yup,--haven't officially dropped the story on 406ness.com quite yet. special preview for y'all. ooh,--a horror short. finish it and post it, i could offer feedback.
if you guys enjoyed this story, i've just produced an audio version that you can listen to here
damn dude i'd probably still say the old man-- i don't want a fucking computer in my skull. nah. tough thing is--what is too far? if i woke up blind tomorrow, and doctors said they could restore my vision with some implant, could i say no? i dunno man. cyborg me would be hella weird. but looking back on this makes me cringe a little. kind of overt. gah! i'll be saying the same thing about what i'm writing today, a year from now.
suup guys! someone finish this! i'd be in the dolphin ZONE right now if it weren't for finals. i'm still around, still writing--more than ever, in fact! hope you all have kept at it. that story club was dope, for real. i remember that.
My favorite words occupy more thought-space than I'm readily willing to admit. Sometimes I worry that the words mean more to me than the things I associate them with... But hey--I'm drunk as fuck and it's a fresh day of the new year! This is no time for dialectic crises! I say the word yikes a lot, that's an all-time classic. Just the way it feels, and the shape my face makes when I say it tells you everything about how I'm feeling. The 'y' at the beginning is fun, that 'yuh' sound is underrated. The hard 'k' at the end, it's just explosive and sounds nice and punchy. It's just an expression, it barely means anything. But the sound is just as important. Rambunctious. I never use this word, but often I'll catch myself saying it so much in my head that it loses all meaning. Truthfully, most of my favorite words are chosen not because of their meaning, but because of the way it sounds, the twists my tongue gets to make and the shapes my mouth is allowed to form.
This is going to sound really stereotypical, but this weekend I experimented with some different sandwiches and this album by Pink Floyd, and you may have heard of it, The Dark Side of the Moon was turned on. Maybe this'll sound sacrilegious to some, but I had never listened to the band before. I knew who they were and all but yo... when Speak To Me/Breathe kicked on... I was transported to another dimension. It was scary at first but I quickly adjusted to my new reality and proceeded to have one of the most mind-blowing sonic experiences of my life. One thing I really enjoyed about this album was the experimentation. I can't even imagine what it must have been like hearing this for the first time in 1973. Money is ridiculous. The vocals are so smooth and I couldn't imagine any other voice over this shit. And it was great music for the occasion... But I couldn't help but picture another occasion perfect for this album. Sex. This is great sex music. Can anyone hook me up with some more progressive/psychedelic rock with a similar spacey sound like The Dark Side of the Moon has? I just listened to The Wall by Pink Floyd and while I thought it was great and will surely be listening to it again, I preferred the more psychedelic sound of The Dark Side of the Moon. Admittedly, I was 100% less fucked during that The Wall listen.
Anyone but those fucking Red Sux.
Your instructor is right, that sentence is dope. And you're right too, adding clauses isn't always a bad thing. The semicolon thing is right, too, but I think it's easy to overdo it with those. I guess I come from the minimalist school of thought. But I think the important lesson here (as we've seen with all the different viewpoints and what kleinbl00 said about 'correctness' in our language) is that it's important to switch it up, as you said. Damn, I'm just reading through all these replies. Punctuation and grammar just set this place off.
Yeah, in the Translator's Note in my edition the guy talks about how Camus acknowledged employing this 'American method' in writing the book. "the short, precise sentences; the depiction of a character ostensibly without consciousness; and, in places, the 'tough guy' tone." Kind of interesting, but I wonder why.
Shorter sentences work better. In the 'American method', at least. Albert Camus wrote the first half of The Stranger this way--precise and briefly. You can see how in the second half of the book, he changes up the style again to better illustrate the inner world our protagonist has retreated into. But it's important to change things up in your writing. If you keep things running on too many times in a row, you'll lose the reader. Each paragraph has its own cadence. Longer sentences aren't any smarter or more adult than short ones are. Probably less so. When I write, sentences always goes from short to long. Then from long to short. And once I'm sure the reader is well-rested I can hit them with a sentence that stretches way out passed its due date, and maybe it even continues with a comma splice. Tell him/her to read their work out loud. The awkward and breathless comma splices will make themselves much more apparent.
