How do you keep up with the 'correct' terms and how do you deal with how they keep changing? Can't call people retarded anymore, even in a non-insulting way. It was common but on the way out when I was growing up, to use it in a sincere way, but people also used it as an insult unrelated to real mental issues, and now it's not okay to use at all anymore. There has, of course, been a line of acceptable-but-then-not terms for black people. Janitor, which was itself a euphemism, is now bad for some reason (???) and we have further abstracted it to "custodian".
"Gay" remains acceptable (as far as I can tell -- but I'm gay myself and I like to throw 'faggot' around so it could just be my perception) in spite of its copious use as an insult.
I certainly don't want to actually hurt anyone, but this whole thing comes off to me like we all can't figure out what we even want, but insist on still getting pissy about it in the meantime. I'm having trouble understanding why I should continue catering to this.
Do you have any thoughts on:
- What causes one term to require a new euphemism while another under similar treatment doesn't?
- Is there really any point in trying to keep up with this ridiculous fickle changing of euphemisms?
- What is the point in making new euphemisms if someone is just going to use that as an insult too, and then we'll have to move to a new one? Different usages of words normally coexist quite nicely anyway.
- It appears that there is a strange time in which a term is no longer acceptable for its clinical usage (retard) but has not yet become acceptable to use purely as insult (moron, cretin, lunatic). Any thoughts about this?
I don't think it's necessarily a matter of "keeping up" with the latest in appropriate language. The basic premise of your post is this : "As a human, I don't like being wrong about stuff, especially when it makes other people mad at me because when they get mad i get defensive. The problem is that I can't seem to keep up with the things that make people mad, and trying to is exhausting. What do I do?" That might sound insulting, but I don't mean it that way. Stay with me here. The straight answer is that you're going to mess up. A lot, because you're a human. And there's not a whole lot you can do about it. It's impossible to know what everyone deems acceptable, and some people go too far (and others don't go far enough) in their requests. With this information in mind, the question arises: What do you do? There are generally to categories of choices. 1.) Stop changing, and get upset when someone corrects your language. You're not getting mad because of their choice of language, you're getting mad because no one likes to be wrong and it's not a part of your daily life so you can't keep up. Basically what you're saying when you do this is "I can't keep up because it's tiring to me, and instead of letting you control your own message, I'm just going to call you what's easiest for me." I don't know about you, but I don't like option 1. 2.) Change when you're told a new term, and don't get mad when you're corrected. You don't live the life of a person of colour, or a trans person, or someone with a developmental disorder. That makes it hard to keep up, because you're not steeped in it, all day every day. Also, lots of people have different reactions to different words. This might mean that, for people whom you interact with a lot, you're gonna have to remember some shit. And when they change, you're gonna have to keep up. "yo, Ken. I know you've been calling me Todd since grade school, but my full name's Theodore, and I want to go by Theo now. Cool?" ^^ that's basically all you're doing. My strategy is thus: 1.) have some general cultural terms which were okay last time I used them (though I don't generalize much) such as GSM (Gender and Sexual Minorities, because it's faster than LGBTQIA and so on, and more inclusive anyways) or Developmentally Disabled. 2.) have a general sense of the terms that the people in my peer group are using, such as Trans Woman of Colour (TWoC), or Trans and Cis. 3.) Have an intimate sense of what terms my close friends are using. They're my friends, after all, and I want to treat them with respect. I call my friend Greyson "Grey", because that is the short form they chose when they transitioned and changed their name. I call my friend Patrick "Kirby" or "Kirbo", because that's his last name and that's what he was known by in the army. 4.) When I get informed about a change in any of the above categories, I do my best to adopt it. For category 1 I'll probably fuck up more than others, but that's because its the one I'm least connected to, and as such the one that I use the least. Let's take the word you use - Faggot. This video shows 30 different gay men's reaction to that word. Some own it, some take it as a slap in the face, some are just made sad. I don't know about you, but my goal in life, generally, is to get along. I won't agree with everyone, and I won't be perfect, but when I mess up, i'll do my best to improve .
