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comment by kleinbl00
kleinbl00  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Dear hubski, what do you look back on as your proudest moment in life?

You presume that "the proudest thing" is necessarily "the hardest thing" and that's simply not the case.

"The proudest thing" was the day I was working with Bobby Altman, son of Robert Altman and the camera operator on one of the greatest single shots in the history of cinema:

I was sold the gig as "two evos and a shorty boom" - producer-speak for a nothing gig - and when I got there it was six speaking roles at a time in front of minimum 3, maximum 6 cameras. It was also next to one of the largest pirate broadcast towers in Los Angeles, which put off so much RF that it actually cooked three different Pro Tools rigs from the recordists. It also happened to be my first experience as a department head, first experience as a mixer on a scripted performance, and really, my second or third experience in Hollywood.

Anyway. It was about six solid weeks of work, hard in, hard out, shooting seven pages a day followed by two, sometimes three bands. And I cut into my rate so I could get a decent boom guy (made it back on the gear) but it was brutal. I learned a lot. And one day, I'm sitting there eating lunch (Baja Fresh for the nth time) and Bobby Altman, son of Robert, says

"You're really handling in there."

"Thanks, Bobby. That's what we do, right?"

"No, but I mean I'm throwing some truly impossible shit your way and you just plant it. It's commendable. My dad really would have loved working with you."

Robert Altman was notorious for burning through soundguys as if they were kleenex. He multitracked everything decades before it was kosher. And there I was, in the industry for all of nine months, handling.

We were nominated for an award on that show. It was for post-production sound. There was no post-production sound team - they just used my mix, raw. The editors made me go to the awards show. We did not win.

But I have Bobby Altman saying his dad would have loved working for me, and no one will ever take that away.

_______________________________________________________________________________

"The hardest thing" is different. My family went out to Maine when I was in high school. I got away from them - it was this tiny shitty town two hours north of Portland. I was on some really shitty rollerblades. And I ended up hanging out at this pizza place run by a kid maybe two years older than me, barely out of high school himself. I was there ostensibly to hit on this cute girl with a nose ring, but me and the owner struck up a conversation - we both liked Ministry, we both liked Skinny Puppy, and he was running a pizza place. And since nobody in town knew me, I was able to buy alcohol despite the fact that I was 17 because I pretty much looked 25 from the age of 16 to the age of 30. So we hung out.

But then a rumor started that some girl had told her dad, one of the dozens of coked-up lobster fishermen in town, that the LSD she was caught with had come from the longhair kid with the pizza place and everyone got a little spooked. But my new buddy laughed it off and conducted business as usual.

An hour later eight giant longshoremen, clearly out of their minds on narcotics, stormed through the door. They ripped the counter out of the floor and crashed it onto the ground. They demanded that everyone leave because there was going to be a reckoning.

Everyone filed out. Except me.

So there's the guy with the pizza place, and his terrified girlfriend, and eight longshoremen in sleeveless Ts, and me. I was sixteen. And Mr. Pectacular says

"This isn't your problem, kid, you need to get out of here."

And I said

"You've got a beef with my friend, that makes it my problem" and stood my ground.

And there was silence, and then there was growling, and then the guy stared me down and said

"Okay, if you want to make this your problem, this is your problem."

And then they all stood for a minute, menacing, and then the guy pointed his finger at my new friend and said

"I better never catch you selling drugs to my kid again!" and left.

And we called 9/11 and long story short, two of those guys went to jail for about six months, and it's entirely possible that they wouldn't have creamed the shit out of my buddy if they didn't have a witness/additional target, but nonviolence would have been an exception to their police records.

But honestly? That wasn't hard. That was just scary. It was the right thing to do.

The right thing to do is always the easy thing to do because you don't have to take responsibility for it. You just have to have the strength of your convictions.



Ay-Nawn  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    "The proudest thing" was the day I was working with Bobby Altman, son of Robert Altman and the camera operator on one of the greatest single shots in the history of cinema:

I'm no film or theater major, nor a connoisseur of either, but I can attest to having this shot as one of the very first clips my video production teacher had us dissect at the beginning of the semester for discussion. Guess my point is: small world and major, major congrats on a job well done.

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swedishbadgergirl  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

The "right thing" morally makes it very much not really a choice. When it's white and black it's easy to pick.

For me, personally this is more of a longterm/shortterm issue.

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user-inactivated  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    The right thing to do is always the easy thing to do because you don't have to take responsibility for it. You just have to have the strength of your convictions.

That's bullshit. Not everyone is a pillar, their conviction a hundred-year root in the ground. Without it, the right thing is always going to be hard, and not everyone's out there to acquire it - or even have a chance to. And you do take the responsibility: conviction doesn't exist without it.

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user-inactivated  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

What the hell is wrong with you guys? Would you answer any conversational point in person that you disagreed with by saying, 'that's bullshit'? This is the third time I've seen this in a week, from various users. Stop. Talk normally. Don't contribute to the decline of manners, and more broadly, the butchering of language.

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user-inactivated  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Would you answer any conversational point in person that you disagreed with by saying, 'that's bullshit'?

I won't, unless it's bullshit.

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kleinbl00  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Fuck you, too, kid.

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Bypel  ·  3118 days ago  ·  link  ·  

You should have responded to his point as well as his tone.

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user-inactivated  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I point out how inconsistent your views are with reality, and you reply with "Fuck you, too, kid". Is that the level of discussion we're on? I'm not supposed to believe what you say unless you can back it up. So far, I asked you to elaborate on two extremely concise previous occasions in a bit of a more polite manner, and you haven't. Must I just believe what you state because of your reputation?

