When I turned 18, my dad stopped me on my way to my room and said, "when I was 16, your grandfather died and your mom broke up with me the same week. Life is hard sometimes."

Also, when a new president of my dad's university came in, my dad's position as associate dean ended. I was in college and he called me to tell me that we were hanging out that day instead. We went to this bbq joint near my house and spent the day getting wasted and eating the whole appetizer menu.

My dad is weird about teaching me life lessons, but they stick, so good on him, I guess. Then again, my dad is a dude whose father's idea of a birthday party was to hike up a mountain with the child, catch a chicken, kill it and roast it. Even so, I know how to gut fish and how much fun it is to have spider fights because of my dad, so thanks pops.

With my ma, I remember one time she told me I wasn't breastfed because I couldn't latch on. Later it came out that I don't have siblings because my ma felt like she's not cut out to be a mom and that I needed so much minding. For example, if mom was driving, I wasn't allowed to ask questions because I might distract her. I guess I'm glad that I learned my parents were human early on, but if I'm honest, I'm so ardent about making sure I'm not a father because I worry about how I'd be as a parent.