Every night while I'm lying in bed, instead of filling my mind with coked-out naked supermodels desperate to satisfy my every desire, all that ever comes up is me sitting at a table in a bookstore. Maybe there's a microphone there or something. Everyone is really excited! And there's a line of coked-out supermodels stretching all the way out the door and around the block, and they're all holding my book! It's got my name on it and everything. A cool cover. They all want me to sign it. After the book signing I head over to the set of the Today Show, where a coked-out and naked Savannah Guthrie is interviewing me. She asks where I get my ideas. She mentions that I'm at the top of the Times Bestseller List for the fiftieth week in a row. She laughs a lot. Then I fly home on my private jet made of money to work on my second novel. That's all I want out of life guys.
Psht, and risk catching cooties? MY BODY IS A TEMPLE AIGHT
Keep working hard homie, glad to see you making moves.
Is this dude still taking a vacation off the face of the Earth? Was there any resolution to that whole deal? This looks cool, by the way. I love the colors and the logo is sick.
One thing I learned about collaborative writing is that it's very hard to make work. Everyone has their own ideas of where the story is going, everyone is at a different level of skill and understanding, and everyone has their own idea of the climax they are working towards. But this is also what makes it really fun. There's a few anthology films I've seen (Four Rooms, New York Stories, Paris, je t'aime ) that tell stories with multiple directors, this reminded me of those films. In the future, it seems like the original poster of the story should have a protagonist and antagonist (or a few other supporting characters) backstory set up beforehand, some small paragraph giving us their desires, what they're willing to do to achieve them (the answer is always anything), what they're all about. That, along with a strong beginning that sets up a potential conflict, and I feel it would be much easier for a collaborative effort to go down without it lasting forever with no end in sight. Heck, maybe even have a 'part' limit set from the start--we have to finish this story in ten parts, reserve your spot and let's go! It's slipping my mind who was doing this, but someone was periodically posting a little 'catch-up' information detailing the story, characters, and where everything was at. That was extremely useful and I believe it'll help future efforts succeed.
I find the most observant people are often the funniest. 'Being funny' is really a tough thing to nail down to some sort of science (in a non-performance environment), but those who are most observant and aware of their surroundings tend to connect things in ways others find funny and can point things out others may have missed.
My highschool did this Explore America trip when I was a junior. All of us mid-west kids got to fly out to the east coast and see what Boston, Philadelphia, D.C., and New York had to offer. In New York City we visited what was then the Freedom Tower's (that what it's called?) hole in the ground. Near Ground Zero there was this little 'Church That Stood'. Some old church that had been showered in heavy debris from the Twin Towers but survived. I figured it would be this serene memorial but inside they were just selling 9/11 keychains and bumper stickers. Yikes. The price of never forgetting... six fifty, plus sales tax.
I live in Seattle. Driving around in the rain is pretty much my natural habitat. This is the downtempo playlist I have for just such occasions. This shit starts out damp and introspective and mellow and rides smooth all the way to an uplifting climax. Thought U Wuz Nice, the late (and exceptionally great) J Dilla. This joint is too smooth. In A Minute Doe, the ever-talented Gift of Gab. Not a lot of people I know have ever even given this guy a listen but this is a gorgeous track right from the heart. Everything I Am, Kanye West. One of my favorite beats of all time, reminiscent of Kanye's College Dropout. Poe Man's Dreams, Kendrick Lamar. A very introspective and often overlooked track on Section.80, and one of the most impressive from Lamar's discography in my opinion. Acid Raindrops, People Under the Stairs. We're emerging from the inner world which we retreated into when the day got dark and the rain started to come down, and coming out on the other, sunnier side. And hey--our first rain mention. Dancing In the Rain, Blue & Exile. Always smooth. And hey, it literally mentions rain! Right there in the title! We're batting over .300 here! Be, Common. Such beauty in the track, and a nice wet sounding bass. One of the most infectious feel-good beats ever. Produced by Kanye, making a second appearance on this rainy day shit. Aruarian Dance, Nujabes. Absolutely butter. There are an insane amount of tracks Jun has in his impressive body of work that could have fit into this playlist easily. Just about impossible to pick only one. Another great artist, one I wish so badly was still here. Bayani, The Blue Scholars representing the 206 here to close out the playlist. Hey, this one also mentions rain!
