You're right. I apologize. I have a lot of unresolved anger, and you, somehow, seem to invite it. You're right about the sentiment on conviction, as well. I thought about it. Doing what's right is easy when you're convinced. What struck with me, and what I should have said, is that it's very hard to actually get convinced when everyone and everything seem to be telling you that you're not good enough or that you don't deserve it. That's what a lot of people experience - me being among them - and telling them "it's easy" is like tell the poor how many diamonds you have.
Can I just say what a thermonuclear drag it is to "invite" your anger? Particularly when I wasn't even talking to you? By the way, this: Is a horrible thing to live with, is absolutely no fun, is socially crippling and is a problem you must resolve. BUT At the time of my lobsterman adventure I was a clinically depressed exercise bulimic whose drunk and physically abusive mother was fond of saying she never wanted kids anyway yet somehow, I knew what the right thing was. Nobility is a drug, particularly when you're feeling downtrodden. A cloak of self-righteousness protects against the most outrageous psychic violence. it's very hard to actually get convinced when everyone and everything seem to be telling you that you're not good enough or that you don't deserve it.
Kleinbl00, I don't know how you feel about personal space and such... but if you don't mind it I just sent you a deep internet hug.
Well, I think I understood most of what you just told me. Either you use some sort of gathered American speech that I didn't manage to acquire through osmosis or my English is not as fine as I thought it was. Never said we don't know what the right thing is. Just said it's difficult to get to. The last paragraph you may want to retell in a simpler language, though.yet somehow, I knew what the right thing was.
No, but you know what? Screw it. You wanted to tell me something. Alright. I can't understand it the way you told it. I ask you to make it so that I could. You don't, and you get defensive. Fine. Have it your way. I thought we were on our way to making us understand each other, if that's even possible.
I mean this in the kindest possible way (but there isn't many kind ways to say this) but - YOU AREN'T THE CENTER OF UNIVERSE; THE THING EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND. You have to get that, hopefully YOU are the center of YOUR world, but that isn't the case for others. It should never be. We might let people come close to being our center, revolve around eachother, maybe only one person, maybe a whole solar system of people. But that happens with kindness and time - not anger and impatience.
I'm just a ceaseless optimist.
You're right. When I lash out at people, it's because I feel insecure. It's nobody's fault but something for me to work on - but in those moments, I seemingly forget about it, which is convenient if I want to, say, boost my self-esteem by putting someone else down. It's a mindset I'm working my way out of, but, as you can see, it doesn't happen without casualties. If I am to be fair, though, I'm proud of what I'm doing because, as dirty as it is, it's better than it used to be a year or two ago, and for me, it's big. Thank you for engaging despite my worse behavior and reminding me of what's important. Being treated like a decent human being makes me want to act like one.
Knowing that is what you are doing is a huge step in the journey of stopping to do that.