First of all, I'm drunk.

Second of all, I know I like Vice more than I should. I know it's my socioeconomic version of "Toddlers in Tiaras" or whatever Fat Baby with Fat Mamma is called now.

Third, this is a crazy good parody of Vice. "You can tell no one here is high. It sucks."

So I've lost count, but there was a story not long ago about how conservatives weren't funny. Shouldn't this be a story making fun of liberals that is hilarious? I'm old as dirt (43 years and 363 days) and I remember P. J. O'Rourke. Never agreed with his politics, but he was funny as hell.

Think about the comment section of your local newspaper. At any moment a KKK rally might spring out of any of these environments.

If usernames are any indication, I see a lot of women making those comments.

We'd do well not to pretend that things are different than they are. Donald Trump's success in the polls has shown us something: a lot of white men are angry.

[A recent poll by Reuters] (http://theweek.com/speedreads/571396/donald-trump-still-tops-among-gop-women-new-poll-finds) puts Donald Trump the top choice of GOP women.

2020, huh? That's nice. I'll be 48 years old. I guess there's a chance I'll bang someone fertile, but I doubt it.

How do we know they aren't out there, and we just can't hear them and/or they can't talk to us? Could telecommunications designed on a planetary scale be theoretically detected across a few billion light years?

If you knew the labor and materials for a construction project were going to be cheaper in six months, when would you undertake that project?

Scott Adams is sort of a trashy Randall Munroe.

Be a welder. Great money, good creative outlet, keeps you physically active but isn't back breaking labor, and what you do can't be outsourced to another country. You went to college, so you'll be helping your boss with the paperwork soon. Don't hide the fact that you're smart, but be willing to learn from guys who might not have even graduated high school. A few more years and you can open your own shop.

I left the funeral riding alone on our tandem bicycle.