We had fat babies, none of the newborn clothes fit but it did mean they were lifting their heads before long. I was always jealous of people with their little babies, but oh my goodness it always felt like I was going to break them. So cute, my sister just had a 8lb-er so I'm very broody at the moment hahaha.
My dog travels with my wife and I pretty much anywhere we go. She's a good beast, and is welcome at all our friends' houses, events, etc. I bring a towel with us, and when we get somewhere, I find a quiet corner and lay the towel down. Then I call my dog - "Layna" - over, pat the towel, and say "Blanket". This way she knows that this is Her Place. If she needs to go somewhere, if she needs to lay down, or if I tell her to get out of the way by commanding her, "BLANKET", she knows to go to the towel and lay down on it. There she can sleep, get treats, and be a "good dog". Once in a while, I will forget to put the towel down for her. I will see her wandering around. Restless. Not knowing where her "place" is. I'll notice her discomfort, slap myself in the forehead, and put the "blanket" out for her. Instantly she will settle down and feel more relaxed. Even if she doesn't lay down on the towel, she knows this is my place. This is where I belong. And that comforts her. I don't have a place right now. I've learned this from my dog. When I am feeling out of sorts, can't focus, restless, etc, I will look around and figure out where my "place" is... and will usually find there is something wrong with it. Like this week. Big office reorganization. New cubicles. New desks. And... I was sort of forgotten about. One group knew I was moving, and the other group didn't know I needed a new home, and ... I fell through the cracks. So I have been nomadic this week. Moving between conference rooms, empty desks, empty offices, etc, and shifting around the building as they sort out my new desk. (Which somehow got installed without power, network, or phones wired up.) I'm cool with this. After all, I was a consultant for 10 years, working from coffee shops, coworking offices, customer's lunchrooms, etc. I'm used to this, right? I can go nomadic again! Nope. Nope nope nope. Apparently I can't. I am completely out of sorts. Hopefully I can get some work done today, because I am falling behind... and have no idea when my new office might get sorted out! Grr...
We're moving cubicals in two weeks (while I'm on vacation). My name is on the floor plan, thankfully. I'll be close to a window, a major improvement from my current windowless room. I think I feel much like you do. I need my blanket. I stop most days for coffee. I do enjoy the coffee, but I think part of the reason I keep going is because it feels very comfortable. It's a routine that's my little space. The coffee shop owner remembers me and says hi. The employees remember me. It feels like my place. I've held three different positions at my company. First one I thought "I could see doing this until I retire." Then I wanted a change. Again, "I could see doing this until I retire." Then I couldn't. Now I think "I don't know if I'll do this until I retire, but I do think I could stay at this company for that long." My blanket has gotten a little bigger.
When I was in college I co-oped for a biomedical startup that would totally have given me a job if they hadn't gotten eaten by a larger firm for their intellectual property, chopped up for parts and shipped back to Minnesota. Some of those pieces landed in another biomedical startup, that offered me a "job." Unfortunately they were a cash-poor startup so for three months I was an "engineering technician" rather than an "engineer" despite being one of two people in the entire department with a degree. They had nowhere to put me, and no money to build me anything, so they pointed me at a pile of cubicle parts and told me to build my own. The four walls were different colors and half of the desk was held up by books. The finance manager - of course it was the finance manager - came through my Island of Misfit Toys cubicle with a tape measure and discovered that it measured 9'x6'. This could not do, of course, because the "standard" cubicle size for people who weren't managers was 8x6. He did not order the parts to make a 7x6 cubicle. That would have been fiscally imprudent (never mind that I'd saved them $180k that week by reconfiguring the warehouse). The prudent thing, according to him, was to order the parts to convert my 9x6 cubicle into three 3x6 carrels. So I put his carrels together. And then I ran 200' of CAT5 cable under the carpet back to the machine shop that nobody knew how to use (they literally outfitted a $200k shop without hiring any machinists) and put my computer there. Whenever I heard anyone coming down the hall I'd fire up the chinese-ripoff Bridgeport and make shavings. God damn was that a shitty job.
