I had a long conversation tonight with a guy that has crafted a life where he can travel at his leisure and live life on his terms. Recently he's fallen in love with a girl with 3 kids and an ex-husband that sounds awful.
She has some baggage. Undoubtably, he does too... We all do.
What's yours?
Mine: I can be detached. I am accomplishment focused. I am selfish and focus on my own needs first.... Etc, etc. I'll divulge more if the conversation progresses.
Your turn
I am Atlas. I have accepted personal responsibility for this world and everyone in it. I have, for whatever reason, been given a massive amount of empathy, and a matching curiosity about the world around me, as well as the ability to synthesize and interpret the information that curiosity yields. The more I learn about various horrific events, or living situations around the globe, the more and more I feel for these people. For example Kids getting burned alive in sewers in Columbia, or the crazy catholic roots of massive infant mortality in Brazil, or, to use a slightly less horrific but crazy example homophobic violence caused by missionaries in Uganda. Even though there is nothing I can do about it, I'm responsible. It's my job, in every interaction and action in my life to help create a world where these things don't happen. Because of this responsibility, I'm always right, until proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I'm wrong. Sub-optimal choices and solutions are therefor utter evil to me because we(I) should always be striving to be better, more ethical and moral people. Because other people don't care about the things that scare me, such as existential risk, the highly-probable extinction of our species within the next hundred or so years, the drought conditions in the southwest that are only going to get more frequent and worse because of our farming techniques, they are worse people. I am above all of that, because I care about the things that matter. And because of this responsibility, combined with my inability to make literally (not figuratively) everyone fat, happy, intelligent and self-actualized, I don't really like myself all that much. When I lost my faith in any kind of deity, I accepted all that he/she/it was supposed to worry about. 'God loves all the little children,' Well, now OftenBen loves all the little children, and I can't grieve enough for all that pass on without love, without family, without tenderness or kindness, without even the dignity we give to pets in this country. 'God will care for us in the future,' OftenBen will care for all in the future, because God left without telling anybody, and too many people still think that there is someone holding the wheel, and my Atlas complex makes me want to seize it, enter politics and grab authoritarian control, under the guise of democratic reform. Luckily, so luckily in fact that I cannot accurately articulate appropriately, I've met someone very special. Someone who can grieve with me, helps me to set aside my globe, if only for a little while. Someone who lends me her eyes, so that I can see and appreciate what good I am able to do. (I don't mind talking further about this, if you have any questions fire away)
Hm, I think mine are mostly mental things. I can be extremely inflexible due to anxiety. It can be as simple as refusing to go to a different restaurant at the last second because I already looked at the menu online for the first restaurant. I also have bad moods where it's best to just leave me alone. Sometimes it's over in five minutes and I'm back to normal, other times it lasts a day. Sometimes I have no idea why it happens, other times I know and it's something incredibly stupid that I just need to work through in my mind. But, I think, perhaps my biggest form of baggage comes from the simple fact that I want to be a people person and I'm just so not. I range from weeks or months of attempting social interaction as I see other people doing it, followed by a complete meltdown over it. Then I have an "I don't give a shit" period followed by watching people to figure it all out. Then it starts all over again. All of that causes mood swings and stuff. Probably not very fun to be around for that reason. I've had relationships negatively impacted or ended over those things before.
I'm with you on this one. I often have entire days ruined by one irrational source of anxiety like this that I can't seem to shake. what's the deal with that?I can be extremely inflexible due to anxiety.
Anxiety is a tricky thing. It's such an un-agreeable feeling that if you don't keep it in check you can begin to become anxious about being anxious. You start avoid scenarios not because you necessarily fear something specific, but because you're worried something might make you anxious. This in turn makes you more anxious. Objectively, this is, as you say, irrational. You're inflicting self-detriment over self-created hypotheticals. Kind of like creating an invention in your head then being annoyed it doesn't have a certain feature. On examination of my own anxiety through mediation, I found it all stemmed from an avoidance of being in the moment. Any situation which meant I hadn't had a chance to think about or pre-empt it somewhat left me uneasy. Any scenario where the outcome meant that I would have to figure things out on the fly I avoided. With continuing practice, I have learnt to see thoughts as they are. Transient electronic signals in the brain. Ones that can only last and strengthen as long as I dwell on them. Letting them go is a simple as objectively acknowledging them and then choosing not to give them any more attention. The best essences of life lie in those times of being in the moment and riding the wave, dancing the dance. See yourself not as a slave to your thoughts. You are always in control. Of course, this is easier said than done and it's no flick of a switch. But with sustained mindfulness practice I all but guarantee you will see improvements in relation to your anxieties.
