Not an issue, re: responding. I can't say I remembered this topic. Good to know nothing lasting, though I'd be curious to see if nothing comes out of it in the future - i.e. traumas.

I'm beginning to pinpoint some of the issues that I have

Seriously, good on you.

and try to work through them myself.

On this end, good luck... I can't fathom people who can do this and succeed in earnest. Because the nature of human progress isn't individualistic, I haven't seen a single case of "I worked through my shit all on my own and it worked" in the years and hundreds of faces I've seen come through the therapy workshop I've worked at. I can only go so far about learning about how and why I act. Creating meaningful change around that requires human compassion, comfort, and connection. Let me take you on a journey through a little something called imago, steeped in Adlerian psych.

My best analogy is my baby brain was a blank slate. I will grew into adolescence and young adulthood while interacting with the outside world - mainly people, to start, my family. People interacting with me provided experiences that beget impressions on my brain that dictated how I interact with the world moving forward. Bear with me, this sounds banal, basic psychology so far, I know.

The Clincher: where the impressions made by others earlier on are core to the manifestation of my own, your own, relationships AND my/your perception of them. These relationships will mirror whatever experiences my blank slate of a brain latched onto because that's what my brain recognizes as it's truth in way is sees the world. I will attract and seek out (consciously or not) people to play the roles of those I interacted with in my childhood moving into my adult life, relationships (romantic and not), and to my grave.

A Way Out: Not logick'ing it. I'll tell you that much. Until

1. I am willing to do the work to undo these impressions/heal

2. someone willing to hold space for the others' wound

nothing will happen.

Working on healing parts of psyche on your own is as effective as having a conversation with a wall. It's people and our relationships that made impressions on us, so people and relationships are what can relieve the impact of those impressions under the right conditions. After which, I can move on in life, seeking out healthier relationships alongside attracting them as well.

I'd like to go into more detail to provide better context, but I don't have the time since I have a class soon. That said, I'll leave this model that's a TL;DR:

Event/Experience -> Feeling -> Belief -> Action -> Event/Experience ->....

Now imagine this being a circle. . . Man this is harder to explain through text, but the point is the brain creates a positive feedback loop for self-validating beliefs.

I was told that it looked that much scarier and alien.

when I'll get angry I get really angry.

People rarely like me, that's something I grew to accept.

Plus I'm crazily fit and much stronger than I look [I work out a lot]

[Insert some message about being alien or other]... cough

In a completely related, completely ironic quote I don't endorse: "Break the cycle Morty, rise above, focus on science."

Also, tagging ThatFanficGuy. I know we've delved into relationships before with regard to non-violent communication. The theory here is different, more along the lines of shifting self with relation to others whereas NVC is navigating it with others.