Ha! My only experience in cubes was my first job out of college, as a manufacturing engineer for Chrysler. I showed up on day one and my new boss said, "I'm really busy and I don't really have time for you, so if you see the boss around [pointed out an angry looking woman], make sure you look busy." I decided at that moment, after being an employee of this man for all of 20 minutes, that I was quitting ASAP. I spent the whole spring and summer making sure I looked busy before returning to grad school in the fall. It was laughable, but also hell due to the boredom. I'd die in prison, I realized. I think there has never been a 6 month period of my life where I've accomplished less.
Oh hey, it's me, doing folk for a change. thenewgreen Backstory: my violin player, Jordan, is also a professional cinematographer. On the coldest day of the year, he came down to record with 30 minutes until the sunset, and we shot this video and one other in one take each. Not thrilled with the sound because we didn't have time to set up anything more than a one-mic setup, but ah well - it's pretty. Cleaned out the garage yesterday, working on making a usable recording space. Kinda cold. ------- Working 9 days straight at two different jobs, wheeeeeee
Someone likes homage endings to songs :) Wonderful video flac! I love the picking, your voice is lovely, as always and the scene is fantastic. It matches the theme/feel of the song well. I think the sound is great. You're a very talented person flac. I expect great things from you.
Got to agree with everything he said here, flac, it's really beautiful and deserves more thumbs-up on Youtube. Can I marry your voice? TNG: Why is there so many talented musicians on Hubski? Did y'all originally promote the site on music boards or something. Does everybody else sing semi-professionally and I'm literally the exception and if so ... can you teach me?
I'm not sure why there are so many artists on hubski. I suppose it might have to do with the fact that mk and I are both artists and perhaps, as such, we seeded the community with the like. But perhaps, when you create a site dedicated to thoughtful discussion it tends to attract some for people who, perhaps, tend to be artists. Perhaps.
Thank you for saying so. You're a part of it! It's not the place, it's the people. We just gave the snow ball a nudge, it gained it's own momentum and picked up people along the way. Some great people have walked these halls. Some have stayed throughout, others come and go and some have outright left for good. There have been great moments. Sad moments. I always think of littlebirdie as one of the saddest moments in Hubski history. She was a phenomenal addition to the community. A beautiful writer/poet and a kind soul. She got doxed by a bunch of redditors for spending time on Hubski. It was awful. I felt awful for her. I hope that some day she will return. Hubski is a much mellower place these days. I digress. Glad you're here Cedar. You're awesome. Thanks for the compliments and the trip down memory lane.
Albums are never "finished," you just decide to stop. You'll see.
That's what I like about sewing: there is a clear point at which, really, you can't add any more buttons or hem any more edges. Much more finite. I'd say theres maybe a week more mixing to do, and one more track to record. So close. So far. The good news is that I've been working on this since august and I don't hate the music yet
Crazy research of the week: In which researchers took skin cells from a fully grown human, converted them into stem cells, partially differentiated them into neurons, and put them into mouse brains to study the effect of the same environment on neurons from different species. When I saw that paper, I had a woah moment. Holy shit are we living in the future.
This sounds like the beginning plot to a horror movie.In which researchers took skin cells from a fully grown human, converted them into stem cells, partially differentiated them into neurons, and put them into mouse brains to study the effect of the same environment on neurons from different species.
I got a smiley face. Maaaaaaan, getting smiley faces on papers is the bombest shit. That's one hell of a validation you're on the right track. Congrats and good luck, that whole situation is fucking awesome. Are those headaches a norm for you?It wasn't much of a surprise for me to notice that I already like more people here than from my own year. No-one says shit about me behind my back, my comments aren't met with sighs and groans, and people don't assume that I'm asking more complex questions "to show off" or "waste everyone's time on purpose" but because it's fucking interesting and I want to know the answer. ... Yesterday we got our results back. It was a tense moment broken by seeing both grade and the type of grade.
I still remember getting a "nice job" when getting an exam back in my first engineering class. That was probably 16 years ago.
Ah, the joys of a smiley face. I'm a mere peon, but I wouldn't discount stress as a factor. I get the impression growing up with so many tests done on your body to ensure your safety can be a bit overwhelming? Though, that's beside the point.... stress could just as well build over time, doesn't have to be one event. 😉 On the other hand, (again, peon typing here) sensory overload sounds plausible and worth looking into with EMDR The therapists I worked alongside last weekend always rave about the 🌈wonders🌈(^tm) of EMDR. Fuck... maybe it was something with brain-mapping... I'll have to look back.