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kleinbl00  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

No, you merely must not be a dick.

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user-inactivated  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

You're right. I apologize. I have a lot of unresolved anger, and you, somehow, seem to invite it.

You're right about the sentiment on conviction, as well. I thought about it. Doing what's right is easy when you're convinced. What struck with me, and what I should have said, is that it's very hard to actually get convinced when everyone and everything seem to be telling you that you're not good enough or that you don't deserve it. That's what a lot of people experience - me being among them - and telling them "it's easy" is like tell the poor how many diamonds you have.

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kleinbl00  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Can I just say what a thermonuclear drag it is to "invite" your anger? Particularly when I wasn't even talking to you?

By the way, this:

    it's very hard to actually get convinced when everyone and everything seem to be telling you that you're not good enough or that you don't deserve it.

Is a horrible thing to live with, is absolutely no fun, is socially crippling and is a problem you must resolve.

BUT

At the time of my lobsterman adventure I was a clinically depressed exercise bulimic whose drunk and physically abusive mother was fond of saying she never wanted kids anyway yet somehow, I knew what the right thing was.

Nobility is a drug, particularly when you're feeling downtrodden. A cloak of self-righteousness protects against the most outrageous psychic violence.

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swedishbadgergirl  ·  3119 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Kleinbl00, I don't know how you feel about personal space and such... but if you don't mind it I just sent you a deep internet hug.

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user-inactivated  ·  3119 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Well, I think I understood most of what you just told me. Either you use some sort of gathered American speech that I didn't manage to acquire through osmosis or my English is not as fine as I thought it was.

    yet somehow, I knew what the right thing was.

Never said we don't know what the right thing is. Just said it's difficult to get to.

The last paragraph you may want to retell in a simpler language, though.

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kleinbl00  ·  3119 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Considering the dispute we just had, are you sure you want to button it up with "change your speech patterns to suit me?"

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user-inactivated  ·  3119 days ago  ·  link  ·  

No, but you know what? Screw it. You wanted to tell me something. Alright. I can't understand it the way you told it. I ask you to make it so that I could. You don't, and you get defensive. Fine. Have it your way. I thought we were on our way to making us understand each other, if that's even possible.

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swedishbadgergirl  ·  3118 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I mean this in the kindest possible way (but there isn't many kind ways to say this) but -

YOU AREN'T THE CENTER OF UNIVERSE; THE THING EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND.

You have to get that, hopefully YOU are the center of YOUR world, but that isn't the case for others.

It should never be. We might let people come close to being our center, revolve around eachother, maybe only one person, maybe a whole solar system of people.

But that happens with kindness and time - not anger and impatience.

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Devac  ·  3117 days ago  ·  link  ·  
This comment has been deleted.
swedishbadgergirl  ·  3117 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'm just a ceaseless optimist.

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user-inactivated  ·  3117 days ago  ·  link  ·  

You're right.

When I lash out at people, it's because I feel insecure. It's nobody's fault but something for me to work on - but in those moments, I seemingly forget about it, which is convenient if I want to, say, boost my self-esteem by putting someone else down. It's a mindset I'm working my way out of, but, as you can see, it doesn't happen without casualties. If I am to be fair, though, I'm proud of what I'm doing because, as dirty as it is, it's better than it used to be a year or two ago, and for me, it's big.

Thank you for engaging despite my worse behavior and reminding me of what's important. Being treated like a decent human being makes me want to act like one.

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swedishbadgergirl  ·  3117 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Knowing that is what you are doing is a huge step in the journey of stopping to do that.

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oyster  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Or be a dick cleverly.

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kleinbl00  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

No, that's not even it. This is a heartfelt, intimate discussion about deeply held beliefs and feelings and there is absolutely no possible way forward when someone just steps right in and says "that's bullshit."

It's stultifyingly bad manners and serves only to stop discussion cold.

I've got plenty to share. I've got lots of stories. But you get a response like that and you not only think to yourself "fuck this website" you think "fuck everyone under 30" because if I have a choice between saying nothing at all or getting lambasted for volunteering my experiences, I'm gonna go watch Mad Men reruns.

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oyster  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

That's because " that's bullshit" isn't a clever way to be a dick. You can realistically be a dick all the time but get away with it if you're clever. Being clever has basically the same benefits of being pretty.

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kleinbl00  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I still disagree. It doesn't matter how silver your tongue - when you are speaking to silence discourse, the other party knows it. In fact, the more nimbly you do it the more likely they are to resent you because they feel powerless to defend themselves.

If you want to have a conversation you have to make room for it. "You're wrong" is far less useful than "I disagree because." "I couldn't follow" beats the tar out of "you confused me."

There once was a kid from Siberia

Who lashed out at certain criteria

He'd throw down the glove

Then shout "I need love!"

But it just made me exit the area

Is clever. And real-time. I can be clever as fuck. But it's still just me, being a dick, shutting down conversation.

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user-inactivated  ·  3119 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    There once was a kid from Siberia

    Who lashed out at certain criteria

    He'd throw down the glove

    Then shout "I need love!"

    But it just made me exit the area

See, now you're talking. Not sure I appreciate being called a kid, though.

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oyster  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Ah, see I'm talking about "being a dick" in a more general way. Not how to cleverly say "that's bullshit". It's too strong of a statement to leave the other person convinced the discussion to follow will go anywhere. Well, most people.

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user-inactivated  ·  3120 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I feel the urge to reply with a pretty clever pun.

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Devac  ·  3119 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I don't get it. What pun?

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swedishbadgergirl  ·  3119 days ago  ·  link  ·  

The urge is shared.

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