I guess senior prom was technically a first date for me. I threw up quite a bit and passed out briefly in her friend's yard. In my defense, the party was insane. The Black Angels were there, still no idea why.

Sheepishly returning my rented tux, hidden in a suit bag, to the store the next day, I subtly asked, "does it need to be in the same state it was when I rented it?" It didn't, actually. Thank god.

Through astonishing good fortune, I've never met a girlfriend's parents. That could continue well into my 30s and I'd be fine with it. I'm dating you, not your damn family.

  She says "It's different for a girl turning 30"
  He says "Is that a crack about me not maturing?
  Cuz I'm just deferring the term, I'll be back in the spring
  I'm just waiting for my break, got the cast in a sling"
  He says "The queen is the back of her king"
  But she's mad at her lack of a ring
  She says "It better get bought
  Quit playing games, you getting an ex off that Xbox
  I love you boy but I need a man Peter Pan
  Syndrome, ain't even been home to meet the fam

I was young, forgive me, but this happened.

I went out on one date with a girl, we saw 21 Grams, and I absolutely did not get the vibe that she did not like me. I called her and despite getting her voicemail, and leaving her one, my young mind thought "Oh better leave more just in case". In case of what? Who knows. I probably left her 5 vms in total (I don't remember exactly).

I want to make it clear I did not think I deserved a second date, or that she had any obligation, I just was really immature and didn't understand that one date really means nothing.

She rejected me, but I didn't get it. Not because she wasn't being clear, in fact looking back she was basically hitting me with a baseball bat of truth over my hard steel enforced cranium trying to get it through my thick skull without calling me an idiot (which looking back, she had the full right to do).

Anyway, I'm embarrassed about that, and that moment helped me learn a lot about both how people interact and that sometimes you aren't going to be friends with people you meet, no matter how fun and cool you are. If there are young men reading this: Take a goddamn hint. It's nothing personal.