absurd interaction I had the other day while walking to a dentist appt: Approaching this sweaty, shifty-looking dude who kept plucking at his clothes, adjusting his belt, looking around. As he passes: SWEATY DUDE: "hey bra, you mind if we switch shirts real quick?" ME: "Uh. No, that's alright, I need my shirt." SD: "Yeah, but, like, we'd switch, you could have this one." (gesturing at my rather nice t-shirt and then to his drenched Seahawks jersey) ME: "No, yeah, I need this shirt. Sorry." SD: "Shit, just, whatever." I was surprised at how hard I had to work internally not to immediately just start switching shirts because the request was so unexpected and presented in such a tone to suggest that the notion was completely reasonable. Got me thinking, are people hardwired to follow requests without resisting, or am I just a pushover? Coincidentally, a similar interaction went down a couple days later wherein some dude walked up to my car while stopped at a red light and tried to convince me that I should a) give him a ride to the Seven Eleven south of us; then, when I pointed out that I was going north, b) I should give him a ride north; then when I pointed out that I didn't want to give him a ride anywhere, c) why was I so uptight; when explained to him that I wasn't in the business of letting strangers in my car and especially strangers who didn't care which direction they were going, d) how was he supposed to not be a stranger if I didn't let him in and get to know him. Again, through all of this I had to fight the voice in the back of my head saying, "why are you not following this request?" Again, pushover, or just human hardwiring? In any event, I hate my neighborhood and can't wait to get out of here.
I think we all want to be liked, and a small (Or large, depending on your personal madness) part of being liked is doing things that other people want you to do. Unreasonable people are sometimes really good at making unreasonable requests seem normal.
Former friend: "I lied to you for six months! I think the problem is that you aren't honest enough with me! You need to start telling me everything about your life! That's the only way we can repair this friendship!" Sheesh, you can say that again. The implication was that she had felt because I didn't tell her everything, I didn't trust her, and my not trusting her was why she lied - it was my fault, of course. I should have been more open.
are people hardwired to follow requests without resisting An old girlfriend of mine worked at an ice cream shop all through high school. One regular customer of theirs was this old guy that would come in and casually ask for "an ice cream cone for one dollar". They didn't sell cones for a dollar but at one point his request had worked because someone didn't want to bother saying no and thus the precedent was set, allowing him a good deal whenever he came in.
Maybe the only reason I look forward to being old is that I'll be able to pull shit like this.
The real reason to look forward to growing old is because the alternative sucks even harder :-)
That was more a self-deprecation than a dig at being old in general- I already have trouble remembering what I had for dinner yesterday, and my body/immune system has been my enemy since I was a teenager. I'm gonna be a hot mess when I'm old. Besides that, I'm pretty sure my parents are older than you are, lil, and they're way more active/relevant than I am. Age is a state of mind, perhaps? But hopefully my comment didn't come off as ageist or any other-ist. Sorry if it did!
the comment didn't come off as ageist, so much as sad. I don't know if one ever "looks forward" to being older -- and yes, the body gets older faster than any other part, but on the positive side: You feel vaguely smart because rather than "pulling shit" you don't have to put up with any shit from anyone unless you want to.
More on this another time.Maybe the only reason I look forward to being old is that I'll be able to pull shit like this.
This is how con artists work. Good on ya. Similar actions had me giving a homeless man who knocked on my door behind two locked gates a ride to Compton in rush hour and then giving him $40. And then calling my security company in a panic because I'd essentially let him case the joint for 20 minutes and then provided him a 50-minute window in which to steal everything.
I prefer your read of the situation to mine- I defaulted straight to "this guy wants to take my car and/or murder me." I could think of literally no other reason a stranger would be that intent on getting into my passenger seat with no clear itinerary or obvious motivation to go wherever. And still... it was hard to say no. Anyhow, retrospect, he probably just wanted a chance at the iPhone I had plugged into the aux input or what have you. Or hell, maybe he just wanted to get out of my neighborhood as desperately as I do. The whole experience- and similar ones I've had- just made me angry. I like to believe in the power of good community and faith in fellow man and charitable acts, and situations like that sort of destroy the illusion. I was mad at him for messing with my idea of trustworthy environments and interactions, and I was mad at myself alternately for basing my worldview on a naivete born of a life of sheltered privilege, and then also for abandoning that worldview in the face of such an innocuous interaction. Whole thing just put me in a position where I had to question my community, my idea of community and my trust in the power of community. Cognitive dissonance is bad enough- cognitive dissonance in relation to faith in good values is downright soul-crushing.
