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comment by kleinbl00
kleinbl00  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: February 11, 2015

What's in a Name?

So we discovered yesterday that, through the wonders of common-law trademark, we're going to need to ditch my wife's brand identity.

She's fine in LA - but there's an existing business in Seattle whose logo and name are like a shitty version of hers. Unfortunately they've been in practice long enough to have earned the rights to their shitty logo and shitty name, and should my wife move her business (a $2500 process, just for the tax documents) without coming up with a new corporate identity, we are "diluting" their brand. So that sucks.

It's entirely possible I'd seen them and subconsciously modeled our shit on theirs. It's just begging for improvement, which is pretty much what my wife's brand is. She's good enough that if you google (common noun) (common verb) you get her business. Whereas theirs is (common noun) (adjective) (adjective) (noun) (adjective) (noun) but two of those five words are synonyms for my wife's noun'n'verb so we're pretty much fucked.

To be clear - I'm delighted that "common law trademark" is a thing. It's protective of all the right things. I just wish I'd discovered it myself (I did an exhaustive trademark search and found nothing and assumed we were okay). And to be clear - this is an opportunity to retrench, reconfigure and rebrand. Kind of a bummer that all we're taking north is an EIN, though.

So in pursuit of new identities, we went hunting last night. Birth centers want to be welcoming - so "sanctuary" or "refuge" or "haven" are great choices, and all COMPLETELY taken. So then you start looking for synonyms of "house" and they're all awesome.

  - "The Birth Hole"
- "Birth Shanty"

- "The Birth Shack"

...all of which go very well with the logo our (extremely talented and witty) web designer suggested.

So then you go down the list of north-westy things. Trillium Birth. Taken. Cedars birth. taken. Puget Sound anything. Taken. So you start leafing through plant spotting guides for the Pacific Northwest and you discover that this beautiful and unassuming little plant, all 5 centimeters of it:

...is called NAKED BROOMRAPE.

(someone hates the fuck out of that plant)

And that's about where you try on "Naked broomrape birth center" for fun, roll off the couch, recognize that there aren't many combinations of words more likely to grenade one's business than "Naked Broomrape (anything)" and decide you should go to bed, it's midnight, you're drunk.

And then your daughter wakes you up at 6am.





thenewgreen  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

First Breath Birth Center

Green Apple Birth Center

Clear Water Birthing center

Soft Mountain Birth Center

l'enfant Birth Center

balai viol Birth center

renaissance birth center

Serenity Birth Center

Arya Birth Center

Melody Birth Center

Harmony Birth Center

Off the top of my head

user-inactivated  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I like Renaissance Birth Center a lot but only if your logo is a modified Vitruvian Woman expelling a baby.

ecib  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Delivery Hut

Labor Temple

Strain Cage

Eye of the Needle

I'm terrible at this.

thundara  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Delivery Hut

We'll get that baby out in 30 minutes or it's free!

thundara  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Same slogan can be applied to abortion clinics.

Don't kill me pro-lifeskiers

_refugee_  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

This is fun.

_refugee_  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

"Labor-Free Deliveries"

mk  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Who gets to name flowers? Aren't there any checks and balances?

Advent Garden? My great grandfather owned a dance hall called the Cozy Garden. I always thought that was an awesome name.

kleinbl00  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Cozy Garden is an awesome name. I worry they think we're selling shrubberies, though.

rezzeJ  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Cozy Bambino Birth Centre.

mk  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Well, if you have nothing but broomrape, use it. I don't think my great grandfather will mind.

sounds_sound  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Birthsoft?

veen  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Will they throw babies out of the Windows™?

ecib  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Hmm. Pretty interesting re: Common Law Trademark. A distantly related case is my wife's business. Turns out there is a shop with an identical name out in CA. Sometimes her accounts ship her merchandise to us by mistake.

Anyway, we're looking at expanding online, and I wonder how that affects the geographical component of CLT...hmm.

kleinbl00  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

The USPTO has an astonishingly boring video to answer your questions. I sat through it. Of course, it has fuckall to say about common law trademark.

b_b  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

What constitutes a "geographical market", vis-a-vis CLT? For those purposes is "Greater Seattle area" the market of interest? I suppose with a birth center one could make an argument that anywhere more than a 30 minute drive probably isn't an overlapping market. Not sure it's defensible, but then, CLTs aren't super defensible to begin with, so far as I can tell.

Edit: I think the video has fuckall to say about CLT, because it's from the USPTO, and they don't want to encourage anyone to go that route, as it isn't a great option for businesses or attorneys.

kleinbl00  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

We haven't gotten that far. We asked our legal team and they said "we can look into it, but it doesn't look good."

ESRI only really cares about a 15 minute drive.

They're within that 15 minute drive.

So is most of Seattle.

ecib  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Cool, thanks. I'll...sit though it. I don't think it could be more boring than a lot of what I have to read for work. RFPs are notoriously dry.

Edit: 10 seconds in, the way that guy hops onto the stage I'm feeling like this is gonna be downright fun.

kleinbl00  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Attitude is everything when watching government presentations.

ecib  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

He couldn't quite keep the energy up...

veen  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

That logo looks like someone is installing a lampshade over a pregnant woman.

Have you considered more descriptive / abstract names? A word that sounds comforting because it looks like comforting words but doesn't mean anything.

P.S. Maybe this neat lil' PDF can help a bit.

kleinbl00  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Not only am I going to scrutinize that neat li'l PDF like I'm gettin' paid, but through reciprocal work I've ended up getting a $1500 digital strategy workshop for free, as well as consulting with the guy who runs it. So all is not lost, despite the fact that our company is about to be... something else.

More drinking shall be necessary, methinks.

GorGorGorillaNeck  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

What are your drinking these days?

kleinbl00  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Funny story. In rustling aroind in the liquor cabinet for something that went with chocolate, i turned up three nearly-full bottles of Kahlua. So i be practicin' inventory control.

OftenBen  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

White russians?

kleinbl00  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I've never been a fan, actually. If I'm going to mix Kahlua I'll generally throw a little tequila in it and drink it on the rocks. Otherwise I'll drink it on the rocks. If I want a milkshake I'll drink a milkshake.

(I never want a milkshake)

I recognize that my disdain for White Russians upsets the Dude-like order of the Coen brothers universe, but I've never cared much for the Coens either.

OftenBen  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I'll generally throw a little tequila in it

What on earth do you call that monster? Montezuma's Revenge?

kleinbl00  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

The Internet tells me it's called a " Brave bull".

I call it "tequila and kahlua."

They also want silver tequila. I usually use whatever rotgut I have on hand, which is often Cazadores, occasionally Hornitos.

_refugee_  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Guys, remember Hubski drink club?

thenewgreen  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I miss it.

GorGorGorillaNeck  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

What is this about Hubski Drink Club? I'm down.

OftenBen  ·  3572 days ago  ·  link  ·  

New round?

(See what I did there!)

OftenBen  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  
This comment has been deleted.
OftenBen  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Aptly named I suppose.

_refugee_  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Divine Provenance

user-inactivated  ·  3573 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    And that's about where you try on "Naked broomrape birth center" for fun, roll off the couch, recognize that there aren't many combinations of words more likely to grenade one's business than "Naked Broomrape (anything)" and decide you should go to bed, it's midnight, you're drunk.

But you'd have an excuse to put this in a commercial.

If you can't pull a name out of plants or rivers, how about caves? Ape Cave Births is... not worse than Naked Broomrape Birth Center.