- Glad there are no more "performance reviews" - Glad there are no more job applications - Glad there are no more tedious fucking half-hearted "happy birthday" celebrations in the break room with cake that nobody really wants to eat - Glad there are no more meaningless "sorry for your loss" cards passed around because nobody likes each other enough to be able to actually feel sorry for someone's loss - Glad I don't have to live in North Hollywood anymore - Glad I can now drive a thousand miles from civilization into nothing by choice, instead of starting from nothing and having to go a thousand miles to reach civilization - Glad the junkie across the basement who stole my spoons to cook up on and my musical instruments to pay for the shit he cooked is dead or in jail I care not which - Glad I never have to interact with a Human Resources professional in a professional capacity ever fucking again - Glad to never see another cubicle ever again - Glad the woman I love and the work I do are no longer separated by a 2 hour plane flight - Glad to be done with Corrlinks ...that'll do for now.
I love the actual work I do, but the performance reviews, as you highlight at spot number one--no accident I'm sure--are a ceaseless exercise in mind numbing stupidity. Whom do they help? I would submit to them if I thought they served a purpose other than to remind each worker that the company views each of us more as livestock than individuals, a way to let us know they can drop us at any time so stay the fuck in line.
My boss doesn't do performance reviews on me, and the ones I do for the people below me are pretty much "You know your shit, you know what you do for this team, I'm gonna try to get you a raise". He just gives me all "5s" or whatever and BSes it and turns them in in the HR software site. Then I just pretty much use it as an opportunity to ask for a raise and bonus every year. That's about it. In a previous job where it was taken seriously, when I got "exceeds expectations" across the board, I was like "So that means I get a big raise then right?" Wrong. I turned in my two weeks notice... ohhhh and now they had that raise I wanted... It's all bullshit. I hate when it was taken seriously. I mean I get it, but if people aren't doing their jobs they get let go, if they are doing okay they stay, if they exceed expectations to the point where we can't let them go they get more money. It's really that simple. It's just bloated HR departments justifying their existence.