a few second and more dates... it was an interesting time for sure, all that while college teaching and raising a child.now I'm getting married in a few months
Hey congratulations. I'm not embarrassed to have met my husband from a pre-internet personal ad. It was where the university professors went for dates -- I went out with 1) a toxicologist who lived in another city but had grown up a few blocks from where I lived and had been in my sister's high school graduating class; 2) a math professor who cured me of my PTS panic attacks; and 3) eventually my current spousal unit - a computer science prof.I still went on tons of first dates, and it didn't take the romance or awkwardness out of it at all.
I bet you learned a lot about the process by going on lots of dates. I sure did:
Indeed. That's honestly the best part. I'm a pretty forward and social person, so I don't get nervous on first dates, but certainly got a lot better at "enjoying" first dates having gone on so many of them with what were essentially strangers. It was a good learning experience, and really helped me pinpoint what I was looking for in a girl on a first date. I guess I'm not really embarrassed by it either when I tell people, but let's just say it would be an easier conversation if I was like "we met through a friend". But when you tell them "online", they have so many questions, the main one being "How long before you met, did you guys talk for a longtime?" They assume we "dated" online, which isn't the case. I think I messaged my fiancee on a Sunday, she messaged me back once, and I messaged her back the following day to setup a date. The only portion of our relationship was less than 24 hours, and was pretty much only to setup a date. But I think people assume that people talk online forever first, which wasn't my experience at all. People on most dating sites want just that, A DATE. Not to talk to someone online for weeks or months.I bet you learned a lot about the process by going on lots of dates.
I'm not embarrassed to have met my husband from a pre-internet personal ad
Glad that I never have to go to school again. I hated it. Glad I don't live in an apartment/rental anymore. Glad I don't have to worry about being single or dating anymore. Glad I won't have to shovel any snow next year because I have a snowblower.
A Fuck It list sounds a bit like a list of people whom you would like to have sex with. I'll say that after completing high schools, my life has been pretty easy and enjoyable. So I suppose I'm glad I'll never have to do that again.
Don't have to do anymore? I'm glad I don't have to worry as much about making mistakes in my life, and have learned to learn from them and improve aspects as necessary. No particular reason why, I've just learned to say "fuck-it" and move on.
Flaggy - you have no idea what my perspective as a mother is. I don't think I've talked that much about it. (or have I?) too painful. I don't even know if I have a perspective anymore. I'm torn between: 1. You can't overprotect too much; and 2. Throw the brat into the deep end; if she can't swim too f'ing bad. (I don't mean that.) (Wish I did.) It's great to have a mother, hell to be one. Living on your own terms means being willing to be totally independent if necessary. hold on let go hold on let go hold on let go hold on let go... todays writing prompt?
Sorry -- I should have said, "I know that you are a mother and thus might/will have a completely different perspective than I (as a son) have. That said, your post is very bitter. Hope everything's okay. As a writing prompt, I like it, or even better as a podcast, because I think it deserves a longer treatment.
I agree wholeheartedly with you there. I even did the boomerang thing: moved out with friends, they moved out and the roommates from hell moved in, moved back in with my parents, then finally moved out with wife.
I'm glad I 1. Don't have to be a human pylon 2. Don't have to listen to my roommates fighting 3. Don't have to worry about the whole dating thing anymore
I'm glad I've learned the importance of living for myself, because only then can I truly care for everyone else. I'm glad I've taken the time to mold a lasting sense of curiosity and thirst for knowledge my entire life. I'm glad I've learned to cook healthy, and that I for the most part live an active life. I'm glad I've come to terms with the fact that I do not know everything and never will, and can only dedicate myself to being kind. We're all constantly confused, just a little less every day as we try to find ourselves.