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comment by kleinbl00
kleinbl00  ·  3013 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: What do I do if I don't have a vision for my life's work?

Here's the thing.

You can be passionate about a goal. You can set it as your prime life focus. You can intend to "achieve your dream in life." But unless you're a sociopath, you're going to need to be invested with others. It's much easier for a team to be gung-ho about something than an individual. And if you aren't gung-ho about your team, you're not going to be gung-ho about anything that team does.

Passion is a sharing thing. If you don't have anyone to share with, you're going to have a hard time building it. Work on that and the rest will follow - you may even find yourself being deeply invested in someone else's passion.





rthomas6  ·  3013 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I do feel unsatisfied with the level of sharing with the people I currently socialize with. I also often feel lonely, even when I'm with friends. Besides my wife I don't think there is anyone I know who is even interested in building a truly intimate friendship with me.

So how do I find my tribe as a 28 year old man? How do I make real intimate friendships? Maybe that is my real obstacle right now.

kleinbl00  ·  3013 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Ain't that always the question.

1) Volunteer.

2) Go to church.

3) Join a club.

4) Continuing ed.

5) Sports organizations.

6) Hobby organizations.

I tell you what - you spend time at a soup kitchen, a unitarian church, the Freemasons, a cooking class, a climbing club and a model airplane flight chapter and you will be anything but solitary. That's different from not feeling isolated - and you should never conflate the two - but you will have had ample opportunities to find and bond.

I also recommend having children. You will find yourself forced to spend time with parents you never would associate with otherwise, and you might even enjoy it.

rthomas6  ·  3013 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'll get there for the last one. My son is two right now, so interaction is unfortunately limited thus far except for a few other parents, but I'm sure I'll get there.

Also, thank you for the advice.

kleinbl00  ·  3013 days ago  ·  link  ·  

By the time my daughter was two we'd gained four sets of friends from mommy'n'me yoga. One great, one good, two forgettable. You've got swimming, gymnastics, soccer...

oyster  ·  3013 days ago  ·  link  ·  

God damn this was the other part of my problem that I couldn't put into words but like here it is. I couldn't get beyond how I'm pretty sure my problem connecting with people is linked to not connecting with thiiiings.