I was raised in a very conservative, southern household and it was always very impressed upon me to not accrue any debt and live within your means. While I have thrown off many of the lessons my parents tried to instill (namely regarding their opinions about my sexuality, "liberal-ness" and religion), that is one the of the few things that has intentionally stuck around.

This served me well when I was out of their good graces, being homeless for a while and afterwards barely scraping by for years.

I've since graduated (grants, scholarships, and savings), moved to the Bay Area, now I work at a biotech company and am doing better monetarily and otherwise than the majority of people I have known, especially those who came from similar circumstances as me.

I now feel like I am in unfamiliar territory regarding my past, I make more money than my father ever has, or many of my friends do, I don't own a car or have terribly many expenses, have low rent, and I just feel...comfortable.

I have no great needs anymore, I do what I want at any point, eat where I want, when I want, buy stupid shit off the internet, send gifts to friends, help some out when they can't pay their bills, go on weekend getaways, buy nice clothes, donate to wikipedia on a whim, and just in general "treat myself". All of this my previous experience lends me to regard as extraneous and unnecessary, but I still have plenty of money to save at the end of every month, so my natural response is constantly putting me at odds with what I do and the fact that it is justified. I bought a shirt for $60 this weekend and almost had a panic attack. I used to have to steal food just to eat and now I buy $5 coconut water.

I recently got a credit card for the first time ever, and use Mint to keep track of expenses, and I have to say, seeing the amount I owe on my next bill really helps direct my neurosis towards something productive. I get to project my frugal nature towards worrying about what my overall finances are and not feel too comfortable, which is perfect, even though I am just playing a stupid game with myself.

I hope to maintain this contradiction within myself, I feel familiar with the constant little upheavals being poor can bring, and don't want to ever be too comfortable (read: "soft"). I think that the little skills I've gained still have a place in my life, but in more productive means.

So today I'm just gonna be proud of my comfort, I'm a better person than I ever have been in my past, and the now-me deserves it more than any of my previous selves. I'm gonna go eat lunch out and stuff myself, email my mom (we're doing great now, though she loves Ann Coulter), and maybe I'll even partake in some cake with you today, _refugee_, and you totally should, cause you deserve it. I recommend any variation on cheesecake. I once ate nothing but a leftover ice cream cake for two days because there was nothing else in my fridge. Never again.

Congrats on that. I put myself through school (along with Pell Grants, thank you America) partially with the help of what would become a maxed out credit card. When I paid it off, it was a great feeling. Next step: You can get the same feeling by dumping money into savings and investment accounts and doing compounded interest calculations :P

I just did an audition for a summer orchestral program, and I wasn't totally ashamed of how things went.

this is a first, and I am proud of myself, even if I don't get in.

"AS OF TODAY YOU ARE COMPLETELY AND ABSOLUTELY IN THE BLACK."

- My journal, which I used for finance in college, December 7 1995

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

- My journal, same page, February 16 1996

My parents didn't really pay for college. Discover, Visa and Mastercard did. Then my grandparents died sophomore year and I got just enough to knock that shit flat. It didn't stay flat, though; 7-11 swing shift and an engineering education at an out of state school don't balance.

About a year later I started dating a rich girl. There were perqs; I still have the Brooks Brothers leather peacoat; I still have the bespoke suit (it still fits). It went to shit about the time she decided to be "financially independent", though… right about the time she started cashing those $17 an hour checks for her social work job at a hospital. Up climbed the debt.

I paid it all off on February 12, 2007. On February 13, 2007, my employer laid me off (3 weeks after naming me "Employee of the Quarter" and giving me a $1000 bonus). Between the diminished payments and unemployment, the total net impact on my finances was about $15 a week. It gave me a good 6 months to figure out what the fuck to do next.

On July 1 2007 I started mixing national television in Los Angeles. I had 36 hours to relocate a thousand miles while maintaining my abruptly-fiancee in her home while she continued medical school. I was staring down the abyss of yet another raft of Ikea; I was staring squarely into the maws of another shit 800sqft apartment in a bad part of town. Up went the debt again.

I'm in a peculiar place now. Between my wife and I we have four bank accounts, each with enough balance to kill the credit card. Three of them with enough balance to kill the credit card several times over. Yet I let it linger. She's got six figures of student loans, the majority of which will never be paid off. Some of it is in a private loan that drifts around about the same place as the credit card.

Every now and then I throw a thousand, or two thousand, or three thousand at one or the other. With the card, every now and then there's auto repairs. Or emergency bereavement tickets. Or upgrading from an '89 Kawasaki to an '08 Benelli.

But I'd be lying if having that controllable little pocket of debt didn't make me feel better. It's weird, but grasping it in my metaphorical hand and not killing it makes that student loan more manageable. Having the cash on hand to kill it any minute makes it matter less.

They tell freelancers that the sensible policy is six months of living expenses on hand. We got that. Yet we both lived through the recession and remember the lean times. Having a baby took $70,000 out of one account, just in lost wages. The cash feels better than the lack-of-debt.

