a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by humanodon
humanodon  ·  3663 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: November 12, 2014

I feel like internet dating is starting to make me less superficial.





_refugee_  ·  3662 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Really? Tell me all about it. I was terrible at internet dating.

humanodon  ·  3662 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Well, I've gone on a few dates with women I wasn't necessarily attracted to physically, but in the end I was glad that I did because they were generally pretty cool in their own ways. Also, flipping through page after page of attractive women that the machine tells me I am compatible with and finding more and more of the same descriptions of likes/dislikes has helped to re-emphasize how important personality is.

Another thing that I've learned via online dating is that white people in particular FUCKING LOVE HIKING.

Why were you "terrible" at internet dating?

ButterflyEffect  ·  3660 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Internet dating is weird. I haven't done anything other than Tinder but I've looked into other options and it all seems like a lot of time and effort just to maybe meet somebody. That's really the only part I'd be interested in, the entire game leading up to that point is an inefficient drain.

Kudos to you for seeming to have found a way to make it work.

OftenBen  ·  3660 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    it all seems like a lot of time and effort just to maybe meet somebody.

Preach.

humanodon  ·  3660 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Dude, that is dating. I wouldn't say I've made it work, but rather that it's limping along. I'm not really sure where to meet women in Boston actually, so for the moment, here I am . . .

ButterflyEffect  ·  3660 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Hm. So I clicked this and it copied your text a bunch of times instead of just once. Weird. True, all my relationships have been a result of some completely off-chance encounter where things just fell forward from there, so any real work is well...work.

I met a lot at house shows in the area, and through other people.

Edit: I should clarify that my "time and effort" comment is directly related to what ref is talking about when she describes it as being a proscribed process.

humanodon  ·  3659 days ago  ·  link  ·  

What is weird is that on these dates, it's been awkward to bring up the online aspect (like profile and stuff therein).

thundara  ·  3662 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Another thing that I've learned via online dating is that white people in particular FUCKING LOVE HIKING.

Ever seen OKCupid's The REAL ‘Stuff White People Like’?

thenewgreen  ·  3660 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I was shocked to see "Zappa" on there, and in relatively large font.

_refugee_  ·  3660 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'm the reason why I sometimes think users should be able to review other users on dating sites (before I realize what a terrible idea it really is).

I was terrible at internet dating because, in general, I stood up dates. This wasn't always true and I had a boyfriend or two that I met wholly from internet dating. I guess I went on my fair share of dates, but I also stood up more than one or two people. At one point I "grounded" myself from OKC because I didn't think it was fair behavior on my end and I figured I shouldn't even bother talking to people until I was reasonably sure I'd changed my behavior and would show up if I committed to something.

There were probably a lot of factors that went into that behavior. I spent a fair bit of time trying to tease it out. I tended to get extremely anxious/nervous before a date, and would let that get the better of me. I also suspect I wasn't really connecting with most of the guys I never met up with - if I was really interested, I would have made it, right? For me there's some kind of mental hurdle in the formalized online dating kind of progression between "talking" and "first date" - it feels very proscribed in a way, very different from meeting people in person and kind of organically, without labels, spending some time together. As a writer sometimes words mean too much to me and the phrase "first date" definitely is one I think I took too seriously.

OKC in general was a shitshow that felt like a meat market, and of the people I did meet through it many of them were a little cuckoo and some in some rather off-putting ways, but in general it was an interesting experience.

There's definitely one or two guys that I talked to on there for extended periods of time and in retrospect I'm glad I never met up with. One was a guy 20 years older than me located somewhere in NY who was an assistant professor. I guess that doesn't sound so bad, but now when I think about it it weirds me out that I was 19/20 talking to a guy twice my age who wanted me to drive up to NY just so we could bang - and I actually seriously tried to figure out how to make it happen once or twice. IIRC at one point he didn't live anywhere, was floating between situations. He offered to drive down to see me and live in the woods for a week. We actually had some really valuable conversations in which I started to figure out things about myself, but I'm just real glad we never met.

humanodon  ·  3660 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Hmm. Yeah, I get what you mean. I think that you're not alone in your anxiety, but not sure about the older "woodsy" guy.

thenewgreen  ·  3660 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Well, I've gone on a few dates with women I wasn't necessarily attracted to physically, but in the end I was glad that I did because they were generally pretty cool in their own ways
-Did you become attracted to her as you got to know her? Do you continue to date her or is she friend zoned?

Also, hiking is pretty bad-ass. At least, half of me thinks so.

humanodon  ·  3660 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I haven't been in touch with those women, so I don't think I can say that they've been FZd. I did have some really nice conversations with them, but I guess I'll have to see if anything comes out of it.

thenewgreen  ·  3660 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I am always envious of my friends that are able to you utilize online dating. I wish that had existed back in my day...

Sounds awesome