Thanks Steve -- that is so right. Both giving and getting are crucially important. I'm glad you realize that these things are too complicated to be answered by a one-off post of what's on my mind today. I'm grateful for your comments and also for yellowoftops. There is no question that people get preoccupied with what they need without thinking at the same time about what they give. Of course, these kinds of issues only come up when one's needs are not being met creating cracks in the psyche (especially the unexamined psyche). Resentment starts to seep in through the cracks muddying the thinking. Often the more you give, the more you get back or should. I've found, though, that people might think they are giving and generous -- but if the giving is not what the other person actually wants, the gift is not received. This give and take should be negotiated a little. Sometimes the gift of being heard and understood is enough. (Sometimes.) Rumi's quote has been rattling around the back of my head: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Yeah, I agree, and think it's one of the hardest parts in a relationship. It's so easy to view your SO or even platonic friend as a crutch, something to fill a void you have. It's very hard to be able to self reflect and see what you have to offer, and if able, see what you're fulfilling for the other person. It was when I first joined hubski, I read a comment about how friendship is a give and take, sometimes someone is all give and can switch to all take, but there is this push and pull and it's stuck with me, one of those "Ah ha!" moments. It's been rattling around my head and it seems to fit in with this.