Exactly. I got so bad for awhile that I basically became a prisoner in my own home. Going to the store seemed like a huge feat. What if I didn't have enough money? What if I got into a fender bender? Luckily I've been able to work on it some in the last few months. Sometimes I can even go to a bar by myself which is pretty huge because you're bound to have someone talk to you when you go to a neighborhood bar. I'm also having less of the "oh suddenly something came up and I can't go" stuff when people invite me out. I missed a local Hubski meet-up awhile back, when I first got on here, because of that.
I was sexually assaulted about 4 months ago and haven't exactly gotten over it at this point. Due to that I've tried to stay away from making any lasting relationships because every once in a while I'll end up breaking down. That's most of my personal baggage, but it's caused me a lot more mental and emotional issues than anything else, and I have trouble trusting people. I've thought about seeing a therapist more than once, but have been procrastinating getting one once I feel a bit more confident about it just to break down once again. It's a lot weirder to try to explain to people what happened since I'm a guy. I don't want to talk about it with just anyone, and if I do open up about it most just assume I can deal with it easily. That's pretty much my baggage at the moment, I've been pretty unstable emotionally and it's been problematic for all relationships afterwards, friendly or romantic.
Most everyone else is talking checked baggage. You're talking carry-on. "The longer you wait to deal with this the more entrenched it will become and the harder to separate from your psyche," said the guy just now dealing with shit from 25+ years ago. "Sort it out now and it becomes a rough patch. Let it fester and it becomes a part of you."
I feel that I need to triple-down on the recommendation of seeing a therapist. You don't need to be on the brink or some sort of life-threatening state to go see a therapist. People talk to a therapist just because they feel stressed or confused, and in the cause of sexual assault I don't think you should waste any of your time, and you should find one and make an appointment asap. It won't be a waste of your time. It can feel like such a strange situation for a guy to talk about something like this and so I respect your strength to talk about it here. I'm sorry that happened to you, but know that you don't have to just "deal with it." You couldn't even imagine it now but with some help and patience, you can work past it.
I appreciate the input from all of you guys. It's a bit of a strange time in my life for it to happen since I've been busy and moving around a lot(I turned 21 about a month ago and am still in school, so I moved back to Erie about a month after what happened for my internship). I'm leaving here in a week or two and will be away until late August. I'll look into finding a good, affordable therapist once I make it back to school and have some solid time in one place.
I just pm'd you. But the short of it is, that you should probably go see a therapist. I know from first hand experience that it can be a wonderful and healing process. I'm sorry this happened to you but my hats off to you for being self aware enough to recognize that it is effecting you and that you need help. It takes a strong person to admit that. Well done!
Four months ago - you're right to stay away from relationships right now, I think. I think it would be a good idea for you to get thine ass to that therapist (as long as you find the right one and think it would be helpful for you). In general I would expect this kind of thing to impact more than just romantic relationships. I'd encourage you to seek help as soon as possible, because this may be impacting you in ways you don't or won't even realize until much later. I don't know how old you are, and I see you're a guy, but I know that adolescent and pre-pubescent girls who experience sexual assault are significantly more likely to develop eating disorders after the event(s) for instance - it's often posited that these girls "want to disappear" or are striving to return to pre-pubescent states (when assault occurs after puberty). This probably doesn't appear directly relevant, but I wanted to provide examples of long-term effects from sexual assault that one wouldn't be able to predict or anticipate immediately after such an event. I'm sorry for what happened to you, and it sucks.
