4/10. A week ago I was supposed to climb a mountain via a rock route with somebody whom I hadn't met, but was well aware of as a lifelong climber in the area, and had communicated with via email in the past. Unfortunately the weather turned to rain and we were unable to climb and made different, separate plans. I ended up being able to climb that route the next day, he ended up taking the weekend to do what was supposed to be some easy hiking combined with scrambling and an overnight. Something happened, he fell, and he died. Meanwhile dating is kind of a nightmare. Gone on a few dates now and they're all maaaaybe 6/10. Just not feeling connection either physical attraction or through the conversation like there's anyone I'm wanting to go on a 2nd date with. Been "ghosted" once, which is what it is. But the whole thing kind of sucks. It's much worse than it was in early 2019 when I was last single. Wonder how much the pandemic has to do with that. Or maybe it's just me being a few years older and in a different place in life. Feeling kind of similar to where I was at in 2016 where now that I've moved a couple of times, probably best to find myself a community again and really be a part of that through the running clubs and climbing gyms in Seattle since most of my friends and community are 45-60 minutes away and feel much farther away.
Ah fuck. Really sorry to hear about his passing. I know you hadn't met him but I'm sure there was plenty of connection through what you both loved to do and were planning on. A part of me wonders if I could handle the dating scene these days. I met my partner via Tinder in late 2016, we were together early 2017, and have a house together now. And a cat. The cat is the really important part. But .. I recall enjoying the initial dating phase, learning about someone new, that emotional spice where things click. Wondering if they would click. I think it'd hate it now, aside from probably comparing everyone to my hypothetical ex, I don't think I'd have it in me for flings and one nighters these days.
You can't pretend that this stuff doesn't have an element of danger or that people aren't going to die. But 4 people in 2 years is...a lot...thanks. The dating part is awful, I think some of it is coming out of a 3 year relationship I am not very sharp at even flirting with new people and going through that whole song and dance. And I don't really know if I even want to? I am so busy with hobbies from running to climbing to skiing that it's like...I can just keep doing those things and having just as good of a time. But that's also how you end up 45 and single (I am far away from 45 years old).
It's only been a few months since the breakup, yeah? Coupled with shifting to a new place, trying to get settled into everything - I'm not surprised you're not in the right mindset for it! Same hobbies but a new area might mean you wind up meeting someone organically? Either way, I feel you. The feelings you're describing make a lot of sense!