The troubles of typing in a stream-of-conscious format without review. Meant the "getting so many tests" segment to be a separate thought, rather than projecting my own problems onto you. Guess that's how it seemed anyways. That strikes one possibility off the list, then! The car crash on the other hand, that wasn't recent, correct? You're all well and good without any persisting troubles? Truthfully, I've had similar experiences. And some shitty ones at that. Though, there have been two gems that have done wonders in terms of both learning about and shifting who I am and how I view myself (for the better, thankfully). Can't speak much to having similar school experiences, but the same idea sadly persists in terms of getting bullied is OK, yet self-defense isn't. Oye! That is a cost. Well, at least you've looked and decided what's not for you. That ain't psychosomatic or my brain is a bigger arsehole than I am.
LOL.I'll look it up, but in my experience, psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists are unskilled money sponges that will latch to anything that you give them and try to convince you to agree with their first impression.
Not an issue, re: responding. I can't say I remembered this topic. Good to know nothing lasting, though I'd be curious to see if nothing comes out of it in the future - i.e. traumas. Seriously, good on you. On this end, good luck... I can't fathom people who can do this and succeed in earnest. Because the nature of human progress isn't individualistic, I haven't seen a single case of "I worked through my shit all on my own and it worked" in the years and hundreds of faces I've seen come through the therapy workshop I've worked at. I can only go so far about learning about how and why I act. Creating meaningful change around that requires human compassion, comfort, and connection. Let me take you on a journey through a little something called imago, steeped in Adlerian psych. My best analogy is my baby brain was a blank slate. I will grew into adolescence and young adulthood while interacting with the outside world - mainly people, to start, my family. People interacting with me provided experiences that beget impressions on my brain that dictated how I interact with the world moving forward. Bear with me, this sounds banal, basic psychology so far, I know. The Clincher: where the impressions made by others earlier on are core to the manifestation of my own, your own, relationships AND my/your perception of them. These relationships will mirror whatever experiences my blank slate of a brain latched onto because that's what my brain recognizes as it's truth in way is sees the world. I will attract and seek out (consciously or not) people to play the roles of those I interacted with in my childhood moving into my adult life, relationships (romantic and not), and to my grave. A Way Out: Not logick'ing it. I'll tell you that much. Until 1. I am willing to do the work to undo these impressions/heal 2. someone willing to hold space for the others' wound nothing will happen. Working on healing parts of psyche on your own is as effective as having a conversation with a wall. It's people and our relationships that made impressions on us, so people and relationships are what can relieve the impact of those impressions under the right conditions. After which, I can move on in life, seeking out healthier relationships alongside attracting them as well. I'd like to go into more detail to provide better context, but I don't have the time since I have a class soon. That said, I'll leave this model that's a TL;DR: Event/Experience -> Feeling -> Belief -> Action -> Event/Experience ->.... Now imagine this being a circle. . . Man this is harder to explain through text, but the point is the brain creates a positive feedback loop for self-validating beliefs. In a completely related, completely ironic quote I don't endorse: "Break the cycle Morty, rise above, focus on science." Also, tagging ThatFanficGuy. I know we've delved into relationships before with regard to non-violent communication. The theory here is different, more along the lines of shifting self with relation to others whereas NVC is navigating it with others.I'm beginning to pinpoint some of the issues that I have
and try to work through them myself.
I was told that it looked that much scarier and alien.
-> when I'll get angry I get really angry.
-> People rarely like me, that's something I grew to accept.
-> Plus I'm crazily fit and much stronger than I look [I work out a lot]
-> [Insert some message about being alien or other]... cough
Whelp, I now have a Canon T5, and a boat load of pictures of the pup. We're about half way through listening to The Omnivore's Dilemma. Which got me to thinking: now that we've moved, we are close enough to my parent's land to plant a garden. Potatoes, here we come! Also onions. And Garlic. And Beets? And Turnips? We saved a big ol' bag of veggie bits for making stock, but it was possibly the bitterest thing I've ever tasted. The onion skin to everything else ratio was too damn high, I think. EDIT: Oh, and canned coconut milk is a poor creamer substitute in coffee.
I loved the Omnivore's Dilemma. It felt like a really honestly portrayed personal journey. He didn't have an agenda... he was exploring, and documenting his explorations. I still think about the contents of that book often. Especially the boar hunt. That's a fascinating personal journey for him...