Is having a lack of relationship experience constitute baggage? I feel it does, to a point. I've never had a relationship, and it's really starting to drag on me (at age 22). I want one, and I know I could find a women who likes me, but I just have trouble meeting people. It's more to do with my anxiety, shyness, and depression than anything. I've been working on it, and I've improved, but even when I feel 100% I just generally don't have a lot to say. I just feel insecure that I'm naturally very quiet, especially in a very extroverted society like America. Besides that (and I've written on this site before about my experience), I fell in love with a girl years ago, which was messy on my part. I'm completely over that now, so I can't say I have any baggage attached to specific person or incident.
95% of the time it is more important to me to be right than to let the other person win, even though it may mean the burning destruction of a relationships. In all honesty I don't think this will surprise anyone here too much. Is this really baggage though, or are these flaws? I would think that baggage are the built-up results of other relationships and the attempts one made at them, failing. For instance, "I am insecure because previously I was cheated on," as opposed to "I am insecure and have always been that way." With that in mind I am ferociously independent and self-motivated in relationships because previously, I have been a poor advocate for myself, and it's resulted in long, dragged-out relationships where I didn't really truly want to be there, but didn't have the backbone or the self-awarenesss to stand up and say "I'm out." I have previously repeatedly held my tongue and tolerated behavior from boys that I now no longer am willing to tolerate - so I speak up. A lot. All the time. Obnoxiously. My insecurities, they come and go.
This is a rough question, you know? But intriguing. Compared to most people, I've had an easy life, lived in a great environment, and had a healthy upbringing. Nonetheless, pain is relative, right? No matter the background, everyone has baggage. I know what many of my hangups and personal issues are, but I can't say that I know where most- if any of them- stem from. May as well dive into it. I am an exceptionally hard-working and driven person. This is a large part of my personal identity, and a trait to which I can attribute most of my successes. However, I have found that no matter how deserving I am of something (someone's attention, approval, an award, a job, a leadership role, etc) I have a gnawing feeling of guilt and inadequacy. I rarely feel that I am genuinely deserving of anything or anyone, and I think that causes some problems. However, I think it also keeps me constantly motivated to improve myself and become more deserving and qualified in every aspect of my life. I also find that I have A LOT of trouble dealing with the past. I dwell and dwell and dwell. I get mild anxiety attacks and have nightmares regarding latent fears and insecurities that stem from minor events or discomforts from my past or the past of my S.O. I recognize the absurdity of this, and how important it is to let go and ignore things that are no longer relevant. But acknowledging that sort of thing on a cognitive level, and feeling it on an emotional level are very different things. The third main thing that comes to mind is my constant desire to prove myself. I'm short. I'm not super short, but I'm a bit below average, and for most of my childhood and adolescence, I was more significantly undersized compared to my peers. This lead to my fair share of being bullied and and all the fun things that come along with that. Luckily, being a very successful middle school and high school wrestler helped me to boost my confidence and be less bothered by this. Still, I often find myself feeling as though my masculinity, toughness, competence, adulthood, etc, are being challenged, when, in reality, nobody is challenging anything. So I spend a lot of emotional and mental energy worrying about how others perceive me in those ways, even though I know that's a ridiculous thing on on which to expend any energy at all.
Oooooooh boy. If I'm in a bad mood, you're better off just not talking to me. The problem here is if I'm in a bad mood sometimes it spirals into a week of pissy/depressed bfx. Like you, I'm accomplishment focused and can be detached from people and situations. If I'm the middle of working on something I'd rather finish that than go see whoever. I get really aggravated if people and things keep me awake longer than I want to be awake. I will probably be very uncomfortable meeting your family because I don't like answering the inevitable questions about mine. cauliflower brings up a good one. I can be a really social and outgoing person for short periods of time. But if I have to do it for weeks at a time, I will probably crash at the end of it and be a miserable hermit until my chemicals balance themselves out again. The real baggage is that I will probably never be good enough to satisfy myself. But at least I don't have kids.
How are you defining baggage? For sake of clarification.
