I know I would have been more willing to talk to her (eventually) about things going on in my life

Yup. My relationship with my mother is slowly getting better. I stopped caring about what she thinks more and started going to her for advice. I still prefer to speak to my dad though because he is as analytic and logical as I am. My mom always noted that we both share the same engineer brain.

I've always been very stubborn and hard headed and independent, which didn't mesh with living under her rules. Especially when she made rules and punishments based solely on spite or emotion without any logic or reason behind it. I don't know if things would have been any different if she hadn't read my journals, or if I hadn't known that she had read them. But I might have grown to respect her a bit more, or respect her rules or her house. Or at least played the game until I turned 18. But when that happened, I lost all respect for her and even now she doesn't have it completely back.

While a part of it is the huge betrayal of my trust, a side effect was I learned a lot about her views on things and I fundamentally don't agree with them. We look at sex, relationships, and self-esteem and self-worth very differently. For example, she looks at hook up sex (sex with people you aren't in a completely committed relationship) as a personality trait. Like those actions define who I am. Rather than my personality defining the actions I choose to make.

Each equally contributed to my resentment of her through my high school years. I probably would've been rebellious, but I played a good game in high school with my teachers and mentors and bosses while I was actively aggressive and hateful to her. I didn't even try to not get caught. I didn't respect her at all and didn't care what she thought of me. I saw that I was hurting her when I came home drunk or stayed over and a guys house or went riding on a motorcycle and I think I got a sick, twisted pleasure from that. Revenge, I guess.

It's pretty horrible thinking about it now.