Yesterday was hard, I finally have to start confronting something I've been avoiding. I was born with or developed in childhood external tibial torsion in both my legs. This is not even a little conducive to distance running. My only option is to manage it and continue to strengthen basically all my muscles and tendons in my lower body. Even then, I'm more likely to be hurt running long distance than the average runner. To add, my movement efficiency will never be great because a lot of power is lost when pushing off my feet due to this alignment. I might never be the runner I want to be, due to something completely out of my control. That's a hard pull to swallow. I don't like feeling constrained because of something out of my control, and right now, I do.
Cry me a fuckin' river, dude. Over the summer I went in to a second physical therapist over the fact that I was like tearing a hamstring when I ran. She discovered that I've got thirty fucking degrees of torsion... and that I have somehow made it to the ripe old age of 43 without an ass. Yeah. So now I do ass exercises every day. Kegels and shit. Like, ridiculous "you've been in a car accident" crap. 'cuz you know what? I've gotten as far as I have with 30 degrees of rotation and no ass. Any progress from here is like developing super powers. Did you know I'm about 3/4s of an inch taller now? Why? Because goddamn it, I'm having to fucking learn to walk again, with my new ass, which means I don't slouch nearly as much. It's fucking amazing. And you know what? I'll probably never be an ultramarathon runner. Or, if I am, I'll have to work harder than everybody else. But I have to work harder than everybody else anyway. College? College was kids yelling "Run, Forrest!" every time I went outside because if my weird-ass gait. I figured they did it to anybody; no, just me. Now? Now I'm adding like 14 muscles that I've never had before. Try this: "Yesterday was amazing. I've discovered that my efforts have been hampered by weird development as a kid but now that I can work on it, I've expanded my performance horizons in ways I can't even imagine yet."
Good for you, dude. This isn't a competition of who has the more fucked up body.
I think "Cry me a fuckin' river" was not meant to be a statement of contest, so much as suggesting a perspective. That said, both kb's response and your reaction had me cackling.
It's really grating because I'm already going to the gym 2x-3x a week, doing some exercises at home 5x a week, and, you know, have been strength training for over a year now. Because that's my only option. Saying "cry me a fuckin' river" assumes I'm not already or haven't already been trying to work through this shit. I am working hard at this, and already realize I have to work harder than most people to achieve similar results.
Look kleinbl00 was harsh in diction, but nobody here is actually trying to put you down. Anyone can tell from your post that you're working hard and care about your progress.
You would both lose, my body is fucked and I can't even bury my sorrow in gluten filled baked goods. I know that feeling though of being stuck. This is the best descriptions of what I see when I drive or as I more recently found out snowboard at a decent speed. Only difference is it's more grey/white and my eyes are open. http://visualsnowsyndrome.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/120px-Closed-eye-visualization.gif Just click it I don't know how to do this stupid picture shit. I'll figure out a way around it just like I found ice climbing when I couldn't do regular rock climbing. You'll find a way to overcome whatever problem you've got.
I had a long conversion with a good friend about being told as children that we could do anything if we worked hard enough and then being disappointed as adults when things don't pan out. I really like and agree with your optimistic twist. There was never anything I could have done to be an Olympic marathoner. There was no wrong choice in my past, no lack of motivation. I just don't have the physiology. The "you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it" mantra can make physiology feel like a personal failing, but it isn't. Understanding I have limits and knowing it's ok to have those limits really helps.
I had an epiphany maybe three, maybe for years ago. I was running, as always. Up the dune, as always. A mile into my 3-4 mile run, as always, same as it ever was, as I have been doing since 1988. This dude smoked me. Trotted right on by like I was standing still. Made me feel like shit. Then I thought about it and realized that I was old enough to be his dad. I'd been running longer than he'd been alive. I was faster when I was younger. But I'm still going. I'm doing pretty goddamn well, thankyouverymuch, and all the shit that holds me back isn't bad enough to hold me back much. I'm healthier than my parents were at my age; I'm healthier than my grandparents were at my age, I'm healthier than my friends at my age. I'll take it. In the end, we're only competing with ourselves, and we only get to win until we lose. I'll take every win I can get.
Yeah, see, and to WanderingEng too, I never really learned how to maybe healthily compete with myself. It's part of why I like running so much, or going on bigger and longer adventures outdoors, to see what I can do. I don't really accept limitations of my body, and instead try to push through and figure out how to strengthen myself to push the limit further and further from where it's been in the past. But it also becomes a not being okay to have limits mindset. Anyway, I'm running to the gym tonight.
I know. And that's why I refuse to humor you. The difference between being glum about a physiological limitation or not being glum about a physiological limitation is glumness. Worse, the worse your attitude the worse your hormonal and chemical balance. The more you act like a little bitch, the longer you will be a little bitch, the harder it will be to not be a little bitch... physiologically. Toughen the fuck up. Not because I think less of you but because your strongest ally in this is yourself and you sell yourself short at the drop of a hat.
Aaaaaaaaaaand this is why Hubski is the community I choose to stick around...
My morning giggle. Thanks steve. Damn - when are we going to giggle face to face. Speaking of toughening up, I just wrote a workshop called: Against Entropy: Building Resilience for an Uncertain Future. (New Subtitle: Toughen the fuck up for an uncertain future.) I have to go do this workshop NOW, in another city. Just leaving the house will toughen me up. SNOW SNOW SNOW. I have four ways for building resilience (and just added a section subtitle: Toughen the fuck up when times are good so you can get through the crises when times are bad. and mknod I have improv exercises between every section. So the workshop is for women scientists. My topics include embrace ambiguity - I wonder how that will fly. That's where improv comes in, since you never know what's going to happen in improv (if you're doing it right). I wrote this: Embrace Ambiguity: The more attached we are to outcomes, the harder it is to recover from setbacks. I made that up. I'm guessing it's true, but I'd need kleinbl00 to confirm. This workshop will toughen me the fuck up. It's been too easy for me since I recovered from HURRICANE IRMA. Ha ha, there's a hurricane around every corner.
Personal limits can be pushed. They should be pushed. It isn't about accepting limits, it's about understanding where they are and working to push them. That's where kleinbl00's positive spin on your post, the italicized bit in his first reply, fits. You're already doing the right things, and approaching them more positively can be really good. It isn't about dejectedly accepting limits, it's being optimistic at understanding them and knowing you can work on pushing them. It doesn't matter if others don't have to do the same. They have their own limits and work to push them, regardless of how that limit compares to yours. You can push limits.