You tell me.... What comes to mind immediately? My guess is we all have an idea of what we bring to a relationship that is potentially problematic. Go from there...
ghostoffuffle To me, baggage is stuff you lug around with you that weighs you down. It might be fears and resentments and pain from past family or romantic relationships that you bring with you into new relationships. When someone moves into a new home, there is usually a lot of stuff to throw out or put in a garage sale. You don't want to or can't take everything with you. Unfortunately, psychologically we carry a lot of stuff with us from childhood, from schooldays, and so on: fears, attitudes, issues. We don't even know what it is until it gets in the way -- we overreact to something, we don't trust someone. The good baggage from childhood becomes our personality. The bad baggage from childhood gets in the way. It's called baggage because it's both heavy and enclosed -- like in a suitcase. It's not obvious what it is that we carry with us, but it might come out inappropriately when we feel stressed or threatened. In tng's example above, baggage can also be the children from a relationship that you bring to a new one. A good therapist can help you get some insight into the baggage you are carrying around and help you separate out the strands that you want to keep as part of your identity from the strands that you can discard. Sometimes it's hard to know which is which. If I have a preference that I want to cling to -- a preference for NO YELLING and DON'T THROW THINGS -- because I used to live with an asshole with yelled and threw things -- is that baggage for me to be irritated when my current husband raises his voice? I don't care - JUST DON'T YELL AT ME. On the other hand, if I once had a bad experience with swordfish and refused to eat it again because of the bad experience - that's baggage. Luckily, I'm over that mostly.
In a very literal way, baggage weighs you down, because you're carrying the stuff you need to survive. I think this analogy can work mentally as well. All the negativity that we may carry as baggage (hurt, abuse, mental illness, etc.) is stuff that can be drawn upon later in life to try to avoid repeating old mistakes. So, while baggage is heavy, there's no reason why it can't be useful.To me, baggage is stuff you lug around with you that weighs you down.
The girl who was so hurt in her first romantic encounter that she decides never to trust anyone with her heart again... that's baggage and is protecting her, but getting in the way of her other goal which is to be in a relationship.So, while baggage is heavy, there's no reason why it can't be useful.
Yes, and that's the dilemma. It can be useful to us and also get in the way. We packed those emotional things to protect ourselves. It's just that as we grow older, the things we needed to protect ourselves as a child might now be stopping us from achieving other goals. One example which I may have mentioned here before: the students in my classes who cannot get up to speak in class because they were humiliated when they were in elementary school. They decided early on to never be in a position to be humiliated again. While this may have protected them early on, it is just getting in their way now. That's baggage that no longer serves them.
Yes, but that's the importance of introspection. Why did I feel humiliated? What was it that hurt me so bad? Can I love again? Without these experiences, we couldn't answer these questions. The important thing is being able to ask them and to actually try hard to find some answers. A static life is one in which we never can grow. We all try to avoid hurt (and rightfully so), but without it, what could we ever learn about life?
Weird twist to the analogy, though: the heavier your emotional baggage, the longer you carry it.
I think lil's definition is the one that's more conventionally accepted- your personal "baggage" described above seems more like possibly the result of baggage rather than the baggage itself. But looking at it both ways: 1 (your way): problem as I see it is that the person least qualified to identify my most detrimental qualities vis a vis interpersonal relationships is me. Reason being, I have a skewed view of myself given that I have access to my inner monologue. So how I see myself doesn't necessarily align with how others see me, for better or worse. I might think I'm worse than I am, because I'm privy to all the negative thoughts that others have no access to. Likewise, others might recognize my less savory aspects long before I do. I have my own value system, and I rate my thoughts/interactions by that subjective value system; are the things I see as "bad" in myself actually the qualities most detrimental to my outside relationships? Example: from my perspective, my most worrisome qualities: temper, anxiety/depression, lack of follow-through. However, when I posed the question to my wife, she saw little of those qualities leaking out into the real world in a meaningful way. She said that my "baggage" (by your definition) had more to do with doubts re. self worth when it comes to my professional/creative legacy. I've been struggling for a long time with how to define myself as a productive member of society, and that ends up coloring my interactions and world views. This is so fundamental that it would have gone right over my head if it hadn't been pointed out to me. Another example: my two best friends from high school came up with a nickname for me a couple years ago: Scam. Because, they say, I'm