Stayed out of the hospital all labor day weekend despite being outside a lot, drinking a bit too much. Call that a positive. I have a bit of a tan finally, which is nice. Stayed firmly in my head most of the time I was out and about this weekend. Call that a negative. Just deleted a long and bitter diatribe about how I can't expect there to be much interest in me when there's a literal Swedish fitness model hanging out on the boat. The Swedish fitness model isn't the problem. The problem is that I need to stop putting myself in situations that I know I won't enjoy because I think I'm supposed to enjoy them. Other people can go and enjoy things that I don't enjoy. I don't have to like the things they like, or tag along just because I'm invited. This is probably why my perception of fun is so warped. Chicago next week, still need to clean up/format the report I want to give. It's starting to feel a bit like brown nosing, but the entire point of this conference is to improve clinical research operations, and that's what I'm addressing. I was out sick yesterday, and came into work this morning to find out that one of my patients passed away over the weekend. That's my second one ever. Life evidently goes on.
Sorry to hear that, man. But you're right: life goes on. Don't drag yourself any deeper because of something you didn't cause, sad as it may be. I learned that it's okay not to like something, even if people around me do. I'm not them, not do I have to strive to be them. It won't make me more appreciated: just less of myself. I know what my interests are (and you seem to know your own). Maybe you'll find peace in the knowledge that as hellish as it all may seem to you, you're still a person, and that means - you're a unique story just waiting to be told. As a storyteller, this is why I appreciate people so much: every single one of you has something to share that will astonish or excite me, or even make me learn. Basically, I'm telling you that you're a unique snowflake, and you may take joy in that.I was out sick yesterday, and came into work this morning to find out that one of my patients passed away over the weekend. That's my second one ever.
The problem is that I need to stop putting myself in situations that I know I won't enjoy because I think I'm supposed to enjoy them.