You were angry because you fundamentally trust people and he violated that trust. You fundamentally trust people because very few people violate it. Would it surprise you to learn that most people fundamentally trust which is why society works? This is why cheats and the like are shunned - you were witnessing your own little piece of societal breakdown. That is why you were still polite: you're hardwired to be helpful and friendly to others who are helpful and friendly. I could list off a shelf-full of books describing why humans trust each other and the clinical tests that prove it. What this means: don't abandon your worldview. Recognize that it was tested and that the responses garnered were 100% appropriate and that's what makes the world go round.The whole experience- and similar ones I've had- just made me angry. I like to believe in the power of good community and faith in fellow man and charitable acts, and situations like that sort of destroy the illusion.
I've been taken in too -- two times that I remember well -- one, a kid collecting for a legitimate school charity -- "jump rope for heart" -- held every April... I gave him $10 and he said something like ... if you give me more... than ... will happen... and so on. After he left, I realized that it was November, not April. The other time was worse and I won't go into it, but I was in such a panic after realizing that I'd been scammed that my best friend had to come over to calm me down. There are probably more times that I don't even know I'd been scammed. The result is my general negative feeling about anyone who comes anywhere near my door.
I was that kid when I was 15 years old. My school used to give us these McDonalds coupon books that we had to sell for $5 each. I stole a bunch of outdated versions of them from the school and me and some friends went to the local mall and sold them. I pretended to be handicapped. I was a despicable kid. We made a lot of money.
Not quite, I've actually been training a small army of 15 year olds on how they too can sell expired coupon books for profit. In exchange for my tutoring, I receive a fair percentage of their earnings. Passive income... it's all the rage. my training regiment Step 1: Learning the product Step 2: Fitness (pretending to be handicapped is strenuous stuff) Step 3: Managing your finances (the part where they give me their money)
I have never read Oliver Twist, but when I see/hear it referenced I think of an old friend named Todd Deatherage. We used to share shows together back in the day and commiserate about being songwriters struggling to "make it." Here's his song Oliver Twist. Thanks for the trip down memory lane. I've not heard that tune in a LONG time.
...aaah, but padewan - he wasn't "street people." He was the father of the girl who lives in J-2040, you know, Clarice? Oh, you don't know Clarice? Heart of gold. And she needs her medicine at the hospital, and she was supposed to leave a key, and you're a white guy and I don't usually trust white guys, but I can tell I can trust you and...
People who are out on the street attempting to talk to me More points if they are standing around and not going anywhere and more more points if they are not smoking a cigarette Total avoidance points jackpot if they are trying to hit on me But if you are a small child with no visible parent then exception
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For the record, I'm a petite female. I generally do not feel safe if a stranger in a city approaches me; at minimum I am wary they are selling me something or trying to bum a cigarette and the unease grows from there. I feel less safe if I am approached by a strange man. If a man approaches me on the street 99 times out of 100 he is in some way attempting to hit on me/is approaching me solely because he finds me attractive. This is not a reflection on what I look like besides that I am small and slender; I'm not Hedy LaMarr. Within the past week a man honked at me twice to get my attention. I'd ignored him the first time and apparently giving me an OK sign was just so important that he couldn't let it go. Guys working on a storefront have yelled at me repeatedly because I refused to acknowledge them. Apparently it's more likely I'm deaf than that I'd ignore a catcall. Guys harass me without approaching me. I am not going to open any opportunities for any more of it. I am going to ignore you if you talk to me on the street until it's very clear that you're talking to me for a legitimate reason.
An ex girlfriend was fond of telling people who hit on her in the street that they would look beautiful in a gimp suit and nipple clamps. I was always afraid she'd get someone who would jump at the offer rather than being freaked out one day, but it never happened.
And? Was anything taken? Even if nothing was, do you think it was his intention to "case the place?" Or do you think he was just a guy that needed money and a ride?
I think he was shaking the place down to see if he could crack any loose change loose. I got home just in time to see the security guards standing in front of my door - it had taken them 30 minutes to get off their asses. I consider it a $40 lesson in being too trusting.