It goes without saying that our parents are often the most important and influential figures in our lives. This relationship isn't always perfect, but often there are perfect moments. What, for you is a moment that you find to be a perfect moment with your mom or your dad, or both? Perhaps perfect is too absolute.... when were you happy with them? What moment stands out? I know that some of you on Hubski have lost a parent, if you feel so inclined, what positive memories stay with you?
I'll go first:
For as long as I can remember, one of my top moments regarding my parental memories was that of winning our T-Ball world series with my father as the head coach. He was/is the kind of guy that made sure every kid got as much playing time as every other kid and still, we won.
But...
Tonight may have taken the #1 spot. I am recording a new album (ghostoffuffle, T-Dog) and my dad has been listening to the demos from it. He loves music and has always been the biggest supporter of the songs I write/record and the live music too.
About two years ago my dad confessed to me that he had been traveling, everywhere he goes with a harmonica. He plays it all the time, in the car, at his desk, late at night and even in bed. The guy is obsessed with harmonica.
Tonight I recorded my father playing harmonica to some songs that I wrote and it was awesome.
The first song was pretty cool, I basically had him replicate the feedback sounds that I had created on my guitar. It was a good way for him to "warm up" and get used to the process.
The other song we recorded turned out amazingly though. I added a bunch of reverb and delay to his track, so much so that it no longer sounded like a harmonica. I manipulated the feedback/delay on his harmonica track while he played it and it was like we were collaborating and playing the same instrument together in real time... it was bad ass and the resulting sounds were really compelling and suited the song perfectly.
Then he recorded a harmonica track to the song without any delay etc and there were no effects to hide behind. His parts were beautiful and they were also incredibly sincere. This is an 8 minute long song and the last 4 minutes are largely ambient sounds. I almost stopped recording him at the 4 minute mark but I looked over at him and his eyes were closed and he was so obviously deep within the song that I dare not stop recording.
It was really amazing to see my fathers face, eyes closed and so intensely in the moment of a song, the same way I have been so many times. I felt an intense connection to him and for the first time I see where my gift for music came from.
It was a cool moment for me.
Your turn....
When I turned 18, my dad stopped me on my way to my room and said, "when I was 16, your grandfather died and your mom broke up with me the same week. Life is hard sometimes." Also, when a new president of my dad's university came in, my dad's position as associate dean ended. I was in college and he called me to tell me that we were hanging out that day instead. We went to this bbq joint near my house and spent the day getting wasted and eating the whole appetizer menu. My dad is weird about teaching me life lessons, but they stick, so good on him, I guess. Then again, my dad is a dude whose father's idea of a birthday party was to hike up a mountain with the child, catch a chicken, kill it and roast it. Even so, I know how to gut fish and how much fun it is to have spider fights because of my dad, so thanks pops. With my ma, I remember one time she told me I wasn't breastfed because I couldn't latch on. Later it came out that I don't have siblings because my ma felt like she's not cut out to be a mom and that I needed so much minding. For example, if mom was driving, I wasn't allowed to ask questions because I might distract her. I guess I'm glad that I learned my parents were human early on, but if I'm honest, I'm so ardent about making sure I'm not a father because I worry about how I'd be as a parent.
This is supposed to be about parents, but I want to post about my grandmother, and you'll have to forgive me for that. I think it's something like the third time I've brought her up on Hubski, and I'm sorry if it looks like I'm fishing for sympathy, but today was another day of going through old possessions, looking at pictures from years ago, and just being with my family. One of the things I elected to take was a small brass bracelet my grandfather, Michael, gave to her before he left for WWII. It has a series of interlocking parts similar to this, except the way it's shaped, it looks like a double-helix wrought into two dimensions. The centerpiece is a heart with a cursive P (for Phyllis) inscribed in it. A few years ago, I found the bracelet in a desk drawer that hadn't been opened in a long time. The band of the bracelet was broken, and I spent an afternoon trying to fix it. Eventually, I got it into a wearable state, and presented it to her. She recognized it immediately, thanked me, and teared up a little. She wore it for the rest of the day, but after that, I never saw it on her wrist again--My grandparents' marriage was strenuous after the war, and I think it brought back some of those memories. Anyways, I knew she was grateful, and I just remember it being a small moment that we shared. I'll try to upload a picture of the bracelet tomorrow. She has Parkinson's, and her mind is gone. She can tell who's with her, but she doesn't remember deaths or births--she keeps asking for Michael, but only my aunt so far has told her that he died a long time ago. Before I was born, anyways. Again, sorry if I'm laying too much out here, but it's cathartic to type all of this out. Thanks for all the advice in the thread the other day.
