Hey man, this is an exciting undertaking! And a really big one too. I really like the premise of your work so far and if you're looking for feedback or to get a sense of how others are interacting with the work, would you mind giving us a look at the underpinnings of it? To put it another way, where are you coming from and why are you doing it? For example: Who is your target audience? I ask, because the tone, the language and the way that people connect to those things are a powerful influence on maintaining reader interest, building anticipation and of course the degree to which people may find the work to be a page turner. You've talked about what you see as the premise for the work, but I wonder what you see as the driving force, the question that needs to be answered for the reader in reading this book or collection or whatever this ultimately develops into. If the goal is to stoke the fires of curiosity into excitement and a love of exploring the kinds of questions you plan to present, is the work as-is accomplishing that in a way that you are satisfied with? At the moment, this piece of writing is well-crafted, thoughtful and penetrating, but to me as someone with only a cursory background in the hard sciences it strikes me as a bit technical. It feels like there needs to be some more of you in there, relating to these things as a human being. For example: Here, you begin to get into a lot of very human stuff, stuff that people can connect with, but that anecdotal stuff is sadly missing! Families are messy things. There are secrets and things forgotten, cherished memories and unforgettable bad days, there are all those tangled webs of attachments that will allow the readers to put their arm in the author's and oblige the author with a walk through wherever the author's mind will lead them. This is pretty crucial, especially if the author is setting up a section where people will need to stop and think about things. It helps the readers to stop and think about things if the author directs the reader's gaze and helps to open up the wonder of whatever it is they're exposing their readers to. It's also good for the author to show the reader why this is important, not just from the factual, but from the emotional perspective as well. Boom. This is exactly what the reader needs. This, to me, is a stronger opening quote, because it prepares me led over the horizon. Ah, mystery. Mystery is key to excitement and excitement is the key to exploration. Prime your readers for that; show them why it makes you excited, get them on board. There are lots of interesting questions here, but as a reader I feel like I want to meander through those questions a bit more from your perspective.Like most people I found that with each successive generation it became exponentially more difficult to find reliable data of my ancestors.
Uh-huh. With you so far, I remember those kinds of projects too (connection!)However, I was lucky that my maternal granddad had retained a lot of letters, images, and documents from his history, which made it easier for me to extend my family tree.
“When I look up in the universe. I know I’m small. But I’m also big. I’m big because I’m connected to the universe, and the universe is connected to me.”
As interesting as this perspective on our origins is, it also leaves mystery, and an inescapable question: If the Big Bang was the start of our universe, setting off a chain of events that eventually produced our species, what caused it?
Hey humanodon, thanks for such a thoughtful response. 1. My target audience: I want anyone who loves or has an interest in science to want to pick this book up and enjoy it. However, if there is a niche group of people that I would like to connect with, it is young students in high school and university that are just starting their careers. I want them to know what the frontier is. I want them to know what the biggest questions in science are, so that they can potentially go into fields related to those questions. 2. The driving force for this work is definitely a curiosity for the unknown. But another driving force is undeniably a perspective I hold dear: that just because we don't know something, that doesn't mean it can't be known or that we should settle for not knowing, or we should use God-of-the-gaps. We should be striving to answer the most difficult questions. 3. I understand that there are parts of this opening that are a little technical. I'm going to try my best to inject my own voice and personality in this a lot more as I go along - where I can. 4. By anecdotal stuff do you mean more personal stuff from my own life or my granddad's life? 5. At the end of this chapter I spend several pages contemplating the Big Bang from my personal perspective. This is really important I agree with you. I definitely want to inject a lot of my own voice and find my own voice as a writer.
