I'm still feeling absolutely brokenhearted after getting dumped. I won't rant about it, because I already had an #askhubski post about it, but I'm feeling worse, not better. In addition to that, I've got a huge TEDx event coming up that I'll be an MC for, which is a lot of fun, but I'm super nervous, and I'm afraid I'll fuck it up. Also, the rehearsals and events are causing me to lose two full days of class, and about 3-4 hours every night...and I only have a few lines, dammit! Such a time-sink... I've also gotten a job as a marketing intern for an NPO, and I've been doing that for about 2 months. We're launching a new website next Thursday, and things. are. not. ready. We went to a company in my city to do the website, and they basically put half of it together and said, "If you want a functioning website, you're going to have to pay more money." So, it falls on the lowly intern to fix everything. I have to go through this company's shitty software, and I can't figure out how to do half of the things that need done. I've spent several hours on it today alone, and it's only getting more frustrating. I'm also doing poorly in classes, which is great! I'm starting to feel like I'm not suited for my major, and I'm considering a change. I'm going to push through the next round of assignments, and start going to office hours more often so I can see what's possible. If that goes poorly, I don't know what to do. Half of my scholarships are tied to the program I'm in, so leaving it is going to mean student loans and a general lack of direction in my life. The future is a scary place. Sorry to be using pubski as a place to complain, but I'm just really worn out this week. I feel like I need a break, but I don't know if I've got the free time to give myself one.
I'll say this. You have things that you want to do. You are probably not able to do all of thing things that you want or will want to do. You will not suddenly be better at doing these things that you want to do if you burn yourself out. I thought the idea of self-care was for ninnies for a big part of my life. It doesn't have to be dramatic, or take a lot of time, but you need to be your own first priority. In my case, I have an urge to speed-walk everywhere in the hospital where I work. I know that I get tired out easily, and that I am less effective at my job if I am tired. So in this instance, self-care is knowing that I need to be mindful of my walking speed, and while I don't dawdle going from place to place, I also don't push myself to be super early to everything.