Today is my 25th birthday!!!

I have to preface this with- I usually clean up and reorganize behaviors and patterns around this time of the year. Also. The implications that my situation is stable right now is in fact minutely understood by many parties in my life, including myself. No matter how many nice things or properties that are accumulated-

If the attention isn't there, then it can wither and disappear.

I don't have much to say at the current moment as this is the most free time I will and have had for others in quite a bit since the holidays have started.

I just got back from the beach.

While I was out of my home town, I reached out to some old friends. I felt the need to make amends.

I considered it a project for a bit, actually.

In my head, I built up all these different requirements and price points until I could make up for the fact of ditching my old life and chasing the addiction of "more."

I picked that up from a person from a hall.

I don't talk about the programs I am in, in here, and I wish I could, but I always get worried about what is considered okay and not okay around this space and others.

But I have learned more about myself from it.

I am making it a point to get an actual therapist again.

But, most importantly, when I reached out to my old friends- I found out that they are actually in my home town and around where I reside.

Not only that, but I told them I am an alcoholic and that I am sorry for... well... 4 years is quite a long time.

I almost put off talking to y'all here too- but I felt otherwise when I saw an AA posting on here.

I think that this alcove of people makes me feel safe.

I've picked up reading a book.

It's Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules For Life.

Do you know what a bodhe tree is?

I really should take a picture of my tree.

My Sacred Fig named Assantha.

The poor thing has been part of my attempt at gardening. It started with leaves and about 3-5 fruit.

Unfortunately, it has been subjected to the winds and frigid temperatures much further north than it was picked up from.

In fact, it is in a pot and ready to be moved if I move.

And I believe that my fiance and I will be this year.

Also, on a tangent, I discovered a man who wore a wooden bodhe necklace and it was a couple generations from the original tree that supposedly Buddha was Enlightened under.

Lastly, I am also starting to pick back up on writing.

It's been cumbersome, but I have been really accumulating a body of work on my devices.

I'm also marking up anything I feel like I I too-

Books, stray papers, journals, moleskines, composition books, whiteboards...

Which is good.

That means I can really dig down deep and get something fun from it.

I'm for structured project posts this year!

But I do have to go for now.

Feel free to reach out- I'm very excited to share pictures of my projects, but it is what it is and I do need to get to sleep.

Cheers!

I've gotten sick.

My fiancee calls it the winter sick.

My projects further down the line are in R&D.

I've been giving a lot of names and numbers to my band member and we're keeping in touch, but for now it is just about getting more music and really honing in on tracks.

The album name still needs to be registered, but I finally have a fucking stage name.

In case you are wondering, it took a full year to come up with.

I have been making a "time machine manual" that I copy notes into and draw. It's a lovely little moleskin.

It's a lot of organizing and cleaning around this time.

I'm definitely not working as hard as I should.

Thanks for the boot!

Hello.

I'm just starting to warm up to the idea of being sober and being okay.

The year 2010, I started the year preparing for 10th grade and turning 15. Unfortunately, I learned my sister got sick a few weeks after I turned 15.

I also started drinking when I was 15.

It's kind of a weird thing to be proud of.

I haven't had a decade long "drinking career."

I remember a lot of the past decade, but many people don't need to know every detail of my story.

I had to unlearn guilt for my sister getting sick.

I hitchhiked (like the 70s) to my friends at uni.

I had to move to Texas, go down a spiral or two, and then replant in my home town.

I went down so many different rabbit holes trying to set up a life I wanted to feel fulfilled in.

And when I threw away all the scraps of it again, for one more chance at feeling important, I found a man I felt I could respect, care, and love for.

Well, he says he found me.

It's just nice to have someone not only in my corner, but also not thinking I am nuts.

Drinking made me nuts.

And the more I read about that and other things I got- it became really apparent that my parents do care about me and so does everyone else.

But I'm still unlearning guilt about that.

Cheers.

I hitchhiked there before.

I was a kid back then, before the kicks.

Good luck!

Maybe next time!

Currently in SoCal.

It really is a really, really good word.

I love leaving words to a person's imagination.

Almost like when we were children and still trying to grapple what adults are talking about.

I'm waiting until after the New Year's. :)

Lots of love!!!

A (WIP) update for now:

Lots of organizing. Digital and real.

re-creating some invention stuff.

Some drafts for the AA Central Office.

I've got a painting in mind.

Working for an invention company starting Jan.

Sobriety. It is a constant work in progress for me.

Poetry being turned into music!!! Good news!!!

I am able to actually meet a deadline for music!!!

Thx for the tag, kingmudsy!

Favorite new find of the week.

https://venturebeat.com/2019/12/08/aws-sagemakers-new-machine-learning-ide-isnt-ready-to-win-over-data-scientists/amp/

That's all I will drop as a hint for now.