a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by insomniasexx
insomniasexx  ·  4076 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Check out this poem(?) I wrote

I like this. My only advice would be to make all your references and allusions less obvious. Don't ever feel the need to explain. Let the audience decipher and understand your meaning or make their own meaning from it.

For example: "Most commonly referred to as a “Mid-Life Crisis.” We already understand that. Let the truth of the matter come out rather than the facts or names.

The last section needs some work on flow. It's too heavy. You have the serene and soothing and birds chirping but the flow of the sentences don't always match it. Let your words wander and flow in that same sense.

Just my thoughts. I'm not the greatest writer so take it or leave it. I won't be insulted.





BLOB_CASTLE  ·  4076 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thank you very much, I'll take all of that into consideration. I'm not aware as I'd like to be about when certain things are too obvious so it's nice to have it brought to my attention.

Floatbox  ·  4076 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Let me echo this:

    Let the audience decipher and understand your meaning or make their own meaning from it.

This is where so much of the resonance comes from! By all means, make the deciphering as seductive as possible. But don't do it for them.