Did it feel good? Writing it out? Writing things down has power. It makes things incarnate. Ursula LeGuin made the conceit in the Earthsea series that you can't do magic on someone or something unless you know its name. The name you're looking for is "fate." I wish I knew everyone's nickname All their slang and all their sayings Every way to show affection How to dress to fit the occasion I wish we all waved… You will walk a tiny percentage of this earth. You will meet a vanishingly small percentage of those who walk it with you. But you will see attack ships on fire of the shoulder of Orion. You shall watch sea beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. And all these moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. So make it count. Those jelly beans of yours. Why make them worry-flavored? You've gotta eat 'em or they'll get stale. Pick the tastiest ones. Because that video of yours? It's a lie. You don't have a limited number of jelly beans. You have a limited stomach and if you choose wisely, your gut will explode from sheer joy of all the delicious jelly beans you consumed. Choose poorly and you'll give up after a couple handfuls of snot-flavored jelly bellies. Fuck that. I firmly believe that you will always regret the things you don't do more than the things you do. Know what? I've never cracked my skull open in a golf cart in Mexico. And maybe that puts me at an organic advantage over you but muthafuckin' fate, yo. It's a river. We all ride it. It bumps some of us up more than others and some of us are goddamn surfing. A lot of it is luck of the draw but a lot of it is determination. Li'l secret: I was deathly afraid of losing my mind until I put a social worker through grad school. She spent her days bouncing Alzheimer's patients from nursing home to nursing home. Her perspective? "Yeah, it sucks when you know you're losing it but after that, Alzheimer's is a great way to go. The people who really suffer are those around you." So hey - maybe you go crazy. At least have fun and go crazy. beats the shit out of moping in fear and going crazy. There's only so much you have control over and worrying about the shit that's beyond your abilities does nothing but cause ulcers. People who are old enough to know better say "high school is the best years of your life." Lemme tell ya - if that happens to be true for them, they fucked up but good. Your future is an unwritten book. You can partition it out into how many jelly beans you spend pooping or you can recognize that we spend so much time feeding our pets because pets are awesome. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, beyotch. Put pen to paper and write yourself a life. Do it up right - you deserve it. And don't worry what anybody else will think… …because they really don't care.
I am essentially going to copy and paste what I said to flagamuffin, so don't get mad! Thank you so much for these words. This poem is especially moving, and your attitude is one definitely worth adopting. This is really the reason why I keep coming back, to have my viewpoints opened so widely. What you've written is motivating beyond belief, so thank you.
LOST LONG POST TO DEAD LINK FRUSTRATION Too Long, Can't Rewrite: There were four points. 1) Not that big of a deal you haven't had your first kiss, have known people in the age range of 24-26 who just lost virginity and just started dating. These people are still good people. 2) That head trauma thing and the mental illnesses? It doesn't matter if that's what caused them. You cannot change the past. You can only deal with the cards you have in the present. Maybe that is what caused them. Maybe it's not. You're probably never going to know. Honestly, knowing you have no family history is reassuring in a way if you ever want to have kids. Think about it: You are pretty sure your genes aren't blighted. You are pretty sure you're not cursing your kid to anything. Isn't that better than knowing, say, you still have 3 years before you know for sure you're not schizophrenic, let alone any potential kids? 3) Forgotten. Whoops. Actually, point #1 was point #2 and same with point 3. Point #1 was "I have been there and had that kind of existential crisis too. Try talking with friends or therapy." except longer and boringer. 4) "Don't sweat the small stuff" but it's not all small stuff. It's all important stuff. Just don't sweat it so much. Emotions are good and exploring yourself is important. Find out what makes you tick and feel a certain way. I called my emotions "stupid" to someone recently and they said: "Stupid does not equal insignificant. Most of what hurts us or flusters us is stupid...Don't tell yourself your feelings are stupid. There are some that need to be parked/packed sooner than others, but they're your heart, one way or another." When she told me that I cried (JUST A TINY BIT GUYS I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS) about something that'd happened a month and a half ago for the first time. It's okay to feel. Just don't let your feelings ride you.
Hey, I just figured out that if you have a dead link and go a page back and hit reply again, your post is still there. At least on Chrome it is. Worth a try the next time you encounter the deadliest of links. edit: you do have to copy-paste into a new post though, but the text is still there.
Just saying, when I get dead links, I click the back button, find the comment I was replying to, and click reply again. With chrome, all the text entered is still there. Seriously. I'm not lying.