Extremely interesting. Thanks for sharing this insom. That whole thing about Münchausen syndrome got me all inspired and shit for a story... Twenty-five Wikipedia pages later...
If you're looking for some inspiration on quitting the social media dig, I cut the cord two years ago and haven't looked back since. And let me tell you, it's pretty much the bee's knees. When I first clicked that blue 'Deactivate My Account' button people close to me were sending texts... Is everything okay? Are you feeling all right? People thought I was going to kill myself or had terminal cancer or something because I deleted my Facebook account. Yikes. But really, it's had the opposite effect of depression... Now, I have to go out of my way to contact people and get together to find out what's happening in everyone's lives. It has forced me to 'do lunch' with more people and I hang out with my friends a lot more as a result. I dropped Twitter a few months ago and now (besides Hubski and occasionally reddit) I guess you could call me relatively social media free. And now that I'm not spending time reading all those details about everyone else's mundane lives, I have more time that I'm not attached to my cellphone/computer to do other things. I'd encourage you to do the same. Yes, it takes more effort, but I ended up much happier.
What's good big pimpin', I just read through this. My feedback is as follows: First let's take a look at your opening, and let's see how we could improve. Instead of using 'thought' verbs like think, believed, felt, I always try to instead expand upon what exactly it is that is causing the character to think or believe or feel something. So rather than 'The teacher believed Roger was cheating.', it would be 'There was often movement in the third row, second seat, where Roger Rimrock sat. But whenever the teacher would snap her head up, Roger was always straight as a rod. Something was up.' However, this is a short story, and you obviously weren't aiming for a ton of wordcount. In a case like this, I would honestly drop the second half of the first sentence entirely. It would read like this: And then continue on just the same from there. We don't need our protagonist telling us he didn't think things could be worse, because finding Gus dead and soiled at his bed says it all for him! Stronger, and more immediate. In the same paragraph there's one of those 'thought' verbs again right here: Again, just drop the icky and unnecessary thought verb. That gives the reader everything they need to know without being spoon-fed. This is another one I'd 'un-pack'. Again, I get it, short story and all, but it's good practice if nothing else. Give us a specific detail that'll clue us in on her surprise without outright telling us. I actually like the way this paragraph reads better without the phrase 'When I came to,' Again, there's more immediacy without it and the ensuing details will clue us in on our narrator's previous unconscious state. A few other notes on this paragraph: A lesson on similes and clichés. Anywhere you can use a simile, a metaphor is usually stronger. This is a lesson I learned from those old Chuck Palahniuk essays on writing, in fact. So, instead of 'I had a headache like I'd been slapped by a whale.', it would be 'My head had been walloped by a whale.' Stronger. Too many little comparisons distract your reader and they're usually too weak to make much of an impact. In fact, just avoid using the word 'like' to compare two things in your writing in general. As for 'hell or high water', this is a less important note than simile usage, but good to note nonetheless. Idiomatic phrases in small doses are usually pretty safe, so you're fine here. But, for practice, instead of using these packaged cliché phrases everyone knows, phrases like 'hell or high water' and 'a blessing in disguise', try re-inventing the world in a way unique to your character. Give them their own 'burnt tongue' and made-up idioms to use... because real people do that! This is an easy way to characterize people and make your story feel fresh and unique. Often times I'll go through spotting every idiom I slipped in on autopilot and replace them with phrases and verbal tics unique to the character. The result is almost always stronger writing. --- Something that worked for me in this story were the interactions you had take place between the characters. They were snappy and moved things along without being too wordy. As thenewgreen mentioned, this was very noir and that's always a fun, sexy setting to play in. Keep writing.This morning when I woke up, I didn’t think things could get worse.
This morning when I woke up, at the foot of my bed, was a guy I'd known all my life.
I knew he was dead because my favorite pen, the one my ex-girlfriend had given me the birthday before she found me and her sister in a parked car in front of her work, was sticking out of his right temple and there was shit in his pants. Cold shit.
My favorite pen, the one my ex-girlfriend had given me the birthday before she found me and her sister in a parked car in front of her work, was sticking out of his right temple. And there was shit in his pants. Cold shit.
She seemed surprised, but she agreed.
When I came to, a doctor was checking my chart.