I can't help but relate this to the recent post about Alex Rodriquez. At one point there is a passage about him performing for his father, about hitting home runs for him and all of that. As a child growing up and through adolescence into my teenage years I was heavily invested into bowling, and I know I was in part performing for my dad. He was always there, no matter how far away matches were, and every strike and every game that showed progression in my abilities resulted in a look of admiration from him. I don't think it's something I'm ever going to forget, and I don't think it's something I'm ever going to feel again. I was doing it for me, sure, because it was something I was good at, but I was also doing it for him. He was a great baseball player in his prime, and I was (maybe still am) a great bowler, and that sense of mutual admiration of abilities is something that is hard to explain. I think that's part of why I don't bowl anymore, because I'm not doing it for anyone, because there is no other person to share the moment with that will understand the toils and tribulations in getting to a high level in a sport, let alone be able to turn around and see emotionally affected by my performance while still being an unconditional source of support.
Here's to our old men! Your post is a valuable reminder that there is as much opportunity as there is time for connections to be built and rebuilt with parents. 'preciated.
I love Neil Young, even though he's a crazy old man (in the bad way) now. A personal fave (well, one of the happier ones, anyways):
My guess is that his parts will make the cut, we shall see though. I plan on handing the album over to the guy that I've brought on board to mix and say "go to town" with little to no input. But, I'm confident that some of the sounds we made tonight will make it. I will definitely bounce a version that features the Harmonica prevalently for my dad to hear though. He was really excited to hear himself. He has been playing for years and has yet to hear himself.
Yeah. The harmonica is a cool damn instrument. So simplistic, but it really adds something to a song, especially on a well-placed bridge. Unfortunately nearly gone in modern music, as far as I can tell. EDIT: ick that first post was so bitter. Gone. No excuse, really.
Tonight we used it more to effect mood, in a more chordal way, I suppose. There were no "harmonica solos." In this sense, much like a melodica or an accordion, you are able to control the volume and melody in a way that can be quite emotive. With a harmonica/melodic you have the advantage of using your actual breathe to convey your feelings. It's a powerful thing. It's easy to feel a very real and direct connection and control to what you are doing.
Example. That song signals loss and longing well before Dylan opens his mouth, all because of the instrument choice. Sometimes, though, true harmonica solos are clumsy and jarring. They don't always fit. I can't wait to hear how y'all pulled off a 'chordal' sound. Rhythm harmonica.
When I was younger (not that much younger, but, early in my undergrad), my father and I took a bunch of long road trips. This was a tradition that had started with the Great High School Summer Road Trip, which all agreed was entirely too long (though I did get to see the Crazy Horse Monument and Mount Rushmore). My dad and I are great road trip partners, however. We both drive relatively similarly, and have similar tolerances for when we need to get out of the car, pay rent on another cup of coffee, etc. My dad is also one of the people who I am intensely comfortably with. During the car trips there are long conversations, but also pregnant pauses, and long stretches of comfortable silence. I have a romanticized version of the road trips - remembering the beautiful scenery and less the hours of boredom driving through the night through Northern Maine headed toward the New Brunswick border. Those were definitely times that I began to know and understand my father as a person and a human being, not just the idolized, father-child "my dad knows everything" sort of understanding of my father.