So many cynical replies here, telling you to run. A lot of women feel pressured to kind of get married by the time their 30, so they can start having babies. Remember that she's got about 10 years. Not much time to find another guy, make sure he's the right guy, that she can live with, settle down, start spawning. You've obviously in the "good enough" basket, warts and all. That's something. Talk to her. Make sure she wants you to marry her for the right reasons. I was pressured into marrying my wife, and 8 years down the line, we divorced. You both have to be ready for it. It sucks if one of you is not. You really need to talk to her about your feelings. There may be other things wrong in your life that you feel need to be fixed before you are able to commit to her! You might think you need to do X or Y, before you can commit. You might feel that you can't do those things if you're married. Talk to her. Not to us. Talk to her. Be honest, and try not to be too emotional about it. You do love her, right?
Thanks a lot for your (contrarian) answer! Do I love her the right way? I deeply care about her. I'm not sure I can identify what it means to marry for the right reasons. But yes, I need to talk to her. But I feel so lost. I wanted to know what questions I should ask myself and be able to answer. After I have that, I can put myself in a position where I need to now some answers for my side of the conversation.
I can tell you what some of the wrong reasons are. a) Sunk cost fallacy. She doesn't want to break up because you've both invested so much time/effort/money into the relationship. b) She wants to have babies, irrespective of what you want. c) If you have a baby, maybe that will bring you guys closer! (:facepalm:) Caring deeply for someone is love, but it sounds like you want more than that. You want someone you care for and that you feel passionate about. Do you feel passionate about this woman? Do you get home, and when you see her, oh my lord she's the one, I want to fuck her brains out, marry her, hug her, kiss her, make love to her, all in one? Does she, my friend, make you lose your shit, in a good way, on a regular basis? Is THAT what you're looking for? If it is, and she's not doing that for you, you're gonna have a bad time. Especially if you marry her and have a baby. Know this from experience.Do I love her the right way? I deeply care about her. I'm not sure I can identify what it means to marry for the right reasons.
That's something, but not much. Why would being deemed "good-enough-for-breeding" be enough for the guy himself? How do you make sure, when she'll most likely just be telling him whatever he wants to hear? For all we know, her real reason might be the awareness that she's too old to get anyone "better" anyway, so she's decided to settle and proceed to breeding as soon as possible.You've obviously in the "good enough" basket, warts and all. That's something.
Make sure she wants you to marry her for the right reasons
She's a catch, it's not like she wouldn't have other options (from my POV).
But she's 29 years old, which means any alpha male will just go for someone younger, especially when choosing a long-term partner, and she knows this.
I'll take that as a compliment. But I don't think I'm that alpha.
I'm not sure how you interpreted that, but basically the idea was that now, at 29, she'd have a hard time getting an alpha male, and it would be just about impossible to get one to commit to her. I'm very much not alpha either, if it's any consolation :)