Rough times. One friend out biking is hit by a drunk driver, damn near died and is still having surgeries every single day. Permanent damage for sure but not quite as bad things were initially looking. About three days after that, one acquaintance out biking is hit by a drunk driver, died. Fuck drunk drivers. Third friend is in his early 30's and in Chemo right now and has recently developed a fever. I don't know much else to do outside of be angry and that and be angry at the financial implications of being in a hospital for weeks on end in the greatest nation on Earth. Kind of makes you wonder what you're really doing with your time and with your priorities. I could just as easily be the next person hit, get cancer, whatever.
I started taking a different approach with the clouds the other night. Just a start, but more satisfying than the direction I was headed in. Forever Labs has been all-consuming these past weeks, and it is has been draining. But, it is also a challenge, and it's good to have something to focus upon. We've been having a number of conversations with high net worth individuals, and the perspective has been interesting. Uncertainty and doubt is waxing, not waning. I've been thinking about that scene in the Revenant when he tells his son: "as long as you can grab a breath, you fight, you breathe... keep breathing". I revived my old RC car. It took some piecing back together. The new battery pack arrived today, and is charging atm. It's a Tamiya Frog, that I got for Christmas and built around 35 years ago. There's a dirt bike track about 10 min walk from our house. My daughter and I are going to take it there to tear it up.
Is everyone going through a heightened anxiety period? I was the same way a day ago, and yesterday my fiancée had the same thing. I hope it gets better for you. The last year or so has been plagued with anxiety for me, but things were actually pretty rosy during the shutdown until a few days ago.
Yep. I'm having anxiety for the first time in my life. Chest seizing up... brain squirrels spinning madly on crazy shit... out of breath... tense all over... snippy and aggro with my wife... for NO PERCEIVABLE REASON. Except... The World. I'm coping with it by looking it straight in the eye, and giving it none of my life force or energy when I feel it get the upper hand on me. I just watch it spin and do its thing, and keep myself even-keeled, breathing, drinking water, and even meditating. The best one was the other day my wife and I were on the couch, and I felt it coming on, and narrated the whole thing to her as it came on, tried to take over, and eventually passed. I was able to separate myself from it, and watch it happen. It was weird. And powerful.
Best I can describe it is that most of the time my emotions are more mellow/muted, but that I have moments of despair / negative thought spirals much more than I've had before. Moments when I'm working and a song comes up and I just want to bawl. A lower amplitude on average but larger dips in mood at times, so to speak.
I'm scheduled for heart surgery in two months, though they'll likely move me farther down the line as a rather low-priority patient (young, otherwise healthy, manageable/stable via medications). Nothing open, they want to get through one of the blood vessels and zap the naughty bit of tissue into submission. There's a very high chance it'll get rid of my worsening arrhythmia that's been exacerbating the problem with one of the valves for the last couple of years. Best case scenario, I'll be off two meds almost simultaneously and start seeing quality of life improvements within a week. It's not without its risks, absolutely, but beats alternatives with the fervour of an amphetamine-soaked monkey. Work goes pretty damn well. Changing carrot for the stick solved most of my TAing problems, got myself up to speed enough to start contributing to the grant project, and passed two out of three exams for this semester early. I'm stuck in my own research, but that's hardly a surprise. Lucky breaks have their limit, and I've been on a hot streak since February. Honestly, the worst part is that I got to the point (one of many to come, no doubt) with the math where the only viable strategy is to go back to basics and keep trying various methods, new and old alike, until something moves. I'm yet to get to the desperation of hungover Putnam taker, but throwing half-random, half-educated shit at it and methodically checking what sticks could spell most of my summer. am_Unition - that's how "theorist's rigour" looks up-close when you're out of options. Maybe it's the facemask and social distancing making everyone bored out of their mind, but I've been getting noticeably more attention from women over the last couple of weeks. Dunno, maybe the world is ending for real, but it's no less flattering and ego-boosting. Played a bunch of Paranoia over the weekend, currently plan on redoubling my efforts pitching mk's Wayfarers to the group. It's a slow process, but they were equally sceptical about other stuff I brought to the table they ended up loving (e.g. Dark Heresy, Neuroshima, Teenagers from Outer Space). I understand their resistance to mechanics on a superficial level, but that's about it. Twylos is tight and better written than most mainstream settings I've seen to date. There's stuff to do and places to be for player characters. Enough detail to paint the picture without oversaturating readers with pointless trivia, and guilds/organisations/cities (and, by extension, their people) have understandable allegiances and motivations. Or, at the very least, ones that don't collapse after asking 'why?' a couple of times. Lastly, there aren't legions of established NPCs/author avatars that only let you do anything because they can't be bothered with chaff. Essentially, the opposite of Forgotten Realms on all of those points. As a mildly-seasoned GM who likes getting his hands dirty, I loved it. Also, come on: It feels like a real place, with its own flavour and tone. Probably my biggest complaint would be about a few low-contrast maps that were a chore to read. Really, I should have started by introducing them to Twylos instead of showing the player's handbook first. It's definitely not bad in and of itself, and I'd have to actually playtest it to have anything resembling critique, but the "GURPS-y AD&D" comparison is inevitable and not always favourable. Hopefully, I'll get to share something post-game sooner rather than later.Velanieh
A home. Sadly, my friends, Velanieh is empty. Barren of Master like one’s elderly nursemaid, these halls no longer ring with the sounds of laughter, gay parties, her lovely voice. Look elsewhere.