I want to QFT most of what you wrote, but to save space, I'll just add my own opinions on one of your points: I've taken to accepting that sometimes the language I use will be received as offensive and changing it around others even when I know I disagree with them. Some people have been offended by "you guys" instead of "you all" or even the use of assumed gendered pronouns before I've explicitly asked the other person what their preferred pronoun is. Sometimes I disagree. I don't consider "bitch" a sexist insult. I care little way one or the other about "undocumented" vs. "illegal". I consider "3rd world" to be a somewhat archaic term from the generation before mine and prefer "developing" instead. I see "jew" as offensive only in some contexts. I dislike the use of "faggot" (and consider it a pejorative for "gay"), but I equate "retard" to "stupid" / "moron" / "dumb" / "idiot" as all having varying degrees of intensity of the same idea. For all of them though, I have learned to recognize when the bother those around me and adjust the words I use in accord with keeping a respectful conversation.2.) Change when you're told a new term, and don't get mad when you're corrected. You don't live the life of a person of colour, or a trans person, or someone with a developmental disorder. That makes it hard to keep up, because you're not steeped in it, all day every day. Also, lots of people have different reactions to different words.
This is the only thing that I have a general disagreement with you about. They way we define immigrants, migrants and refugees has a HUGE repercussion on how they are treated under law. Nowhere is this currently more apparent than in the Syrian refugee crisis right now, and the language being used by varying countries to describe it. In this crisis, people are using the terms "Migrants" and "Refugees". Migrants, meaning those who are leaving their current country to seek a better life in Europe, and Refugees meaning those who have been forced from their homes, fleeing the violence of the Assad regime. What's interesting is whom is using which term. Countries like Germany, who are opening their doors to these people, are calling them refugees. Countries, like Hungary, who are building a border fence to keep these people OUT, are calling them "Migrants". Why is this language important? Because if they are refugees, and they show up at the EU's border, member countries are obliged to act. Also, according to the Dublin Protocol, The country where you enter the EU is supposed to be the one who does the accepting - meaning countries like Italy, Greece, and Hungary are the ones who face the greatest burden. By calling these people "Migrants", not refugees, Hungary can get away with building a wall instead of building a bridge. The same is true, in some ways, with America and its southern neighbours. For example, look at Human Rights Watch's page on Mexico. there are a huge amount of problems in Mexico, and most of the people who are "Illegal" or "Undocumented" immigrants are less immigrants than they are asylum seekers. The situation in many Mexican provinces has become untenable, with clashes between the military and the cartels, not to mention government censorship. But the US refers to them as Illegal Immigrants, because if they are refugees, then they need to accomodate them, according to the UNHCR, or the UN Refugee Agency. I care little way one or the other about "undocumented" vs. "illegal"
Read this and initially thought this was unrelated to the my initial point on offensive language, but since you brought it up and since I haven't given the distinction of "migrant" vs. "refugee" much thought, here's my likely immature, not-too-fully-informed reaction: I agree with you with regards to the value of this distinction, and emphasis of these people as "refugees" not just in the context of the government but also surrounding institutions that hold sway with government officials and voting blocks. But I also see the use of "migrants" in this context as being a weasel word that stems from those countries not wanting to accept the people in the first place, rather than vice versa. I haven't been following the EU vs. Syria events though, past listening to a rant on why the US, UK, and Poland should take responsibility for the refugees. So I say the things above from a PoV of ignorance. -- With regards to Mexico, I'm on the same page as you as seeing those people as refugees (and not migrants!) fleeing from a situation that the US largely helped create via drug / economic / agricultural policies. And to some extent, I believe the US should be held accountable to both relieve the drivers of the unfavorable conditions in Mexico as well as extend relief to those who have already left the country. However, the context that is usually discussed of "undocumented" vs. "illegal" among my peers (who have usually already assumed the following "migrant") has struck me as splitting hairs over PC terminology and not really addressing the fundamental questions of why these people want to leave their homes. And I've found that by the time you get around to arguing for one or the other, people have already made up their minds about the underlying question of whether those people deserve to be in the US in the first place. Maybe one word is more correct, but arguing over that has always struck me as a bit of red herring and all around less important compared to other discussions on the topic...This is the only thing that I have a general disagreement with you about. They way we define immigrants, migrants and refugees has a HUGE repercussion on how they are treated under law.