A doctor was checking my chart. I had a headache like I’d been slapped by a whale. I had no idea what happened to me, but hell or high water, I was going to get myself a pint of Harpoon. There’s a whole lot of strangeness in the world and I’ll be damned if a cold pint can’t go toward fixing them.
That's a good question, lil. I'd say it's a mixed bag--certain authors and books influenced me at different points in my life, for a bunch of different reasons. So I guess my list bedside books would be different depending on when you asked me. For example, when I was in high school I read this book called The Last Domino by little-known author Adam Meyer. It's one of my favorite books and I remember at the time how great of a story I thought it was. I read it three times, I e-mailed the author and asked him for writing tips. I haven't picked it up in a few years now but it inspired me a lot. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger is another favorite book of mine that (again) I read in high school. Now, I have a much broader view of literature as a whole--I read (a lot) more than I did in high school and other books have had time to impact me.
I'm super-duper late on this. But here are a few books I can read over and over again... Lolita, Vladmir Nabokov. So lyrical, funny as hell, and masterfully written. This man influenced me heavily. (The writing part, not the pedophile part.) Blood Meridian, Cormac McCarthy. Another master at work, and (in my opinion) this is his masterpiece. Some of the most on-point dialogue you'll ever read comes from this man's head. Jarringly violent and told with this sort of neo-biblical voice that only few can pull off. An impressive work that I come back to every now and again. As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner. Another massive influence on me. Honestly, it's hard to pick just one of his novels. I had never read anything like it before. Faulkner's plotting and pacing has always impressed me. I love how he jumps into the mind's of all of these different characters, and each one feels fresh and different. A book packed with meaning and dark humor, one of my all-time favorites.
I don't think you 'owe' a movie anything. I think you can not fully understand a film and still enjoy it, and want to know more about it. If you didn't like it the first time, then of course, I wouldn't expect you to watch it again. Thing about movies (and the whole art thing in general) is that it's subjective. But you don't need me reminding you of it. I definitely don't think Primer is an all-time god mode fucking smash hit of a movie, but I do enjoy it. The zero exposition and grit lend itself well to the atmosphere of the film. I like how complicated the plot was (in classic time traveling fashion) because it rewards multiple views, which is something I like doing. I get the impression you work around/with film to have such a strong opinion on the craftsmanship of the film. Of course, everything isn't executed flawlessly, but I'd hardly go with 'sloppy'. If anything, I was impressed at what Shane Carruth was able to pull together with 7 grand. And time travel movies are just fun, I've always loved them. 12 Monkeys. Back to the Future. Timecrimes. That shit is great. So Primer is right up my alley. But, I don't understand why me trying to in some way quantify my (or anyone else's) enjoyment of Primer or any other movie would make any difference--you thought it was bad and it's not like someone else's opinion could really change how the film affected you.
Thank you for featuring me. I think it turned out great, and I can't wait for future editions.
Oh shit son, you took me for a ride with that ending. That's crazy, though, about your wife. You knew you wanted to marry her six months into it? When you know, you know I guess. I just read that Dom Perignon proposal story. That's awesome. That guy did you such a solid. That was nice as hell. Sometimes I think about what having a kid would do to me. Obviously for you it was really great. Sometimes, that whole idea seems really close to me. You know, being a father and all. But other times, it just sounds insane... Like it would destroy my entire life. Is it strange being friends with N, after crushing on her for so long? Especially now that you're married and all.
Damn, that's a good question. When it comes to web design I'm totally shit for brains. But I think something that might be neat (along the lines of humanodon's suggestion of expanding the 'interested in:' section) would maybe be if that was clickable (similar to how posts/shares are). Then you could see every tag the user has been active in (either sharing or posting), and how often or how much they've been active in each one over the course of time. I like the 'interested in:' section as it is but if you could click to expand it, it might give someone a better idea of what the other person is all about.
Yeah, I'll often creep on somebody's profile like a pre-teen girl hooked on Facebook just to see what they're into, what their bio says, and what they've been sharing/posting. It's kind of like looking at someone's online dating profile or something, to see if our interests might be compatible.
One thing I really like about this website in general are the profiles. The little graphs are dope. The simplicity of the profiles is also something I really enjoy. I honestly can't think of much else I'd like to see, but I saw this post and just wanted to give you a heads up that the profiles are one of the features I really like.