Finally, after a few weeks of writing and editing, I'm ready to present to you the first part of my fanfiction story titled Crystal Clear. It's based on the videogame DotA 2, but the resemblance is mostly about characters.
The story is set in a modern world, where cars are plenty and personal computers are beginning to appear in people's homes. Rylai, the main character, is a teenager living with her older sister, Lina. I've set out to expand the mostly-flat characters the game presents and explore how would they appear in a real world. At the same time, I reimagined quite a few of them into a humanoid form, not unlike what diredude did - in fact, I was inspired by his art.
The stories are bound to feature plenty of shoutouts to the DotA 2's lore, but you can read freely without knowing any of it (barring the names of the characters) - and, hopefully, even if you're not a fan of the game. Crystal Clear was always intended as a story in itself. It's a story about friendship, magics, writing, human nature, the meaning of love, among other things. I intended to explore the human soul of the characters, and that's what I'm going to do.
The first three stories - under the umbrella name of First Cold - are meant as a slow introduction into the world and the plot. It's meant to tell you about the characters in a way that will, hopefully, interest you and make you want to learn more about them - and the world around them. All the stories will be around ten Word A4 pages or more (First Cold II, currently in the works, is, almost finished, 15 pages long).
Feel free to leave a thoughtful critique or an insightful remark, but don't tell me that you simply liked or disliked it - it brings nothing to me or to my writing. Paging _refugee_ for a review.
...what the hell. I didn't know that, and I'm sorry that you had to go through this mess for my sake. I'm going to find a better platform to post the story to. You did see the story, still, did you not? What can you tell? I'm eager to hear it.
I haven't finished it. I would like to know what kind of feedback you'd find more helpful. There are some grammar quirks for instance that I noticed but, i know usually writers are more interested in "big picture" kind of feedback than "you have grammar tense shifts here, here, and here." Yeah, I mentioned it because I did think that unless you had a really specific reason for using that platform I thought you'd be better served (especially if seeking feedback and from Hubski users) somewhere else. And since you already had an account I thought you probably had nt realized, although I did briefly entertain the notion you could secretly be an investor in the platform and this was your secret plot to drive up revenue or page views :)
Anything that you believe will improve my writing not for your taste solely, but for what you see as good writing in general. English is not my first language, and so it's no wonder I have quirks like this popping out. Tenses are among the troubles I have in English - I don't believe I've got it still, despite years of learning and exercising - so if you could explain where I hicced up and why, I would be grateful. Do you have any platforms in mind? I'm not familiar with the online self-publishing world. I've tried Fanfiction.net - thought of it first thing because it fits the subject - but found one aspect of it annoying enough to leave it immediately: I couldn't insert proper double paragraph breaks into the final text, no matter what I tried, and neither could I insert the three-asterisk separator - it got deleted after the saving, for some odd reason.I would like to know what kind of feedback you'd find more helpful.
I was thinking Medium possibly, but although I have an account I don't use it much. However eightbitsamurai does, I think, maybe some other users. They may have suggestions about good platforms. To be honest I think any blogging service would work but I am sure that you also are interested in being read by users on whatever site you use, maybe? Which would be why you might consider the fanfiction site. I agree formatting is essential. I know it's a selfish desire but I wish the Hubski markup offered more. However i do realize - I have very specific formatting preferences and desires, which also change depending on my content...and they are probably unreasonable for what is really an aggregation/community site. :) Personally I have a blogger and have run a Wordpress blog, both are serviceable, I think WP has more options but it is also more potentially aggravating. Check out Medium and see what 8bit has to say. I'll see what I can pull together for ya! edit: So I don't seem able to copy text from your story which is also a problem for me, I'd like to be able to put it in word or something so that I could highlight places I have comments. I was wondering if English wasn't your first language. Can I ask what is? That is for my own curiosity more than anything. Why do you choose to write in English? I am reading a foreign poet right now and they have a big section about how it is not truly possible to correctly reflect poems written in one language when they are translated. I think if I truly want to understand certain poets I should learn the language they write in and read them that way too. But that would be a lot of work for just one poet. Also wanted to add that verb tense shift ("VTS;" mixing past and present, etc) is a very common error that occurs with native English speakers frequently as well, so while I'm noting it throughout the piece, I think it's more to do with just realizing it's a thing people do and watching for it (as long as you are able to recognize it) than because Eng. is not your first language. Guess I just wanted to say that people do it all the time and not to feel too bad about that one.
Here you go - a Google Docs version of the original .DOCX, with editing allowed for those who follow the link. That you can't copy the text is very odd; again, I didn't know. Wattpad looks pretty, but I've started to doubt its real usefulness. My native language is Russian. I speak English since I was twelve or so, though: I picked it up quite easily and went along, given how ubiquitous it was in my life anyway (especially ever since I've got cable Internet access). I wrote the first edition of the story in Russian, then translated it into English sentence by sentence. It wasn't pretty. Linguistic constructs can be very different in both languages, and sometimes a name for something most common can not be translated directly. What you've read is the second edition: I rewrote the translation once I knew what is it I wanted to tell; an interesting experience, given how big of a quality difference it made. I'll try writing First Cold III directly into English - the second story is written in the mentioned way; let's see how it'll go for me. As for writing in English... I do it because it automatically grants me a larger audience to appeal to, which given me a higher chance of being noticed, which encourages me to write more and write better in the language I've been complimented for speaking my whole life (where I'm from, most people don't care to speak English, but since I do, people believe it's a good idea to let me know how clever I am for that - it's a virtue nobody's willing to work for). Besides, the Russian DotA 2 community isn't known for its culture and literary interest, which is why I don't see how posting the stories in Russian would be a good idea. I still plan on writing the short stories in Russian - I enjoy doing that and, with it, feel more confident, literary. Now, I'm also thinking about doing translations, as well: my stories aren't gold, but people have told me that they might be good.I'd like to be able to put it in word or something so that I could highlight places I have comments.
Why do you choose to write in English?
OMG I was really hoping it was Russian (but didn't think it was likely) because the poet I was just talking about is MARINA TSVETAEVA who originally writes in Russian! I still don't think I can justify trying to learn Russian to read her poems as originally written though. Here is one thing they said: "On the whole, the English versions are consciously less emphatic, less loudly-spoken, less violent, often less jolting and disturbing than the Russian originals." Also a lot of rhyme and meter is lost apparently. These qualities are all ones I prize in poems so I am sad they are lacking in the English versions. This is the poem (English version) that made me become interested in her poetry.
How peculiar. My sister read one of Marina Tsvetaeva's poems to me, and it resonated with as much as no other poem so far. It was very personal, hitting the spot on what I feel - too bad I don't remember the name. I've found the original of the poem you linked to, and I must say: the translation has torn to pieces its meaning and the acrid commentary. Yes, the overall plot - if one'd be bold enough to say the poem has a plot - is there, but it's been sanitized. I'll give my amateur hand to translating it into English in the proper way; I promise nothing, for such things require much time and experience to work properly. If you'd ever want to learn Russian, I'll be happy to give you a heads-up. Just ask edricarica for why it might be cool if you aren't convinced. I've met and heard from a few Americans who've visited Russia, and everyone has left astonished by the country. I don't understand it, but it's there.