Pubski Jan 8, 2020

Starting with bad then ramping up to the good. Cuz I'm a 'Look, there's water in the glass' type.

The Bad?

I don't think I really got over the face-plant date from October. More specific, I thought I would just 'get back on the horse,' instead of choosing to flip the page to the 'rejection' chapter and write another 4 month sentence to having unexpected lows. That said, I had been on a couple good 'hang outs' (not dates, not yet) since with a friend before the new year. Had another planned with said friend which fell through that made it easy for me to spiral into bad brain days with the fam back home on break. A lot of friends that I grew close with while still near home last year were out of town, so that made the time an extra bummer.

The Good.

I WENT ON MULTIPLE DATES IN 2019!!!

One of my goals for the next couple years (a la 5-yr plan made in IL, ty ref 4 inspiration) was to go on at least 3 first dates per year - assumptions: prob not gonna stick a ring on the first person I meet, but I also foresee some of those firsts getting a second.

I also wanted to at least start a masters program by 25 y/o - I'll complete one 3 weeks before then.

Among other things, clearly I'm fucking killing it.

Onto this week, semester started and people are back in town. Went rock climbing together with friend mentioned above. It’s been a while, and I didn’t test out for belaying by that gym’s standards, so we ended up bouldering for a couple hours. My wrists feel horrible in a good way. This is the type of workout that’ll benefit my poor wrist posture with computer mice. Considering splitting Kung Fu membership budget with rock-climbing.

I had a most of my classes last semester with the friend, so there was inherent contact time. Bonus since I was helping with her coding on weekends from time to time. We have much less inherent contact time (i.e. classes) now, so her gesture to lend me her climbing harness to practice the gym’s way of belaying was a kind assurance of ‘Hey, let’s do this again.’

Reminded me of:

Note that it's important to consider you and to consider her. I had a girl bring me a stuffed gargoyle from the Disney store because she'd been to my place once and had noticed that everyone else used to buy me gargoyles (it's true). This demonstrated (A) she had paid attention but not enough to notice I hate Disney (B) she was thinking of me (C) she spends a lot of time at malls. From her perspective it was a nice, thoughtful gift and I took it as such. That relationship lasted four years. Later, I started dating a girl that had never gone hiking and was coming out of a difficult marriage that drained all her resources. I bought her a $200 pair of hiking boots. This demonstrated (A) that I wanted her to share my passions without any impediment (B) that I was very much not her soon-to-be-ex-husband (C) that I was willing to spend extravagantly on her. It was a risk - that's much too big a present for early on, particularly if $200 is dear to you - but it was a successful gambit. We're going on 15 years.

- ‘bl00

I found it kinda endearing, and took her up on it (SUE ME, I’M A LIL SAPPY).

Running out to a hardware store to get rope to practice on after posting this.

What Can Be Learned

So, what can be learned re: dating. (lmao, 50%+ of my comments here lately)

1. People have lives, so do you (I).

I noticed after my 40hr/wk precursor job to the masters program, being an adult also means recognizing giving space is a key attributes not only in life. It helps a lot with dating, too. Nervousness around what/how/when to text is a lot simpler given people have lives to live. Dating and romance is a component, not a whole of life, so it’s OK to leave it as such. It’s OK to just text when you want to get together rather than to check in every now and again (at later stages, I’m pretty sure that’s when phone calls are more appropriate for us millennials).

2. Spices

You know, the ol’ find out what you do and don’t like in a person. At slight risk of sounding risqué, what sort of flavor in life do you get when you add another soul to activities you like? I’ve found with different peeps, I get different impressions (feels?).

Some are mysterious, subdued, but bold [kantos meltdown, fall ‘17]

Some are tangy and familiar (soon to find in a bad way) [kantos meltdown, spring ‘18]

Some are comforting, empowering, and a little flaky [kantos meltdown, fall ‘18]

Some are smooth and sweet, nearly artificial [kantos meltdown, fall ‘19]

And recently, a feeling of comfort, yet security/stability is the latest and novel experience of late. I’m slated to be in town until August at the minimum, and this isn’t a town people tend to stay much in. I’m not a fan of the ‘play it by ear’ method, but that’s how the game goes in this scene. The best I can hope for is if this moves into something more, the maturity and clarity to have those conversations is present. I have a feeling this one’s a little different, even if it doesn’t work out. But I’m optimistic about what I’ll learn at the end of the story.