always looking for the angle and fixing to turn things to my advantage. The name, and the circumstances under which they chose it for me, seems absurd. We were out on a drunken bender, I had to pee, and without telling anybody what I was doing or why, I walked right off the path, crawled over the patio of some downtown law office, hopped a hedge and let loose behind some trashcans. How is this evidence that I'm always looking for the advantage? I dunno. I see it as evidence that my bladder is small and I've been forced to make a habit of constantly mapping out every secret place I might be able to unleash in public. But they insist it's just a good allegory for how I am with life. Always scammin', man. Wouldn't have considered that without their input. But then, maybe the best scammer is the one that convinces himself he's not a scammer? 2 (lil's definition): I'm an occasional subscriber to the theory that we ALL carry baggage from childhood; be that your run-of-the-mill high school baggage or, if you're unlucky, deeper stuff from before, either from within the home or without. I had some household drama that I still carry with me, but I'm not going to pretend that I came from a broken home or anything. My home life was just fucked up enough to teach me some valuable lessons about stress and how you manage it around your kids; not fucked up enough to imprint on me and negatively influence the way I treat loved ones. As for high school, I'm pretty sure that no matter how popular you are, no matter how well-adjusted, you WILL come out of that shit show with some baggage. If for no other reason than we're a mess in high school on like a fundamental, physiological level and any halfway traumatic experience will gum up the works. Romantic stuff, particularly. Reading these comments reinforces this idea for me. Personally, I went through a series of weird relationships in high school. Some weird in all the old boring ways, one weird on a whole other level that sent ripples down the emotional line for years and years. Baggage for days. I've since then shed almost all of that baggage and good riddance, but it took some hard work, self-reflection and an ultimatum or two. Makes me think that maybe high schoolers should be banned from having relationships. Oh, they should have lots of sex, but they shouldn't get anywhere near relationship status, because who knows what love or caring is at that point. You're liable to do more long-term damage than good. (EDIT this might have been a shitty generalization. Input welcome.)
Then again, maybe this is just the onset of crotchety adulthood talking? I'd be interested to hear about this from the perspective of the high school kids around here.
I feel like I have the opposite problem of you two: I am most certainly not accomplishment focused. I just want to live comfortably, do fun things and bring people enjoyment with my time on this earth. I don't have a career path, or an ideal professional narrative in mind. That makes a lot of people look at you strangely.
Accomplishment is a pretty general thing. If I say, "today I want to run 2 miles, make a nice dinner and then watch a film I've been meaning to see," and then do it, I would consider that an accomplishment. It does not need to be tied to career driven things. You can have a life devoid of "career" stuff and still be VERY accomplished by your own standards. It's definitely a subjective term. I like to cross things off of a list. Period.
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That's true! I guess I just thought of it differently. I can see how that would make your days more fulfilling. I'm pretty dissatisfied and frankly bored with how my life goes by, maybe I should try planning everything, even the menial stuff.
Growing up, my dad struggled to keep a job. We'd stay some place a year or two, move, try again. I went to a new high school every year for four years. It made me a perpetual outsider in nearly every situation. Being the "new kid" over and over again sucks. It's not a big deal now. I found out quick that I make friends wicked fast, but I'm always evaluating where I am with a group of friends. It feels fake and forced. And because I'd move so much, I cycled through groups of friends, leaving behind the old ones and spending time with new ones. I have lots of used-to-know experiences with people. But that's changing now that I'm in college. I've had the same set of friends for 3 years now, and it's fucking awesome.
I am Baggage Claim. Got problems? Leave them with me! I'll toil over your stories and troubling experiences, until I've basically adapted them onto myself! Childhood issues and jarring personal conflicts? I'll take it! I am the filing cabinet of everyone I know.
This is my problem. People trust me for whatever ridiculous reason, and then they tell me things, and then I live with those things. I am addicted to the psychologically fucked-up, slightly crazy individuals whom I meet in any scenario. I want them to take me through their mind so I can see a new perspective, particularly a radical one I've never experienced before. I'm talking about girls, mostly. I can't make small talk, and I'm definitely no charmer, so I never quite click with normal human beans. You ever talk to areally attractive girl, and then you look in her eyes while you're talking.. and you see it like, twitch? That's the kind of girl I always end up with. The really hot girl who could have all the success and intelligence in the world. But she's always some type of psychotic, and I kinda love it.