Sorry, disappeared for the weekend. This isn't something I really deal with all that often, but sometimes, and I do see it around a good bit. I don't so much mind being wrong about things, but I do mind when I'm made to feel as if I've done something wrong when my intentions are good but I just haven't been caught up on the latest codeword. It all seems rather arbitrary and unfair to give anyone shit about it, which I think is what really gets me going. I don't want it just to be easy for me or I wouldn't bother with any of this. Anyway, no, option 1 isn't really trying hard enough on my part. This is the problem I'm getting at. The trend is always moving along on the whole, but at any given time, you can find a lot of different preferences about this. I don't have a problem with making the effort for individuals I know, but when communicating with a group or posting online, I can feel pulled in various directions as to what words I should be using. I guess one solution could be to check what the latest polite/clinical term is every so often (must be written down somewhere) but some of these terms are so far gone they feel disingenuous. But, hey, I go around preaching to internet grammar pedants about how they should chill out and let the language evolve, so maybe that's all that's happening -- seems disorientingly fast sometimes though. Sometimes it seems like people don't look past the words to the intent. They just see the word as packaging a certain intent necessarily. Saying the wrong word can make you the bad guy when they don't check inside to see what's really being communicated.Also, lots of people have different reactions to different words.
It's never been hard. The things that are insulting now have always been insulting. We're just more aware of the fact that they're slurs now. The internet makes more opinions well known, and previously oppressed people now have a platform to speak. "Faggot" was never okay, society as a whole just finally got around to deciding to listen to LGBT people and hearing them for the first time. And then conservatives rage on about how they can't even say what they want because of "PC culture", when it reality they're just finally getting called out and suffering consequences of saying the garbage they've been saying for years.
Yeah, 'faggot' was a side point saying that I may have a bit of an edge perspective on this, being a gay guy who's fine with a gay slur -- just not used as such. It was never really okay, but some people are on board with the idea of intent vs. words, some gays have taken hold of the word for themselves, etc. One better example is that it used to be normal to say someone was retarded, and later, or to differentiate from the insult that had developed, mentally retarded -- and then, alongside physical handicap, this developed to disabled, challenged, special needs, and I don't know what else. Is it because people adapt and use them as insults too? It's not like it's going to stop. Changing the words is never going to keep people who want to hurt others from doing so, so why are we making the effort on that front? I don't know if there's anything else to be done about that though.
It isn't hard to ask a person what they want to be called. Hasn't gone wrong for me yet, anyway.
It isn't, but I can still see this being an issue when you're speaking in general about something, and then people present might have various opinions about the word choice and so on. It's the societal approval of vocabulary sort of thing that I'm going for.
There will always be taboo words and euphemisms that skirt around saying those taboo words. It's the nature of taboo words that changes throughout time. During Shakespearean times, the ultimate taboo words were religious oaths. So, you get euphemisms like "zounds" from "God's wounds." Now, most minced oaths like "gosh darn it," "gadzooks," and "gee whiz" sound completely harmless and even childish because the original oaths that they were referencing are no longer taboo. Then, you have your obscenities like "fuck," "shit," "cunt," "asshole" etc. I've always associated Victorian times where people were overly uptight about sex. I mean, we're talking about a society that have terms like "self-abuse" to mean fapping. And now for the present, the taboo words have shifted away from obscenities and onto racial/sexual/gender racial epithets, no doubt because society has gotten less uptight about sex while being more uptight about giving various minorities a chance to be not shouted down by the majority. When I grew up, the F-word exclusively meant "fuck," now the F-word can mean "fuck" or "faggot," and I won't be surprised that in the future, the F-word exclusively means "faggot," with "fuck" being considered as an impolite word. The number one taboo word in contemporary American society isn't "fuck" or "cunt," but "nigger." And taboo words will probably shift away from epithets to something completely different centuries later.
Yeah, I'd love to see how this develops later on. But if I'm understanding right, these are words that were originally taboo and became milder with the loss of connection to the original taboo. Any thoughts on words that were originally the new polite form, then relegated to taboo to make way for the next one?
You do your best. And that's all you can do. Because different people prefer different terms, depending on their age, geography, culture and just personal preference. And if someone throws a shitfit at the term you use, you remind yourself that your intent was to be polite, and it is their choice to get offended. Don't apologise. Merely say: no offence was meant, if you prefer a different term to be used, then please make that known. Ultimately whether you describe someone as "coloured" or "black" it doesn't actually harm them. Likewise "gay" or "homosexual". If you're a well-meaning, non-bigoted person, and they react badly, then fuck them, seriously. These days, I am no longer extending any tolerance to the offenderati. If you are not in some shithole like ISIS-run Syria, being raped and tortured on a daily basis, then you can essentially fucking get over yourself. (I don't mean you, OP, I mean people who make a hobby out of getting indignant).