As someone who loathes kale, can I recommend lacitano kale? It grows stupid easy, you can trim bits off of it all season, and it's steadfastly resistant to meltdown when frying and putting in soups. Chop it fine and put something acidic on it and it's even salad. And yes. Canned coconut milk is a poor creamer substitute in coffee.
My favorite thing about kale is until recently pizza hut was the largest purchaser of kale for years. They used it as a garnish for buffets and threw it away http://www.bostonmagazine.com/health/blog/2012/05/31/kale-super-food/
I just got back from the farmers market, and one of the stalls gave me a sample of Red Russian kale to try. It wasn't too bad. We ended up buying a bag to put in soup. Reminds me more of giant arugula, but that may just be me 'cause google doesn't turn up many hits on that. Wasn't actually cardboard like the generic supermarket variety at any rate.
Wrong pubski this ones a month and a half old, but I wanted to share a kale trick. If you coat it in oil and let it stand for at least half an hour and ideally a few hours it softens up and becomes pretty edible. I used to hate it because I thought it tasted like grassy cardboard but if you let it sit covered in oil it will wilt a bit and soften up. Also make sure you remove the tough stems in the center of the leaf. Credit for this trick to kenji from serous eats
Posted most of how I feel in this post. Other than that... I'm alive. I feel bad, but I'll live. Thought the group gift ordeal bothered me so much I went depressed; isn't the case. Guess it's just another of those times where you just feel like crap. The #russiabynatives post won't be ready soon (sorry, lil). One thing I notice about being depressed is that you look for attention, hard. You can't express it, but you look for others' approval and for people to cheer you up because you can't find it in you to do so. I'd like to add something personable, but it's not something I can do right now; not on my own, anyway.
Wow. Hello. This is me. I'm right there with you.One thing I notice about being depressed is that you look for attention, hard. You can't express it, but you look for others' approval and for people to cheer you up because you can't find it in you to do so.
We had lightning and pouring rain last night. February 28. It's snowing now. My next hiking trip is a week and a half away. My first half marathon of the year is two weeks after I get back. I feel good but will admit I have a lot planned.
Wasn't feeling good for some time, didn't give attention to fitness and hence, gained weight, once you loose a good habit, it is very difficult forming it again, 4 months ago I was enjoying everything without sugar and my diet compliance was perfect and got an awesome BMI, but then took things easy..left the gym and hence the weight gain.. But, now have hit the gym again, the feeling you have after you perspire is awesome..Thus feeling better and more confident.. but still not able to control diet. Yoga is the tradition in India, but I find it difficult to control breath and the likewise, so for the time being focussing on cardio, then if my strength permits will incorporate Yoga for mental wellbeing.
I think yoga pairs well with cardio (though I don't do it enough). The stretching and flexibility seems to help.
Yes, it does, but I think results of Yoga are gradual. Cardio, for me shows quick results, once I reduce some weight, will go for yoga, as it will be easier to practice it then.. PS: Yoga in our culture and true meaning, is beyond mere exercise,being a technique of controlling body and mind, it symbolizes efforts to free oneself from bonds of our body and nature.
Art/Not Art Ever since I took Dala to the last art museum we went to I’ve been tickling in the back of my mind that woodcarving looks like a lot of fun. After watching some Youtube tutorials on woodcarving, researching the tools and their costs, and measuring things over in my head, I’ve realized that it takes way more effort than I’m willing/able to put into it at this time. So that’s off the table at the moment. Instead, I’m just doing a bit of drawing here and there right now. I haven’t drawn anything of substance in over 15 years. I was awful at it then, I’m awful at it now, but I figure if I draw every other day, maybe in a year or so I’ll be less awful. The other day, I tried to draw a coyote from one of the images on Wikimedia. This is an exact text I sent to the lady unit . . . I will not share the drawing of said coyote. However, this was the picture I was working off of and I do have to say, that’s a damn handsome dog. Cars I was out grocery shopping a few days ago and swung by the magazine section to look at the latest issue of Motortrend. They have an article on the new Lexus LC500 that makes me wish I had the kind of money where I could buy a car like that no problem. I think it looks amazing. Everyone else I’ve talked to says it ranges from “an eyesore” to “weird” to “meh.” I’m curious what Hubski thinks. Movies/Television I have the day off tomorrow. I think I’m gonna check out the film making channels goobster and ThatFanficGuy told me about while I get some cleaning done. At this point, I’m really starting to miss having TCM on in the background while I putter around and the junk shows I have playing on Hulu/Netflix (Vikings, Sons of Anarchy, etc.) for background noise get the job done, they’re not very good. Or maybe I’m just not in the mindset to enjoy those kinds of shows anymore. Which is fine. I still get a kick out of Archer, Bob’s Burgers, Andy Griffith Show, etc. Life I feel old.
