My brother died four years ago today. His name was Quinn, and he was beautiful. I am so conflicted about so many things surrounding him. I hate getting pitied, so I rarely bring him up around new people. As a result, about 3 of the people I went to college with even know he existed. I am so used to saying I have 2 siblings that I honestly forget about him sometimes. ----- After my brother died, my dad told me that he had a second brother, too. He killed himself when my dad was my age. That was the first time he had ever mentioned him. I don't want to be like my father. ---- It's my ex's dead ex's birthday, so we're just going to lay around and cry tonight probably.
I feel for you. Even though I have been an atheist for quite a few years now, having been raised (indoctrinated) a catholic, it's still always a struggle to find the words to try and comfort someone else through tough times. Having heard and lived it for so long, it always feels so natural to say "I'll pray for you". But saying something like that is really quite empty, as it generally seems to be more about making the pray-er feel better, not the pray-ee (?). And I can't even say that I feel your pain, as I can't say that I've experienced something quite like what you're dealing with. But I can express sympathy in my condolences. Hopefully it is some amount of comfort to know that even a stranger on the internet can care about your situation and they can genuinely hope that you'll figure things out and be alright. Never forget those that are gone. For the good and bad you experienced with them, or because of them, all has had a hand in shaping who you are. They live on in the actions of those of us whose lives they touched before they again became one with the universe.