As someone whose life has been run by depression from a family with a bodycount of 2 from depression: My advice to you is this: Welcome to the woods. You've been in them your entire life, and you will never leave them. The woods have always been your constant companion and for as long as you draw breath they shall be all around you. But this is no tragedy. Woods have their own beauty and millions of species of forest creatures would die without them. Recognize that you are a creature of the glade and that you can lead an ecstatic life while fully surrounded by pine boughs. The trick is in recognizing the power you have, the power you don't, and the allowances you must make for yourself because your biome is not a sunny beach. I love cedars. They're the most beautiful tree that grows up here. They're always surrounded by other trees, though - you rarely see a cedar that chooses to live out on a grassy knoll. Welcome back. I'm still not out of the woods so it's been awful trying to get to a decision