This Coyote looks like a retarded fox. That means, if I wanted a half decent coyote, I should have started with a thuggish looking wolf.
You can carve wood pretty quick with one of these http://katools.com/lancelot-squire-combo-kits/ It's basically a high speed murder machine. But where's the fun in using power tools that can't kill or seriously maim you?
Small life things are smoothing out: - With some coaching from my brother, I approached the roommate situation in a way that we're staying at the same place next year (woo-hoo!). - I'm coming to a point where I'm appreciating the maths I'm taking once more. The only issue now is nailing down a work ethic/routine. I have a hunch this happens every semester where I fall into a lull this time of the year where I slack off more than usual. I've come to realize the moment I engage with my phone, or some sort of entertainment on the computer, I'm as good as done. Self-restraint and self-discipline are lacking. Doesn't aid the school work... - Having a car is more convenient than I thought. Been using it more to squeeze in one last game before class than anything else. Bad habits. - Just came back from the bank to get my club outta debt for its first time in years. In other news, I've been listening to John Mayer's latest releases. I have to listen a few more times before coming to a conclusion.
Trucking on. Been listening to Chance, Kanye, Kirk Franklin. Thinking a lot about God. I may be drifting back towards Christianity? In any case, not at a place where I did the Ash Wednesday thing today. But maybe next year. Also working on spending less of my energy being angry at things. My friends frequently seem to sort of forget about me? Like, just not mentioning plans, not inviting me to things. But it's not not wanting me there; as soon as I like text "what's up" or something, they'll say "we're all hanging out, come through! we miss you." But I always have to be the one to ask what's up. And I got pretty tired of that. So instead I'm just being more okay with being alone. Hanging out in the library café, getting work done on time, reading for pleasure. It's pretty nice. A friend that graduated posted this photo and it hit me pretty hard.
That poem gets me, too. I think if there's anything one "deserves" -- it might be this.
This month's going to be interesting. Not drinking, building my base mileage back up to half-marathon training, going to start power-lifting (whoa!), and probably renewing my lease. Still haven't decided on a goddamn vacation. In other news, holy shit, I went on such a boring date last night. Dating is annoying.
Went to a concert by the Dutch electronica band Weval this weekend. I invited some acquaintances who like the band as well but they couldn't be bothered or didn't have the time. So I went anyway because why not, really? The music was great but I lost my debit card, so I'm gonna go there again to pick it up tomorrow. I had a fascinating discussion with a researcher at my faculty yesterday. That ITF paper I keep referring to here, which posits that automated vehicles can remove up to 90% of all cars from our cities? His colleague wrote and created that agent-based model and considered asking him to co-supervise me so that I could expand on it. Sadly the ITF is now selling it to cities for tens of thousands euro at a time which makes it very unlikely I'll be able to get my hands on it for free. But he really wants to help me get to the frontiers of autonomous vehicle modeling for urban systems and is intrigued by my idea to make an AV network design tool. Now I need to slim it down significantly so I can actually finish my thesis this year and not just this decade... For funsies I'm starting the Deep Learning MOOC by Fast.ai, so I'm messing around with AWS now. Supposedly it's a great course. Has anyone here toyed around with Deep Learning?
I've just started learning Russian. I'm about a week in and frustrated as all hell. I have a teacher who doesn't speak english and doesn't really push us at all. I've been sitting in a class 6 hours a day teaching myself while fingerfucking whatever work she gives us. Ugh
Just a shot in the dark here, but ThatFanficGuy might know a phrase or two.
Aye I've seen he lives that way. I'm going to wait till I know a bit more then how to introduce myself to bother people. For now I'll stick with class and Italki.. And beating my head against the wall