You're not baggage claim, you're a luggage thief. You aren't doing anyone a service - you're fetishizing that which does not belong to you because it's easier and safer than dealing with whatever your personal crap contains. I'm going to guess your mom is kinda crazy. Mine is more than kinda. As a consequence, I dated a shit-ton of absolutely bat-shit women. In other words, I speak from experience. So lemme throw 20 years of collected wisdom at you and give you a brain hack: Find the "sane" in the crazy and the "crazy" in the sane. This serves two purposes: It gives you something healthy to see in the crazy people and makes the sane more attractive to you, and therefore more datable. The crazy people know they're crazy. They aren't generally happy that they're crazy. You popping a hard-on over their craziness doesn't make them feel any better, either - it's like chubby chasers for the morbidly obese. Not only do they know they're morbidly obese, they have to deal with the fact that the only people who find them attractive are messed in the head. By focusing on the things that make them normal, you reassure them that they're normal and that normal people can love them. The sane people know they're sane, but they equate "sane" with "boring." By finding the wild'n'crazy shit associated with perfectly sane women you help them convince themselves that they are a little different, that they are unique, that it's okay for things to not always be perfect and that rebelling a little is healthy and normal. More than that, though, it allows you to approach them as people within your dating pool and trust me - you'd much rather end up with the sane ones. My wife is completely normal and sane. She's also incredibly hot, a doctor with a thriving private practice and an impossibly good baker, knitter, vintner and jeweler. There was a perfect window of opportunity, though, when she thought she was a ruined woman (her first marriage collapsed). And I was able to see her as "damaged" for just long enough to realize how stupid my standards were, how badly I was screwing myself out of happiness and that goddamn it, I was entirely within my "rights" to pursue women without excess "baggage." And that's why I've been married to a hot doctor who wears size 2 pants for ten years... instead of a bisexual wiccan ex-stripper with a latex allergy.
good guess. I also like what you're saying for the most part so thank you for calling me on my shit. However, I'd like to pitch you the question of how you can determine who's crazy and who's not, if you're looking for the opposite in everyone. All of a sudden you're digging for traits that aren't really there, trying to craft a girl you like out of someone who is in reality the absolute opposite. I can tell a girl who's into pop country that she has a unique and cool taste in music. I did once, and she totally didn't see through my effort to hold back cocking a gun against my own head after I said that. But then if I say, "I really like that you're into all sorts of music," that's just a lie and she knows it; she doesn't want to be into all sorts of music. She's daft. So why should I tell every Mary Poppins that I like her swag? Is she not capable of learning and exhibiting the traits she likes, and eliminating the ones she doesn't on her own?I'm going to guess your mom is kinda crazy.
Dude, I'm not telling you to lie, and I'm not telling you to fool yourself. Let's imagine two girls, shall we? We'll name them Ginger and Maryann. Ginger is a narcissistic vamp who is only attracted to gay intellectuals. She's prone to histrionics and leopard prints. Maryanne sees the good in everyone and sees no point in being anything but happy. Both of them are pretty hot, by the way. You'd be naturally attracted to Ginger - after all, she's got your tweaks. but you don't walk up to Ginger and say "you know I love how you have such a hopeless love for gay men" because she knows she has a hopeless love for gay men and because it's bad for you. Instead you might (personally) focus on the fact that she listens to Christian rock, that she loves her parents and that she collects Manolo Blahniks. Maryann, on the other hand, doesn't want anyone to know she smokes a little doobage on the side and enjoys skinny dipping. You play up the 420 and the nudity with Maryann, suddenly she's a wild girl... to both you and her.
Lookit that. The vamp turns out to be just another boring singer: While Little Miss Wholesome ends up with a mugshot: I'm not telling you to reshape reality, I'm telling you to reshape how you regard reality. Telling a girl into Garth Brooks that a love of Garth Brooks is unique is just asinine. Telling a girl who's into Garth Brooks that she doesn't seem like the kind of girl who's into Garth Brooks can be a great conversation point - assuming she doesn't seem like the kind of girl who's into Garth Brooks. You don't have to tell every Mary Poppins that you like their swag - you need to see that there is no Mary Poppins and find the swag in everyone. And yes, of course she's capable of this journey on her own. The whole point of relationships (friends, romans, fuckbuddies) is to multiply the discovery through repeated emotional collision and occasional genital contact.