Hey, thanks for the kind words re: Twylos and your careful reading! I'm responsible for the Twylos part of Wayfarers. The Velanieh description from the Twylos update was particularly fun, an homage to the last adventures in the two campaign worlds that merged to form Twylos as written in the book. I'm glad you found it interesting for what we mainly intended- just to spark some ideas, providing fodder to be used or morphed for whatever purposes in this or any game world. I'm sorry to hear about your health issues, but glad to hear of your optimism- best wishes for a speedy recovery! And thanks again. MK and I would enjoy hearing about any gaming experiences, good or otherwise, Wayfarers/Twylos or elsewhere, so please feel free to post updates. We're also happy to answer whatever questions you might have- there is a website with a wayfarers forum on it somewhere, but tbh I haven't been there in years.
Tempting, for sure. Probably wouldn't hurt if I actually bought the books instead of using your copies, too. ;) Really, I think that the main resistance they have is that we all went through a lot of fantasy games and they crave other genres more than I do (though I also burned out on them for a while). Delta Green, Paranoia, Neuroshima[1]... we've been doing a lot of short scenarios these days. [1] - Shame it was never translated to English, even character job descriptions are a goldmine for plot ideas, and it's almost completely written in-character!
Same to you, sincerely. My med history is essentially a balancing act where I simultaneously have a very low standing blood pressure and need beta-blocker that lowers it. Blackouts are rare, but I've been so dizzy on those stronger drugs that my hand-eye coordination is effectively shut. Not bad overall, though I hate the fact I had to get this much worse before surgery was even on the table.
Y’all can judge me (I’m certainly a bit torn about it a little) but I’m up north with 2 friends, for a couple days. Cracked and broke social isolation for a bit - but the weather is nice and I was going stir crazy in the city. Maybe it’s not right, but being in nature has been amazing. There was even a little snow left: The lake as like a mirror yesterday: Drinking birch juice: And making weird branch art while my friends do actual useful repairs on the cabin: Also, I bought a camera that should arrive tomorrow, mostly funded by a generous friend of mine. I’m exited about Being able to film stuff again. I’m crazy lucky with the friends I have, how generous they are with their time and thoughts and how much they care for me. I think that’s part of why quarantine has been hard, I care about them too and not seeing people in person has been really tough. A few days ago, I woke up almost in tears, and I just remember my dream was about giving a long hug to a friend.
I made bluebirds. And I tesselated for the first time since middle school math class. Bluebirds in black (I was experimenting to see if I liked them this way better/inadvertently figured out that they are going to look much better using the ink technique I used for the black prints vs. how I did the blue ones)
Found the clutch and gears this week, and had two massively productive - and long! - days of work on Monday and Tuesday. I enjoy work. I like the feeling of being in flow, and looking up and finding 5 hours are gone, and the project that I was working on is significantly further along. Then the brain weasels wouldn't shut up last night, so I woke up after about 1.5hrs of sleep, and sat awake for 4 hours, and then slept for 2. Gah. I feel it today. Been at my desk for an hour and have done ... nothing. Think I'm gonna call it off and go back to bed. I ded. :-x
Had a mix-up with my meds this morning, starting the day with a sleeping pill, so it's been a coffee-fueled struggle kind of day. I'm really tempted to buy a Yamaha FS1 moped to joy-ride around the island this summer, but they cost about the same (or more) as a veteran-classified and tax-exempt car like a Saab 900 or a Volvo 240.
Grumble grumble. I've been grumpy the past days because I haven't been on top of things, and I got an annyoing ulcer thing in my gums. Really hate the feeling of not having enough time to do the things other people need or want from me. Got a haircut. At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to do that, but I don't know how I could have done it any more cautiously - mandatory masks & disinfectants on all surfaces and by everyone, I was the first person of the day and the first person being cut by my hairdresser's in weeks. Minimized personal and societal risk, even though I'm still not fully behind reopening contact-professions.
My roommate's dad bailed him out of jail. It's been a goddamn nightmare. I don't know what his dad was thinking. I have a strong feeling he's gonna lose his bond payment. Dude was pacing back and forth for three days talking to himself and yelling. He was crying on the phone with his meth dealer who had enough sense not to sell him drugs. He's in the hospital now but he'll be out in a few days and the cycle will most likely resume. I'm pretty sympathetic to people facing hardships, being mentally ill in jail in particular, but I'm pretty fucking pissed that this trainwreck is being mostly offloaded on me. You don't want your crazy, accused felon son in jail? Yeah. You got a ~$60,000 extended cab diesel pickup truck so I assume you also have a guest room