First of all congratulations to you both, I enjoyed reading your way of announcing and your enthusiasm was palpable. I will handle your questions one at a time: 1. What do you guys think about marriage? -I think it's a very serious commitment, until it isn't. Do not get to the isn't. 2. Is it a silly cultural prescription? -Only if you treat it as such. That's all up to you. My wife and I always say that "marriage is an island." What we mean by that is that it is ours and ours alone. We are the only two in it. My marriage is far from perfect, we bicker and can genuinely get on one another's nerves, but I never tell my friends or others about our disputes. Why? Because it's our island and we work through them together. -Or if really need be, with someone that is trained to listen and be objective. But it's an island and it belongs to the two of you. Take good care of it. 3. Want a traditional reception and ceremony? -Just make it yours would be my advice to anyone, whether you are eloping or renting a "hall" that performs 3 weddings a week. Somehow, put your stamp on it. Enjoy it and try and be present. 4. Trying not to think about it? -Why? Think about it. It's a pretty huge step you just took. Own it, it can be wonderful. 5. Is it a super big deal? -Yep 6. Is it boring? -That's like asking if life is boring. It's everything... boring, exciting, fun, tedious, hard-work, rewarding, surprising, exciting etc. 7. Destined for divorce? -Depends on a lot of factors, not the least of which is your resolve to stay married. 8. Is it useful? -Sure. I've been married for 8 years now and we have a history that we share. I suppose that is useful. But if someone is getting married because they think it is useful, they're fucked. Enjoy this day, enjoy tomorrow and enjoy your life together. Marriage rocks and if you have any friends that tell you otherwise, don't ask them about it anymore. Guys that complain about their wives suck.
I like this idea a lot. A lot of people talk about marriage in terms of dependence, but our relationship has always allowed us in a way more independence. We're self-sufficient. Also, I'm interested how marriage shapes the ocean around us -- how will the world look at me with a ring? How will our friends, the majority unmarried, consider our relationship? Will we end up hanging around more couples now? So far the reaction has been overwhelmingly positive. I will be taking this advice. I see where you're coming from. For us, the functional aspects of marriage inspired the idea to just do it, and I'm more than ok with that. We're trying to move to Toronto early next year, and it's much easier if she's my wife I can sponsor her citizenship. And so we're looking at this option and realizing moving together to a new city, a new country is already in the spirit of marriage. We're trying to build a life together. Thanks for the thoughts and perspective, thenewgreen. OOC, how long have you been married? I notice a graveness to your thoughts here -- I wonder if a child does that to a marriage, or is it just that you've seen a lot of failed and failing marriages in your time?My wife and I always say that "marriage is an island." What we mean by that is that it is ours and ours alone. We are the only two in it.
Marriage rocks and if you have any friends that tell you otherwise, don't ask them about it anymore.
But if someone is getting married because they think it is useful, they're fucked.
I have been married for 8 years. As for the graveness, I haven't seen any more or less failed marriages than anyone else. It's pretty common. What I have noticed is that the ones that fail are the ones that took the commitment lightly or treated it as something trivial. Yeah, we just thought we'd get married cause why not really... -Hey, sometimes that works, but more often than not it takes some real work and more than anything good communication skills to make a marriage work in the long run. Having a child has been great for our marriage. We made sure our marriage was in a good place prior to having a child though, something I would HIGHLY reccommend to anyone reading this. Like anything worth while in life it takes work. That's all. I really enjoy it though. We've been together for nearly 10 years now and just the other day we both played hooky and went to see an afternoon movie. This is something we would have done when we first met too, the only difference now is that we went to see Despicable Me 2 and had a 2.5 year old with us :) edit: For the record, I'm not trying to be preachy or seem like I know any more about this than anyone else that's been married. These are just my observations. Also, from your enthusiasm and genuine curiosity about what others have experienced, I would gladly put money on you and yours having a good go of it!
Yeah, absolutely. I believe it. I've noticed a distinct shift from when I was younger in that I value hard work so much more. I'm not great at it, but one of the important ideas that's helped me along the way is in framing hard work, and the hard work of facing the hard work, as a practice. I consider our relationship to be one of those essential practices in empathetic imagination, of leaping infinitely across the abyss. You know what this reminds me of? ”Let’s just assume this is going to be difficult, ok? ... Let’s assume it’ll be hard, and be grateful when it is not and know it is normal when it is.” |This is something we would have done when we first met too, the only difference now is that we went to see Despicable Me 2 and had a 2.5 year old with us :) That's adorable.Yeah, we just thought we'd get married cause why not really... -Hey, sometimes that works, but more often than not it takes some real work and more than anything good communication skills to make a marriage work in the long run.
Like anything worth while in life it takes work. That's all.