1. I think that that's a nice, manageable focus. Perhaps you might look around at the kinds of texts that target niche are likely to be exposed to in order to create the greater likelihood of a quick connection? 2. The second driving force seems like it could be a really solid anchor for the first point. How do you plan to stoke the flames of curiosity for the unknown without the reader feeling like they're owed some kind of mindblowing answer? To put it another way, do you have an idea of how to manage reader expectation, not only paragraph to paragraph, chapter to chapter, but over the course of the book? If not, that's cool. That part's wicked hard. 3. From your other posts via your blog, I'd say that you're pretty good at doing that. That said, your blog entries sometimes have some cool graphics or pictures thrown in that really add to your pieces. Do you plan to include some diagrams in the book as well? If not, how do you think you might approach making the prose really sparkle in parts that might naturally be a bit dull to people who are less conversant with technical language? 4. Broadly, I mean both, if it adds to the piece. I'm not suggesting frivolous details, but if you don't mind, I'd like to take a moment to point out some places where I think personal details can add to the piece. How did this make you feel? When do you remember your granddad first telling you about that and how did that make you feel? My own dad used to tell me about my gramps, but I had no idea why any of it was important. I found it really uninteresting until I was of a certain age and certainly, now I think those things are pretty cool. What was your experience like? (Connections, see what I mean?) Again, at what age did you decide this would be exciting? I ask because that gives insight into the mind of the author, the "Who" it is we as readers are interacting with. Also, why is this exciting and how? As a reader, I want to be surprised too. When I go to someone's house, I'd rather see what we're going to eat rather than just be told what we're going to eat. "No tears in the artist, no tears in the reader" and all that. Whoa! How did we get here? We don't need to go through the research with the author, but a glimpse into the process, those little defeats and then a victory are sure to reveal a whole lot about how the author's mind is working and give the idea of where we're being led. So close! That seems like kind of a letdown, after the ride the reader just went on. How did this discovery affect you? For some, it might turn them off of genealogy altogether, being disappointment and all. Also, did you take anything away from this project with your granddad? What were his feelings on the results, or even the endeavor as a whole? 5. I think that's generally a nice progression, but I also think that a reader will need some breadcrumbs to tide them over. I think that can be accomplished without sacrificing the impact of the text from an informative point of view and that it will be useful as a way to build up to the Big Reveal of what you as the author are all about. I hope that these suggestions are helpful and that it's clear that I think you're off to a good start. If not, feel free to tell me to shut it :)While growing up I remember my granddad always told me that our family had a biological connection to the 19th century author Charlotte Bronte who wrote Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights.
I had assumed that such a connection was unfounded but thought it would make the investigation more exciting if I could demonstrate scientifically whether the connection was real or imagined.
To my surprise, my granddad and I did reveal a connection (although not biological).
In the fifth generation of my pedigree chart, my great, great, great, granddad had an uncle, Arthur Bell Nicholls, who married Charlotte Bronte.
However, we also found out that Charlotte Bronte died before giving birth to her first child, so there was no biological relatedness.
Thanks for the thoughtful response again. 1) I realized that some people may be left disappointed because each chapter will leave the reader with more questions than answers. That is not necessarily something I can fix... however, I know for me personally that the unknown just interests me. I hope that the unknown will appeal to others as well. The book will be designed to make people think about the things that we need the next generation to think about! Otherwise they will always be mysteries! 2) There will definitely be visuals. My animator for The Advanced Apes YouTube channel will be doing illustrations throughout the entire book! 3) I will definitely attempt to incorporate more personal info and a stronger personal narrative from myself. I would love for people to see my personality in the book and finish knowing a lot about who I am as a person and not just as a scientist. Definitely don't shut it! I love the feedback!
My pleasure! 1) I don't think that has to be the case at all. Part of writing well, especially in extended forms is the control of information. By carefully structuring the sections of the writing, this can help to create suspense and even drama. By this I mean theatricality, of course. I don't know what your feelings on Bill Bryson are, but in A Short History of Nearly Everything and At Home: A Short History of Private Life I feel like he tackles broad subjects in this way particularly well. You can check out an excerpt here if you haven't checked it out. The unknown is something that we're wired to seek answers to and if presented well, the reader's natural curiosity will take over. Your job as the writer, is choosing how much information and what information they get in order for them to move through the piece as you've envisioned it. This means getting crafty and using that craftiness to create the hooks that will stoke the desire of the reader to discover where it is the writer is taking them. 2) I am glad to hear that your animator will be providing illustration. I really like the style! 3) An easy way to check to see if your voice is coming through is to ask people that know you well to read a part of what you've written. Don't tell them that you've written it until after they're done. If they can tell that it was you, then you've succeeded!