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comment by Rat
Rat  ·  4353 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: What's the best (and/or most interesting) piece of advice you've ever heard?

I've been told that I'm good at giving advice. Some relate that I'm wise beyond my years and others say that I'm very sharp in picking up how they feel.

While I appreciate these sentiments I don't not find myself to be remarkably wise or empathetic. My secret is this: I do a very good job on picking up what it is you'd like to be told and why. What your options are, and how you came to your conclusions. It's not that I completely discount my own opinion in certain matters but when people ask me what I think they are really asking me about themselves, not me.

To expand on that last sentence, what most people don't realize about advice is that good advice is not opening up new doors to the listener. They must find the doors themselves (believe me I've tried, people must find them themselves). Giving advice is nudging in them in the direction of the correct door. Sometimes the correct door will open up others, sometimes the correct door is objective. But giving advice is about focusing the mind of the listener. If you can tune into the certain conflict a person is having and identify the options they consider valid then you have all the tools you need to give advice.

I would liken it to being a mediator in a conversation between the listener... and themselves. You are granting their inner voices credence and validation, not offering your own.

Also, I dig your name ;)





LandGod  ·  4353 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Took me a long time and the loss of a few friends to learn that second one. Great advice!