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comment by poorat
poorat  ·  4353 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: What's the best (and/or most interesting) piece of advice you've ever heard?

Two bits of practical advice, mostly from older friends. The first is one I pass down to my younger family members.

In your first few years of working, say yes to everything. Say yes to work you find boring, say yes to work that you think is beneath you because of your degree. After a few years you'll have the reputation of someone who'll get things done. That reputation and attitude will do more for your career than any kind of training. Stop thinking about how much money you think you deserve now, because with that attitude by the time you've worked 6-7 years it'll be recognised and your career will accelerate.

It's a long 'quote', but it's been true for me and everyone who's followed it that I know.

Second one, more relationship based.

When you're asking people for relationship advice, most times you're actually asking to hear what you're already thinking. If someone doesn't parrot what's in your head, you'll nod and think "they just don't get what's going on". When you've accepted that, you'll no longer be asking for advice but you'll be using a soundboard. That's what friends are for, but you're the one who needs to make the decision.





Rat  ·  4353 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I've been told that I'm good at giving advice. Some relate that I'm wise beyond my years and others say that I'm very sharp in picking up how they feel.

While I appreciate these sentiments I don't not find myself to be remarkably wise or empathetic. My secret is this: I do a very good job on picking up what it is you'd like to be told and why. What your options are, and how you came to your conclusions. It's not that I completely discount my own opinion in certain matters but when people ask me what I think they are really asking me about themselves, not me.

To expand on that last sentence, what most people don't realize about advice is that good advice is not opening up new doors to the listener. They must find the doors themselves (believe me I've tried, people must find them themselves). Giving advice is nudging in them in the direction of the correct door. Sometimes the correct door will open up others, sometimes the correct door is objective. But giving advice is about focusing the mind of the listener. If you can tune into the certain conflict a person is having and identify the options they consider valid then you have all the tools you need to give advice.

I would liken it to being a mediator in a conversation between the listener... and themselves. You are granting their inner voices credence and validation, not offering your own.

Also, I dig your name ;)

LandGod  ·  4353 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Took me a long time and the loss of a few friends to learn that second one. Great advice!