Sounds easier said than done, but I get what you're saying and I especially like the Garth Brooks point. This better get me a lot more genital collision.
Wait, woah, wat These are two different things, I think The first is being the person that listen's to other people's issues, which is something that I do as well, and then the second is sort of...elsewhere? It kinda sounds like the "I like to stick my dick in crazy/hotness and craziness are totally related to each other bro!" stereotype that is hilariously untrue. Here is my post for this topic because my baggage is boring to anyone that is outside of my family or that is going to be in a relationship with me - it is telling you that everyone is crazy. So pretending "you like the crazies" does nothing for you in the long run. Wooh, everyone is broken to some degree, yayThis is my problem. People trust me for whatever ridiculous reason, and then they tell me things, and then I live with those things.
I am addicted to the psychologically fucked-up, slightly crazy individuals whom I meet in any scenario.
It kinda was two different things. I think it's less sticking my dick in crazy, more never having a conversation with anything besides crazy. They don't have to be hot, either. Perhaps I should say "never able to distance myself from" instead of "addicted to."
But but but that's still the thing though, I feel like crazy is such a painfully relative term anyways. Plus what do you end up defining as "crazy" anyways, you know? Perhaps it's because I have interacted with actually psychotic individuals in a way that I cannot go into depth for for multiple reasons, that my threshold for what can be defined as "crazy" is astronomically high.
Pershamps. It's subjective, and I don't mean clinically or could-actually-need-an-asylum crazy. I just mean the kind of girl that will say some shit and make me think "What the fuck, this girl is insane." It could take you more crazy to think the same thing, I don't really think it matters man.
Mine? Anxiety, I guess? Or rather... I have... issues... making decisions. Or rather, I have issues classifying the importance of decisions. Choosing where to go to University for me was easier than figuring out what to do for supper. If I know something is important, a) people don't tend to rush me on it and b) it tends to be something where there are clear differences between the options, and a clear way of judging what option is best. But when it's something that is probably not important, but needs to be decided in a timely manner... Issues ensue. Of the looking shellshocked variety. So, with something like choosing where to go to University? I can sit down and go over all the options, compare, and eliminate options until I get to the choice that was the best for me at the time. And even if it doesn't work out it's not the end of the world, as my decision was justified at the time - worse comes to worse I know what I missed last time. But with something like "What shall we have for supper"... I get paralyzed. Too many options, and no clear value function - no clear way to judge what is better, no clear way to justify my choice. And something that probably isn't important, but there's that nagging "what if". What if there was something in the fridge that needed to be used up. What if I add something to supper that makes it awful. What if I mess up cooking something and someone gets sick. Etc. Although, amusingly enough, I have no issues with baking. Probably because with baking you're expected to (mostly) follow a recipe, and you're expected to have everything in the house. Same reason why I don't have much of an issue with following a recipe that someone has picked out. (I'm focusing on cooking here, but it's not just cooking. That's just the first example that comes to mind.)
Define baggage. I'm accomplishment-oriented as well. I don't know that I'd call that baggage, it's just what I am. There's certain things I'd like to do before I die that take precedence over what I consider more trivial things. This is not quite a bucket list in the traditional sense. Going skydiving is not what I'd consider an accomplishment (although I do think sky diving would be cool). My accomplishments are my total contributions to humanity in terms of the advancement of knowledge and/or society. I keep a couple categorically organized idea logs (which kinda makes me an ideologue, heh) of things I want to accomplish. I probably won't get through all my ideas since it's something like eighty pages of ideas at this point since starting about a half a year ago when I found I couldn't hold it all in my head anymore (I have a pretty bad memory too...). It does help to clear my mind to write that sort of stuff down however. I can be detached as well. I'm also pretty introverted and can easily get overwhelmed at a big party.