Have some cake. You've earned it. I think I've just ended up accepting that good debt is leverage and bad debt isn't the end of the world.

Shit. Maybe I oughtta pay off that credit card.

Required viewing

Well done!

Little thing, but I've been meaning to do it for ages.

Found my first geocache yesterday. Funny that I've walked right past it dozens of times over the past several years. It was near where this photo was taken :

A year and a half ago I moved to DC. I had no job, no house, and, as I found out two weeks later, no school to go to. I was able to find a house and a job in two days. I had to move to a new place last year (the house you stayed in, @_refugee!@) and despite having a job, had to put myself seriously in debt to stay alive. I was supposed to get a raise in October, but that did not come.

Until this Friday.

So, on Valentine's Day, I get to get my first paycheck where I feel comfortable again. I will be able to pay off some debts, make my landlord happy with on-time payments, and best of all, I'll finally be able to eat again. With very rare exceptions, I have only eaten when my boss bought lunch for me at work every day, and small snacks I could grab at a gas station. We're going to have fresh snow here, up to ten inches even, I'll have money, and I'm taking arguewithatree to dinner at a very fine Russian restaurant with a set menu including red caviar and champagne.

I'm proud that I implanted myself in my job to a degree that, in just over a year, I was able to make myself invaluable to my bosses and the heads of other departments, enough that they've all gone to bat for me even when it put themselves at risk (so really I'm more proud of the people I work worth than anything); have a new position created for me specifically; and be on track to co-head the department when one of my bosses leaves next year, despite my sadness over that because we've become good friends in the time since. And I finally, finally have a livable wage to prove it.

P.S. Usually the inexplicable bruises on the backs of my hands are from my throwing my hand up in my sleep, and it hits the wall. I wish I knew what dreams prompted it.

I'm also really bad at personal finance. I was dirt fuk'n poor through my twenties, because I decided to give up my career in favor of going to graduate school. I didn't mind not eat well and living in a tiny apartment, but still, even with those cutbacks, I built up some credit card debt. I make decent money now, but I haven't paid it all off yet, primarily because I keep 'investing' in weird shit (well, and I bought a sweet new car that I love). I've bought a couple awesome pieces of art that have set me back a few thou, and I recently threw a sizable chunk of cash at an independent film that I'm really excited about.

I'm sure that 99.999% of financial advisers would tell me I'm batshit insane, as these are super high risk investments at a time when I probably should be worried about having some cash on hand. But fuckit, I put away about $1000/mo in long term, low risk investments, too, so I'm not altogether worried about having a few grand in high interest debt. It'll get paid off soon enough, and for the time being I prefer to live in a way where I have some fun with my money. Even if I never see a penny of the money I threw into the film again, at least I tried something awesome and helped a friend achieve a dream that he's been working toward for a very long time.

But anyway, congratulations! That must be an amazing feeling. I've carried at least a little bit of credit card balance for about 10 years, and I can't imagine life without it right now. It must feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Like I said, my level of debt, especially given my debt:income ratio, is not at all threatening, but it's still there. It still looks me in the face every month when I pay the bill. And that sucks. Good job.

I'm starting jazz lessons this week with my previous piano teacher. I'm mostly familiar with classical, but I want to expand my range.

I think I'm one of the rare kind who doesn't accrue any student loans. There's a pot of savings that I'm slowly depleting, but at a rate that I might still have something left at the end of my university career. Most months I break even. Thank god for study benefits and a part time job.

Since I am financially good, I get to do awesome things beside my studies. I do an honorary programme (25% more credits on top of regular bachelor) which is often really interesting and it got me to Hong Kong. I'm in some committees and was recently invited to something we call dispuut, which is a society / association, invite-only based on your accomplishments. Basically once a month a meetup with discussions on planning issues with really interesting people. Like what I imagine a hubski meetup would be like but with people in my field of study. I'm really proud to be noticed for my efforts.

Well, if we are going with the "what is the last thing you made" interpretation, then I would have to say this song with a little help from my friends. Also, I'm a founding member (as are you) of the most kick ass online drinking club which I took some time to post this morning. Other than that, I made this picture with my daughter last night:

Sort of went like this:

me: What should I draw

Daughter: Tree and grass

me: Now what

Daughter: Daddy and mommy and me and baby brother

-I threw in the sun for good measure.

Also, congrats on getting rid of credit card debt. It's a bad thing and it's all too easy to fall in to. I now only carry either a debit card or a charge card (which mandates I must pay in full each month). A charge card is essentially a debit card that gives me kick-ass rewards points. I spend enough on it that these points equate to real life pursuits. I once paid for airline tickets to Peru on points. My advice to anyone, don't use a credit card. Credit is bad, don't spend money you don't have.

Enjoy the day _refugee_, I know the feeling of paying off a large and long-term debt, it's a good one.

Yesterday I found out where a few suspect clients of mine were getting meth, ended it, and forced them into an outpatient rehab followed by mandatory Narcotics Anonymous meetings. A big victory since it was the last sobriety problem that needed to be addressed.