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insomniasexx · 4058 days ago · link ·
This is really surreal and disorienting and I like that for some reason right now. It doesn't make a bit of sense to me but the it is nice. My only recommendation would be to cut all the actions that don't circle around your key point - the spin cycle and how it relates to this crazy life and play with repetitions of sentences, structures, actions, etc even more. It would be a really fun and alarming experience if you could force the reader even deeper into this repetitive, cyclone.
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louderwords · 4058 days ago · link ·
I was thinking of doing that. Based on your suggestion, I may edit this throughout the week. It could be like a "beta" release and I use feedback to guide the edits. This became pretty difficult to write as I was actually getting kinda dizzy and nauseous.